Ask Me Help Desk - Hurt over long distance breakup.

Thanks Starry, that was very nice of you to write that to give me encouragement.

I'm about to get a huge lashing from everyone on the forum, but I broke NC on Sat. evening very late at night. It had been over a month. I sent a simple "How are you." I was amazed, since it was 2am that she responded pretty much right away. She wrote, "Surviving ;) Just bought a new car. U?" I told her that I was good. Wrecked my car but I am getting a truck this week. Miss talking to you." She then replied, "Wrecked your car? Miss talking to you too." I pretty much left it at that and said that I was glad she finally got a car (she was living in NYC, so didn't need one) and it was good to hear from her. She told me I could call her tues. or wed. if I wanted to since she doesn't have to work those days. She said she's been working a lot. I just left it at that. I probably won't call her. Don't know what to do. I'm OK being friends, but I am a little scared that if I do get into that friend zone, I'll want more which is a huge no-no and I know it only leads to more heartache.

I don't feel like I made a big step back. Yea, breaking NC is for healing, but I do care for her a lot. We were friends for a long time before. I didn't beg or plead or anything. Kept it short and simple. Didn't bring up us or anything. I think the biggest mistake about that whole text I did was like everyone else experienced, you tend to overthink what they wrote which indicates that perhaps I'm not healed yet, obviously. But I'm just going to move on and take everyone's helpful advice. Plus I got TONS of work to do for myself: buy new car, find 2nd job to pay for car, find better job for my career so I don't have to have a 2nd job, etc. lol I'll keep everyone posted.

I think you know yourself you re not quite healed yet.you ll get there providing that's what you truly want.

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Originally Posted by laxman526

Thanks Starry, that was very nice of you to write that to give me encouragement.

I'm about to get a huge lashing from everyone on the forum, but I broke NC on Sat. evening very late at night. It had been over a month. I sent a simple "How are you." I was amazed, since it was 2am that she responded pretty much right away. She wrote, "Surviving ;) Just bought a new car. U?" I told her that I was good. Wrecked my car but I am getting a truck this week. Miss talking to you." She then replied, "Wrecked your car? Miss talking to you too." I pretty much left it at that and said that I was glad she finally got a car (she was living in NYC, so didn't need one) and it was good to hear from her. She told me I could call her tues. or wed. if I wanted to since she doesn't have to work those days. She said she's been working a lot. I just left it at that. I probably won't call her. Don't know what to do. I'm ok being friends, but I am a little scared that if I do get into that friend zone, I'll want more which is a huge no-no and I know it only leads to more heartache.

I don't feel like I made a big step back. Yea, breaking NC is for healing, but I do care for her a lot. We were friends for a long time before. I didn't beg or plead or anything. Kept it short and simple. Didn't bring up us or anything. I think the biggest mistake about that whole text I did was like everyone else experienced, you tend to overthink what they wrote which indicates that perhaps I'm not healed yet, obviously. But I'm just gonna move on and take everyone's helpful advice. Plus I got TONS of work to do for myself: buy new car, find 2nd job to pay for car, find better job for my career so I don't have to have a 2nd job, etc. lol I'll keep everyone posted.

While breaking NC isn't advisable,the main idea here is to heal by going NC.Everybody heals differently.If during the healing process you felt like texting,that's OK,in my opinion.

But don't lose focus on the main point i.e HEALING,recovering from the episode and getting back on track.Try not to reach out too much though,because the more you do,the more it becomes a habit and you will never realise when you are slipping.Just remember,you don't want to be where you were few weeks back.

Don't dwell on the past friendship as hard as it may be.

Habits die hard.

Let your habits be positive ones. And friendship with her won't be positive because you have a different emotional agenda at this point. Its early. She's got another WAY different one and has proven it in her actions. No matter what she says over the phone. Or leads you to believe, again.

"Can we still be friends" Sure, let me let you hurt me some more...

My advice is to stop any contact. Let her live with her decision. And truly work on you w/o any distractions from direct or other contact. That's what NC is really about. Freaking hard at times, but also rewarding 10 fold.

There's no bashing or lashing here. Im going through the same BS.

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I don't feel like I made a big step back. Yea, breaking NC is for healing, but I do care for her a lot.

Breaking NC is not healing, and it's a fair warning you may not be as focused as you could be.

To be fair, we all slip up sometimes, but the slip up, is not as important as getting back on the path.