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To be honest, this is probably your best move.Quote:
Originally Posted by ORD8
Trust isn't there. Confusion is. It should be the other way around.
As I said before she needs to figure out what her needs are and being in a relationship isn't going to help. It will only keep both her and the person she is involved with going around in circles.
Take some time to heal and get your head on straight. Take what you have learned in this relationship and apply it to the next one when you are ready.
LOL Joseph, good observation. Yes I was very hurt once before. Very hurt. I didn't know what to do. I went online just like ORD8. Then this 1 guy stood out from the rest and gave me the best advice ever.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmjoseph
He taught me how to handle these situations and I actually did A LOT of home work on this subject and am very confident they work.
I will never allow myself to be treated like LESS THAN A MAN or disrespected like that again. I am trying to teach these first timers what I went through so they can be strong like I am now. THANKS FOR READING! :p
As much as it hurt or pains you you can never be afraid to walk away from a relationship that does not benefit both yourself and your partner whether that be happiness, family, etc… Otherwise that relationship is doomed to fail and even if it doesn't fail one or both parties wind up miserable. Added stress and confrontation is unhealthy. People change and grow, environments change, our life's outlook changes…
Respect yourself, respect your partner. If it's not working out cut the cord clean sooner than later. Yeah… it's hard, yes it's going to hurt. But when you look back upon the situation you'll be glad for the advice I shared with you.
See she has told me numerous times that she is not seeing the other guy and I really want to believe her. There is that shadow of a doubt though. And like I said, the thing that gets me most hung up is the fact that she wants me there, but is not willing to jump back in all the way. She keeps saying that if Im patient everything will work out and that what's meant to be will happen. She says its because of everything else going on in her life and that it didn't work the first time so she wants to go slow. I understand that as well, but it's the fact that I cannot trust what I am hearing.
Last time we talked I said that I just didn't see things the same and that since she pulled me back in, she has to show me she wants this. At this point I am just getting that from her. And that you can't ask anyone to be patient and hang out in limbo while she figures things out.
Im just going to tell her to figure things out for her and her children's sake... and Im moving on.
ORD8. That shadow of doubt is very important. Listen to it. Its usually right.
Very simply put, she wants you there and not wanting to jump in all the way is because She's USING YOU AS THE BACK BURNER.
She's using you for emotional support because she knows you'll be there.
Once you take that away from her and shell have nothing. Shell run back to you with open arms because inside she knows you're the GOOD MAN.
Give it time. Apply NC.. Trust me, we all want you to win. Everybody who's giving you advice is basically telling you the same thing.
Listening and applying it is up to you. You already know how to win.
True that... I am not getting much out of this right now. To her, I am simply giving her the support she really needs right now since I care and despite the fact that its not helping me move on. The tough thing is that she keeps pulling me back in and asking me to wait. Can everyone agree that if she really wanted this she wouldn't be asking me to wait?Quote:
Originally Posted by Imabadman
I agree with you moving on is what you should do-limbo s not a good place to be.
If you applied NC then you wouldn't even know if she is pulling you back in because you wouldn't be talking to her in any way, shape, or form.
ASKING YOU TO WAIT? Wait for what? Wait for her to make up her mind if she wants to screw that other guy or you? Or BOth?
Sorry for sounding harsh. But I think your doing this to yourself now.
She's DISRESPECTING YOU! Not treating you like the ALPHA MALE!
*** If she really wanted this, she would NEVER ASK YOU TO WAIT. You would be together right now, taking things slow. You would see it in her ACTIONS.
And most of all, that SHADOW OF DOUBT you once had ( that little gutt feeling ) will be GONE ***
::Sighs::
I won't try to guess what she wants or why she is asking you to 'wait' or 'go slow'. Those are questions that only she should be able to answer and it doesn't sound like she knows the either. That red flag is enough to say walk away.
No matter what you decide to do, keep in mind that we are here to give advice or support whenever you need it. All you have to do is keep adding to this thread. Some people seem to find it easier to keep No Contact if they post here instead.
Good luck with your decision.
ORD8... I think the fact that everyone here is giving the same advice should tell you something. As hard as it is you CANNOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES talk/text/email /IM etc. with her anymore!
You need to start healing your broken heart. She is playing/using you and simply wants to see if things progress with her new man before getting rid of you completely.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I'm right- you must apply NO CONTACT right now- don't wait a week or 2 oe 3. You still have a chance to get her back but you MUST make her miss you.
I appreciate everyone's advice. It seems you get the entire spectrum of perspective. Superman's straight up no nonsense posts have really helped as have everyone else's.
As for the girl, I have made up my mind that I am going to walk away. If she comes back, at that point I am going to really consider whether I can put myself back in that position. We've kind of left things at well lets just agree to disagree however I haven't been firm enough in saying I am walking away.
Should I tell her that Im done or just simply go M.I.A. right now?
Great to hear you're walking away man- I wish I was man enough when I first got dumped. Don't tell her you're done- don't ever say another word. Believe me you ignoring her will eat her up and she'll start to wonder if she did the right thing.
Don't play games. Tell her that you won't be contacting her again. Be honest that there are trust issues and concerns that she doesn't know what she wants. Be clear that you do not want her to contact you until she knows what she wants and needs. She deserves the same respect that you would like to get back.Quote:
Originally Posted by ORD8
Remember that if you choose to go NC that it is for your healing and not a way to 'get her back'.
There are lots of examples on other posts of things you can do to keep busy and keep her off your mind
Go to the gym
Volunteering is excellent
Any thing you can do to push her back
And BETTER yourself.
And during this time try not to dwell on what you are going to do IF she comes running back to you that is not constructive to making you better.
Good luck my friend!
ORD8.
Don't even tell her ANYTHING!
Just walk away without turning back like a REAL MAN!
Don't say nothing! Don't call and say, " OK im going to leave now and never call you "
Its uncalled for! Just do it! =)
Your doing the right thing BTW! Im proud of you.
When this is all over, you will have learned a lot and be much stronger for next time! Just like me.
Please read the site rules for agreeing and disagreeing with a post.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html
I gave my opinion on how to handle the situation.
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Originally Posted by supermannnnnn
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Comments on this post
this8384 disagrees: You think being a "real man" means ignoring someone? Walking away without explanation? Learn the site rules.
ohsohappy DISagrees: That is the cowards way out, a real man is honest and doesn't run away from situations, he handles them and THEN moves on.
you're lucky, that "agree" was a COMLETE mistake.
supermannnnnn disagrees: Why tell her that he will not be contacting her again! Why? There's no point!
Supermann, This is not the way the reputation system works. Cat1864 did not provide factually incorrect information. She offered an opinion only.
Just because you simply disagree with someone, you don't give them a "reddie".
Someone who is so passionate about their own opinion should be a little more respectful of others who have one too.
Matters like this one have no "right" or "wrong" answer. This is not an exact science.
We all need to remember that.
I wouldn't say anything to her, I would simply walk away. I don't feel that its playing games to just leave. It would be pointless to let her know that you will not be talking to her again. Just let it go and go your seprate way.
I feel sorry for the kids. They have gotten attached, and are not going to quite understand what's going on.
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