Ask Me Help Desk - Who agrees with me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious82

Give up on the relationship. My family wants me to move to be closer to them, and I am seriously considering it. I told him that I would like him to go with me, and he said he has too much invested here. That should be my answer right there!!

I agree with you here too much invested what?
A job as a waiter you can replace that
Friends?you mean the friends that let you drive home drunk good investment buddie
What does he mean investment?

Not sure, too much invested in his job as a waiter... I guess. By the way, most of his buddies are 30 yrs old still being waiters, and they are alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious82

lol considering I don't have a momma

I have to stick up for talan here he<and I hope its he> did not know this and always gives good advise

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious82

Not sure, too much invested in his job as a waiter...I guess. By the way, most of his buddies are 30 yrs old still being waiters, and they are alone.

So your not pulling him away from family,ex wife kids ? Nothing like that?
And if not , that's were I would draw the line I'm going you can go with or stay,things are not good here for me and don't seem to be much better for you.

He has his mom and dad here, but he doesn't really even see them that much.

How far away are you planning to move?

From Texas to Illinois.

Are there some opportunities for you to work when you get there or what? Is it he does not want to move some where and mooch off family?

Could be, I have a job lined up

Well you know I have enjoyed talking to you
I just hate to give the advise of "leave him girl hes no good for you" and frankly I don't know where all the regulars are because they would be telling you to run... just curious I'm in n. houston what part are you

Do what's best for you not him. If leaving is best for you, do that. If staying is best for you, do that.

How old is he?and what do you want from the relationship?can you discuss this?

I'm inclined to agree with you. Anyone in a fulfilling relationship shouldn't need to constantly be hanging out at bars until past 2 AM without their significant other. Seems like there's other issues here. You need to decide whether this is something that's acceptable to you. If the shoe were on my foot I wouldn't date a woman who was doing the things you're describing.

Justcurious,

What bothers me most about what you have written (I don't think it can be emphasized enough) is his drinking and driving. That is one habit that he needs to quit before he injures or kills someone. It isn't just his life that he puts at risk.

How much of your upset over him going out to the bars is fear that he won't come home? I am wondering if you are scared of the police showing up on your doorstep at 4 am. Have you even allowed yourself to admit that fear is there?

Sometimes we see reality, and don't like it because it doesn't look the way we want it to.

That's why any long term relationship that's healthy, requires work, patience, and a lot of communications, and the willingness by both partners to keep working on it.

You have options to decide on as I see it,
1) You give him space, and work on developing yourself, and the things you want to do.

2) You leave, and develop yourself, and do what you want.

That your lining up jobs back home speaks volumes, so you already have one foot out the door.

I go for option 1, as all young couples like yourself, go through this adjustment period, and depending on how you both deal with it, you either survive, or break up.

I think he gives you enough space to make up your own mind, so really the ball is in your court, and he is not ready to change, and it seems neither are you, but you insist he change, that's interesting also as you control what your actions are, not his.

Quitting because the going got tough, is never an option with committed couples.

So that's the question you really need an answer to, How committed to this are YOU.

Ever evaluate what you both bring to the table, and discuss how things work together?
Are you helping each other be better?
Are your expectations, and his compatible, and realistic?
Are you both willing to work on learning how to talk and listen?

If the answer to any of these questions is NO, its time to go. You have not established honest communications

Well stated Tala

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

well you know i have enjoyed talking to you
i just hate to give the advise of "leave him girl hes no good for you" and frankly I dont know where all the regulars are because they would be telling you to run...just curious im in n. houston what part are you

Ha ha I am in N Houston too!

After reading through this thread, your remind me a lot of one of my friends that I talk to quite frequently. She lives in Oklahoma. I live in Illinois where we grew up together. Most all of her family is here. She's beginning to wonder what's keeping her so far away when she's been treated poorly in several relationships. Everyone that loves her is here. She's mentioned coming back in January. I hope she does. We all need support when times are hard.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious82

ha ha I am in N Houston too!

When you was talking about his drinking and driving I was thinking about how the cops around hear don't PLAY I live in montgomery county so yea,he should consider himself lucky nothing tragic has happen YET! And if I was him I would not hesitate to move with you and try to start over fresh.If you think you have money troubles now how will it be after a DUI?

p.s. I actually live in porter I say n. hou most people don't know porter

Oh I am kingwood, I know porter. And you, the cops are bad around here!