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-   -   Need advice (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=595448)

  • Sep 5, 2011, 02:34 PM
    talaniman
    There may be a mens shelter, or christian group near you that can help. Worth a try.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 02:36 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Hi Cat, I have my things in order. Most things are in containers and what not. So packing them in the truck won't take much time at all.
    Hi Vanheart. I have a good truck load of things. If I left anything behind it would only be destroyed or stolen
  • Sep 5, 2011, 02:54 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Hi petite, number 3 of your response seems to be the closest. I thought about calling off from work to give myself another day to deal with this situation. But I'll probably lose it just from that. The guy Im working for has a lot of other guys who would love to have the job and he would be able to get them for it in a minute. By the way, I just started this job and have only worked two days for him so far.
    Hi Taliniman, I have looked into your suggestion. But unfortunately there are no places like that around here or there.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 03:11 PM
    vanheart
    The most important thing is to get out of her house.
    Where is this job? 50 miles? How did you get there before? Her truck?

    Any co-workers around that can give you a lift? Help you out? Anyone?
    You may be surprised.

    Even if you miss a day, I'll bet you can get back on this job.

    Don't worry about your things, just pack up your tools & necessities.

    Whatever you need to leave. Things are things, but you & your well-being are what's important.

    Once you leave this situation. You won't have to rely on her.
    Call everyone you can. Anyone. There has to be some services nearby to help.

    Have you tried everyone that may be able to help?





  • Sep 5, 2011, 04:09 PM
    stuckrighthere
    I have tried everyone Vanheart, everyone I know that is.
    But here's the latest update. She just left for work a little bit ago, but right before she left I pretty much begged her for the truck keys so I wouldn't lose my job. She gave in and said this changes nothing, and that I will still have to leave on Wednesday. This is the first I heard of Wednesday, but anyway, I said fine and thank you. So anyway, at least I can make it to work tomorrow. I've been playing it cool all day for this. It seems like I have to kiss up to her for anything. There's been many other times in the past where I had to, even when it came to her depending totally on my income when she lost her last job. But it's getting harder and harder.
    Now I know I need to get out of this as soon as possible. But Im curious. Does anyone think she's trying to see how much control and harsh rule she can have on me and threaten to kick me out as her weapon to do so?
    Seems like it to me, like she wants total domination. But what could that really possibly give someone in the end? How can anyone truly give their love to you when you treat them like that? And who would want someone who obeys like a dog, and still stays? I've never been treated this way by anyone, so much of this is new to me.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 04:23 PM
    vanheart
    Well, at least you can get to work & make some $.

    I would take this trip as an advantage to make any & all contacts that can help you.

    Whoever. Local Church, Pastor, co-workers, neighbors, anyone at this point. Google until the cows come home.

    Forget the love part. There's no love here. Only abuse.
    She will certainly make you pay for this later. "kick me out" ?

    You should want to get out.
    You can't live like this.

    Pride is one thing. Hell is another. Don't be above asking for help.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 04:30 PM
    talaniman
    She wants you gone, there is no games or tricks to it, so go ASAP!

    Looks like the deadline is Wednesday.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 04:31 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Hi Vanheart. Oh yeas, believe me, I want to get out. I should have been out of this a long time ago. But Im just wondering how someone like this thinks, that's all at this point. I definitely don't want to be making this mistake again.
    You think she'll make me pay later for this? How do you mean? For what?

    Taliniman, she's done this so many times before. But only to want to back out at the last minute when I had no problem in leaving at all. She would cry and tell me she still loves me

    But by the way Taliniman, Wednesday will be the day, because this time Im not giving in to tears or I love yous
  • Sep 5, 2011, 04:40 PM
    vanheart
    Don't worry about her. Only you.
    She's twisted & manipulative.

    Like Tal said, you have a Wednesday deadline.

    "I definitely don't want to be making this mistake again"
    Worry about that when you are long gone.

    See you on Thursday.



  • Sep 5, 2011, 04:56 PM
    Cat1864
    I wish it were less common than it is, but what you are going through is what abused women, men and children go through all the time. The abuser uses anything and everything to control the target especially emotions. Have you ever asked why a woman stayed with a man who hit her? Now you know.

    Perhaps, when you have some distance from all of this and you have your life in order, you can take your new knowledge and put it to good use. If there aren't shelters or help for men your area, you might think about ways to fix that as you rebuild your life. It can be cathartic to help others.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 05:10 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Yes Cat, as I get my life straightened out from all this mess, I would like to help others if I can. And you are right, she does all she can to have control. It's almost like Im not allowed to be upset with however she treats me. Like my emotions have to be in agreement with her. It's amazing how this person you once loved can treat you so bad. And Vanheart is right as well. There is no love here, especially from her side. But for the life of me I just can't understand what she gains from it all
  • Sep 5, 2011, 05:15 PM
    talaniman
    A willing slave, and money making pet, and an emotional tampon. That's what she gets.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 05:18 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Thumbs up on that one Talaniman! So right and made me laugh!
  • Sep 5, 2011, 05:28 PM
    vanheart
    "But for the life of me I just can't understand what she gains from it all"

    She gains power. Don't wrack your brain trying to analyze her. Just you.

    Its takes 2. The manipulater/abuser & the abused.

    BTW, don't let her cry & plead love, suck you back in again. You may want to split when she's not around.
    Avoid any further manipulation & words/police, whatever.

    Once you are gone. She will have to find someone else to control. Whew!

    Can't wait until you are rid of this, if I could give you a ride, I would.





  • Sep 5, 2011, 05:37 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Thanks Vanheart, I appreciate it, I really do. You guys have all been great. I haven't had much of anyone to talk to about all this for so long. This has all been such a great help.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 05:45 PM
    vanheart
    Cool.

    Like Cat said "It can be cathartic to help others."

    Let us know how it goes.
  • Sep 5, 2011, 06:14 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Are there any sites or other discussions on here that anyone knows of that might have any information relating to people like what I've just described? Still curious about the psychology of it all.
  • Sep 11, 2011, 05:46 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Well, Im still here. It's been up and down again. Im at my wits end. I really don't know if I even want to go on anymore. I've had it all before. I've made my mistakes. I look back and regret so many of the decisions I have made. This was supposed to be my new start in life. Now that this will end as well, I just feel too tired and worn out by life to go on. I keep thinking that when this ends, I should too. I can't find the strength or will anymore. I just want to be loved, but it always fades. Why should anyone care anyway. Im of no consequence to anyone. Yeah, I guess why Im writing this is to find some answer. But really, what is that.
  • Sep 11, 2011, 05:59 PM
    vanheart
    Did you get out of her house?
  • Sep 11, 2011, 06:00 PM
    stuckrighthere
    Not yet Vanheart, still here.

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