Eh. I've had a good couple of days where I didn't even think about her that much. But today has been pretty bad. Just thinking about her a lot, and missing her incredibly. Getting better though, but it's been about 7 weeks now, and I really thought that I would've moved on faster. Oh well! :)

I wonder though: if you spend everyday with someone at work, then spend every evening with them, and most weekends, does that mean that the honeymoon period burns out faster?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by anewday

I wonder though: if you spend everyday with someone at work, then spend every evening with them, and most weekends, does that mean that the honeymoon period burns out faster?

---

Yes.

You never want to be there all the time. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "you can't have steak every night." As good and expensive as steak can be it loses its value and becomes boring if it's the only thing you have. You kind of have to be like that in relationships, if you are there all the time, you lose value and you become boring. You also give her nothing to look forward to, like seeing you again. You can't ever be there the entire time as you are part of the relationship but not the whole relationship.

It is hard to keep a relationship going if you are with them almost 24/7.

I don't think about her as much anymore. It's still there, lingering in the background, making my personality much more spikey. I started talknig with someone recently, but as soon as it got a bit familiar, I prickled and did something that I knew would subconciously scare her away. I tried to apologise, but it was already tarnished. Funny really, as objectively, on paper, she was much better than my ex. Haha.

I went on Facebook for the first time in months the other day. She had a picture on her profile (yes, I looked) of her and her new boyfriend. I'm not pompous, or big-headed, but he's such a downgrade. I'm not sure if it made me feel better or worse. Better in the sense that she's ticking almost every box of a "rebound", and yet, why would I want that? I don't want her to be sad. I don't want to be sad, either.

I've found myself laughing & smiling again, and yet it's always tinged with restraint. My whole personality is. It's sober and stoic. I go out and have "fun", and yet it's not really fun. I get bored much more easily, and the bar in regard to women has risen drastically. Again, a good thing overall, but it makes me a bit sad all the same.

I've slipped into a bit of an apathetic rut too. Just transitory, I'm sure. It almost feels as if I have half as much to look forward to anymore. Before, I'd look forward to every conversation with her, every touch, every kiss. I look forward to seeing my friends & family, but it's just not the same. I know that I possibly weight too much value on love, but I always have. It's because I have a thirst for human contact, and I know that there's no closer contact with someone new, than in a relationship.
I know myself so well now, that although I'm comfortable with myself, I need more. More new experiences. And someone special to share with them with. To see their eyes open wide and glisten in excitement. For their smile to radiate. To grasp their hand as we lie on the beach. That kind of stuff.
Just learning and being with someone. To feel that warmth, even if they're not next to you. I can live with myself, no problem. I just have a thirst. Unquenchable. It's not about not being alone. It's about taking every moment, and learning from it. I'm almost done learning from myself. It's kind of scary how at peace I am with myself recently. I just need to learn & experience with others.

I know that I'll be OK. I think that I always did, deep down. I just don't want to be neutral. On the line, getting along fine. I want to feel great, and I just can't do that by myself. I need other people, even if they're just friends.
I guess that's why I push people away. I get scared that I'll get hurt, or that I'll hurt them. That I get bored of them and toss them aside. Since I've realised this though, I've just becomwe colder with less emotion. Maybe it's just easier to put up a wall and never let anyone in?

It's funny, in a weird kind of way. I spent the evening a couple of days back thinking about how bad she was for me. How much she cost me, before we even broke up (not in monetary terms!).
Last night, I spent most of the evening missing her, and thinking about all the good times we had. I suddenly realised that it was 2 months since we broke up, and a month since last contact.
I have moved on so much, but it's still so near sometimes. I spent today under a cloud and missing her intensely.

I don't want to forget her, and I don't want to get back with her (at the moment, har har). But I just want to be able to get past a week or so without having thought about her. It doesn't help that work is horrible at the moment, and I have no one to talk about it with, even if it's just for 5 minutes. Eh.

So talk or "vent" to us about it. That is what we are here for.

Quote:

---

But I just want to be able to get past a week or so without having thought about her. It doesn't help that work is horrible at the moment, and I have no one to talk about it with, even if it's just for 5 minutes. Eh.

---

Forget going a week without thinking of her, when she haunts your thought have a plan of action to change the thought, like comb your hair, brush your teeth, check your ears for wax, anything that changes your thoughts.

I do notice you have made it a good habit to vent here though, that has to help. Do you read other posts too??

CONFESSION: I have exes that still haunt me after 40 years, since they dumped me.

Fact- deal with your feelings in a positive way, and don't let outside influences, (bad day at work) let you re-feel better times with the ex, just to feel good. Never works that way. Build new memories to replace old ones. That's what will work.

I agree with the others the venting seems to be doing some good for you but not so much venting on what could have been. Try to think as positive as you can on a life without her. Don't compare other girls to her, because if they are just like her won't you end up in this situation again.

I hate that this has happened to you, but all in all she sounds like the kind of girl that has always got to have something going on to keep her mind from straying to what is really going on in her life. She needs excitement to keep her going, love isn't about money and where you can go together. Love is about being yourself and being loved for you; spending time together and that being better than any thing money can buy; knowing that they are the one you want to spend your life with but not making it be like you will have no life without them; having fun together is not about where you go or what you buy, it's realizing that no matter what you are doing it's a lot more fun being with this person while doing so; you respect their flaws as well as they respect yours.

No one said that love was always happily ever after. It has its ups and downs, and when two people really love each other unconditionally, they can get through anything together that life throws their way. Meaning that they as a couple have to both try to make things work because a relationship is two people working together to make things work; not one person doing and the other hoping that their partner will make the relationship work for them.

You should have put up the red lights when she even started to go out with this guy in the beginning. That was when you two needed to sit down and have a discussion about her wants and needs as well as yours. If she was looking in other places for comfort especially in another man, then she really didn't want to make things work with you in the first place, so that's when you two should have talked and then you would know the real reason for the break up.

Stop putting yourself down for what happened between you and this girl. It was her wanting out because she had felt someone knew who could support her exciting life style. Which in my opinion is that she wants someone new every time things get a little tough, keeps her from worrying so much. She moved on to him so that she wouldn't have to worry about her present relationships problems. In doing this, she will probably leave this man hurt and alone too because every relationship has problems and when things get tough she runs. It's really hard to tell how many guys she will hurt before she takes the time between guys to realize her faults. Her faults being that she is not ready for a real commitment; she thinks life should always be fun; she wants money and not love; and she's not the most loyal person considering she dumped all of her friends.

I know I will probably get commented on how long this is, but I would really like to see you succeed in finding another girl and forgetting what used to be. Stop checking up on her. Don't think about her. I know that's a hard one, but as soon as the thought of her pops in your head immediately get up and find something to do. Keep yourself occupied and go hang out with your friends and family more often.

Get back out there in the dating scene as soon as you can. Maybe your perfect girl that is nothing like your ex will make you forget that you ever had a ex. She has moved on, even before the relationship was over, now it's your turn. Life is too short to ponder on what could have been.

They say right before you die, your life flashes right before your eyes. Make it worth watching!

I'm trying to revive myself with some loud music & a specially saved up bottle of 15 year old single malt.

Work is just horrible at the mmoent as it's the busy time of year, and I hate staying late to do work than I think is utterly below me. I know that I should be grateful to have a job in the current climate, but I just loathe it. Just want to find something better and move on.

Tal: I do try and read at least the first page of new posts on most days. It does help; helping other people with some vague advice, and reading about similar problems and seeing how people found good out of it.
I'm just feeling it a bit recently due to work & that we'd be going on holiday in about a weeks time, if we hasn't broken up. I love the new watch that I bought with my refunded plane tickets though.

I suck and broke NC again.

It's been a month, and I was bored, so browsed onto Facebook. I know that I should've stopped, but I've been having lightning strikes of images of her for the past week. She hinted that she'd just lost her job, in an update a couple of minutes previously, so I sent her a text saying hi, hoping that she'll enjoy her holiday (hah!), and hoping that her job was going OK.

She replied, and told me that she'd been made redundant and asked how I was doing. I replied and said that I was sorry to hear about her job, that I was doing well (stopping my meds this week & have lost some weight), and that if she wanted to talk, then I was there for her, in a platonic sense.

She won't reply, but it made me feel a bit... weird. A confliction of emotion.
I was there for her before, steadfast, as she started that job, and hated it. I know that she has someone new to cry to every night, but I still feel bad that she lost her job. I know that she put a lot of emotional effort into it, and I know that she'll react badly. No savings, no friends, 8 months on the rent contract, etc.

It hasn't put me back any steps as I know that there's no chance of reconcilliation, and I'm not ready for it anyway. I'd like to help her though, as I said that I would when we broke up, if she needed it.
At least she knows that I'm not a complete b*stard, eh?

Yup. Don't beat yourself up over breaking NC. Just get back to it. Remember, she has another BF, so you don't hold the same place in her life anymore.

I know the feelings for her are still there, that is why you need to stick to NC. Like you said, she has another should to cry on now... and it's not yours.

It's great to be polite and friendly toward her, but your feelings are still too strong to be in constant contact with her right now. Time to disappear and get back to your own separate life.

Yep, as soon as I sent the second text I knew that was how it would be; no reply from her, and nothing further from me.
In a sense, I wanted to text her about the holiday, as that was the last thing standing in the way. It's the last thing that was on the calendar regarding us as a couple. Now that that's gone, and the job too (which was pretty pivotal in the relationship as we got together as she just started it), and that she moved into a new flat just as we broke up solidifies The End of this chapter in my mind :)
Even though I only have the end of the holiday, she has much more to signify the end of us as a couple. I'm finally accepting that, thankfully :P

Acceptance is the first step to healing. Keep forging ahead. Soon you will be back to 100% again.

I realised that I haven't actually been on a "holiday" holiday for years. I've been on weekends away, and short weekday breaks, but never more than a week. I've stayed in girlfriend's apartments for a week or two, and vice versa, but that doesn't count! It suddenly really hit me that I was really looking going away with her. It wasn't even being with her, per se. Just being with someone that I cared about, on a nice long break in the sun.

Her in a bikini, looking beautiful. She'd be ing; upset about losing her job, being immature with her sisters, and I'd be overweight and unhappy. Probably. I'd be honest with her, and she wouldn't tell me anything about how she felt about us. We'd be bitter and fight lightly, but make up. Under olive trees. Drink wine & strong cheese. Smile.

I know that without her leaving me, then I wouldn't have gained so much of myself back. I would still be under a cloud of drizzle. At least the sun is starting to break through.

The grass is never greener. It may look greener, but it's just astro-turf. Something that's been spruced up to look nice, for a short while. The roots aren't there, the soil is under nourished, and the irrigation is terrible. You leap over that white picket fence. You land in the lush grass, even if it feels weird to the touch. Even if the sheen isn't quite right. After time, the grass on that side you jumped from starts to recover, and starts growing again. You look down and the grass that you jumped to has withered and died.

Ahoy; bottle of red wine for tonight!

Still not over her. Every time I go to London I pass her old flat, and her new flat. Today I went to London and spent a lot of the time brooding. Kind of ruined the day for me, even though I tried hard to not think about it.

I am doing really well, and it is getting easier, but set-backs are frustrating, and I still miss her a lot.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by anewday

Every time I go to London I pass her old flat, and her new flat.

---

Then don't go to her flat, new or old.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by anewday

Today I went to London and spent a lot of the time brooding. Kind of ruined the day for me, even though I tried hard to not think about it.

---

Why are you going to London? Is it work related?

If not, go somewhere else for awhile besides a place where you associate to her.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by anewday

I am doing really well, and it is getting easier, but set-backs are frustrating, and I still miss her a lot.

---

It's up and down, but the you can pull through. Be smart about this as well, going to where you going to remember her though isn't in you best interest.

It's getting better. I actually have to think now to remember how long it's been, or what the date was when she ended it.

Chuff: Some of my good friends live in London, or North of it. The only way to head North is to go through London (via train as I don't drive), and both of her flats are right next to the train line. So it's a bit hard to avoid if I'm going there!

I was supposed to go on a date tonight (the first one since the breakup), but she stood me up with 45 minutes to go. Well, I feel as if she stood me up, as saying that she's feeling really ill and can't make it seems a bit weak, as she could've said something earlier, right?
So I ordered myself a large cheese pizza, supped at a large glass of iced Jim Beam, watched one of my favourite movies, then phoned up a friend to go and watch District 9 at the cinema (great film by the way!). Sitting there as the theatre filled up with couples got me thinking too. Not in a pessimistic way, but just realising that there really are so many other people to draw lines of connection with; some of which will be infinitely stronger than what I had before. I just need to find those people, and enjoy myself whilst doing so, with or without them!

I don't think that the old me would've turned something negative to something positive in such a short time.

Yup Yup same with me, it just simply means we are getting better and looking forward to the next girl that walks into our life.

AMEN. I didn't get over my ex until I actually went out and sat down at a coffee shop, glanced at all of the girls in the joint, and realized I could probably be with a few of them if I wanted to

We will meet new people have better relationships and the exes will be in our pasts!