If you don't, you're in trouble. Situation are seldom about others, but the way we deal with it.

Listen to Talaniman!

So true.
Proof is in the pudding. Yum, pudding...

Some people don't change in a lifetime, let alone in 5 or so weeks.

Yeah thanks guys, I read the stickies.

The only reason Im going to do this now is like I said, I don't want to prolong this. I know if I cut contact again and in a couple months time when she comes back, I'll be thinking about taking the opportunity again. I feel that would be time wasted.

Im going to approach it now, but really smartly and look out for anything that might seem odd.

Like Tal said, if her actions are sincere they will show.

I doubt she's changed in 5 weeks, however if she can show some positive actions towards change then this will give me something to go off.

This doesn't mean a free pass back into my life, she ran out of it!

Perhaps I should set a rough time scale on this?

I can tell you from experience that all you think is good too you, is not good for you.

That's why some thoughtful considerations, before you make decisions, and take action, is highly recommended.

Glad you're seeing that and being more cautious and thoughtful about gathering facts first, before you jump in. That's a big step in dealing with reality, and making good decisions for yourself in the future.

You sound desperate to me and she can sense it. She got you on a leash. The last 5 weeks of NC was like a ticking time bomb and she just set it off. If you screw this up, you'll be back to square one again. Listen to what we are telling you. I wish I had all this resource available when I was dating lol.

I never really jumped in in the beginning either. I knew her for a fair few months then we dated for about 4 months then I decided to take the chance after weighing up the situation. It wasn't till a over a year down the line these things started cropping up. I guess that's when you really start finding out about a person huh.

Ahh, I don't want to sound desperate. Which parts of this is making me sound desperate? That's the last thing I want to appear.

Thanks

I think you give us that impression when you jump to whatever she says.

Its like she is a need that you must have at a price of yourself. For most of us that's a very high price to pay for attention.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by itsyerboi

YThe only reason Im gonna do this now is like I said, I dont want to prolong this. I know if I cut contact again and in a couple months time when she comes back, I'll be thinking about taking the opportunity again. I feel that would be time wasted.

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What you are saying is if she come back in a month time, although it's wasted time but it's OK. Sound like she got all the power to me and she decide when to come back and you would allow it.


This scenario is nothing new. Happened to me as well. I used to have an ex, she broke up with me but sometime would call me and said still love me bla bla bla, as soon as I said I want to meet her, she said no. I am sure the last 5 weeks was a rollercoaster ride for you. Probably wondering when she's going to call lol. She may be just checking to see if she still got power over you and she made the right decision or not. You show weakness by wanting to see her this weekend.


If she was desperate or really deeply in love wit you, forget about the weekend, she would want to see you right there at that moment if you insist. Like Tal said, talk about this over the phone is the best.

Good luck , do what we have told you to do or at least take some of the advice.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

What you are saying is if she come back in a month time, although it's wasted time but it's ok. Sound like she got all the power to me and she decide when to come back and you would allow it.


This scenario is nothing new. Happened to me as well. I used to have an ex, she broke up with me but sometime would call me and said still love me bla bla bla, as soon as I said I want to meet her, she said no. I am sure the last 5 weeks was a rollercoaster ride for you. Probably wondering when she's going to call lol. She may be just checking to see if she still got power over you and she made the right decision or not. You show weakness by wanting to see her this weekend.


If she was desperate or really deeply in love wit you, forget about the weekend, she would want to see you right there at that moment if you insist. Like Tal said, talk about this over the phone is the best.

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Ah I understand what you mean now. It still wouldn't be all right if she just came back in a month either. What I mean is, id rather see how things go now then spend anymore time on this. I was really starting to close her out the last 5 weeks, I could start that phase again if she doesn't show improvement.

I guess I seemed a little eager asking to meet this weekend. Again one of the reasons I did it was because I figured hey, if you want me back that bad you'll jump at the chance to see me. I put it out there and she responded by saying no, I'll see you next weekend like we planned.

Im going to pull the plug on next weekend and talk on the phone to see if things improve.

How should this situation really go?

In a manner in which she didn't have control over the whole situation?

I figure if she knows she's got me, she's not going to want me as much.

She actually called today and mentioned something about next weekend, wanting to just have a nice time or whatever. I didn't respond to it.

I'll call her through the week and say next weekend is off until we figure some things out over the phone.

Let us know how it goes! Good Luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Let us know how it goes!! Good Luck!

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Thanks I will do.

Im going with real caution. What's thrown me off most is that fact that she didn't jump at the chance to meet up with me when I suggested. Made me feel she's not as bothered about getting back as she maybe making out. I try to follow the actions and not the words.

I have some other options and quite a high interest from another girl Ive known for about 8 years. My friends have told me I should probably move forward and explore these options rather than moving back.

While its fair to have options for yourself, I feel that its almost wrong that Im considering them, while thinking about getting back with me ex.

I hpe you do as your friends have suggested. Good Luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by itsyerboi

thanks I will do.

Im going with real caution. Whats thrown me off most is that fact that she didnt jump at the chance to meet up with me when I suggested. Made me feel shes not as bothered about getting back as she maybe making out. I try to follow the actions and not the words.

I have some other options and quite a high interest from another girl Ive known for about 8 years. My friends have told me I should probably move forward and explore these options rather than moving back.

While its fair to have options for yourself, I feel that its almost wrong that Im considering them, while thinking about getting back with me ex.

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Did she knew something about this other girl that's why she's back begging?

Forget her! Who knows? Please stop doing this to yourself!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Did she knew something about this other girl that's why she's back begging?

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She has no clue of this other girl who's showing a lot of interest, or a couple of the other ones who have given me hints.

That's mainly the reason why I feel bad when I talk to these other girls. I just speak friendly with them, I try to be friendly with everybody. Now they know Im single, they're starting to talk to me a lot more and in a different manner for example when Im out and see them, or sending me texts etc.

Although on the other hand, I'm not doing anything wrong. They always make contact with me, not I with them.

Start talking to the other girls! Who cares about her reasons?She doesn't want you. Make a cleean break.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by itsyerboi

Well well,

I just called her and said I'd like to meet this weekend. She said no wait until next week. I asked why and again she said I dont wanna rush things.

I said im not happy with how this is going, you broke up with me, you've asked for me back and now you've set the time when we'll meet. She said yeah but you agreed to it at first. I said again its all on your terms.

Lets meet this weekend and talk since you're not busy. She replied, Im telling you I dont want to. I said you're gonna have to give a little, I want to meet this weekend, you dont. You want to meet next weekend, maybe I dont. She said well dont bother then.

I said if you wanted me back as much as you say you do, you'd jump at the chance to meet me.

She then stated, you dont know what Im going through, how hard this is for me, blah blah.

I told her to stop the self pity and she said, this is just like you, its going smoothly and you jolt it up by making a fuss?!

Then she hung up.

How am I making a fuss by asking to see her on my terms in my time for a change?

She broke up with me all on her terms.

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She must of heard something about your other women not from you but maybe from your friend. From my experience, girls don't just come back begging for no reason. From what you wrote above, you sound desperate, should keep it short and sweet. She knew that she still got you, you keep asking why she doesn't want to meet. She knows you're not going anywhere yet so there's no rush. I suggest you explore your options because if she want you back knowing you are with others girls then it will be short lived if you are back together and you'll be back to being hurt again.

Like KitKat said.

Stop worrying about her, just you.

You act like she's got you under some spell.

A clean break is the ticket here.

You disappeared before. Do it again, except this time she won't reel you back in.

Can't you see this is only causing heartache & confusion.

You were doing fine before.