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-   -   Ex, and getting her back (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=358220)

  • Jun 25, 2009, 12:16 PM
    master88
    Need support, no contact! After breakup
    Threads merged

    After almost 2 years my girlfriend wanted a break 8 weeks ago after I started to hang out with my friends more and more and started to neglect her a bit. We are both 21 years old. I really didn't mean too, I still loved her, I just took it for granted I guess. She started hanging out with some new guy about 2 weeks after and it hurt me, so I responded by hanging out with other girls. She went back and forth at school for like 6 weeks of like I want us to be together, and then she would ignore me again. We got home from college about 2 weeks ago.

    The last day of school, I was just upset and basically had enough of this yoyo game. I had wanted to reconcile things the whole time but I couldn't keep living like that. We met in person and I asked her, what she wanted. She said she didn't know. So I told her I was going to move on. She immediately got offended, and was like "Well I hope your new gf is nice," in a sad jealous tone. All I said is "She will be, cause I'm a nice guy and have a lot to offer." She looked a upset. She then said "Well I think i'm dating this new guy." I said "well I wish you luck with that, and have a good summer." I stayed calm the whole time.

    Anyway about 2 weeks ago when I was home she called me on my birthday. I picked up, she wished me a happy birthday and then was asking me what I've been up to and what not. She kept asking questions about my life. After about 3 minutes, I cut her off and was like "I'm sorry but I gotta go out to eat wity my parents, thanks for calling, bye."

    Last weekend she called at 2 Am in the morning. I was drunk but not that bad. I could tell she was a little too but not that bad either. Anyway we ended up talking for 20 minutes, which I kind of regret now. We basically just shot the breeze, and she was leading the conversation with questions. I've been really busy and having fun, and let her know that in a subtle way. At one point she mentioned jokingly something about us watching football games together next year at school. I didn't respond and kind of just changed the subject. After sometime I told her to go hangout with her friends who she was with. She kept wanting to talk but went. She said OK "I will call you soon, bye".

    I've stuck strong to my plan of not initiating contact with her over the summer so far. I still have feelings for her but I think that after trying to reconcile things for 6 weeks and for her to yoyo me around, now its her time to chase if she really wants me. Sometimes I feel like texting her but I've been strong enough to resist so far. I've been going out and meeting new people, trying to get her off my mind.

    How am I doing? Do you think she's starting to notice that I'm living without her OK? I hope this is the right course of action.
  • Jun 25, 2009, 12:20 PM
    kctiger
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by master88 View Post
    I've been going out and meeting new people, trying to get her off my mind.

    You just keep doing this. Having fun, enjoying people, that is life. Playing games with a female isn't life. Pick your poison, but choose wisely.
  • Jun 25, 2009, 12:29 PM
    master88
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by kctiger View Post
    You just keep doing this. Having fun, enjoying people, that is life. Playing games with a female isn't life. Pick your poison, but choose wisely.

    Sorry if I wasn't clear. I'm not trying to play games with her. After 6 weeks of actively pursuing her to no avail, I feel like I should just try and move on. If she comes around, I'll deal with it then. I'm not being mean, I'm just not making myself available, if that makes sense.
  • Jun 25, 2009, 01:24 PM
    talaniman

    Makes sense to me, and your doing better than when you first posted for sure. I think your on a good path, if you stick to it.
  • Jul 6, 2009, 06:54 AM
    master88

    Well its been almost 4 weeks of me not contacting her. Last time she called me was 2 weeks ago. I was just wondering what this all could mean. Is it possible she's done trying to play this yoyo type of game on me?

    At this point I've moved on pretty well. Every once in awhile I miss talking to her though. I had the urge about twice to call her but I have resisted. I just got another one of these urges right now and I'd like some kind advice on how to deal with it.
  • Jul 6, 2009, 07:07 AM
    chuff
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by master88 View Post
    Well its been almost 4 weeks of me not contacting her. Last time she called me was 2 weeks ago. I was just wondering what this all could mean. Is it possible she's done trying to play this yoyo type of game on me?

    At this point I've moved on pretty well. Every once in awhile I miss talking to her though. I had the urge about twice to call her but I have resisted. I just got another one of these urges right now and I'd like some kind advice on how to deal with it.

    You have to just be strong and say no that part of my life has ended and I must be ready to enjoy the new part. As someone who as caved in and made that call I can tell you it's only going to make you look worse to her, and more importantly you will be mad at yourself for doing what you knew you shouldn't. Love is like a drug in that the only way to kick it is look it square in the face and tell it no. You are more powerful then that drug... in this case her. But you are winning overall, just having a few moments. They are to be expected. See them through and you'll come out better then you are now.
  • Jul 6, 2009, 08:31 AM
    talaniman

    Your urges come and go, that's normal, but don't dwell on them. Focus on something else will help, or better yet, change your thoughts, by changing your action.
  • Jul 7, 2009, 10:53 AM
    master88

    Well like I said its been 4 weeks since I haven't contacted her. I was the one who pushed her away. If I ever decided to try and get back with her, how would I approach that? Right now my mind is still undecided, but I would like to know how in case that is what I decided.

    I realize it could all blow up in my face, and I could be hurt again, but I don't want to go through life with a what if in the back of my mind. Would rather get the pain over with at some point than to keep living with a what if in the back of my mind.
  • Jul 7, 2009, 11:13 AM
    talaniman

    She doesn't want you back, now what?
  • Jul 7, 2009, 11:16 AM
    kctiger

    Screw her! Women run off, they die... seriously, you need to get your priorities straight. This isn't the end all be all of women. Right now there are millions of women who are looking for a decent guy. Go forth and live a happy and free life, not worrying about someone who doesn't want you.
  • Jul 7, 2009, 11:34 AM
    master88
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    She doesn't want you back, now what??

    Yea its just so annoying when women play these games with Men. Like if she really didn't give a crap about me she shouldn't have called me 2 weeks ago, and wouldn't have said that she wants to hang out when we go back to school. I'm meeting up with a good friend soon, who is a great friend of hers as well. Guess I'll try to squeeze some info out of her. Many have said that most girls will just want to add drama to the fire, but this particular friend doesn't. We've known each other for a very long time. She's told me many things about other girls before because we are such great friends. If my ex has no intentions with me anymore, this friend will tell me it bluntly and to find other girls.

    Also can anyone give me some advice about approaching women. I am so bad at it and I'm really not sure why. I would say I'm a fairly good looking guy but I just have this fear of rejection which cripples me from approaching women even when I see them eyeing me. Like the past week I was at a very casual bar and a really cute nice looking girl came up to me and said, "Hey, would you mind getting the bartenders attention for me." Like an idiot I didn't strike up a conversation with her, and all night I caught her looking at me. I just need some confidence boosters.
  • Jul 7, 2009, 11:44 AM
    talaniman

    What, you can't make up your own mind and make your own decision? You need another female to be told what you should be doing for yourself??

    Look in the mirror, and read this to yourself.
    Quote:

    Guess I'll try to squeeze some info out of her. Many have said that most girls will just want to add drama to the fire, but this particular friend doesn't. We've known each other for a very long time. She's told me many things about other girls before because we are such great friends. If my ex has no intentions with me anymore, this friend will tell me it bluntly and to find other girls.
    Make you feel like a child talking to mommy?? It should.
  • Jul 7, 2009, 11:51 AM
    master88
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    What, you can't make up your own mind and make your own decision? You need another female to be told what you should be doing for yourself????

    Look in the mirror, and read this to yourself.

    Make you feel like a child talking to mommy????? It should.

    Good point
  • Jul 8, 2009, 01:28 PM
    master88

    Guys, I'm really melting right now. I was doing so good, but the fact that she hasn't called since 2.5 weeks I guess is really killing me. I had a dream last night with her in it. That's how bad my mind is messing with me right now. I'm so tempted to pick up the phone but I'm doing my best to resist. Please help me. I'm going to go for a run right now.

    It doesn't help that for some reason I'm in a terrible funk with approaching women right now. Wherever I go I can't muster up the courage to talk to women. Please give me some tips.
  • Jul 8, 2009, 01:34 PM
    kctiger

    Women should be the last thing on your mind. Don't worry about that stuff just yet. Focus on yourself. Getting in shape, making money, loving yourself, you know... the cool things in life. The rest will come.
  • Jul 15, 2009, 08:47 PM
    master88
    Ex has BF, but won't tell me, what's going on?
    Threads merged

    We dated 2 years. Its been about 3 months since she broke up with me. She drunk dialed me once and also called me on my birthday. I found out through a comment on FB that she visited her I assume new BF last weekend. She's been seeing this guy for a little bit now. I even asked her at the end of school if they were dating and she said no. I called her on her birthday just because I felt I should and was like so whatd you do the past weekends. She straight up lied to me and said last weekend she was at home not doing much. She also wants to talk for very long times and gets very interested about my life and asks me tons of questions. I always end the conversation.

    What's her deal, why is she holding out. Honestly I feel like I should just ignore her for the rest of summer, even if she calls me. All of this makes me nervous cause we go to the same school and its very small. Don't want dramatic crap happening next year.

    What's going on with her, and what the hell do I do in this situation?
  • Jul 15, 2009, 08:50 PM
    jjwoodhull
    It sounds like she has a new boyfriend, but will not let go of you in case that doesn't work out. Do not allow her to treat you that way. Move on. Do not contact her this summer or respond to her if she contacts you. Hopefully this will allow you to get over her before you go back to school in the fall.
  • Jul 15, 2009, 09:19 PM
    Torrid13

    You shouldn't worry about her having a new boyfriend. She broke up with you, and it's up to you to put the kabosh on any contact with her for a while!

    That means, you SHOULD ignore her for the rest of the summer! DON'T take her calls! And please, for the love of gravy, delete/block her from FB. FB is the downfall of breakupee's everywhere. Because we like to "check up" on people that hurt us. Why, I will never know. But it's out to steal your soul and sanity! BEWARE!

    So do yourself a favor and say "LATAH SUCKA!"
  • Jul 15, 2009, 09:31 PM
    friend4u178

    What she does and who she does it with is no longer any of your business and by checking up on her your only inflating her ego and halting your own healing process.

    She's keeping you on a rope and your allowing it by answering her calls.

    Go NC and start your healing process instead of being stuck with false hope thinking you can get her back.

    Not easy but this is what you need to do for YOU.

    Good luck!
  • Jul 15, 2009, 09:34 PM
    jenniepepsi

    She is your EX leave it at that and move on. Don't talk to her at all.

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