It really appears this boy has no idea who he is yet. One does not change for another person, nor do we try to change the other person.

Agree, drinking, playing video games all the time is often non productive but it is what young boys do, until they find a purpose in life. Life is goals, and making the most out of it, for you.

This person has changed who he is, no wonder he is confused. Now he thinks, the girl should change because he did. It does not work like that. The girl was wrong, in trying to make you into someone else. (even if that someone is a better person)

You on the same issue, have no right what so ever, to make demands on her to change, You may discuss your wishes, but not dwell on them. Once said, if she does not wish to change, she has no right to.

You seem obsessed with religion, although you seem to be the only one really wanting to talk about it.

There are many arguments for God's existence The Ontological arguments of people like Charles Hartshorne, or the classical Cosmological arguments of Plato and Aristotle which were developed by Thomas Aquinas. My favorite is the Teleological arguments, which is often called the argument from design. While developed in ancient Greece (not for a christian god, but a god in general) is best known from the works of David Hume's "Dialogues Concerning natural Religion"

Pure reason, of nature, and the design shows some intelligence for the balance of all things, pure chance seems a much less probable idea.

Religion is a creation of society, but the desire to look and find a god appears to be a natural part of the spirit of man. The idea of denying any level of god, appears to be more from a new nature of man wanting to be the master of all and supreme above anything else.

She lives with parents, abusive dad, but they barely know anything about her life and let her do as she wishes(very little control).
And I'll agree to disagree with you. Change is good, for instance, there are many very bad people, average person is at least egoistic, hurting others to gain something. Putting up a friendly facade and backstabbing when trust is gained is very common. Are those people correct, and shouldn't change?

If you think so, well, then I think you are as bad as them or any criminals overall.
My opinion only though. And just like you all say "Don't change other people, they are correct" ...

I don't wish to discuss religion, everyone has their own beliefs and reasons for that. I'm agnostic, and accept any possibility, even of the flying spaghetti monster, or Russel's Teapot.

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This person has changed who he is, no wonder he is confused. Now he thinks, the girl should change because he did. It does not work like that.

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We both agreed to change ourselves and did, and our lives are getting better, both individually and as a couple.


I don't think I'm confused about myself, I'm confused about the world and why it works such way. It's counter-logical to be arrogant, egoistic or carefree, with no sense of values. Unless of course, spreading hate, ruining other peoples lives is your life goal and makes you happy.
Yet, most people don't want to be bad, and are just like that, blindly believing that is the correct way to live(Since everyone is like that - Wolves and sheep, hunt or be hunted).
Stress, depression, suicides, unhappiness aren't that uncommon because of such lifestyle, which is dominant and considered normal.
Can you prove me wrong, Fr_Chuck?

My solution would be simple. Embrace empathy, equality, spiritual values.
And if everyone could follow just this, suddenly, the whole world would "enter a new era" , where bad guys are afraid to speak up and everyone can achieve their goals without building walls in their hearts and putting up a facade, distancing themselves from what they want.

I am a realist, and obviously there are more influence on this female than just you and your wishes and how that plays out in the future remains to be seen. So relax and enjoy what you have while you have it, and don't get so caught up in what you want, or could have.

You will find that as intellectual, and moral your arguments and justifications are, they have little to do with if words, and actions match, nor if feelings grow, change, or fizzle out later down the line. As a realist, I already know life can change things quickly and drastically, and opinions are but fleeting fancy of hope.

At least recognize your lack of control over the actions of this female and keep your eyes open. The outcome of this love experience is unknown, as are all romantic experiences. Don't get carried away is my point. More will be revealed later.

Words of wisdom, I am a realist as well, just not as experienced as you. I need some growing up to do. I talked and talked and talked with her, until I realized, that she is a person, who lives in the moment, not really caring about love or anything.

So I'm not getting attached too much, and letting this play out on it's own. I'm changing cities in half a year, so I won't break up and enjoy this while I can, but I'm not abandoning hope just yet.

She says she loves me, probably just a hormonal reaction, as I see she doesn't really care that deeply.
I never talked to many girls since we've got together, I don't like girls that much, they make poor friends, I just had some great ones, but they wanted a relationship and I didn't, so I've stopped talking with them.

Now, I'm not so extremely caring, I will act like she did all this time, talk to girls who flirt with me, be less romantic overall. But not on purpose, I simply won't care as much and it will happen.
If she really loves me, it will bother her, she will change, I will change back, and my previous plans work out.
If not, we will break up when I change cities and move on.
I said our paths cross, since she's moving out as well to the same location, just not as soon.
But, I believe, I could find some girls that I would like in a university. So I'm not that bothered about the future anymore.

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain, my hopes were too good for this world, I've known this for many years, I knew, that the day when I would have to abandon hope would come, I didn't expect it to come so soon. Thank you all for guiding me this far, even if it didn't look that way, I learned more, than a year of dating would teach me.

P.S. Since I'm not so caring anymore, 99% of our problems disappear. Topic resolved.