Also, I see what you are saying about NC--but I don't plan to maintain NC indefinitely. Hopefully just long enough so that she will have some second thoughts about being without me.Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldieMae
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Also, I see what you are saying about NC--but I don't plan to maintain NC indefinitely. Hopefully just long enough so that she will have some second thoughts about being without me.Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldieMae
Anyone else have any opinions?
The majority definitely seems to say no, but the minority has made a few good points.
Hay mate you notice one thing the people saying to send the flowers are the women!! Because they don't realise how women really work they are just talking from whatthey believe which they truly do believe flowers will help but girls don't know what they want most of the time that's why they date so called bad boys!! If flowers were so great and that's what itt ook then all good guys would be in and that's not the case!!
Now she dumped you and you are considering sending flowers I will tell you now here's the results.
1. You send the flowers. REsult: She will probably call or text andsaythanks for the flowers THAT IT..
2. You send the flowers : She thinks he still wants me then thinks I'm just not sure he's such a nice guy I just don't feel like I used to.
3. You don't send them: YOu don't call her: You don't text her: RESULT: She starts to miss you and feel a void in her life and she calls, you don't answer, she texts you saying we need to talk. You call her catch up and she says she wants to give it another go. A week later you buy her some flowers she says you're the greatest guy in the world and can't get her pants off quick enough!!
PLEASE don't send them don't think if I send them she will say ohh I want himback this won't happen...
Imagine you dumoped her OK and then a week later she turns up at your door with your favourite food or something and says I still love you, well you would probably say I love that you done this but honestly mate think about it if you are dumoing a girl her giving you something will NOT change your mind but yet imagine you didnthear from her for a week and then you wondered what she was doing and you call she's out you sart to worry maybe she has someone else maybe I made a mistake, then you thinkof the good times and hell yourve got to gt her back!!
NO FLOWERS THEY can't HELP NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. BUt its up to you a lot of guys send the flwers but really why send flowers to someone who dumped you when you were a GREAT guy and she crapped on you!! Really you must think beyond your love I know your huting but congratulating her with flowers showing her you can be walked on ths won't win her back. Girls love to feel likethey don't completely haveyou!!
MAke her feel this way when she returns she will wantto contact you Please don't answer show her that you are the prize now and if she wants to be with you she must show you somerspect because you're a guy in demand...
After a female kicks you to the curb, your supposed to move on to better things not be stuck on stupid and try to change her mind. Save your money and spend it on something more positive than a pathetic show of please take me backQuote:
The flowers make me look needy, or something else unattractive.
Reality will be a lot harsher than my words, and maybe he can't help how he feels, he can help what he does about it. The same goes for you, as I am consistent in telling folks to accept its over and move on, instead of being stuck on stupid. Which would you prefer??
Thank you for your advice.Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
The fact of the matter is, as of now, at least, I am not ready to give up on trying to get back together with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
That's not to say I am going to send her flowers when she gets back from out of the country a few weeks from now, but I am going to do something.
Maybe I will wait 2 months and then contact her and ask her out to lunch. I don't really know.
What I do know, though, is that I care deeply about her and that sending these flowers was one course of action that I was considering.
Thanks for responding.
[[QUOTE=tiodaat]The fact of the matter is, as of now, at least, I am not ready to give up on trying to get back together with her.
If you want to get back with her you better give up on trying and wait for her to try or your no chance...
[QUOTE=tiodaat]That's not to say I am going to send her flowers when she gets back from out of the country a few weeks from now, but I am going to do something.
You say you are going to do something, that omething better be waiting for er to contact you, becauseif you contact her first you're OUT!! Don't think she will forget you she will only do this if she is not interested.WAIT IT OUT
[QUOTE=tiodaat]Maybe I will wait 2 months and then contact her and ask her out to lunch. I don't really know.
This is exactly my point you Don't RALLY KOW!! Well you should know we have told you enough what you are going to do and that is absolutely NOTHING... Do you want to win her back or NOT!! You shouldbe saying to yourself she will call me I am the best of course she will call. If she doest after amomth then call. BUt she WILL call They ALWAYS call ALWAYS they need to know what you are doing WOMEN!! SHEWILL CALL YOU MUST WAIT...
[QUOTe=todaat]What I do know, though, is that I care deeply about her and that sending these flowers was one course of action that I was considering.
Yeah letting her no your aloserand a wuss that's all theflowersare going to do. Geezmate how long did yougooutwith her do you really think she needs flowersto show her how much you like her she already knowsthat, and flowers only show her she still has you. Whe you first met you wereprobly a challenge shewasnt sure she had you and she lovedtat, don't turn it into something it shouldn't be she dknows you care but breakingup with you she stabbedyou where it hurts!! Give HER nothing except silence show her you are a great catch and she is missingout...
Mac I'm sorry to inform you that they don't always call mate.
I agree with you that he shouldn't call her but not for the reasons you outline. The reason he shouldn't call her is because he should be moving on and leaving her in the past. His motive shouldn't be based around her calling him instead.
And as I siad I can assure you that they don't always call. Some of them are healthy people who move on with respect and don't play games with their ex. At least mine was kind enough to do it that way to me.
Skell I believe they nearly all call as long as the relationship was not violent or abusive or alcohol rated. And of course it must be a relatonship of at least one year for some feelinfgs and so fourth to grow... I have not got full details of your relationship so I can not say why she did not call. Maybe she had anew guy straight away and thought he wasbetter so didn't bother to call. Maybe you called her that's why she did not call??
Any chance you can fill me in. Its probably irelevant anyway skell andyourv moved on. But I was just wondring?? I think in nearly every case they call. And if they are healthy they normally do not leave a good relationship because they no when they have one. Again not sure why she left you but I did hear something about how se moved straight in with some guy after a year or so, that's not healthy so your kidding yourself if you think she's ealthy that's more like acry for neediness and the needto be wanted by someone and maybe she just lost the attaction and spak for you which was created with someone new... DID YOU CHASE HER I think you must have...
7 year relationship. Non violent, no cheating. Very happy relationship between two healthy people. A little out of line for you to question the healthiness of a relationship you claim you know nothing about other than a post I made recently where she had moved in with a BF longer than 12 months after we had broken up.
Things change. Times change. Feelings change. People change. We were different people at the age of 24 then we were at 16 Mac.
She didn't have a new guy straight away after we broke up. It was 10 months or so and ill agree her moving in with him after 3 months isn't smart. But that has bearing on your claims of them always calling.
She was just respectful enough to see how much I was hurting and she knew that calling me would only hurt me more and give me false hope. She wasn't interested in cat and mouse games and stringing me along.
You sounds like Wildcat with the statements you make. And I can tell you your going down the wrong path there. He has shown recently how wrong he is. Your stereotypes and assumptions are completely wrong. It is the unhealthy ones that call mate. Not the healthy ones.
Because the unhealthy ones are like you who play games and thrive on the attention. We have had contact and can talk fine to one another. There is no hate or anger from either party. We are not interested in games and never have been.
Anyway to be completely honest I'm not really interested in your opinion as to whether my relationship was healthy and why or why not she did or didn't call. I was merely stressing that your assumptions and baseless statements that they always call is misleading to the OP!
Sorry skell disagree. If it was a healthy relationship and she was happy she wouldn't have left. Although being together from the age of 16 may be a factor she may have wondered what elase is out there for her life... Then again why would the next guy she meets be th one she wants to spend her life with his only the second guy she's been with o what your saying is people change andthen she meets new guy and stays with him well its only her second guy.
Problem is when you have a long relationship like yours you ned to keep the spark alive and after 7 years that's not an easy thg to do and when you have other guys around and she is going out she may then start to wonder if what dsh has with you is what she wnts this is the cae in a lot of relationships like yours. This is where you haveto keep her interested and believingyouare the one to stay with and without you she would be lost. Sorry to say but if you wantto keep a girl from 16 once she is about 21 you definitely still nedto be playing games to keep the spark thjere, girls want the spark. I know this does sound a bit like what wildcat preachesand we all know what he ended up doing now. We will see how long that lastsfor and maybe he will be back o here soon. Maybe he likes to gt dumped so he can apply some tactics of WIN back who kows??
You say it as healty well there was obviously a loss of love somewhere there I will put it more down to the spark. This always nees to be kept alive in the young girls especially if it is there first relationship. You must know skell they look to otheres and friends and when they have single friends who tell them how greta it is it is aleways hard to compete with this. This is why games are played and you did not do this and that is why she left. Not getting on ytour back but you did notwant to play these games and if you don't want to play then don't date these young girls who need to be played and made to MISS you!!
That's what they call love MISSING you... Now you say she sidnt call cause she new you would be hurting. Well of course she new this and you were probably upset and she new that who wouldn't be upset after 7 years and you were probably crying wondering what went wrong. There is nothing wrong with that and I know they say you should not show her but fter that long you have a right to be upset with her and mad!!
BUt I think she was thinking like this for a while and you were a bit of a wuss in the relatioonship and as it went on you got to comfortable as you would after 7 years. Girlssay they love comfort but its no good in the real world they ALWAYS want to feel there's a chance you may leave she obviously didn't feel this as you claim she new you were hurting and obviously she wasn't hurting!!
Maybe f you keptafew moretactics in and I know what you will say but after 7 years and I agree after 7 years people should not play games but the problem is she WAS ONLY 23 AND That's WHAT THE GAMESARE BASED ON HER BELIEVIG SHE MAY WANT SOMEONE ELSE AS GIRLS GET OLDER THEY they change a bitand don't onder what else they may bemissing.
Look at it this way you date a girl from 18 till she's 21 you're her first boyfriend she gets to 21 is unsure about you and what she wants with her lidfe. 5 months later she meets a new guy 1 yer leter he proposes what does that say. He was only her 2nd guy, tell me she new what she anted when she met him. Girls are allways confused and the only personwho can control the way they feel at this young age is you...
Sounds like you've been reading lovetactics and askmen and all the other web sites that promise success by applying their tactics.. Well done. Nice regurgitation of their sh1t!
I couldn't even be bothered reading it all to tell the truth.. Ive heard it all beofre and it is BS. Oh I was like you mac. I believed in all this stuff too. I really did. My posts read like yours. Telling people that if they prescribe to these rules and games that they will win the women they want. Who wants to win someone's love? Not me. Id rather earn it through honesty and integrity. Not some crap tactic that web site devised for immature people who aren't ready for a relationship.
It is stereotyping relationships and human being in general. Perhaps that's why you've had so many failed relationships mac. The games you play and this BS you believe don't seem to be working.
Are you sure your not Wildcat in another user name? It all sounds too familiar and this argument about games and tactics has been had and won by a lot smarter people than us mac. His crap has been called out before and shown what a load of BS it is.
As I said mac. I believed all this sh1t too once. I am just glad that through some critical thinking and advise from people a lot smarter than those who feed you this crap that I eventually seen it for what it is. I hope you will too one day!
Anyway, its off track. It isn't about me. I think the OP knows what is best. It is just a matter of whether he can apply it or not.
Although I don't want to step into the middle of your discussion with Mac, I just wanted to point out that you are essentially answering my original question the same way--i.e. that I should not send my ex flowers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
Where you seem to differ is in how I should carry on with my life in the meantime, and how I should handle any future communication from her.
I have decided that I will not be sending the flowers--so thank you for that.
In terms of your subsequent advice, I am not sure what to say. I have never played games with anyone before, let alone someone that I care deeply about. And, I feel that ignoring someone on purpose, or things like that, ultimately is just playing games.
That said, I know my ex must have lost her attraction for me at some point, especially given that she more or less said "it's not that I don't like him (me), it's just that I didn't see our relationship going anywhere."
I don't know how, or if I even can, rekindle the attraction that she felt for me in the past. It seems like my best bet is to just try to be the best person that I can be. Maybe being more scarce in her life would be useful, too.
Like I said, I am really not sure what my best course of action is; but, I will not send the flowers based upon the advice given in this thread.
I had a really rough day today, for no particular reason, and am starting to feel anxious about still being so hung up on her some ~five weeks later.
Thanks for taking the time to offer some advice, whatever that may be.
I know what you want andthat is to be back with her. The only chance you have is to do nothing and wait to she contacts you. This is not a game this is just practical advice. If you contact her well that's not gettinh you anywhere what are you going to say I WANT YOU BACK, therefore giving her all the control andshe will say " Im not ready' heard it all before. Wait for her call and take it from there. Don't remain friends and don't tell yourself if I can't have her I still want her in my life. If she doent want to be your girlfriend never ever contact her because what willhappen you will stay friends she will get a new guy anfd you will not hear from her again and you will even feel more used. She will string you along as a friend and then dump you as a friend as well and then you will be te ex friend as well as the ex boyfriend. That is what girls are like when they get a new guy your history...
So don't call don't contact and wait it out... good idea not to send the flowers.
Skell doest like the games but theseare not games just some real life tactics and when you think about it yourve been dumped so why are you doingthe chasing??
She told you your out so let her chase you if she missesyou. As hard it may be you must except that she is no longer wanting you I her life and until she does well you must move on no waiting!! She may call and if she does you must have a game plan in place!!
Games are the best way that's what wins a girls love and they don't even no it! That's why one minute they are in love and the next they are confused...
I don't think it's a good idea if you want her back because I've learned when you want someone and you keep running to them it makes it worse. You have to get them to come to you.
Actually skell I habent red any tactic guides just some thought which I have learnt and also the only reason my last relationship failed is because I was not implementng enough tactics I let her become comfortable . At first I had many in place always busy not always available make her ait but as 3 years went bye I let her further into my life and wated her to feel comfortable and in theend she said she loved me but didn't no if it was enough forever. She pretty much didt feel the same a sshe used to hen I was less aailable provingmy poin of making the girls miss you and believe they need you in there life, a common mistake men make is making them feel like you would not leave them, something I probably ended up falling into she thiuought I loved her so much, I think this is what happened to you as well she thought you would not be going anywhere and you probably always complimented her like myself and then they grow and leave and we get kicked to the curb. Where as implementing a few strategies and keeping them guessing would haveprobly kept them insteaad of having our stories on here...
Coming from a person with some valuable dating experience, and a long term relationship to boot, games suck. Let me say that again: Games S-U-C-K.
I don't play them, I never tolerated them.
Put your cards on the table. If she doesn't want you, you'll know in a day, instead of playing this whole no contact-no flowers game and wasting a good month that could be spent sending flowers to an all new girl if this one's not interested.
Look, I know you love her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's much better to take the bad medicine now than in a month when the right one could have come and gone from your life.
Agree, game sucks! Some flowers will change one's love and heart ? I doubt it. It's too much mind game, I can never understand people who concertrate it more than anything else in a relationship. It's a learning process, not a game!Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldieMae
That's just it. I do love her, and yet I obviously managed to have the attraction she felt for me dissipate and or disappear.Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldieMae
I don't want to play any games, but I understand how people tend to work in general--want what they can't have/is scarce, sometimes question decisions they made, etc.
It seems like no flowers and NC might be my only chance of raising some doubt in her mind, and maybe sparking some attraction again if I can look pulled together if/when I see her again.
Is it worth the likely pain that I'll have to endure? I have no idea.
It's been almost five weeks now, though, and I feel as if my feelings for her have not changed in the least. I've never been hung up on someone like this before, and am starting to get concerned.
1. She realizes she misses me while out of the country, and the flowers are a good thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
Flowers are a good thing but won't make her miss you.
2. The flowers give me a sense of closure, in that "I sent the flowers--time to move on
NO...You can't get closure with flowers, that is just hiding the fact that you are running after her but denying to yourself that you really are and at the same time viewing it as a potential pro. Not good.
3. The flowers make you look needy, or something else unattractive.
YES IT WILL
4. The flowers push the issue of our relationship prematurely.
:confused: Not sure how flowers can do that.
Here we go again. Whether she come back or not, makes no difference what so ever to what you must do after a break up. Getting healthy, and realistically dealing with your emotions and attitude is essential, and what is obvious with all these stories is the fact that you think you can carry a relationship on your back with will power and talk and Flowers and that is the BS our minds tells us fueled by hurt feelings. It has to be TWO people who are HONESTLY willing to work together. A break up occurs when there is NOT TWO PEOPLE willing to work together. Break ups hurt like hell, but the difference is loving yourself and accepting the change, and getting healthy enough to REGROUP, so you can think clearly and make good decisions.
Forget the ex for the sake of your own health, and start to rebuild your life, and self esteem to where your HAPPY with what life is about.
In the two years, and more than 7000 posts I've seen, not one ex ever came back because of no contact and the relationship lasted any longer than a phone call or dinner.
You can analyze all you want, but if the result is not about you, and the way you deal with yourself and life, (GROWTH/MATURITY)... you lose. Get busy and work on yourself, and be ready for what life WILL throw at you, anything else is a waste.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
As I have ruled out flowers, should I phone my ex to welcome her back home--or should I just let her be altogether?
Sounds good to me. That you even ask the question, shows your focus is on her, and not where it should be. ON YOUQuote:
or should I just let her be altogether?
And that is exactly why games don't work. They don't foster real feelings and real love. They create a false sense of feelings and blind love. People who need to play games don't know what love is. Sure they may be smitten on each other, but love, no way! Confusion, yes way!!Quote:
Originally Posted by mckenzie134
You proved my point perfectly with this comment mac.
Hi Tiodaat.Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
I can genuinely see that you are trying to understand just as I can genuinely see your love and subsequent pain for this girl. I and many others here know it only too well.
Which is why I'm trying very hard to make you realise that no tactics, games, flowers, no contact rule etc is going to bring her back. Sadly all that crap is just that, CRAP!!
I never accused you of playing games with her. I can see you aren't that kind of guy. I was merely having a disagreement with mac about the manner in which his advice took. He is right in what he is saying about not sending flowers etc. However in my opinion his motives are wrong.
Your actions should not be designed at getting a reaction out of her now. The relationship is over and there is nothing more that you should be worrying about now other than your healing process. After all the only person she is worrying about right now is her.
Sorry for your tough day. You will have many of them. It is a roller coaster. But in time you will be fine. How long is up to you really. Speaking from experience I can assure you that staying hung up on her and devising tactics to win her back will only cause you more pain. As is said that is what I did. I was a fool and was silly enough to be convinced that playing games and tactics would bring my ex back. It didn't and in the end it only aided in it taking longer than it should have to get over her.
Focus on yourself and what you can do to make you feel better. Perhaps you should some flowers to yourself. Hahaha:D
Why? Do you hope it will make her realise how much she has missed you and want you back? The same way you thought flowers would do that?Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
It won't. So you will only be disappointed.
Thanks, Skell.Quote:
Originally Posted by Skell
I guess I am not sure what my motive was behind considering calling her to welcome her back.
She's been the only one to initiate contact since we've been broken up, and she kind of went out of her way to mention the fact that we are still friends the last time that I talked to her.
In all honesty, I am not sure if I can juggle the roll of friendship with her, given my strong feelings for her. That said, if we are going to be friends, or at least friendly with each other, it seems like a polite thing to do (i.e. call her to welcome her back).
In either event, it seems likely that she will contact me again in the relatively near future. Am I simply suppose to be polite when she does? I guess I don't know how I should handle our conversations, given how I feel about her, and her apparent desire to remain on good, or even friendly, terms with me.
I think that if u love her the you should send her the flowers with a card. Good luck!Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
You shouldn't - there should be a reason why you broke up and if you think from there you might be able to think of a better idea to get her back.Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
You got that right skell games will not work and trying tactics to win back your right won't work. But this bloke wants advice. YOU SHOULD DO NOTHING AND HEAL YOURSELF and while you are doing this she ma MISS YOU and then when she calls she may want you back.
This is a game though if she calls Don't ANSWER why are you talking to her if she dumped you. Dumping you means she no longer gets you in her life...
If you were a part of her life she wants she will let you know. If she does call just don't answer she will get vthe message. Adventually she may text and say she misses you or ask why just send back you broke up with me. If she asks about friends just say I wanted a relationship and you didn't That's IT!!
NO games here buit I know you want the best way to win her back and you can win her back, well not exactly win her back but maybe she will realise she still wants to be part of your life...
And then she will come back...
Do nothing and hope for the best... At least thois way you won't be confused...
She doesn't love you. If she did she would have been overjoyed to hear you tell her how much you love her. She said something like she wanted to make sure it meant something when she said it. THAT'S a RED FLAG. When will she know? The flower thing is just a waste of your time. She either really doesn't love you or is playing games with you and wants to see you beg, because you already told her how you felt. Either way it is not good. Do you think you may be more attracted to her because she is unattainable? I really think though that you need to forget her and move on. I am a female and when I was young and dating there were many guys that liked me. I was proposed to several times by men I didn't love. If they would have sent me flowers it wouldn't have helped at all. It would have just made me feel really bad for them. There were a few occasions where guys got in touch with me after we broke up, it wasn't good. I went out with one of them because it made me feel bad for them. I really shouldn't have because it just made it worse. Once it's over it's over. If I were you I would move on with my life. At some point she may contact you. I would be very cautious. She may contact you when she is feeling lonely... when there is no significant other in her life and you are all she has. Still won't make her love you.
Sent of cource. Why let her go. Are you insane?Quote:
Originally Posted by tiodaat
So what are you telling him?? If he doesn't send them he is letting her go??Quote:
Originally Posted by jainaproudmore123
She already let him go, so why doesn't she send him some flowers??
No she won't, not the way you want her to. You can believe those other forums if you like, and spin your wheels until the rubber comes off. You will never be happy until you do what she has done. MOVE ON. Now one thing that no contact will do is let you heal, without the chaos and mixed signals from the ex, and after a while you will feel better about yourself and your life, and can pursue a healthy relationship with a healthy female and will wonder what was the hold your ex had on you. She dumped you and it hurts, continued contact as a friend, has you confused, so love yourself, and stop being polite at the expense of your peace of mind. Give up that false hope of her being yours, which is the only reason you haven't moved on yet, as your stuck waiting on her. Your move, its always been your move, you just have to make it.Quote:
and then she will come back...
Yes, when you wait on false hope of ex coming back or not letting go, you will never get healty. I have done this on most break ups she did with me. It does you no good. So make your move
Do not send flowers, don't respond to her at all. She broke up with you, so let her seek you out. If it is meant to be, she will come around. You don't want to look so desperate and needy. Let her think you are doing fine without her, even if you aren't.
Youth should be light hearted about love. The older you become, the more you have learned in life, the more you will appreicate love. She is not ready yet, so are you. Stay busy with what is more important for you, let it go.
This is very important to realise that real love is something we become more appreciative of as we grow and mature and with each life experience we have, good or bad, we become to understand the value of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by nicespringgirl
This also works on other levels, as well as love between human beings, love of nature, love of god, love of yourself.
However, the problem with this is that we live in a world where not everyone feels the same way and this is where our destructive side comes in. In a way, we are our own worst enemy, do you think?Quote:
Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane
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