Originally Posted by
talaniman
I read this whole thing, and you kids have a lot of growing up to do and need to establish some rules and boundaries of acceptable behavior. Half the problem as I see it is the way you communicate as you both are a bit hardheaded and emotional, in an amusing way so its understandable that you can overwhelm each other with feelings sometimes.
This started out being about joint accounts, but everything under the sun has come out as a point of contention. So where is the real problem?? You got together young, have grown use to each other, and only recently your learning the irritating truth about each other. Very typical of young people finding there way thru reality. To bad your both too stubborn, and hard headed, and emotional, to make adjustments that work for you in a peaceful way, but I doubt that either of you will drop the drama as it seems thats the way you react to each other.
Probably why talking, and listening, doesn't seem to work very well, and its only thru the emotional explosions that you both understands one another. You're both alike, even though you have a practical side, thank gosh for that. Your youth and the way you cope with your own individual feelings are getting in the way of how you deal with each other because its not okay to control another, and its not okay to push the others buttons for any reason. That has to be replaced by you both with honest calm COMMUNICATIONS. I don't want to hear how you try but he won't listen, thats no excuse, you are as guilty as he is by allowing him to rant and rave like a kid and not having CONSEQUENCES.
So the real issue facing you is you live together out of convenience, and necessity, but you have added sex, gotten attached but neither of you have a commitment to where you want to go, and how to get there. You don't know what you're working for. You are but reacting to the actions of each other, but have no plan other than maintain a status quo, with no working together thru honest COMMUNICATIONS, just a lot of stirred up feelings, and building resentment.
You better sit down and talk, and unless their are real consequences for over the top behavior, and a real plan, with real goals, this circle of reacting without adjusting will continue. After 3 years together, come on, you have to stop being kids, and controlling each other and start working together for a common goal. Give its some thought, and make a plan. You both need to know when to just shut up, back up, and do some thinking, since you seem to have the acting out down rather well.
To answer your original question about the bank accounts, NO WAY do young unmarried partners have a need for joint accounts. Pay your share of expenses, but manage your own money. And both of you act like adults. Both of you define what the heck you're doing living together.
