Ask Me Help Desk - Should I have a child to keep my boyfriend?

Because he said they turn him into a mess, he can't function on them

Quote:

Originally Posted by laurabarton30

because he said they turn him into a mess, he can't function on them

How long did he stay on them? (Usually it takes 2-6 weeks to be effective, depending on what was prescribed.)

Did he report this to his psychiatrist?

I don't no, he wasn't on them when I met him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by laurabarton30

i dont no, he wasnt on them when i met him?

This should scare you into next week.

Quote:

Originally Posted by laurabarton30

because he said they turn him into a mess, he can't function on them

That is NOT happy information. Not the kind of person you want around a baby! He said he can take care of the baby some days, but if he is not on his meds, I would NOT leave a baby with him!

He doesn't sound in his right mind.

Are you in the UK by the way?

Maybe I missed it but how long have you been dating this fellow?

I vote NO! And add, Please don't do this. If you want children, find someone steady, healthy and emotionally mature, with a job.

It sounds like he would be just as happy with a puppy as a baby.

A child needs and deserves 2 parents, who live together, (marriage is the best in my opinion, Marriage = commitment) I have family with Bi-polar and they can be dangerous to themselves and to others. Do you really want a baby with Bi-polar? That would be so unfair to the child.

And 35, you've got a few years yet. Buy him a puppy and start looking for a better father for your children.

ANY man who issues such an ultimatum, bipolar or not, on meds or not, prison record or not, doesn't deserve my time, much less my uterus.

Afraid of losing him? Don't be. Call his bluff. Let's see him 'go find someone who will.'

He has a child and you say he's a good dad, so why this new urge on his part? He doesn't get to say 'this time I'll be an involved father.' Children aren't something you toss on the reject pile and get another.

BTW you say it isn't fair that a single mother can't afford to support herself and a child. LIFE isn't about fairness in isolation from other fairness. Why should every working stiff pay for every young woman who decides she has to do the most selfish thing there is, bring another baby into an overcrowded world? Do you ever complain about how high your payroll taxes are? That money goes to every other baby. But you don't make enough to quit your job and say that your payroll taxes paid for your baby, not by 1/2 of 1%.

I am 66. I CHOSE not to have children.

Last Sept your friend gemmagee, age 35, wanted a baby, and said this:
'Man 2 said he will be there, but because of his own problems he will let me down. He can't work, he won't be able to support me finacially or emotionally.but if he could I would be with him.'
And on July 30 (last week) she said that 'he wants to turn me into a mum.'

You are 35 and have a boyfriend who wants you to have a baby, and in every respect fits the above man to a T.
Is it really possible that two friends' lives could be so similar? Sure, the same age who want a baby. But with the same description of a boyfriend as well?
You didn't just decide to clear the air by starting a new ID?

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

ANY man who issues such an ultimatum, bipolar or not, on meds or not, prison record or not, doesn't deserve my time, much less my uterus.

Afraid of losing him? Don't be. Call his bluff. Let's see him 'go find someone who will.'

He has a child and you say he's a good dad, so why this new urge on his part? He doesn't get to say 'this time I'll be an involved father.' Children aren't something you toss on the reject pile and get another.

BTW you say it isn't fair that a single mother can't afford to support herself and a child. LIFE isn't about fairness in isolation from other fairness. Why should every working stiff pay for every young woman who decides she has to do the most selfish thing there is, bring another baby into an overcrowded world? Do you ever complain about how high your payroll taxes are? That money goes to every other baby. But you don't make enough to quit your job and say that your payroll taxes paid for your baby, not by 1/2 of 1%.

I am 66. I CHOSE not to have children.

Last Sept your friend gemmagee, age 35, wanted a baby, and said this:
'Man 2 said he will be there, but because of his own problems he will let me down. he can't work, he wont be able to support me finacially or emotionally.but if he could i would be with him.'
And on July 30 (last week) she said that 'he wants to turn me into a mum.'

You are 35 and have a boyfriend who wants you to have a baby, and in every respect fits the above man to a T.
Is it really possible that two friends' lives could be so similar? Sure, the same age who want a baby. But with the same description of a boyfriend as well?
You didn't just decide to clear the air by starting a new ID?

I ask this question because I want to hear other peoples perspectives on what I should do. I do not just go out there and do it because its important to hear what others people say. I do not expect judgement, because it is only me who fully understands the situation really. If I explained every little detail then I would be here for weeks/months. There are many people who do just pop many kids out and live on benefits. There are so many women who get pregnant at 16 with out a dad to their kid. Having a child is a basic human right, but because I am fully aware of my situation I have not had one and I ask peoples oppionions.. . I do not think any one should judge, only offer good advice on here. It would be stupid to go and have a kid when its not going to have its basic needs met.but this is not a third world country , people here in the UK think its important to wear designer clothes, when really its having a good healthy meal, warmth, clean water and a loving family that is what is most important. Yes I don't earn enough to have a child. Neither does 50% of UK at least... why do u think I'm not taking this issue lightly

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Originally Posted by laurabarton30

Having a child is a basic human right

No, it isn't.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No, it isn't.

. Every body has a right to choose

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Every body has a right to choose

And that's why 16-year-olds think they can have babies. That's why people pop out babies like there is no tomorrow, They are under the mistaken notion that having babies is their right.

Im not rrying to judge, I've been there done that. Raised 4 kids by myself on less than $1,000. A year. Their father was bi polar, never there for them and no child support. Its not easy at all .

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Im not rrying to judge, I've been there done that. Raised 4 kids by myself on less than $1,000. a year. Their father was bi polar, never there for them and no child support. Its not easy at all .

That's OK. Some people r judging me... not you. I haven't had a kid and I'm just asking advice so I make a good decision, yet some people r condemning me for trying to find out for myself what the best action Is. You have actually been helpful, because u know what its like and have been there

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And that's why 16-year-olds think they can have babies. That's why people pop out babies like there is no tomorrow, They are under the mistaken notion that having babies is their right.

There are many reasons 16 year olds r having children. They could have been raped, their parents were not there for them so they wanted a family, they r immature, they r irresponsible, society lead them to believe it is acceptable... its not black and white here. It is a basic human right, but what I am saying is everybody should be responsible with that human right, or don't have them at all... but in some circumstances the 16 year olds have no choice or feel it is their only option... this topic opens up a whole can of worms

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Originally Posted by laurabarton30

everybody should be responsible with that human right

So it's time for you to be responsible.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So it's time for you to be responsible.

I'm not 16 love.

Its not time for me to be responsible, I already am... u ain't got a clue. Don't be so judgemental.

How can a person be irresponsible if they are seeking advice. An irresponsible person wood just go do it... its time for u to see that everything is not black n white.

Well I'm glad I sought advice on here, me and my partner have discussed the issues everyone has brought up , it has opened my eyes to the realities and given me things to think about I would not have thought of. It would be stupid to have a kid under these conditions, but if u don't ask people you only have your perspective. So it can't be bad to ask, I just think people should understand n not judge. Only then can we see the picture clearly

I think she meant 'make a responsible decision' about having a baby now, with this man that you can't depend on for help and support.

My niece has a bipolar 'adult', she is 27, and gets a check for $700.00 or so each month. My niece also has a son that is 22, some OCD but otherwise intelligent and a hard worker. He has had to hold his sister down to keep her from cutting her wrists. She has tried several times to kill herself and has come very close. She has physically attacked her mother, who had to beat her down in self defense. The 'child' is near to 400 lbs, because some of her medicine side effects were 'rapid weight gain'.

The saddest part was when my niece told her son to "get out while he could and get a life of his own," she added, "I'm stuck with her, you are not."

My niece feels she could never expect a man to tolerate her daughter, and plans to spend the rest of her life working and caring for her daughter ALONE.

Just saying.. not a happy ever after picture...

Quote:

Originally Posted by laurabarton30

I just think people should understand n not judge. Only then can we see the picture clearly

I haven't judged you. I grew up with a bipolar grandmother and a bipolar uncle (her son). I do not wish that on you or anyone else. It was, at times (TOO many times), hell on earth and heartbreaking.

Responsible -can you afford and take care of a baby on your own without depending on him since his help would be sparatic to say the least.

I think you are also the 'friend' who posted, you started to reply to someone else using that ID, and then lied and said she was a friend. There was no need to do that.

I also think you are very misguided about 'rights' just because a lot of single mothers get gov't benefits. Those benefits are paid for by TAXPAYERS, and they have rights too. They have the right to say enough is enough. Benefits are supposed to be for widows and those whose birth control didn't work, and women who have been abandoned, not by 35 year olds who just think they want a baby now and everyone else should support her financially.
Judging? You bet.