Why did he kept telling me that?! I just don't understand.. was he trying to make me feel more like sh**? Did he wanted to intetionally hurt me even more? Why?!

I'm sorry you are going through a weak time, but just hang in there time heals really, you have to stop asking yourself those questions, tell yourself that you don't need to allow anyone make you feel bad. Sometimes our ex contact us just to know they still have some kind of control over us. So you have to keep telling yourself ill not let him control me anymore and you will be able to let go without any anger. Hope it gets better for you

No contact so essential, acceptance, after 4 full months of talking with my ex it got to the point where I would get so sick emotionally hearing anything that was coming from her.

You can not have any contact, read listen talk messages, nothing... this is sooo DAMAGING to your pschye.

It was and would be for me

Heya COCADA. Having withdrawals again, huh? I'm sorry you are feeling that way about how he handled it, but you should keep in mind that as much as you feel like he messed up he probably messed up too. Maybe he felt like telling you that was the best way to respond. It was wrong, and it did nothing but confuse you more, but he probably just handled it badly. Keep doing what you are doing trying to let go of it. You've already expressed all of these things to him and now it's time for you to start moving on. Start reminding yourself you decided to forgive him when you think like that, hopefully it will help you move in that direction so you can get on with your life.

Hi Chey,

Yes I get withdrawals, from time to time, very often still .I had no contact with him but is still so difficult, I still think about him a lot, not ALL day, but at least once or twice. I still have so many unanswered questions, that probably will never be answered, I still wonder if I will ever see him again, or talk with him, sometimes I want to know what he's been up too and how he is doing, I just wonder, because I don't really want to know, I know it will mess up and slow down my healing process.

I still cry sometimes, and I thought I didn't get angry anymore , but yesteday I felt like punching him in the face, like I felt when he broke up with me. I feel so much resentment against him . I was always so nice with him, he said I was perfect, so I guess he expected I was going to be all peaches and cream after the break-up, but I was not , I was extremely hurt, and I did not made the break up easy at all, he told me that he wanted be with me someday again, and that I fu**ed it up by being immature when I sent him all those texts messages.
I don't think that it had anything to do with matureness, I did hard time controlling emotions, yes! But I was hurrt so bad, I had so much pain in my heart and he was so cool, because brakees are always so cool and they move on so quickly, I guess he wanted me to react the sameway.
How can someone move on so quickly, after "loving someone so much" (according to them) How is that possible? I guess it wasn't real love after all, which made them fakes. That's what I think most of the time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by COCADA

I don't think that it had anything to do with matureness, I did hard time controlling emotions, yes! but I was hurrt so bad, I had so much pain in my heart and he was so cool, because brakees are always so cool and they move on so quickly, I guess he wanted me to react the sameway.

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I meant BREAKERS

Quote:

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Originally Posted by COCADA

Ahhh !!!! i am going through a weak moment right know, my unconscious anger against him is raging right know, about 3 weeks ago he said he was really sorry that he hurt me , and sorry that I was going through a hard time because of him. I told him that it wasn't his fault , that I loved him very much and he just stopped. I thought about what I told him and I regret telling him that it wasn't his fault, It was his fault why I got hurt!! he broke my heart, out of the blue ! and he hurt me because he kept telling me that he loved me and that he didnt want to lose me, he told me all that but he didnt want to be with me !! he hurt me by lying to me telling me that he still loved, It was his fault that he hurt me, he could have just STOP lying and he didnt!! I feel so weak right now, I really really want to tell him .. "you know what? ... It is your fault that I am going through a tough time! becuase you kept lying to me , why would you do that? why wouldnt you stopped telling me that you loved? If you really loved you wouldn't have broken up with me! you liar! "

No one breaks up with you if you if that person still really loves you, they just dont let you go and hurt you like that. Thats not LOVE!

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Well actually it's life. I understand your pain but you are doing nothing to get yourself better! You are still in contact with him! How can you get better if he is constantly around you. If you cut all ties with him, you cut the source of the pain and your brain will do the rest for you (aka forgetting about him). Now the questions you need to ask yourself is what now? What are you going to do? Are you going to sit and wallow in your sadness or are you going to get out there and heal? There is plenty of single guys and girl out there. Stop all contact with him!

I stoppped contact with him , is been 3 weeks , and I still can't get him out of my head.

I wander that myself as well cocada, how can they move on so fast and not give a when they said the loved us... I get filled with so much pain thinking about my ex, its hard but I try not too, I still have brief moments in the day where I almost cry and sometimes do... I get scared to be alone..

Why would someone that loves or says that loves you breaks up with you ?

Maybe they do love you but they realize that it wouldn't be best for them to remain with you?

I don't know. It's been running through my mind as well...

But by breaking up with you they are taking the risk to lose you, which will probably happen, someone that loves you won't break up with you because he/she wouldn't want to lose you.

Perhaps they love you but are not *in love* with you or they have fallen out of love.
I love my exes but I am not in love with them.
By the very fact that I loved them deeply once I still have a place in my heart for them.

It may also be possible that someone that says they love you doesn't really understand what they are saying at all.

Or that they are only saying what they think you want to hear.

Or, as was said, that they may love you but are not, or are no longer, "in love" with you.

In any case, if they have broken up with you, there is a reason. Whatever it is, deep down, they do not feel for you the way that they should.

Maybe it's best that you found out sooner... rather than later.

Some people say they love you, but don't really know what love truly is.

I really wish the Dumper would stop saying that to the Dumpees , just causes more confusion than is already present when someone gets dumped.

We hear this on nearly every breakup thread and it's one of the most confusing things for the Dumpee because they get lost with False Hope when their Ex says "I still love you"

Everyone above has made some good points and they are all correct but only the Dumper really knows why they say it , whether it be they still hold a place in their heart for you , they still care for your well being or what I believe is the main one and that is to suppress their guilt.

Either way you DON'T Dump someone you "LOVE"

Calm down guys, it all in the normal process. My ex-gf left me after she cheated on me and it took me 2 month to recover (now we are in month 4) and a trip to Europe, but I still think about her and it hurts sometime. Cocada and Elousia you are probably two great women that has a lot to offer and there is plenty of great guys out there.

The fact that both of you are wallowing in your pain shows that you haven't taken an ACTIVE part in your healing process. The first step I would suggest is sport, and lots of it. Not only will it make you feel better but you could have a great body and all the guys will be after you. Your healing process only starts now and you have to take it in your hands.

As for the exes, it's their loss and our gain and if they are able to move that fast it means they are only going to be doing the same mistakes again and again until they will really get hurt. It's Karma :D

From what I've noticed when the person who dumps you says "I love you still," it is normally a way of softening the blow.

I don't know how it is for others, but I still do care for my exes whether I was the dumper or the dumpee. I do know it's not love, just a general concern. Maybe that's what they meant by love.

I had so much of this after an ex once I opened a public diary on a site like livejournal and would journal about it. Having it be public helped because I got feedback from strangers and didn't feel like I was being judged by anyone near the situation. After about 6-7 months I noticed I had started writing more about my daily life and other things. But I still had days. You might want to consider it as an outlet to get it out without it effecting anyone. I know that it helped me, and I also made some great friends. I can't recall if I deleted all of the posts but you can go read it if you want. Send me a note if you want and I'll share the link with you.

I believe the best way to handle a situation like yours is to properly initiate no contact by sending the appropriate message.

If you follow a step by step plan while you practice NC you will begin an evolution that will get your life (and hopefully your ex) back again.

Most of the time once you get your life back your ex follows... why?

Because you are no longer the same person that they broke up with... make sense?

Too many people focus on either getting their ex back, or moving on (forgetting their ex), like these are the only two choices they have.

What about learning what went wrong and then learning, growing, and evolving from what you discover?

I believe things happen for a reason, and break ups are really just a chance to become a better person, and/or lover.

Attitude is everything if you believe it's over and there is no way to fix it, then you make that become true... and that leaves you trapped and you locked the door.

I have seen much worse situations than yours turn completely around.

If you try to hide from, or numb the pain, instead of discovering what caused the pain in the first place... you're missing a chance to evolve.