Ask Me Help Desk - She wants a break to appreciate me more

Thank all you guys for all the great advice. It really helps hearing from people who have gone this before. I felt really alone for a long time in my pain, but this site really helped me out.

But I still can't decide on what to do, on whether to hit her up or not. Sometimes I want to hit her up and tell her I can't be waiting for her anymore, that I'm gone forever. Other times I don't want to hit her up, just keep trying to forget her. But I know we will talk one day, and I'm coming to the realization that she's not coming back to me. And I feel that when I get the confirmation that its done 100% and the break turns into break up, I will go back to square 1. Why shouldn't I just get it over with so that day 1 starts again while its only been 2 weeks, instead of waiting and day 1 starts again after like a month or more?

How about leaving her alone and dealing with yourself and see how you feel after you have healed properly. Be it a month, decade, a year, or forever.

When in doubt, think before you act or speak, but informing her of your intentions is a bad move. KEEP NC!

I think you have already gotten your confirmation.

Just don't wish to realize it.

Didn't sound like she was really invested in you anyway.

These "breaks" especially with young girls are just a way to do what they really want & maybe have you waiting as a backup plan.

Stay NC & have your own fun without her. That's what she's doing.

Forget this BS "time limit" to wait around for her. That's stupid.

It has now been exactly two weeks of NC. Man is this NC stuff hard. But I have a question, is it still considered NC if I still talk to the little sister? For example, we talked earlier today and she said my ex (still getting use to saying that) still asks about me. She gives me the impression that she's coming back...

NC means no talking to her family and friends,and getting updates.

Sorry,but as long as you keep getting those updates you're not in complete no contact.

It is starting to get easier and easier. While it is still hard, I can now notice the difference. I just have a quick question. Is there any strategies or anything you guys recommend to forget about her more? What I'm saying, is that I still see little reminders of her everywhere. Like I make a connection to her out of things that shouldn't. For example, my friend was talking to me about a basketball game that took place last year, and the first thing in my head was "i was still with her back then." Im getting better, like I don't dwell on the thought for long periods, but any recommendations for me guys?

That's good-it will get easier,day by day.

When the memories float to the surface, you distract yourself and get busy thinking about something else.

Its all normal,so don't worry.

Time and patience-and keeping busy will work wonders.

Those kinds of thoughts will pass away in time, as long as you don't dwell on them.

Its so hard. Im on day 16 of NC and today is one of those days where I don't feel strong. Yesterday was my college graduation festival. I got my cap & gown, ordered my invitations, took my grad photo, and ordered my class ring. Throughout the whole day, I kept thinking about how I wish I could share my moment of pride and extreme happiness with her. I had a grad dinner where the school honors all the graduates, you were allowed to bring one guest. All I could think about is how I wish she was there, to share my moment with me. How is it that even after all the pain and hurt she put me through, I still want to share the most important and precious moments of my life with her?

These are good exercises to learn how to enjoy things without her.

Keep it up.

Now the situation gets a little more confusing. So I was texting my exs little sister all day yesterday. Mostly talking about my upcoming graduation from college, I sent her a pix text of me in my cap & gown. While we were texting, she sends me a text that said "(my exs name here) wants to know if she can go to your graduation." I didn't know how to respond, because I want my exs mom and little sister there but I don't want my ex there. This feeling can change, as I don't graduate until June 12th. But as of right now, I don't want my ex there. I told her 2 tell my ex if she want to go she has to hit me up and ask me herself. Then I say, "why would you wanna go to your exs graduation?" Her little sister says "Cuz (my exs name here) says your not her ex." Im trying to move on with my life and forget about her, but that made me feel really good Im not going to lie. Then I got back to reality and tried to push that thought out of my head, because she is my ex to me. I told her little sister this, and she said, "but your not exs....." so we kept texting throughout my day at work. Her little sister says that even if me and my ex don't get back together, my ex still wants to be at my graduation. All day I kept telling myself to not get filled with false hope. She then told me my ex was going to counseling at her college next week. I asked her why, and she said it was because my ex has a lot going on in her life right now and needs help sorting out her emotions. (my ex was always bad at this). Her little sister says my ex wants an unbiased opinion and advice. This means that her little sister tells her how stupid she is for leaving, and that her friends keep telling her to leave me. (I hate her friends now). After I got off work, me and her little sister talked on the phone for a long time and had a really good talk. We talked about our day, my graduation, my ex, her relationship with her boyfriend, and just life in general. But now I can't figure out how to feel about all of this. When I talked to my friends about this, they are now all convinced that she will come back to me. They say she's going to see counseling because she knows she has a problem and is trying to change. Im not trying to get my hopes up, so I have the same attitude as I did before. Im just focusing on me, and when she does get at me, I will see how I feel if she indeed wants to try us again. But I'm not holding my breathe right now. Or at least I'm trying not to, I feel like sub-conciously I might be getting filled with false hope. Should I read anything into the counseling thing, or is our situation still the same? Is this a sign that she realizes she has a problem, or has she made her decision already and is looking for validation? Please help, I don't know how or what to feel about her anymore. Any advice would be great right now.

Don't hold your breath.

For now as good as it feels to communicate with her family and little sis its only going to lead to false hope. Every little thing she says you will read into and somehow tie it back to you and your EX. I have been there before and honestly wish I would have went total NC from day one. It took me so long to get over her because we both couldn't let go. All those things you said I thought was true of me and my ex. I knew and everyone else "knew" that we would get back together. Only we aren't! Just be careful man and really listen to what people say on this site. Don't fall into the trap of false hope. It makes the break up so much harder.

What the freak makes you think little sis knows what the freak she is talking about.

Get that kid out of grown folks business, and don't you know that children should be seen and not heard.!

Why would a grown man be listening to a child with an OBVIOUS agenda?? You have got to be kidding, and should have broken contact to begin with.

At least lay down the law as to what can be discussed. Your personal business is off limits.

You're not doing NC so long as you keep getting these biased updates.

Cut the contact and start moving on for real.

Quote:

Originally Posted by overayear1

For now as good as it feels to communicate with her family and lil sis its only going to lead to false hope. Every lil thing she says you will read into and somehow tie it back to you and your EX. I have been there before and honestly wish I would of went total NC from day one. It took me so long to get over her because we both couldnt let go. All those things you said I thought was true of me and my ex. I knew and everyone else "knew" that we would get back together. Only we aren't! Just be carefull man and really listen to what people say on this site. Dont fall into the trap of false hope. It makes the break up soo much harder.

Yea I'm starting to wish I would have went NC from not just her, but her whole family day one. Its just so hard, because her little sister is such a close friend to me. And their mom is like a 2nd mom to me, actually she is more of a mom to me than my biological mom is. I don't want to just push people away from me who have done nothing but been good and show me a lot of love and support. I know that deep down in my heart my ex isn't coming back. Its just that I sometimes get confused, because everyone around me says she will come back. My family, my friends, her little sister, classmates, my boss, everyone! Everyone says she's not as stupid as to throw away over 3 yrs. But I know she already has. Overayear1, how long did it take you to get over your ex? Because I feel as if both me and my ex can't let go, even though our time has come.

Just to clear things up, my exs little sister is only 1 yr younger than my ex. They're basically the same age. I know its still kind of young, but you also got to realize that I'm still kind of young. Its not like a 28 year old is talking to a 15 year old high school student guys haha. How can I ignore the little sister who comes to me for advice and stuff? And their mom considers me a close friend, not just a daughters boyfriend. This is where being a nice guy and having everyone like you sucks...

You don't listen to people's opinions,you look at,in this case,her actions.

They say it all.

And,yes,sometimes we have to walk away from people who have been our friends when there is a break/breakup.

All this secondguessing and overanalyzing leaves you confused,so you make a choice to either remain confused,or go radiosilence on these people and allow yourself to move forward.

It's up to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

You dont listen to people's opinions,you look at,in this case,her actions.

They say it all.

And,yes,sometimes we have to walk away from people who have been our friends when there is a break/breakup.

All this secondguessing and overanalyzing leaves you confused,so you make a choice to either remain confused,or go radiosilence on these people and allow yourself to move forward.

It's up to you.

Wow amicon, you give great advice. A lot of people on this great site give great advice. This site gives me a place to vent, and to come to on those days when I don't feel so strong. And thank all of you guys for this. What you stated is exactly why I think my ex isn't coming back, her actions. She left, so she is gone. Everyone is so convinced that this counseling thing is a good thing, that she thinks she has a problem and is trying to fix it. I hate being filled with false hope. I've decided to go completely NC with her family as well. So that I can really move forward. Im going to be on this site a lot more now, because it is going to be really really hard to leave the other people. I credit them with me finishing college, they believed in me when even I didn't believe in me. This is going to be hard.

Thank you and come here whenever you need to.

You've made a wise decision,total NC with all of them,no matter how hard that is WILL make things much less confusing and you can start moving on.

Its not an easy path to follow,but I know you will be OK.

One day at the time.