Dear RDC girl... I may not be right a about this but from what your telling me it seems to me that your man might be having problems with his own intimacy, you say he's in his 50 right? Well a lot of guys have erectile problems as they get older.. viagra.. could help, maybe he has tried getting off himself and just can't seem to get it up? And is too embarrassed to tell you his problem or try and fix it a lot of guys are like that they just can't talk about such an embarrassing thing, he's most likely scared of his proformance in bed and that solves the taking home the bar slut thing.. he would be embarrassed if he couldn't get it up in front of you right cause of your history and he wouldn't be afraid of it around someone he doesint know.. get what I'm trying to say? My boyfriend recently idmited to me after I kept asking him over and over what the friggin problem was and he said he was embarrassed about his proformance that he can't last very long enough to get me off.. I said that was a stupid reason and he flipped out and smashed stuff and cried uncontrolably.. I guess he was teling the truth! I have to idmit he doesint have a large penis its more on the small side and its true he hasint gotten me off while having sex in way over a year and I always kind of wonderd if that botherd him.. I guess it does! So that was my answer to why he never initiates it. He says its getting boring and we do the same ol stuff and I always go first( at least he gives good oral) and he's sick of it and that he can't last long enough.. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with your man, but maybe try asking him about his ability to get aroused a lot of men that age lose their testosterone and their leveles dip very low and there are pills for that I know my dad takes them.. the boost your testosterone levels I think maybe that would be your answer.. talk to him about it and see if he's willing to go to the doc and get some or your local pharmacy I'm sure that will make things better, as for the intimacy and cuddling tell him straight out.. im a woman with needs damnit! And I want to be cuddled and held and kissed or I'm moving on else where cause I deserve better than this.. if he can't hack that then leave him. Hope this helps !

You know there is a strong possibility you just aren't compatible enough if he has no medical problems. Its not a black and white thing. There are lots of shades of grey here. Its hard for us to judge this very well. Its something you need to be objective and do. A well matched mate not only is compatible out of bed but in bed... or willing to do what it takes for their significant other to be happy. My wife entertains what I want when I want it. (within reason) and I also do the same for her. However either of us may take the initiative based on who is horniest at that moment. If he's having problems he would see a doctor about them if he really cared about your needs. Now if he had physical limitations that can't be addressed then that changes things.

Don't initiate anything with him... The next time he initiates it with you turn him down! Perhaps he will quickly see how it feels to be rejected...

Ok, I'm a guy. And I feel horrible when I read these kinds of questions & posts... we aren't All like these guys who treat their ladies this way. I'm certainly not like this and could never imagine treating a woman like this.
David

Well for me it has now been 4 weeks and nothing! This is a joke. I am starting to not even find him appealing anymore at all and decided he is just not worth passing up a lot of nice men for. It has been one excuse after the next. I am getting past the hurt feelings (My guys friends all tell me "Geez, if you were MY girlfriend I wouldnt be able to keep my hands off of you!")
2 years ago he said to me "Damn I have my own little playboy bunny"... BUT not a nice comment since (and I have not changed in appearance)
So, life is short, I am moving on.
Funny, when we got together long ago, he told me he had been single for a long time and that he had not had sex in 2 yrs. I found that doubtful (YEAH RIGHT!! ) since he was a guy and all... but now I am beginning to believe him (only he has NOT been single, but with me), but I guess he has some sort of issue he is not willing to be honest about. Perhaps he has hidden desires or fantasies he is too inhibited to share (even though I am VERY open minded, which he KNOWS, and might even partake if that were the problem)... who knows?
Take care Everyone :o)

Oh and one last realization that helped me reach this point... In retrospect, reflecting on the lack of affection he has always shown me... I realized in over 2 years of being with him, he has NEVER ONE TIME Kissed me any different than say, my grandmother would!! Even in the heat of the moment. Closed mouth quick kiss. VERY STRANGE. And almost ALWAYS Initiated by me. Oh Well, they say the best revenge is HAPPINESS :o)

It's good to hear an update, even though the outcome is rather sad. It seems you've made the best decision, considering all the information you've shared. Moving on is never easy.
I wish you all the best of luck... you're bright, thoughtful, and so much more. Someone will be so very lucky to meet you.
David

I need some advice and quick, my boyfriend of two years left me yesterday because he couldn't get our rent money because he wasint trying and didn't work enough hours, he was being very lazy and we had to get an extension on our rent of 600 and I had mine but he didn't have his.. yesterday I got upset with him and told him that I thought he was lazy and irresponsible and he went for a walk and came back with his sister and they moved his things out and he said he was moving out , and there was nothing I could do, now I'm short 300 dollors , a boyfriend and I'm alone with no roommate, I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do my family won't help me and no one I've told offerd to help me, I know this is my problem but I don't know what to do anymore, I'm hurt because he's gone for good now and he's not coming back and he's left me with no rent money and unpaid bills in his name which are over due.. help guys. :(

If his name in on the lease he will probably have to pay his share and you shouldn't have to. As for bills in his name, they are his problem not yours. Change the bills to your name and leave the companies to find him. To be honest if my partner called me lazy and irresponsible I would probably walk out too, even if it were true! But his bills are his bills so he will have to pay them, Talk to your landlord, and read your lease very crafeully to see what it says about who is responsible for what.

Quote from Squiffy To be honest if my partner called me lazy and irresponsible I would probably walk out too, even if it were true!


Why would you walk out because they said something true? I'm confussed. I mean sure, we don't like to hear bad things about ourselves, but when your lazy and not paying your part you deserve to get confronted. Life shouldn't haded to anyone on a silver platter. He deserved what he got, and you did have a right to call him what you did. Truth hurts. Too bad he's not man enough to take it. It sucks that you have to be in the situation your in. Try to get a small loan, put an ad in the newspaper wanting a room-mate, get rid of un-needed bills, change needed ones into your name and look up companies that help people with money. Welfare helps people as well. So there are options, you just have to help yourself.

Oh, by the way, if he comes back don't take him back. He's an ars-hole and you don't need a lazy bum like him. He's probably a bad lover too, so get yourself a REAL man who will love you and take care of you as well as himself. Good luck.

Make sure you call all of his bill senders and tell them the situation. You can let them know were he lives and subsides. Make sure you do this today. Do not delay. Also right down all the expenses that he owes you and make sure you have a clear outlay of all his bills, rent, etc. You can then go to small claims court without an attorney and get a public defender. Do this immediately. Do not delay. Once he receives a notice from the court he will his pants. You have to do this. Make sure if you have a checking account, highlight and prove all of his spendings and what he owes you. You lived together so that makes him responsible for his actions. Do not delay. Make sure anything with your name on it is only in your name. Go to the place were you reside and talk to them see, if you can get an extentsion for at least you tried. Also if you can't put up fliers and stuff everywere you can to see if you can get a roommate. This will help you out finanically. Forget about him. Move on if he loves you then he will help you out.
Damien

First Of All, No Matter What He Says, Leave Him. Then, Before Finding Someone Else To Be With, Work On Yourself Esteem (a Good Booster Is To Go Out To The Mall And Get A Free Make-over At One Of The Maek-up Counters, Or Join A Local Support Group For Girls With Low Self Esteem. You Could Also Go To A Local Book Store A Purchase Some Self-help Books About How To Rebuild Yourself After A Bad Relationship. Then Start Dating Again, And Use Good Judgement When Selecting The Guys You Date. Do Not Get Emotioanlly Attached (no Sex) Until You're Sure He's A Good Catch. If You're Not Sure What Your Type Is, Write The Things That You Like In A Guy, And The Things You Don't Like (the Things Your Ex Has Done To You). Then If You Meet A Guy That Has Characteristics From Your Bad List, Cut Off All Communication With Him And Move On... say To Yourself: Next! Do This Until You Find Someone Who Treats You With Love And Respect.

Leave His Sorry .
=]

Hi terripie84,

This sounds very familiar to my problem, but.. I am the guy who is cheating. In a similar way to yours.
But your problem seems a bit bigger and more developed than mine.

Long talk short: Leave him

He lost his respect for you. In the moment you are started to accept his behavier (U did, because you didn't react hard enough, which had been probably leaving him :)

I don't think there is any hope for you two...

Why wouldn't he do it, he's been doing it since you met him and before. If you have a chance be grow up quick do it and then walk away from this sinking ship before you go under.

My husband does the same thing he lies to me all the time and cheated on me with numerous women I am pregnant and went into the hospital last week for my heart dehydration and malnutrition and he cheated on me when I was in there as well. He promises he will stop and I gave him a few chances after getting the truth out of him and not even 24 hrs later he lied and cheated on me again. He says he loves me and he is a great husband in every other way but he doesn't put me first. I am giving him a few more chances because I'm pregnant and have a high risk pregnancy and can't do this without him and also I do believe deep down people can change but if he doesn't by the time I give birth I am out the door so my suggestion is put a time limit on everything