I didn't have a good excuse for my actions when I was hanging out with this other guy. No I don't consider on cheating on my boyfriend. I just made a stupid mistake at the time. My boyfriend can't prove that I cheated on him or not. He thinks that I did and I didn't blame him. But we got over it. Were passed that. It happened 2 years ago.

Well what was the "conversation" about that was so interesting?? She may be cheating but then again you never know. I think that she may like him but has not done anything because of you. I say that because you said she is a good person.

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Originally Posted by HotPotato2009

I didn't have a good excuse for my actions when I was hanging out with this other guy. No I don't consider on cheating on my boyfriend. I just made a stupid mistake at the time. My boyfriend can't prove that I cheated on him or not. He thinks that I did and I didnt blame him. But we got over it. Were passed that. It happend 2 years ago.

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Do you think contacting the guy and asking him myself would be going overboard? I need to know the truth if I am to consider getting back with her. Should I ask her first to see how her reaction is?

I find it hard to believe if you can't trust her enough to believe her response to this question, that you will ever trust her again. I see many nights of going through her phone, email and other info. Where does the line get drawn?

You can contact this guy all you want, but will he be honest. Also, if they were just friends and he says that will that be enough? I would be a little worried over what kind of friend is available at for a.m. That part was fishy to me.

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Originally Posted by arle

Well the fact of the matter is I did the same thing very early in our relationship and she forgave me. I want to forgive her but I can't have this cloud of doubt. I need to be 100% sure nothing happend.

I've considered contacting the guy but I don't know if that is a smart move.

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It's not a smart move, nothing good can come of it.

And if this isn't the first time this has happened, it probably won't be the last, either.

I think you should talk to her

Thank you Adam for that compliment

Arle, contacting that guy may also make you even more upset about the situation. Whether something happened or not

No problem HotPotato.

I keep checking in on this post and you are getting very good advice here. I think you should listen to what is being said here today.

What did you mean you were in the same situation before and she forgave you? I was a little cloudy on that.

If you couldn't trust her then, you may never trust her again. It will definitely be a thing over time. Just don't go snooping around and putting your nose in things where it shouldn't be to make things worse. If you want to know the truth and can trust her, then ask her. If you can't trust her enough to ask her, then what is the point of trying to make a relationship of it?

If you did find this guy and asked him, and he said, we are just friends, are you going to automatically take his side and not question it anymore? He could have know about you and tried to cross the line or he might have respected the line.

The point is there is no real way of knowing. It is something only he and her knows. The only way you can put yourself at ease over it is to trust her or don't and move on.

You made the right decision. When is comes to cheating, there is nothing you can do. Whether she was cheating or not, she shouldn't be talking to another guy if she is with you. If she wants good conversation. She should be having it with you, if she can't then she doesn't deserve you.
I had a boyfriend that I was with for a year and a half and found out when he dumped me, that he had been sleeping with his ex the entire time we were together!!

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Originally Posted by crisluvsu731

You made the right decision. When is comes to cheating, there is nothing you can do. Whether she was cheating or not, she shouldn't be talking to another guy if she is with you. If she wants good convo. she should be having it with you, if she can't then she doesnt deserve you.
I had a boyfriend that i was with for a year and a half and found out when he dumped me, that he had been sleeping with his ex the entire time we were together!!!

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So by your theory the significant other can't have a "good" conversation with any other member of the opposite sex?

On two occasions she said that she'd discontinue all communication with him immediately. That said, give her the benefit of the doubt. Now if she continues after you've forgiven her and she's promised not to do it again, then you've got a problem. But I think that right now things deserve a second chance.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

So by your theory the significant other can't have a "good" conversation with any other member of the oposite sex?

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Well, with my experience, that is how I feel. I have screwed over so many times in the past and it was for having such a big heart and forgiving so many times.

I don't think a good friend knows it is okay to call a friend at 2 am. Which makes me think it is probably more than good conversation. Even if she is not interested he may be thinking that the more available he is the more chance of her leaving you.
I don't think good friends of the opposite sex one with a boyfriend would talk that often if it was nothing.
Why would she call you and then call him immediately after??
Like S_cianci said you can give her the benefit of the doubt and get back with her but if she continues to call this guy after she said she wouldn't then you know you can't trust her.
Especially since she did agree to that.

I mean lets be real here, do you really think that she wasn't interested in him at all. If it was just good conversation about the same field they were in, would she not of mention him to you? I don't know your guys relationship but if it was friendly as she says and he was a cool guy don't you think you would have heard of him? Also to text you at 2 am then 5 min text him asking to hang out seems really suspect to me. I am not sure if you should give her a seconde chance or not but don't be fooled by thinking that she only thought of him as a friend and wasn't interested in any other way. You will never know what they did and didn't do, but if you feel like she has learned from mistake (we all make them) and realize that she was playing with fire then you should talk. I would let her know that this is def not acceptable and that there wouldn't be any more chances. If YOU decide to take her back then you would need to completely drop this and move on and if you feel that you can't drop it then I would think twice about getting back together.

I agree with KC in a way. I believe it's okay for two people to have a chat but once it becomes everyday, at odd hours of the night then the lines start to get blurred. To put the icing on the cake, she goes out with him at the bar? My fiancé and I have guidelines for that stuff, personally we feel doing that would be crossing our lines. Some may not agree with our guidelines, but they work for us.

As for the OP, I believe she crossed several lines and it's up to you if you could trust her again, which you pointed out, you doubt you will. A relationship can't exist without trust being a firm building block and once that is crack, everything else will crumble around it.

You got to love these questions about whether he/she will call back but anyway here goes mine..

So I met this bombshell over the weekend. She was gorgeous, model figure, smart (med school), and down to earth. A 10 on my scale and trust me, I am very picky.. I was playing it pretty well as she started holding my hand and we were talking all night but I think I became a little too focused on her and she began to pull a way a bit. At the end of the night I told her I had to run and got her phone number.

Waited 2 days and called her back and she was at dinner (was very loud in the background) and she told me she would call later. Didn't get the call last night and I'm worried I may have blown it somehow... If she doesn't call back I think I will try her again tomorrow but I don't want to give the impression that Im desperate either (just really liked the girl).

Any suggestions? Should I wait longer, send a text, or just call again?

Try calling her one more time. If nothing comes of it this time, then scratch her off the list and move on.

Do you have any idea how you could blow it? It may be handy to rewind the night and remember what happened between the time when she was holding your hand looked like she was in love and then began to pull away? Did you say anything or did?
If you find what could be the reason, great, because then you may be able to fix it. If not, invite her for diner, or to the cinema. Sometimes even I was not sure what the man next to me wanted, and I would many times appreciate more if the man could be more open about it, inv me for cinema and pre discuss which movie I would prefer... this way man treats the woman with respect, good thing.