Ask Me Help Desk - Do I respond to her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by donttouchthat

I feel like I just want to give her an explanation and be done with it. Then I won't feel bad about it later.

If that brings you closure, do it.

Just don't get trapped and keep going in circles. Im afraid that talking to her, will stir up emotions and you ll be back to square one.

Talked briefly, she's at a party and we both decided it wasn't the place and time for her to discuss something like this.

But in short:

Me: I don't think it would be a good idea if we talked anymore..
Her: Ever?
Me: Until I'm completely over you and am okay with the idea of you dating other people..

Then it went into the fact that I appreciate her telling me she wants to try, but I felt that she knew she wanted to break up with me because of the letter, etc. I then said that I think she just feels bad about everything which is why she says she wants to give it a try. And that it's okay, because I'll just move on from here, we don't need to try if it's done.

She then said she genuinely wants to try and make it work, she just doesn't know how she feels right now.

Yes, a set back. Could she be right that she really wants to make it work? I think she does. Is it worth it to try? If we really are going to try, how do we go about it?

You see, the thing about our first "break" was that it wasn't really a break. I mean it wasn't like we were briefly breaking up to re-evaluate things, see other people, etc. We decided to just take some time apart from seeing each other, and cut back a little on the talking to see if it helped her. Is that different? *sigh*

Sorry to say this but I think she is just trying to let you down slowly so she don't feel like she is hurting you. You both need to go to counseling alone,then see how you feel.
I had a friend just go through this with his ex-wife. He ended up going crazy and having to be put on medication, all because she said one thing one day didn't say anything for 2 or 3 days, then acted like she wanted it to work another day, then asked for a devorce, no reason, just wasn't happy. After the devorce was done and over she started calling him when the lawn needed mowed, she would call if there wasn't anyone else to talk to, all along she had been seeing several different men. He was very broke up but still had hope they could be together. Now he knows and has moved on with his like and is happier than he has ever been. Good luck!

Yeah, I agree with you.

The sad thing about break ups, to me at least. Is that when someone loses interest in you, it's not just the relationship they lose interest in, it's you as a person.

How does that happen? How do you feel like someone's best friend one moment, and then feel like you annoy them the next?

I can see in most cases, being annoyed by someone trying to win them back. But man, I have been nothing but understanding through this. I haven't initiated contact a single time since she told me she needed space. I don't question her, I don't tell her I want her back, I don't tell her I need this to work, I've pretty much told her that I'll be there as a friend if she needs me. I guess I'm getting to the "anger" part of it. Partly because I feel like I really don't deserve to be treated like this (even as a friend).

Quote:

Originally Posted by donttouchthat

Yeah, I agree with you.

The sad thing about break ups, to me at least. Is that when someone loses interest in you, it's not just the relationship they lose interest in, it's you as a person.

How does that happen? How do you feel like someones best friend one moment, and then feel like you annoy them the next?

I can see in most cases, being annoyed by someone trying to win them back. But man, I have been nothing but understanding through this. I haven't initiated contact a single time since she told me she needed space. I don't question her, I don't tell her I want her back, I don't tell her I need this to work, I've pretty much told her that I'll be there as a friend if she needs me. I guess I'm getting to the "anger" part of it. Partly because I feel like I really don't deserve to be treated like this (even as a friend).

You don't deserve it, you deserve to be treated like a king in my eyes, or as an equal like you would or have treated her. Don't run to her the next few times she calls or needs some one to talk to. Maybe she will she what she is missing, maybe you will she what your not missing. Good luck

You have many friends in life, that come and go, for various reasons of their own. Be nice to have someone every day that you can count on. We all want that. Those who have it know that if it survives the tests of time, and what life throws at you, then you have it.

Until then, learn to enjoy what you have, and the memories of what you had, but keep living your life, and love yourself no matter what you go through.