Here is when I will say. You need counseling. It is turning really obsessive and you need to find ways of stopping this behavior because it will only get worse. Why are you checking up on her? There is no reason for it. It might be hard to get through this time but believe me in years to come you will be glad and happy this all happened.

Im sorry guys its just so hard to be used to somebody and have be gone so quickly... I am glad that I have yet to see any new info on her... that lets my mind relax...

I am glad that the accounts were not available to view, I was doing real good until now, you guys are helping

You may want to consider counseling if you do go into another low. Checking her up like that is unhealthy, but if you stopped continue NC.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paxe

You may want to consider counseling if you do go into another low. Checking her up like that is unhealthy, but if you stopped continue NC.

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I have not done anything since the last post... I just have to see what happens tonight when I get home...

What just calmed me down and killed my anxiety was a cigarette believe it or not...

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. Never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You go ahead and enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

---

I'm not so sure, I mean anger helps to heal in some ways. I know I used it to move on. Like Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3: "anger is better than despair".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paxe

I'm not so sure, I mean anger helps to heal in some ways. I know I used it to move on. Like Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3: "anger is better than despair".

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Anger at whom?

Himself?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You go ahead and enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

---

No it helps me to move on by knowing I have a lot more going for me compared to them 2...

We won't be getting back together because she has made that clear and she took offense when I said on myspace "yay no worrying about kids that arent mine!" so that is def. not going to happen...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Anger at whom?

Himself?

---

At anything actually, anger itself is better than sadness and despair. Technically speaking, as long as he doesn't speak to her and keeps NC, he isn't hurting anybody (she doesn't know). So I say go for the anger even if it is misplaced, as long as you can keep NC and move on, then great. I mean, for all you know somebody is bad-mouthing you but you don't know about it, so you don't care about it also.

Hey Jaffey... I bet those grapes are sour... Dont worry about what she is doing... that is torture! Why torture yourself. You said it yourself that the two of you are surely done so forget her. Keep moving forward. You will find someone better. Get out there!

If it takes anger, then so be it. But be angry at yourself. Remember that she wanted to move closer to you. She wanted to make it work.

I understand that you're surprised, and disappointed, that she found someone new so fast. But maybe it just turned out that way for her. Be angry at THAT.

I bet she IS upset that you said that about her kids. You see what I mean? You don't want to be saying ugly things. You can THINK them if that helps you out. But don't go around and be nasty.

You may one day get back with this girl, in another stage of your life.

Don't burn your bridges.

I feel for you. Love takes us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. Isn't that right, Emopunk?

Joseph, you don't help someone by telling them they should be mad at themselves. What I see is that jaffey was being smart and he didn't think it was the right time to move forward with the woman. He shouldn't be mad at himself for that. There was a reason why he didn't want it. Maybe red flags that he noticed but is ignoring it now because she is gone and it's a typical case of wanting what you can't have... Jaffey will be fine and better off. JAFFEY stop checking up on her!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Joseph, you don't help someone by telling them they should be mad at themselves. What I see is that jaffey was being smart and he didn't think it was the right time to move forward with the woman. He shouldn't be mad at himself for that. There was a reason why he didn't want it. Maybe red flags that he noticed but is ignoring it now because she is gone and its a typical case of wanting what you can't have...Jaffey will be fine and better off. JAFFEY stop checking up on her!!!

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I wasn't the one who suggested the "anger therapy" in the first place.

He made a decision that he now regrets.

This is not an exact science. I have yet to tell someone here that they "don't help someone.....".

You state your opinion, and "disregard" the ones that you don't agree with.

I'm sorry to hear your loss. You were willing to be there for her and she didn't have the patience. You deserve better than that and she should have thought things through. Move on, meet someone new, and start over. Good luck. =]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jmjoseph

If it takes anger, then so be it. But be angry at yourself. Remember that she wanted to move closer to you. She wanted to make it work.

I understand that you're surprised, and disappointed, that she found someone new so fast. But maybe it just turned out that way for her. Be angry at THAT.

I bet she IS upset that you said that about her kids. You see what I mean? You don't want to be saying ugly things. You can THINK them if that helps you out. But don't go around and be nasty.

You may one day get back with this girl, in another stage of your life.

Don't burn your bridges.

I feel for you. Love takes us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. Isn't that right, Emopunk?

---

I didn't burn bridges... I know in my heart I could speak to her again... just don't know what point in life that will be for the both of us

I am not going out there in the world to make sure she gets the message, I am just clearing my mind

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

i didnt burn bridges....i know in my heart i could speak to her again....just dont know what point in life that will be for the both of us

I am not going out there in the world to make sure she gets the message, i am just clearing my mind

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As long as you're clearing your mind and getting better go for it.

Comments on this post
emopunk7 agrees: I have to disagree... I used angry statements a lot and its not to hurt her... they are only being used on a forum to try and move on. I do the same thing... sometimes its necessary.

How do you know that he is doing it only on this forum. I was actually talking about in the "real world". Maybe you are not in the best place in your own life as to NOT wanting to be bitter:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post2077210

It's not going to do anyone any good to go around and say hurtful things about this girl. And it's just not gentlemanly. One day you will see this.

And as far as being "upset with yourself", how many times have we made decisions, only to regret them afterwards?

Joe,
You do what works for you, but know that ultimately you are a victim of your own devices.

But, life goes on.

Go enjoy your life while you are still young.

The world is a berry patch, go fill your basket.

I know I did.

So this morning was a major relapse... did the usual hacking etc. just to get hurt again... and see that she still mentions me indirectly like:

"U lost this dime, and he picked it up"

And the guys page said:

"Likin the MILFS lately"

It bummed me out but I have been talking to friends and they are pushing to walk away and that it is a blessing in disguise to let her go because of the way she is acting is definitely slut material and that could have happened if I stayed with her

It stops today, I have joined an MMA gym and my class starts tomorrow...

I need to let her go and not worry about what she does and worry about what I am about to do next!

Now within the NC rules, should I just deny the hacking of her account if she asks? In fact I think Im going to ignore her all together, instead of even answering her...

Yes ignore her completely. If you are hacking again her account, go seek counseling, it is not a normal behavior. There is nothing shameful about seeing a counselor for that.

Gym and class will do you a lot of good, don't forget to go to the gym everyday.

Complete and utter NC is what you need. Ignore her if you have too.