Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

After reading through ALL your posts, I hope you wait until you're a lot more comfortable with yourself, and spent a lot of time with your boyfriend, after that long distance stuff is finally over with.

Your still finding out about yourself at this point in your life, and that's okay. But not rushing into a marriage because you miss someone. I know you think you've grown, and are ready, but you have much to learn about yourself, him, and life.

Take your time to do your own thing without him, now while you can, and enjoy getting to know yourself, so you will be a lot better prepared as an independent woman, and not a curious inexperienced teen-ager.

You have many questions to answer for yourself, and that my dear will take time. There is no rush, so get your answers, and learn, before you jump into something you know nothing about.

Probably the easiest way to tell would be to ask yourself if you would want to marry this person. If the answer is no, then you know that your relationship is based solely on sex.

Sex fades, love grows.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

It seem so vaque when you all say how the wold works? what do u mean?

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I understand more what is important in life and the fact that responsibilities come before most anything else. I know what loyalty means and I know that important things cannot be neglected.

At 21 the world is fresh and new and you haven really lived yet.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

So what happened if i may as. What's the difference between now and then? IS it the financial responsibilities? the committment troubles? Not sure what you wanted in a woman?

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You are questions your attraction to females, this is your first relationship, we were all naïve.

Life teaches you things that you have to experience, it's not something that we can tell you and you will understand. You have a lot of growing and maturing to do, no matter how mature you think you are now.

Believe me, we all look back and think of how much we have learned since back when we knew it all.

Your relationship is sex based if that's all you do when you are with this person. If both parties are OK with it, then that's what would define your type of relationship. If you want a balanced relationship, there should be other compatibilities than just in the sack.

Well I would think that if you are contemplating whether your relationship is based on sex, you would not be contemplating marriage and if you are old enough and mature enough to marry.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

oh yeah, sorry the young man i wish to marry is in fact my boyfriend

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And what about your lesbian tendencies?

I think that a couple of years in the peace corp would make you grow, deepen you, and show you more of the world. Your relationship will take its natural course. There's no need for any worry.

Tao

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

Ive been told by few people that due to my youth and hormones, my libido is extremely high and I'll want to have sex so much more often now than when im older. (Makes sense) However, is it possible to determine whether or not the realtionship is too sexual? How do you know if its balanced considering the high interest on both ends?

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It is too sexual if you can't sit down because you are sore. Otherwise, nobody can tell you how much sex is appropriate for you. It is based on sex (which, by itself, sustains no relationships) when that's all you've got. But it is balanced when you have other things that you share as passionately as sex, albeit differently. It's a keeper when you feel growing respect for each other over time. And it's real love when you put the other first.

Tao

An example of a sex based relationship is an affair,that's all the two want is sex.

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Originally Posted by zippit

an example of a sex based relationship is an affair,thats all the two want is sex.

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At 19 (her age) most all relationships are sex-based. I have never been in a relationship when it wasn't all about sex when you first start having it.

How do you feel about your relationship? Do you feel it is only sex based? Only you can know within yourself what type of relationship you are having and if it is working for you. Only you can judge what it is and what it isn't. Love and sex are two seperate things and you can have one without the other so what is your heart telling you?

Haha I've never actually done anything with a girl, not sure I'd be comfortable enough... but if you followed the thread concerning that then you would be well aware that I am not actually lesbian just a woman who appreciates beauty and sesuality. But I could never be in love with a woman

Well I mean my philosophy regarding sex in a relationship is basically to each its own. If your both just as much into the sexual part of it as you are into the rest of it then I mean I guess its okay. I can understand that guys are always going to want to have sex. But often times I feel like a guy, as I always want it. Well not always but probably 90% of the time he wants it. I mean we do invest a lot into the relationship in general; we laugh, we dispute, we cry we reason with each other but at the end of each we seem to always want to have sex. Is it maybe like we want the emotional closure to be secured in physical intimacy? Does anybody feel this way? Or has anyone felt this before?

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

haha ive never actually done anything with a girl, not sure i'd be comfortable enough...but if you followed the thread concerning that then you would be well aware that i am not actually lesbian just a woman who appreciates beauty and sesuality. But i could never be in love with a woman

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I didn't say you were a lesbian, just that you had lesbian tendencies. As never actually having done anything this quote sure makes it seem like you have:

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Originally Posted by lazylana88

so im trying to explore my tastes and dislikes as far a sex goes so i can be comfortable with myself because the other day i was with my friend and she stuck a finger inside, it felt okay but wasnt amazing i keep trying to do it to myself but its a no go. I feel ambarrassed when i do it to her she really likes it. what is wrong with me? am i not doing it right? isnt it supposed to feel really good?

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My main point here is that we don't like people using multiple logins to play with different persona. That is often grounds for banishment.

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Either there are two people on your computer, or your playing a game.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/usercp.php
I think given your age (19) and the long distance nature of your relationship, and the history of cheating, you may feel that its all about sex, given your belief that he is to into porn. And maybe your exploring your attraction to females, there may be a confusion as how to define and relate to this relationship. I know you are just finding out about yourself, and that maybe at the heart of the matter.

I believe your on a journey of self discovery now, and until that journey is ended, and you have answers that you understand, you will have a problem with defining yourself, and what you want in this relationship. Sex is usually great in the beginning, but many things can happen with the couple as to how they relate to each other, and over time any changes in the sexual relationship can cause problems later, unless they work together to find solutions to those problems.

It seems that where you are now, trying to figure out how to deal with the things your feeling and figure out what they mean to you, and how you will deal with them, both as an individual, and as a couple.

Long story short, you, and your boyfriend, need to take the time to communicate on many different levels, not just about sex, but other issues between you, and work to resolve them, or not only will the sex suffer, but the relationship will too.

For sure, making decisions based mostly on sex, at this time will surely lead you astray as sex between a couple changes just because to many things in life will get in the way, such as work, or children, and adjustments will have to be made ,and unless you both are willing to meet those challenges through honest communications, and define the changes to be made, it usually ends in chaos, and conflict, and that destroys even the best relationships.

The bottom line is knowing yourself very well, and honestly I don't think you do yet. You will though, but later, as you grow, and develop, as an individual.

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... I don't know what the difference is if i want to go to the peace corp i mean I can bring my computer with me right and skype is good? Ive seen people who do that. It's the same situation I'm just farther away. We've been apart for 8 months and call each other daily. If that doesn't work out I can write him I think if he's as devoted to me as he says he is, he would give it more thought. I also heard that while you're active in it, you can have loved ones/family to visit for a few days as your vacation...

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Your already in a long distance relationship, and seem quite happy for it to continue. He feels differently, and that my dear is the issue to be resolved by you both. Personally, you should take the time to pursue your own interests, as he has had a chance to, for your own future, with or without him. For sure this is a test of how you relate, and deal with your issues together. What do you want more? Him and his way of doing it, or yours and your chance to grow??

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

At 19 (her age) most all relationships are sex-based. I have never been in a relationship when it wasn't all about sex when you first start having it.

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That just blows me away. I'm the exact opposite I put a lot more in front of a relationship than sex