Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend issues

Hello all.. I have yet another question for you all.

Lately, my boyfriend and I have been doing pretty good together. Having a great time with each other.

Last Sat. I told my boyfriend that he and I should go camping.. I told him that I didn't care who he invited, but I wanted to go. He said, Ok, I'll try and see if I can work something out.. I'll let you know..

Well.. the Sat. that just passed, 07/24, my boyfriend takes off camping with his brother and doesn't even ASK if I would like to go.

I ask him why he never asked.. his reason, he didn't want me to call off work..

I am completely devistated! I'm so mad at him right now I could just scream! Anytime I talk to him I'm just short and snappy and B****y.. He knew I wanted to go camping.. I told him..

And what's worse.. his brother brought a girl that he liked.. So why wasn't I able to go :(

Ugh.. I just feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back. Since he and his brother bought a stupid house together, he's been avoiding the topic of buying tickets for a vacation we planned on doing way before he even THOUGHT about buying a house.. I gave him a deadline.. He has to tell me by tonight if he has some money to buy the tickets.. I told him if he "forgets" that I'll just assume he doesn't want to go and make plans for myself.. its 5pm... I told him this at 1pm...

Am I over reacting?

Please.. some insite.. advise.. something :(

No, you are not. Women are always second guessing their emotions. Think about it. It was your boyfriend, his brother, and his brother's date. So your boyfriend would rather be a third wheel over asking his girlfriend (you) to come along. You need to ask some questions about this trip. Make your plans without him. You can show him better than you can tell him.

He didn't want you to call of work? He could have still planned a trip when you were not working. That does not even sound right. So it was just the three of them. Something is wrong with that picture.

I think this relationship is sagging. He is still disrespecting you and you are still questioning if you should feel bad when you do.

Take the trip without him.

Your boyfriend is playing head games with you... which really isn't the worst thing ever. In reality the head games are merely a symptom of the real problem. It could be a number of things, but you need to find the root or else, the relationship will only get worse.

The trick is, not to fall into the trap of REACTING to the head game itself. That's a dead end, I PROMISE YOU. You need to find out why he's acting this way, and asking him straight up might not be the best course of action. You'll probably have to be more creative and listen to your intuition. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, you need to find out if the relationship is even worth the trouble. If he keeps up the BS, and never opens up and lets on to the real issue, both of you going to suffer. So, how much are you wiling to put yourself through?

Sorry, you two work lousy together.

Lucky, this guy sounds like a total jerk. I think you would be better off taking that vacation yourself, and staying by yourself. He obviously does not respect you or your feelings, why keep putting yourself through this?

Think about it this way, if you had a friend who treated you like this, would you keep them around?

I don't think it's a case of us not working together. Because for the most part we do.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.. I'm so confused and crushed.. I'm just going to take a couple of days to think things through...

I think you don't want to accept the fact that you and this guy are going nowhere.
He treats you poorly and you just keep going back for more, why?
You guys are just not on the same page.

Lucky, I know we don't see eye to eye a lot, but it seems like every time you post your problem, and you get the insight, you don't like it and defend your relationship with him. Why bother? You know that the people here are going to be painfully truthful. You know you are going to hear what needs to be heard and not what you want to hear.

He does NOT sound like a nice person. He does NOT sound like he treats you very well. And no one deserves that. He went out of his way to exclude you in this camping trip after you specifically asked to come along and he agreed. What does that tell you? What would you tell another poster with this problem?

Quote:

Lucky098;
I don't think it's a case of us not working together. Because for the most part we do.

Then you shouldn't be confused and crushed. When things work good, its easy to be happy, and optimistic. But after telling him what YOU want (go camping), and he does it with others, and not YOU, that's a clear RED FLAG, that you are NOT that important to him.

That's something to really pay attention to.

Quote:

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.. I'm so confused and crushed.. I'm just going to take a couple of days to think things through...

You well should be crushed and confused, but most of all, very angry with him! Yes think this over. You have more than enough facts to over rule any feelings you may have, and make a good decision for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then you shouldn't be confused and crushed. When things work good, its easy to be happy, and optimistic. But after telling him what YOU want (go camping), and he does it with others, and not YOU, thats a clear RED FLAG, that you are NOT that important to him.

Thats something to really pay attention to.

You well should be crushed and confused, but most of all, very angry with him! Yes think this over. You have more than enough facts to over rule any feelings you may have, and make a good decision for yourself.

Have to spread some rep tal, but you are right!
The handwriting is on the wall. Read it girl friend.

I understand what everyone is telling me.. And I do appreciate everyone's advise.

What my boyfriend did was wrong, and I am still very upset with him. If I'm protecting my relationship from the opinions given on this website, I'm not meaning to. I do not feel guilty for being mad at him or for giving him the cold shoulder right now.

I had a good day today :) Everything just kind of flowed.. He and I are talking, but I'm still being very reserved towards him. I'm not ready to forgive him completely. I'm not the type of person who reacts on impulse.. I like to think things through. Yes what he did was sooo incredibly wrong.. The thing is though, is that he has never ever had that feeling of being left out or not included. I tell him all the time that he doesn't know how I feel.. And I think sometimes he does actually try!

The thing is, I don't just sit here and stew about it. I talk to him.. I tell him how I feel. He and I communicate very well. He claims that I never let him go out with is friends without getting mad at him.. And I don't think I do.. I let him go out with his friends without me and I don't have too much of a problem. The only thing that gets annoying, and I told him, is that I don't appreciate him texting me all night long while he is with his friends.. He wants to have a conversation and doesn't respond back for about 20 minutes or so. So I pretty much ignore him. He doesn't get mad.. nothing escalates at all.. I have gone out with him and his buddies. And we all have a good time.. Usually I volunteer for DD. Sometimes when we go out with his friends, I'll see one of my friends and I'll go hang out with them the entire night and there is no issues with that either. Why he did what he did over the weekend I don't know.. It was so out of the blue and unlike him to at least ASK if I MIGHT want to go.. or something. I always try and make it a point to invite someone to do something with me.. I always give someone the opportunity to say yes or no to tagging along.. And I never get it back. Its really starting to get to me.. and I guess that he isn't suppose to do that either. He is suppose to be better then that.

Everything is really wearing down on me :( I keep everyone at a safe distance from me. I'm so tired of being stabbed in the back by "friends". My boyfriend doesn't even like many of my "friends" because he has witnessed first hand what they do to me.. for example.. on my birthday, I wanted to go out.. I invited my boyfriend, his brother, his brother in law and sister.. I invited my 4 girlfriends to come with also... I was taking myself out, no one offered to take me out.. And.. my 4 girlfriends ditched me.. Because they didn't want to go to the club I wanted to go to.. And because one of their friends was at a different club... Totally feel like crap over that one.

My best friend in the whole wide world abandoned me due to rumors running around MY job (not hers). Didn't even give me a change to stand up for myself... Ugh.. I miss her.. with all of my heart I miss her.. :(

I don't know.. I'm starting to think that its me.. It seems like the minute I stand up for myself, do what I want to do.. I lose someone. Or someone gets mad at me.. Or somehow, I'm in the wrong... I honestly cannot always be wrong... I have put up with so much crap to safe friendships.. and in the end, it just back fires on me.

I guess I'm the type of person who will give my all to someone.. and I rarely see it back. Whenever there is any type of tiny upset, whoever that person is flees.. And its getting so old.. And I'm starting to feel bad for the people who I am talking to.. Like my friend Andrea.. I keep her at a safe distance from me... we talk every once in awhile.. Hang out occasionally.. but that's it. So tired of the hurt.

My boyfriend says that I push him to get married.. I don't think I do.. Or maybe I am being pushy without realizing it... I find it annoying that he bought a house with his brother... Maybe that attitude is coming through... I don't know. I'm just getting so tired of waiting for someone else to say OK!

I probably sound insecure with myself.. But I'm not.. I'm just tired of being alone.. I'm an only child and the youngest in my family.. all my cousins are older and have family, not to mention I don't know any of them. It just sucks. Everything I do is by myself. But I always try and keep my glass half full.. enter each new day with a smile and hopefullness.. and for the most part it works.. I just wish I could do the things I love to do.. I wish I could ride my horse again.. I would love to learn english riding and jump her. My poor dog is just sitting here rotting because I don't have time for her. I work stupid hours. I have no time for anything I want to do and I have tried many times to get off this schedule. I feel like such an absolute failure with my blue pitt... That poor dog is completely whacked out of her mind.. She has such a split personality. I just keep avoiding the inevitable with her.. that dog isn't adoptable.. The only family she could go to would be to gay people! Never have any kids.. world revolves around their dogs! Perfect.. but how do I advertise her for that? Lol

But there is a light at the end of my tunnel, or at least I hope so.. I plan on going to school this Oct. I'm going to Vet tech.. Yes Aurora, vet tech :P J/K lol.. But oh geez am I going to be nervous. I'm going to feel dumb because I'm a retard at math.. I have to take a 6 week coarse of math.. ugh.. But I need out of this call center, away from ridiculous rules, 19 year old pregnant girls, welfare and much much more.. Find me a real job that is centered around my favorite subject.. animals.. It'll keep me occupied this winter and spring and maybe allow me to not lean so hard on my boyfriend for entertainment.. I just want to be happy.. my boyfriend wants me to be happy.. he tells me that a lot.. Maybe I should start listening to him..

>sigh< I remember my friend told me last summer that I don't have to be happy with the choices or decisions my boyfriend makes or does.. but I do need to learn to accept it.. I guess I haven't yet.

I also just wanted to let you all know that I do take into consideration what everyone says.. And I would like to thank you all for answering my crys..

Also.. sorry for the rant.. It was kind of building.. Guess I just want someone to hear me..

Lucky, man girl, I feel your pain. I have the same issues with friends, and in the end it comes to your happiness and yours alone. It bothers me too, that when I stick up for myself, I loose my friends, it's like they only like me because I am the door mat. Well this door mat has scrubbed off the welcome print!

No matter what your situation is in your relationship, we can advise and give you insight until we are blue in the face, but until you are ready to make the changes, it's all wasted air. I don't mean this in a harsh way at all. We've all been there. In some sort of toxic relationship or another, and had friends or family trying to help, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I guess it all the different out looks can help with your decision, but it's just that, your decision and yours alone. We all need someone to vent to or have a shoulder to cry on. But But through it all, remember, RESPECT YOUR SELF.

{{{hugs}}}

And congrats on going to school! Maybe we can bounce ideas off each other or give help studying. :)