I will ask you what I ask most young guys, where is your dad?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I will ask you what I ask most young guys, where is your dad?

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He's in the picture but he has some issues of his own and was kind of off and on for a majority of my childhood. Obviously when he found out he wasn't happy though.

So, I apologize for resurrecting an old thread but things are going south.
My feelings haven't gotten better. She's gotten fed up with me being sad about it
And has asked if I want to call it quits cause I want a virgin so bad. She recommended counseling but I'm wonder what could they really do for us? She seems to be riddled with guilt regarding the ordeal so I think she should go as well.

You should call it quits so she is free of you. You are too immature for a serious relationship.

Seriously - who wants to be around someone who is sad all the time about something that is in the past and there's nothing you can do to change it. I would have given you the boot months ago. Actually no, I can spot good people. I wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Give that girl her freedom and continue being sad on your own.

One more thing - harshness warning!

I think its time you focus on YOU, and YOUR issues, and help yourself. Her only issue is YOU and your inability to deal with yourself. Why suffer without seeking help for it?

Ask your doctor for a referral if he cannot help you with your obsession that's affecting your life so negatively. You are stuck between what you want, and what you have, and its not fair to expect some one to hang around until you can be unstuck, when you are not in it to win it as they are.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

You should call it quits so she is free of you. You are too immature for a serious relationship.

Seriously - who wants to be around someone who is sad all the time about something that is in the past and there's nothing you can do to change it. I would have given you the boot months ago. Actually no, I can spot good people. I wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Give that girl her freedom and continue being sad on your own.

One more thing - harshness warning!

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Not a matter of maturity.
Maturity has nothing to do with it.
And its kind of her fault too. Who consistently tells you about what they did with their partner? Who wants to hear that stuff? And I disagree. I think I'm a pretty good person and a lot of other people do as well. Nobody is without their faults. I haven't consciously done anything to wrong her.

If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

You could have stopped her from talking about her sexual past, but you didn't.
That is one of hundreds of signs of immaturity.
You can't possibly be as mature as you hope, just because of age.
Let her go. Find a virgin, or a non-virgin who is wise enough to save the Full Disclosure for many years later, or even never.

One sign of a couple who endures over time: they don't share every thought, every fantasy, every past moment. Or their towel or toothbrush, or even put all their CDs merged together on the same shelf. It's not only OK to have your own life, it's necessary.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

One sign of a couple who endures over time: they don't share every thought, every fantasy, every past moment. Or their towel or toothbrush, or even put all their CDs merged together on the same shelf. It's not only OK to have your own life, it's necessary.

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Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joypulv again.

I tried to give you a greenie.

Very well said. Well until the toothbrush part. There is no way on this earth I am sharing my toothbrush with anyone!

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Originally Posted by joypulv

One sign of a couple who endures over time: they don't share every thought, every fantasy, every past moment. Or their towel or toothbrush, or even put all their CDs merged together on the same shelf. It's not only OK to have your own life, it's necessary.

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Another greenie from me.

That's probably why my husband and I have lasted for 46 years of marriage - although we do have a joint checking account, but then he has his own separate one too as do I. I fold my clean clothes and put them into the dresser drawer. He dumps his clean clothes on the floor at the foot of his bed and hopes he doesn't mix them up with the dirty ones. I have a sedan; he has a van. My towel sets are burgundy or white; his are some color, not sure what. He's a loner; I'm a social butterfly. We don't even share a bed because he sleeps like a wounded rhino and wraps up in all the covers like a cocoon. And I still wonder how our two sons came to be.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

You could have stopped her from talking about her sexual past, but you didn't.
That is one of hundreds of signs of immaturity.
You can't possibly be as mature as you hope, just because of age.
Let her go. Find a virgin, or a non-virgin who is wise enough to save the Full Disclosure for many years later, or even never.

One sign of a couple who endures over time: they don't share every thought, every fantasy, every past moment. Or their towel or toothbrush, or even put all their CDs merged together on the same shelf. It's not only OK to have your own life, it's necessary.

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Nope. Your still wrong.
Had you looked at previous posts you'd know that I told her
TWICE I don't like for her to talk about her past.

No I'm not wrong. By 'stopping' her I mean leave the room, leave the building, or hang up, or whatever it takes, not just say 'I don't like this.'

Can you get therapy where you live? It should help, and after a while you can talk in a group of others who were sexually abused as children. It's clearly affecting you in all sorts of seemingly unrelated ways, but they really are.

When I said (and others) that you should leave her, it was a challenge. You are free to say 'no I won't; I want to keep trying to make this work.' But you started agreeing with us. Is that just you being sort of passive and confused, doing what you are told, or is that the real you deep down inside feeling that it's better to break up? YOU tell US. Flip a coin - heads you stay, tails you don't. Instantly listen to your inner feelings when the coin lands.

Leave!! You told her twice tell her again and again!! But stop tripping on her annoying habits dude. It's a HUGE red flag when couple cannot resolve their issues and if it pokes you in the butt find a way to deal with it, or leave if you can't.

Yeah, I did start agreeing with you guys. I'll admit I am very, very confused.
I don't even know what I want anymore, I don't know why I even want it so much.
I mean physically all that happens is a chick bleeds, it hurts, and that's it, I guess
I want the emotional connection of being remembered and known as a girl's first
But that is becoming increasingly difficult to find. I'm probably so hesitant to leave this
Girl because we balance each other out in some ways. We both have a lot of the same issues,
She has low self esteem although mine isn't as high as it could be, its higher than it used to be as I also suffered from low self esteem at one point.

Additionally, we're both tall and that is just a trait I would like in a girl so much but you aren't necessarily going to find a tall, virgin girl who is at least 18 years old. Maybe a 16 year old but that's out of the question. So I figure perhaps I should just go find a virgin who's okay with their first time being a one-night stand (they exist believe it or not). Get all this virgin nonsense out of my system, seek therapy, and suck it up and deal with what I have been dealt. I feel as though the same issue would just end up happening again anyway. The only additional issue I could see with us is a possible disagreement about what we' would teach our children if it went to that level. I have set up for therapy though, I'm on the waiting list. -.-

Find a virgin for a one night stand, get it out of your system, and then go get therapy?
NOPE
You won't get it out of your system, I assure you. Go get therapy. Only.
Then decide if the one night stand with a virgin makes sense. (It won't.)

PS: Being a female virgin is pretty much the same as being a male virgin, despite what thousands of years of tradition teach you. I don't even get what you think will change in you by having sex with a virgin. Maybe you can try to explain it here, and that will get it out of your system.

Toooooooooo immature for a relationship of any kind. Period! Please break up with this girl so she can be free of you.

My mission is to help Oliver2011 get twice as many greenies as posts.

That's a great mission. And gracias!!

Dude, you're a mess.

At first I was willing to give you a pass on this but the more I read from you, the more I see how skewed your thoughts are.

So you want to deflower a virgin in a one night stand and that will make you different. Then I guess, all the other stuff you said about losing virginity with someone that matters and having an emotional connection is all out the window, right? I mean, if you do that, then how are you holding your girlfriend, that essentially did the same thing, to a different and higher standard? Basically you're saying that it would be OK for you to do the same thing that you are causing her so much grief over.

You really do need therapy. You are not thinking right and you are letting this virgin thing consume you for no reason. It doesn't change you. You don't bond closer with the person in some magical transformation. It is not that big of a deal.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Dude, you're a mess.

At first I was willing to give you a pass on this but the more I read from you, the more I see how skewed your thoughts are.

So you want to deflower a virgin in a one night stand and that will make you different. Then I guess, all the other stuff you said about losing virginity with someone that matters and having an emotional connection is all out the window, right? I mean, if you do that, then how are you holding your girlfriend, that essentially did the same thing, to a different and higher standard? Basically you're saying that it would be ok for you to do the same thing that you are causing her so much grief over.

You really do need therapy. You are not thinking right and you are letting this virgin thing consume you for no reason. It doesn't change you. You don't bond closer with the person in some magical transformation. It is not that big of a deal.

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Well I had been asking my parents for years to get me therapy, happy pills or something and they never did. I was suicidal at one point myself esteem was so low. Well I had a pretty crappy childhood. I'm not asking for sympathy but I've been through a lot. I was sort of an outcast in my childhood. While all my friends were out having sex and stuff, I was that guy that nobody ever had a crush on, would touch with a ten foot pole, etc, etc and it really took a toll on myself esteem, apparently. At least most people somebody WOULD have sex with you, but I was often told how sexually repulsive I was by many of my classmates, I got to watch the most jerkish guys come over and take all of my crushes right in front of my eyes. And even now, I'm hearing about all my friends saying how they lost it together with their significant others. I feel like I'm developmentally behind because I almost feel like a guy who has developed normally should have devirginized many girls at my age, that's what happens in society now a days. But I feel like by TRYING to be that one guy who tries to have a legitimate relationship is sort of in vain.
Why didn't I do what all the other guys were doing?