Ask Me Help Desk - 4 yrs girlfriend having confusion

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She said she couldn't like 2 guys at the same time. She's starting to have feeling towards a guy thru texting for just ONE WEEK! She admit that the guy was sweet and caring. I told her that it is just a temporary switching of targets in between relationships that she must not fall into the sweet phrases or words the guy use! HELP ME, she asked me to wait,

To me, this is unacceptable. Its one thing to get dumped for another guy, but quite another to go back to a person who dumps you for that reason.

There is nothing she could say to make me want her back, and no way do I even set myself up for more rejection.

That makes her talk, IRRELEVANT, and I wouldn't even entertain it. You will learn one day about dignity, and self respect one day and reject this BS!!!!

Updates, She finally tell me about the reason for a talk. That is after the last talk we had that I thought I could put things on a good end, she went back home and thought about a lot of stuffs. In the end she thought that things might be different. She said she has feelings towards me, she said all the nasty stuff during the break up is because that she knew I would not accept the break up and will not improve myself. Well I agree that in some part I'm not that good towards her, perhaps a little drop in passion in between our relationship, not enough care, but definitely increasing before the break up.

She said we could try, so well, its quite acceptable since it's a different point of view on the break up. There's one thing, she still don get it that I'm the one who's suppose to improve. On the phone she emphasizes on how we could get together still in the future by improving this that, of course this pisses me and I remind her of some of her red flag attitudes e.g. very sensitive and getting mad easily over something she failed to get from me. Well the prob is she WANTS something from me rather than RECEIVE it from me. She's just too passive and she said that calling me and talking about all these makes her feel like she had lower her dignity. Isn't begging you with all I can after the break up something I did that I lost all my dignity in a moment? Is doing something to get what you really want through begging a real BIG DEAL? That's what I said to her. Decided to be friends and see how it goes. I have a bad feeling about this girl since she hasn't change. Before trying to start a friendship or whatever, she once said that its not the time yet. Guess what, the answer is she wants to see more change in me. Just a deep grin inside of me, this girl is nuts... unless she changes, things will work. If no we'll just be friends for some moment and wala! Byebye.. I will update soon. The Sunday night talk is still on, we'll see what I can dish out from her.

It will never work unless you BOTH make adjustments. What about the sweet guy she was texting at work? Hmmm, a lot of things seem to have gone unsaid, and unquestioned.

You both are not going to work out because you expect too much from each other. There is a line from a hit song in the 90's

"Don't expect too much from and you might not be let down"

The sweet guy is just to try to make me accept the breakup she said. She didn't contact the guy anymore soon after the break up. Yes, the problem is she is asking things from me which I don't like. So I think I'll just stay as "friends". Sunday's talk turned into sushi making session... Agh.. Sick!

Update, we talked things out. She said she love me she can't be with me because she's afraid when we quarrel she couldn't focus on her studies anymore and her mom said that she should enjoy some time being single now. She sees us together in the future but its hard to wait when its not 100% confirmed. Sigh... Is a girlfriend that cannot promise her boyfriend that she will get attracted to other guys a no no or its logic?

Yes, that is a huge no-no. While it is human nature to find others attractive, it is not human nature to act upon those feelings.

Read at least 150 pages, I will bet my house that you will see this line at least 95% of the time "I see us together in the future but not right now"

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"I see us together in the future but not right now"

Translation- I'm trying to let you down gently, so take the hint, please, and bug the freak off!!

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Sigh... Is a girlfriend that cannot promise her boyfriend that she will get attracted to other guys a no no or its logic?

Its unrealistic to think a partner will only have attraction just to you. Forget that! But its reasonable to expect they will stay within the boundaries of good behavior. Feelings may change but good behavior doesn't and dumping someone because of the attractions to someone else is within those boundaries. Much better than cheating. Let her go.

Agh, we love each other.. . She has problems with insecurity where I didn't call her up like we discussed on the days during my college time. I'm so confused, can we be friends? As in maintaining feelings towards each other in a long run? Or getting busy with our own lives till some day might be even better for the "love between"? Thanks for the advise, NC took all the pain out for the past 2 months..

No it is not possible for you two to be friends right now, there is too much emotional dust for that to occur

I see... Being friends have to be the day till we both have no feelings toward each other and so on right. So the point is to erase each other from our lives and if there really is chance we might get go know each other in the future.

You'll have to wait and see what the future brings.

Even more painful than breaking up... Thanks guys. I'll continue to post what I feel daily or weekly. I'm going for my further studies on 15 July. God shall lead me..

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Originally Posted by bswc

I see... Being friends have to be the day till we both have no feelings toward each other and so on right. So the point is to erase each other from our lives and if there really is chance we might get go know each other in the future.

That's absolutely right. Make a clean break for now and if you cross each other's paths in the future that's another story. You two are both young and a lot changes when you're young.

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Originally Posted by bswc

She said she feels like i'm a family member, a best friend of her but just missing out the feeling of couple. That's *In Love excitement* i think. .

This is basically saying she loves you like a brother. She's not in love with you. Does that make sense?

I met her up at her house, we hugged and was close together.. I left and said sorry. Painful, but worth all as a closer.

Regarding the break up reason, it all came clear as I screw up before, took her as granted long time ago ( improved after that ) and her own reason of insecurity + unable to take up a relationship due to pressure from family problems and studies. Its like AGH I'm messed up and I messed my boyfriend too. She can't be in a relationship now, what she thinks is when she finishes her studies I would find her. Well, all I said about that is find me when you think you really want. I will improve myself and leave all her thoughts that stopped our relationship to herself... Its painful when we loved each other but couldn't get together. If only someone can affect her positively rather than making her gone forever. Its all god's will... I shall obey.

I keep having her images over my mind.. Just want to YELL THAT picture out! Hit Hard in the gym but lack of strength just isn't pulling it to satisfactory level :)

Anyone here to give me some advise or any support to relief the ache? I'm leaving my hometown soon..

Be patient, and stay busy, it takes time to refill the whole in your soul, and make new memories to replace the old ones.

How long before you leave?