Ask Me Help Desk - Does this mean he is cheating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully123

I am sorry, but I have no sympathy on this one. That is a total of 5 kids. You lost the first three to child pornography, and you are on number 2 with this man now. I would clean up my act and worry about getting my kids back, insteaD OF concentrating on a man and yourself.

Well if you want to get on my three kids which I would rather not write about, plus they are not involved in this.

No I did not lose them to child pornography, I actually relinquished my rights before the state terminated them. Under the advisement of a state provided attorney who didn't give a dam. Which now I regret ever taking his advice.
And there was pornography but it is listed down as them being sexually abused by their grand father. And I didn't do a damn thing to deserve losing them but fall apart. And what? Trust my father? Ya that was a big one, who on earth trusts their children to their parents? (sarcasm)

I can't get my kids back. And yes I'm on number two. So Screw C.P.S for all the crap they did to us. We went to them for help and they tore us apart because I was too sad. And I couldn't care less about sympathy. It wouldn't bring them back or do a thing for me

I really don't like how they merged my threads together... blah

Sorry, but you don't just lose your kids, unless you did something wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

I can say I am guilty of calling him a drunk when we argue and all kinds of names when he does not come home. And I am guilty of not cooking for him when he has called me names. But at the moment things are not bad as they were. We don't really fight. And spend more time together and have talked about it. (the phone thing and the porn)

No I am not innocent.

This is exactly why I feel there is hope for this relationship
Listen people if you want to tell her leave him fine than get ready for all the other post that may come up
My ex left town dumped me and the kids
Why is my 12 yr old so out of control
I'm so lonely I want too die etc etc
We have ALL seen them and read them
Everything changes when there are children involved
You can judge and say well this lifestyle isn't healthy for the kids either but
From what I've read it isn't that bad
AND LIKE I SAID
I want to hear what this guy is thinking TODAY
Wheres his head at NOW
Before I tell a mom to up and leave the father of her children

Its OK I'm the under dog here I can live with that

I'm focusing on the "spend time" and "talked about it"

As I said, this is a BAD situation for you and these kids.

As long as we are all being honest, I think you have made some bad decisions and now perhaps have made another.

How can you save this? Not easy.

Focus on a career (you may have to go back to school) and your child. In a few years maybe think about relationships, or maybe it'll happen sooner. I would establish your OWN LIFE, and if this guy is the right guy he can join in it one day - or another man can - but not right now.

Take a breath and plan for the future. Fun time and drinking time are pretty much over for a few years - I just can see no other way to dig out.
Hang in there.

Ps - Smoking while pregnant is probably not a good idea.

This is not in reply to jj
Its real common to say
He's only going to get worse
And I go along with that in some cases
All I can say is I don't feel it here
Maybe its personal for me,I see a couple who's gone through a lot him going to prison,having kids ,domestic violence his issues and still I want to say try to work it out..
Just me I suspect

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

this is not in reply to jj
its real common to say
hes only going to get worse
and i go along with that in some cases
all i can say is i dont feel it here
maybe its personal for me,i see a couple whos gone through alot him going to prison,having kids ,domestic violence his issues and still i want to say try to work it out..
just me i suspect

Fair enough, but I think you stand alone. Anyone who raises his hand to a woman...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I haven't direspected you. That's twice today you've shot down my answers. Why should I tell a woman who's being cheated on , by a guy who BEATS her, to work it out. I'm not on the assault at all. If you reread your post it seems as if you're saying that no one but you can get this. Read it.

It's not about you and I. Peace.

He doesn't hit me anymore. And he knows better not to go there again. He has cheated in the past and it's been a few weeks now and he has been coming home. I don't mean to defend him, after all I did come here to write about him. I'm beginning to think that maybe I can't get past him cheating and now that he is trying to do right, I feel like there is no way he will be faithful to me. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a trust issue or maybe unforgiveness. We talked about the cell phone last night and he says he can't trust me to leave his phone alone. He doesn't like me snooping and going through it. He supposedly goes through mine because my behavior makes him think I have something going on as well. So today he left his phone out when he showered and I didn't look in it. Even though I was tempted. We both agreed that there is a chance we may have to break up if we can't trust each other. Which is bogus because I never cheated on him. But I guess somehow my behavior makes him suspicious. He was sorry for the whole weight gain thing. Says he is disapointed I have become the way I am. Not caring for myself or my appearance. He knows why I have been so depressed but feels I need to focus on the kids I have now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully123

Sorry, but you don't just lose your kids, unless you did something wrong.

I did do something wrong. I became "emotionally unstable" when I found out my own father and 3 of his friends have been raping my 3 girls for years and I was too blind to see it. (he took care of them while I worked and went to school) Oh and Smacked my 3 year old on her hand when she would not stop pulling her sisters hair after I told her no. When CPS found out they came and removed my kids after they had given them back. Because I was not allowed to spank, even though it is legal. So that's what I did wrong.

Don't come at me like you KNOW a dam thing about my case because guess what...
CPS is full of caseworkers who don't give a dam about the facts and go by "what they think" when they need to go by what's best for the child. And CPS is screwed up and run differently in each state. My kids are in a state where CPS told their new mother that all the crap she went through with the system here in TX was B.S. My middle child was separated from her sisters and this woman is trying to tell this btch caseworker to let her come back to her home so she won't be alone. The worker tells her no. She doesn't like her so she won't let my daughter go with her. When this was reported the worker denies it. So my 8 yr old is being moved from place to place in a system that is so desperate for foster parents that somehow people with felonies and history or violence are allowed to become one. All because one btch a** worker feels like it. A child in a foster home was killed not to long ago. So CPS is currupt in my book

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

. He knows why I have been so depressed but feels I need to focus on the kids I have now.

Shouldn't that be
The kids WE have now?

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

this is exactly why i feel there is hope for this relationship
listen people if you want to tell her leave him fine than get ready for all the other post that may come up
my ex left town dumped me and the kids
why is my 12 yr old soo out of control
im so lonely i want too die ect ect
we have ALL seen them and read them
everything changes when there are children involved
you can judge and say well this lifestyle isnt healthy for the kids either but
from what ive read it isnt that bad
AND LIKE I SAID
i want to hear what this guy is thinking TODAY
wheres his head at NOW
before i tell a mom to up and leave the father of her children

its ok im the under dog here i can live with that

im focusing on the "spend time" and "talked about it"

Well all I can tell you is what he said. He is mad because I'm busy lying around and crying for my kids everyday, when he feels I should get up and move on because they are not coming back, and I have oour baby to raise now. I do take care of my daughter but he wants me to go places with her and take her swimming, etc. I have not worked for 2 months because I don't get up to look for a job and he says we both need to pitch in. I agree with him on that part. I just didn't realize that I have gotten this bad. I'm actually going to therapy Tuesday to get help for depression

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheeseismee

Are you aware that the top selling pron behind gay male is pregnant female.. You heard me right sister.

Sister, did I hear you right?

Right behind the gay porn is the pregnant female porn? Those are some amazing statistics and some that I did not no previously. I wonder where guys nailing girls porn ranks?

Mary.
I got confused when the threads merged
I was still going off the is he cheating on me? Thread I didn't know about the cps issue or the assault I understand it was in the past
I'm going to bow out gracefully
Good luck hun.

Mary, I say this with all respect intended and in no way to be taken as a jab at you, but your life seems completely out of control. Have you ever sought counceling for you, and you alone. This entire thread is just one dramatic thing after another. Have you ever just stopped and tried to find out why these situations keep happening or why you seem to almost be drawn into them?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

I did do something wrong. I became "emotionally unstable" when I found out my own father and 3 of his friends have been raping my 3 girls for years and I was too blind to see it.

Did your father rape you? If not, was your dad always stable? I mean how does he go from a guy you trust your kids with to a guy that's raping them when you knew him for years

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

(he took care of them while I worked and went to school) Oh and Smacked my 3 year old on her hand when she would not stop pulling her sisters hair after I told her no. When CPS found out they came and removed my kids after they had given them back. because i was not allowed to spank, even though it is legal. So thats what I did wrong.

So you had your children taken once, and CPS gave you another chance and you didn't follow the guidelines they set up?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

Don't come at me like you KNOW a dam thing about my case because guess what......

Don't come at anybody like you know a damn thing. You are here asking for help and that's cool. I'm not trying to chase you away but if people are giving it to you, then you need to hear it. I assure you nobody here wants you hurt or in pain or "emotionally unstable" as you put it. But when somebody says something you don't like you go into attack mode. It's you who doesn't know a damn thing or you wouldn't be here. I'm not saying you can't or won't, I'm just saying you don't. You can get better and improve and I wish for you to do so but that also means lowering you defenses a bit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

CPS is full of caseworkers who don't give a dam about the facts and go by "what they think" when they need to go by whats best for the child.

I don't disagree with this, but there are also children that never see a CPS worker. So the very fact yours are does not mean you wrong but it does mean there is an ongoing problem, and blaming CPS isn't solving anything for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

And CPS is screwed up and run differently in each state. My kids are in a state where CPS told their new mother that all the crap she went through with the system here in TX was B.S. My middle child was seperated from her sisters and this woman is trying to tell this btch caseworker to let her come back to her home so she wont be alone. The worker tells her no. She doesn't like her so she wont let my daughter go with her. When this was reported the worker denies it. So my 8 yr old is being moved from place to place in a system that is so desperate for foster parents that somehow people with felonies and history or violence are allowed to become one.

Blantant lie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

All because one btch a** worker feels like it. A child in a foster home was killed not to long ago. So CPS is currupt in my book

Yes, children have been killed by foster parents. Genetic parents have also killed there children. Husbands have killed wives. Wives have killed husbands. Children have killed parents. Dogs have killed their owners.

There are always going to be extreme situations and bad things happen to good people. I'm sorry, but you knew your father and I find it hard to believe he somehow got it past you that he was the person you describe for years without you noticing. Then the state gives you a second chance and you apparently blew that. Now it's the "btch a** worker" fault? Not buying it.

You have a lot of issues here that a therapist needs to address with you. I think you want to have the best intentions and I think you have the ability to have them, but I think your approach hasn't worked so far, and you need a different approach. Blaming everyone else is a good start. Not being so defensive for no apparent reason is another. Putting good, positve people in your life is also a must. But there's a reason you don't, maybe you know the reason and could share it. Maybe you don't and a therapist can help you figure out why you self sabatooge.

I'm not trying to come at you, because I know you want help, but I just think you need to look at what you've done and ask yourself, "is this really helping or hurting me, and how can I make my actions help me instead of hurt me?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

The OP is NOT your sister. How do I know? Because "brothers" don't talk to their sisters that way.
Well I am a female so I know what it is like to be pregnant and have the media remind me I was fat and undesireable.

And will you post your sources of the porn sales?
Try google. Try some articles given to students to write papers on. Try educating yourself. But since you need to be spoon fed: Here is a web site that will give you that info and each side of the issue of porn being good or bad.
Error
or
one-third to one-half of the $2.5 billion adult industry is gay sales and rentals. ...en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_pornography Leaving the rest of the 1.25 billion to be filled by all other types of porn. if simple math it done with those numbers that is.
Or try looking at the number Results 1 - 10 of about 813,000 for pregnant women porn. (0.18 seconds).... Many people out there think pregnant women are hot. That was the point.

Where exactly did you get that number? I think I know, the same place you got the hormone remark.
Imagine that I have an opinion and I am a women. Watch out.

People come here for help, not false statements.
Your right people do come here for help. Not to be preached at by upity conservatives that can think out side of their box.
Porn is not "just pictures", they have kiddie porn.
Porn is just pictures. If we were in Europe a nude photo is not considered lewd. The americans have never adopted this because our country was founded by puritans who were to busy burning people on stakes and scalping the native people who lived here, than to think about what was right for others.
Kiddie porn is filthy pictures taken by horrible adults. It is done with purpose and sold to people who use those pictures to be used to their screwed up ways. Kids can not consent to what they do not understand. That's what kiddie porn is. You don't punish the child. You go after the makers and the users.
You seem to know how pregnant women feel and think.
Again. I have had a child. I know a whole lot better than you do about how it feels to be pregnant.
How do you know this guy isn't cheating? Are you him?

I know he's not cheating just because he is looking at porn. Just because he views nude imagines does not mean is he guilty of getting emotionally or in any way shape or form involved with another person. Last time I checked the definition for cheating is :

Cheating in a relationship has traditionally been viewed upon as an infidelity and disloyalty. At the core of this viewpoint of unfaithfulness is that a level of intimacy has been compromised and shared outside the relationship with a third person.

Theoretically cheating is anything inherently personal a mate shares with someone else who is not their partner.

So in his case where is the third person?For that matter where is the second. One man one hand one bottle of lube. Sounds like one man with self love doing what all men do. So he has some pictures to look at that does not mean he is being unfaithful. It means he's looking at pictures.

It didn't post Error although you may have trouble accessing the site

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary79

i thought men wanted their women to do the things in those movies. I'm thinking like "how the hell do they do that for so long without their legs getting cramps or something?".

Well that is why it take like 4 hours to shoot like 20 minutes worth of video. Lots of moving and changing camera positions

1. Originally Posted by Ash123
Ps - Smoking while pregnant is probably not a good idea.

2.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

again more advise that she is WAY past

3. I said what I did as politely as I could, because she said this:

"Anyway, I recently found porno movies he has hidden and 3 magazines. I went through some of them to see what it is that he seems to enjoy watching the most. I do feel bad for snooping but I was just trying to find a cigarette because he hides them from me."

That was not so long ago.

I assume we all know the consequences.