Do you have a hobby or anything to keep you occupied? After my 1st "true love" and I broke up I was completely devistated! I hardly ate or slept until I found a new hobby. I got a gym membership and began working out and using my frustration at the gym. By the time I got home I was out like a light... not to mention I got into great shape and didn't give that scumbag another thought! :)

I just have never been so close to anyone i never knew it was possible and that is what sucks lonliness thinking of all i did and all the bad he did to me when i was so good to all of them wondering why in the world he sent me a letter saying he misses me when in truth i didn't feel any love from him in a long time i mean a liar a stealer and maybe cheater even when we talked he would say love ya like real fast i just felt this guy don't mean it... yet he didn't want to let go... why would he want to>? I allowed the treatment the abuse the swearing the name calling the stealing the heirloom jewelry the 12 grand worth... every time i needed him i stood alone i wrote him letters show me love wrap your arms around me im starving for love jim and it just went by the wayside... i had a physical attraction to jim since i was 15 and we got together when he and i both were divorced. It was like it was meant to be... then... one night... and i would love input on this one... we were making love or so i thought and i was well giving oral and he blurted out 'now all i need is "ANOTHER BROAD" to lick my balls. I was so sad i cried and cried he tried to get out of it saying he meant he meant there were 2 of me but deep down using the word broad and saying what he did and this was 7 yrs into the relationship i felt hey im doing a very intimate thing here and you say what?? I bs'd myself again because i wanted to believe in him. I saw him after 3 months the other day driving he look dumbfounded and stood in the road staring at the car looking like to see if i was going to stop. Then the other day he told a friend who lets me use his car "i see someone is driving the car' and my friend just didn't reply. But about the sexual comment what do you people think of that one>>? That was only one instance of deep profound hurt

The comment just shows the lack of respect he had for you. He knew he could get away with anything. Yeah, he misses you because you were so deeply in love with him that you put up with a lot of crap that some other women won't deal with. You have to be stronger than that 15 year old girl that fell in love with him. You know what the right thing to do is, you just have to be strong and become independent because you don't have to rely on a guy that does those things to you.

PS NEVER WENT to dinner never a movie never a walk in the park missed my class reunion he promised or I would have saved the money over a yr for it... he never got me flowers never took me to his beach house his parents beach house or to the farm they have in 7 years. So for 8 yrs I never been to the beach or felt sand on my feet or ate in a restaurant or saw a movie nothing and my x owes me thousands in support so I can't afford to right now. I have no car I have to wait for the owed money I miss life.

Thanks love well until I get the car there isn't much I can do. Your right he knew I took the abuse he is an abuser and no woman will ever do what I did take what I did or let him get away with what I did he used abused that love and that's a sad thing right?

Even if you don't have transportation or money for the gym, you could always go for a run or something, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve exercise... give you house a nice spring cleaning, volunteer somewhere, do something for YOURSELF, something YOU enjoy. Live life for yourself right now, you deserve it!

Thanks love. Well my fear has come true I'm over 40 doomed to grow old alone I guess. And you were right I had to let go of that 15 yr old that so long ago fell for him. That's one reason I didn't leave too the ring and all didn't want to grow old alone. Now to even think about starting over? Forget it... not going to happen likely. Anyway thank you I always look for your ADVICE oh and did you read his son got crabs? Lol either she gave then to him (bragging to me she's 22 alept with 52 men) or she fell for the ol got them off a gas station toilet seat routine. Well I guess they can let them grow they DO LOVE crabs anyway...

As bad as things seem there is no reason you can't get up and start building a life you enjoy, and find your own happiness. If nothing else, start slowly with getting a small job, or take a class and learn a skill. You can't just give up. You have a lot of living left to do, and you deserve to be happy, after what you've been through. No excuses, get your life back.

That's how I like it tal right to the point straight up thanks and will do

I'm totally confused remember me? The one who was with jim for 8 years? Well a few days ago he ran into a male friend of mine and told him to stay away from me or else he will kill him. Now we have been broken up (remember over his sons girlfriend) for 3 months now and its still in his head we are together. Well last night I went on a date. Simple date that's all. We went into the local 7 11 store and there was the guy who lives with Jim, And he saw me with the NEW guy. Not the mutual friend he threatned. I told Bobby tell him IM with someone else he's sick if he thinks we are still together he's messed up on drugs bad and he is on probation and threatned my friends life if he didn't stay away from "his girl" (me) SO Bobby says are you sure I can say I saw u 2 I said Bob your best friends IM sure your going to open your mouth anyway then I said well Bob this has nothing todo with our relationship as friends. He agreed. Then the guy I went on a date with came out of the store I introduced them and we left. IM kind of scared because he just threatned Tom a mutual friend and now Bobby told him he saw me with another guy. What do you think JIm is thinking? What do you think is going through his mind? IM scared because like I said he told Tom our mutual friend he was going to kill him if he saw me any more and he's not in reality obviously because he called me "his girl". I don't know what to make of this. LPlease help me. Also I told Bob why I left about the fight and all and abuse and he looked like he was shocked. I guess Jim never told him but Bob did say that his son buys the food and pays the electric and cable TV so that's why he let it be. I await your reply thanks so much jaxie

Jaxie - I would have the police on speed dial. If he is strung out on drugs - then you will never really know where his head is at. You could always call his probation officer - if you are that worried that you or someone else is in danger.

Thanks How Would I Get The Probation Officer Number? The Police? Yes He Is That Strung Out He Thinks Everything Happened Yesterday Its Like Time Didn't Pass For Him. Scary Huh? Thank God My Family Lives On The First Floor And Im On The Second Or Else He Would Have Been Here Driving Me Out. Ya Know Yelling And All Getting Me Evicted. I Have To Move In June Anyway My Family Won't Let Us Stay Me And The Kids Anymore Can U Believe That? Cause I Can't Afford The Rent Increase. Its A Cruel World When Ur Own Mom Would Do That To You. And Now This I Hope To God He Never Finds Out Where I Moved Im Thinking Of Southern Nj. Few Hrs Away From Here. He Police Already Know He Isn't Allowed On Or Near My Familys Property So That Is A Good Thing. Right?

IF he can't find you - that is a very good thing. Moving a few hours away is a good idea. You may end up thanking your Mom in the end because if you were to stay somewhere accessible to this man - the cycle may never stop. She may recognize that you need to get as far away from this situation as possible - to be safe.

I don't know how you would go about finding the Probation officer - I am sure there is an office number listed in the phone book and you could just call.

Nowwhat thank you so much. What great insite about my mother I mean I am a grown woman but Im still her daughter and when I wAS actively dating him she said to him you will never take care of my daughter ever and it's a matter of time before I Make her move.
Looks like she was right.

Mama's know - don't they! I know it is easy to get angry with those closest to us - sometimes because we can't show anger to the ones we are angry at. But, your mom has sensed something not right and now you are seeing it too. Trust her and if you have the opportunity to remove yourself from this situation - do it!

Yes she told me he is a no good son of a b who cares about no one exxcept himslef and one day you will see the devil inside him for one last time before you too see he is not what you want in life. He gets people addicted to drugs he steals even from his own mother and father he stole your money (God if she knew about the 12 grand in jewelry that he stole from me) he takes your antipanic medicines and leaves you with none and then you suffer all those attacks... he is the devil on earth"


I knew he woule never really let me live in his nut house because he kept making excuses about my kids not being able to come and all sorts of things where he knew I would not for for it.

But because it was 8 years and we were real close I mean I was never so close to anyone in my life I chose to stay and hope things would turn around.

He isn't calling so I guess his ffriend told him that I was at 7 11 store with a guy. Lol little do they both know it was a cousin but hey if he thinks I was with someone else believe me he wouldn't want me back and that's fine with me.


One night my mothers words were harping over and over in my brain it was Dec 30th cold and we got in a argument and Jim said get the F out of here now. I coudlnt go HOME cause then she would KNOW he kicked me out in the cold freezing snow. SO all night I sat on his deck and froze my azz off and cried. At 7 am someone called the cops they heard me crying and I had hypothermia. I told him please don't do this I wouldn't put a dog out on a night like this and he just did not care and his son who I made so many home cooked meals for just shut the door with his father and left me like t hat, I told the cops tha he threw me out and I was too mortified to go home.


So it was a series of things really and with the one that did it in for good with this sons girl friendI said it before and will again if he loved me at all he would have told her to get out OR he would have said to her I will give u 1 more chance BUT you haVE to apologize to JaXIE.


He just stood there.

I don't care let his son run his life. Sooner or later Jim will get resentment feeling lonely one night and he will say to that kid IM alone all because of your girlfriend.


I just know time is on my side with this don't you think>?


Thanks again hun

Ps I hate myself for thinking of him but 8 years was a long time and although I left it doesn't ease the hurt

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Oh God you won't believe what happened. SOmeone off the Main road pulled over to ask me for diredtions or so I thought. I didn't know the car or driver. I approached the vehicle as they were rolling down the window and it was JIM> I tried to stay calm on the outside though the inside was shaking and I said 'what is it that you want' to which he said 'I just want your number so I can call and I have a letter for you" He handed the letter over and I took it and ran... It said
Jack,
Before all this takes place that you are moving (how did he know)
I need to see and talk to you you are always on my mind but Im concerned and I have to
Talk to you in person Thank You Love Forever Jim F

Now what's going to happen?
My mother saw out the window and I told her I did NOT KNOW it was him he's on a Main Road pulled over and I thought it was someone asking diredtions.I honeslty did.
She said what in the hell did you talk to him for ?
I said I didn't all I said was what do you want from me... now the peace I had is blown to hell as my family now refuses to talk to me.

It wasn't my fault how the hell did I know who's car he was driving or that he cut his hair off I mean its been 4 months I did not know it was him even when he rolled down the window. I know he cut his hair for court for probation every time he was ever in trouble that's what he did to try and present himself as 'clean cut and straight' but its all bull*hi*.

How can I get my family to come back around and not be mad at me?

I really did not know it was him all of a suddenn a car pulls up right on the curb to where I was walking and I thought someone was asking for directions as people do that a lot around here.

Please help I can't stop crying I could kick myself in the azz for taking the note BUT he left ASAP just handed it over and left. Sure he saw my family coming outside.

Please advise

Grateful as always
jaxie

He cornered me and made me the as usual he was telling me about this girl when he first got divorced and how he sent her for tests (meaning they were going to have sex) and that she fell in love then he tells me that I know her and wouldn't believe who she was and I said well who was she? And he said never mind its all in the past it was a long time ago/ and it don't matter now. Hell all the girls we with him I know that. But I could tell he was telling the truth and it hurt me. Then I said one more time who was she and he said 'just forget it for now" so he again succeeded in hurting humiliating and torturing me. Im going to bed pulling the covers over my head and just going to cry.

Consider going back if you, Jim, the son and the girlfriend can sit down and sort this out and agree on some boundaries in terms of behaviour and space. If this cannot be achieved then stay away.