They are usually as confused as you, and looking out for themselves. Especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. That's a lesson to keep in mind in the future, as you may think you know someone, but you never know them that well that you can predict what they will do, but you can look out for yourself, and your own interests, by making sure that person deserves the attention you give them.

Relationship break ups happen all the time as many things can happen to change a partners mind, and feelings, and you just have to cope with them. That's the whole point of learning and growing, as painful as that is for all of us.

The only person who knows is your ex.
And the best thing to do when we can't get any answers,is to let the questions go.

Stay NC and take it one day at the time.

You will get past this,it just takes time.

Good luck.

Threads merged

Hey everyone, my girlfriend broke up with me a little over two months ago. Im a lot better than what I was after it happened. She won't talk to me now for some reason. I would just like to get a better idea what goes through a girls mind after they break up with someone. Do they end up regretting it down the road, think its easier to not talk? Im trying to get a better understanding of what's going on but she won't talk to me. The last time I did I just sent a message saying that I didn't hate her and didn't want her to hate me. I said that Ill always care about her and be there if she needs someone and she never wrote anything back. Can anyone help?

It would be impossible for us to tell you what goes through girls mind after a breakup since everyone is very different.

However, from what I've read about your situation is seems like she definitely isn't regretting her decision since she isn't contacting you whatsoever. She broke up with you, it was probably something she was thinking about doing for awhile before she actually did it.. she was most likely already preparing herself for the breakup in her mind which would have made it a lot easier for her to move on once you two actually broke up. She knows you don't hate her, if she wants to speak to you, she'll contact you.. but by the sounds of it, she's moved on.

She's actually doing you a favor with no contact, it's a lot easier for both parties to move on this way.

Posting another question to bump for different answers will get you merged every time. Might I suggest a more specific question here without starting a new thread.

I have been dumped numerous times for various reasons, and it sucked every single time. It was confusing to say the least, but I learned that accepting it, and making adjustments that kept me busy was the way to go, because in the process of doing my thing, and enjoying it, that break up became further, and further from my mind.

Surprisingly though, I found myself in a position that MY feelings had changed about a female I had been involved with, and decided to end it. Guess what, it sucked just as bad as being dumped. But the solution was the same as being dumped, so yet again, broke off all contact, and went back to doing my own thing, and again, eventually put the confusion behind me. So I guess it's the same thing, that feeling of not knowing what to do next after a life changing event, such as a break up.

Its like going to a funeral, you mourn, realize you can't change a darn thing that's happened, and you move on.

The only answers you get after a break up come through leaving the past, dealing with the present, and working for the future.

So I have a update, I actually sent her a text asking if my golf clubs were at her place because they are pretty expensive. She actually texted me back and said that she would text her mom because she was at work. Then she said that she would look when she get home, and asked if there was anything else. She kind of made it sound y. So I said No and left it at that. About a hour and half later I said there was one more thing and she asked what it was. I said how have things been. She said that things were okay and asked how Ive been and said that I was good and that I was looking at a 4 year college which is what she wanted when we were dating. She said that's great and hope everything works out for me. Then I said I the same for you, look for those clubs when you have time cause I know you have a lot going for you. After that she asked if I hated her and I said that I never have and never will. Then she said that she was sorry things didn't work out between us and that she didn't mean for everything to fall apart like it this. I said that it was a great time and couldn't blame her and that I could see why it ended. Then she says I feel like you've really grown up since everything started; someone will really appreciate everything you have become and still aspire to be. I said back that I hope that someone has at least one characteristic of you and that I really want us to be friends when your ready, like I said Ill always be here for you. Then she says back Thanks tootsie, and that she will look for my stuff when she gets home. She used to call me tootsie when we were dating. Does she sound like she is starting to regret it now? Im not sure what to think of the part where she said that someone will really appreciate me?

Have somebody deliver your golfclubs and make that your closure.

Stop overanalyzing what she said and go back to NC.

Dude, what are you wanting from her? This is why NC is so important because now your wheels are spinning, wondering, and trying to interperate what she said when you should have just concentrated on getting your clubs back and not prying as to how she's been.

Aww, I just read the update.

Well, the reason she won't talk to you as someone have said is maybe she felt confused. I can't speak for her, but for me. When I break up with an ex boyfriend, I wouldn't want to talk to him either. Even if he was a good boyfriend or a bad one. I don't want mix feelings to get in and need some time alone to feel what it was like to be without them.

You can't rush your ex girlfriend to be your friend, because she might not be ready yet. When my ex boyfriend and I broke up, all our friends forced me to become his friend and I got mix messages and felt like we were still dating. We started arguing even more than we did [if hardly ever] compare to when we were dating. It took me over a year and a half to finally let go of my feelings and maybe one day become his friends again.

Time is important and sometimes a girl needs her space! It doesn't mean she hates you, even if she says she does. Sometimes when someone breaks up, they tend to think so badly of the person- even if the person wasn't so bad, because it's the fastest way to recover. They want to see the negatives of the person instead of trying to see all the good things and cling onto those feelings.

Seem to me like she just needs some time before she can talk to you. Different people have different recovering time.

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Originally Posted by Sledsik

So I have a update, I actually sent her a text asking if my golf clubs were at her place because they are pretty expensive.

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Breaking NC, bad. Breaking it to get back your golf clubs... you get to keep your man card... for now.

Lets just hope you don't use more "oh i forgot to get XYZ" excuses. If you left stuff, get it or have someone get it. If you want to talk to her and decide to break NC, own it and don't use gathering o' things as an excuse.

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I said how have things been. She said that things were okay and asked how Ive been and said that I was good and that I was looking at a 4 year college which is what she wanted when we were dating.

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I'm in a b!tchy mood today (wouldve been ten years with ex today) but I hope that you actually want this and didn't say this to please her, because it really sounds like you threw this out there to please her... so...

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Then she says back Thanks tootsie, and that she will look for my stuff when she gets home. She used to call me tootsie when we were dating. Does she sound like she is starting to regret it now? Im not sure what to think of the part where she said that someone will really appreciate me?

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k. well. My ex still calls me "honey" and "babe"... she also called the b@stard she cheated on me with "babe" when she was screwing him and texting him... yeah, meow... I know... so... it's a term of affection and its no surprise that she used it, since it wasn't a complete nuclear meltdown and there seems to be some civility, despite the tension and awkwardness.

So... you back off hard and she seems to think this is progress. Well, yeah... it is progress whether she sees it or not... but stop looking for her validation to make NC worth it... it a little twisted when you wonder if NC is good because it might get her back.

You do NC for you. If a healthy you gets her back, well, that might be OK... or not. If she's not healthy for you then no. but you don't listen to her compliments and ride them too far. Until you believe yourself that you are doing better or that you are making the right changes, you really are still at the whim of some other persons opinion.

Just, uh, well, my opinion.

I hate it when guys break NC. Just when they start making sense, they go back to talking crazy again. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Get your clubs, and start over.

Okay, how am I talking crazy now. All I did was ask a question. Im not crying my head off or anything and its not bugging me so much that I can't sleep. I have recovered a lot I think, Ive been talking to other girls. Have a date lined up this weekend. I hardly think about her like I used to.

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Does she sound like she is starting to regret it now? Im not sure what to think of the part where she said that someone will really appreciate me?

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I rest my case, as trying to figure out what she means by two sentences, is crazy talk to me. Of course you can't see that now, but would you like to take a vote, or something? And don't get defensive, just trying to point out what you can't see. We all are.

So how can you tell when your really over someone?

You won't care one way or another what she is talking about.

You probably won't be asking anymore.

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Originally Posted by Sledsik

So how can you tell when your really over someone?

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When you see them with another person and you're not jealous, lol.

Ok so this is getting ridiculous. She said that she would look for my stuff two nights ago when she got off work because I said it would be nice to have my stuff by today. She hasn't said anything, and I asked her today if she had any luck finding my stuff, she won't answer me. What is going on?

What's going on is that you keep breaking NC and she is playing mindgames with you because you let her.

You are back to overthinking her actions-confusing yourself and wondering why on earth
'She doesn't get back to you'.

Me, I would forget the golfclubs and go back to NC and stick to it.

Seriously man, stick to the NC, I'm going through the same thing. NC is the best thing for it, if you don't think you can do it, just take it a week at a time, don't contact her for a week, or if you really need to text her then say you'll do it at the weekend, and then at the weekend you'll hopefully feel differently. I did that and its worked for me, but its still hard. It always is.
And why don't you treat yourself to some new golf clubs? You've gone through a break up, get some retail therapy!