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Originally Posted by ajGambino

Thanks for your advice, it's been really hard for me. I sort of took a step back emotionally and keep thinking of what's never going to happen anymore. I think about the good things and the bad, it's just that the good things seem to heavily out-weigh the bad things about the relationship.

Ugh, I just want to move past all of this.

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Yeah I just want it to be over and done with too. Maybe your looking back with rose colored glasses. I know at times I do. Sometimes when I have a decent day I even feel guilty about it. I'm really not sure why I feel like that since I was the one dumped.

I think the reason you feel guilty about having a good day, is because we're still in the beginning stages and living through a 'good day' without the ex makes it feel abnormal in a way. I'm also trying to get over that too.

There are so many problems to get past, I can't even count. I look at them as a challenge, as I'm a very competitive person. I feel as though I'm competing with myself. I think that's my little edge on NC.

It's a trivial issue to ask or have to be asked to go somewhere. My ex never used to put the phone down or stop texting unless I asked her if she wanted to stop, but would then moan about me being too controlling! The problem is she isn't putting the effort in. if it is just one of you it can't work, but if she wants to go somewhere she is perfectly capable of asking. Otherwise it becomes circular. She says you should ask her, you can say you need to ask me. It is circular and achieves nothing. Whilst you put in the effort she isn't and it won't work while it stays this way

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Originally Posted by joshdom

its a trivial issue to ask or have to be asked to go somewhere. my ex never used to put the phone down or stop texting unless i asked her if she wanted to stop, but would then moan about me being too controlling!! the problem is she isnt putting the effort in. if it is just one of you it can't work, but if she wants to go somewhere she is perfectly capable of asking. otherwise it becomes circular. she says you should ask her, you can say you need to ask me. it is circular and achieves nothing. whilst you put in the effort she isnt and it wont work while it stays this way

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I see what you're saying. It was that way for a while actually. I would always be the 'fix it' guy because she had a lot of problems about me. Come to think about it, I didn't try to change or tell her how to do anything. But she would be getting after me and judging the hell out of me. I could give so many examples about how she would tear me down and I did nothing but walk away. She's even said things about my parents to me that is so disrespectful.

Your story has a lot of similarities to mine. My relationship was much shorter, only two and a half years, but the emotional rollercoaster you're going through pretty much sums up mine too.

Unfortunately I've taken up smoking again since the break up too. It's not good, but I feel I need the crutch at the moment until things start feeling bit better.

My NC started April 24th and has lasted so far. There a good days and very bad days. I think things will eventually get better for both of us. Good luck with it!

Yeah man, the pain sometimes is overwhelming... but I try to cheer myself up as much as to try to get excited about the NBA Playoffs. When I watch basketball, the pain is still there but I'll get distracted more often.

I'm not even looking forward to being happy again, that's going to take forever. I'm waiting for the "I don't care anymore" phase... I just don't want to physically feel the pain anymore.

I use to be the hardest, most productive worker at my job... Now? I'm probably the least productive one. I don't know when I'll start to be as hard working as I use to be... at least at work. All my energy is going to this crap. You'd be surprised how much the mental pain takes a tole on you physically. Err... I'm guessing some of you posters here won't be as surprised as I think.

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

Yeah man, the pain sometimes is overwhelming...but I try to cheer myself up as much as to try to get excited about the NBA Playoffs. When I watch basketball, the pain is still there but I'll get distracted more often.

I'm not even looking foward to being happy again, that's going to take forever. I'm waiting for the "I don't care anymore" phase...I just don't want to physically feel the pain anymore.

I use to be the hardest, most productive worker at my job... Now? I'm probably the least productive one. I don't know when I'll start to be as hard working as I use to be...at least at work. All my energy is going to this crap. You'd be suprised how much the mental pain takes a tole on you physically. Err...I'm guessing some of you posters here won't be as surprised as I think.

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Yeah I agree. I don't care about being happy. I just want to be in the I don't care what she does phase myself. And yes mental things can take a huge tole on the physical. And it really really sucks.

I had a decent day yesterday but a horrible night. Kept waking up and thinking about crap. So that in itself affects the physical. Still going NC although I have a huge urge to break it for some reason. I'm scared to not break it yet I'm terrified to find out something else that will hurt me.

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Originally Posted by Lonelyandbroken

Still going NC although i have a huge urge to break it for some reason. I'm scared to not break it yet i'm terrified to find out something else that will hurt me.

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I feel the same way. This is one of many reasons I'm staying NC. I had a dream last night that toar my heart comletely apart. I was literally hurting from my heart. Oh my god I feel like it just set me back to the beginning.

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

I feel the exact same way. This is one of many reasons why I'm staying NC. I had a dream last night that toar my heart comletely apart. I was literally hurting from my heart. Oh my god I feel like it just set me back to the beginning.

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Yeah I have problems sleeping to. I wake up and have this same conversation over and over in my head with the girl. It just sucks cause I feel tired and it just bugs me. I know I just want her out of my head.

I have different dreams, but it ends up all the same.

Last night I was dreaming I was at the beach with my family and I was thinking to myself, "it's been so long since you started NC, don't break it now." Well, I broke it and called her. She answered and told her how I really missed her and how we can make things work out. But no matter how much I was trying to hear her speak, noise in the background would get in the way or noise where I was at kept making me miss what she was saying... It was weird.

Night before that I was dreaming that I went to her house but her dad said she wasn't there, she was at her uncles. I went to her uncles and he said she was at my house. I went back to my house and my mom said she just left to go back at her house. I went back and her father answered the door, telling me she doesn't want to see or hear from me and wouldn't let me in or even see her face.

Even in my dreams I can't get a hold of her.

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Originally Posted by ajGambino

I have different dreams, but it ends up all the same.

Last night I was dreaming I was at the beach with my family and I was thinking to myself, "it's been so long since you started NC, don't break it now." Well, I broke it and called her. She answered and told her how I really missed her and how we can make things work out. But no matter how much I was trying to hear her speak, noise in the background would get in the way or noise where I was at kept making me miss what she was saying...It was weird.

Night before that I was dreaming that I went to her house but her dad said she wasn't there, she was at her uncles. I went to her uncles and he said she was at my house. I went back to my house and my mom said she just left to go back at her house. I went back and her father answered the door, telling me she doesn't want to see or hear from me and wouldn't let me in or even see her face.

Even in my dreams I can't get a hold of her.

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I just dream about me telling her. That she disrespected and made me feel used. That she cheapened our relationship by the things she said. And that if she couldn't do it in person because she would talk herself out of it that she has no idea what the hell she wants.

Course then my night is pretty much shot I just replay that over and over.

Dreams come and go. It is still fresh in your mind and unfortunately it is something you have to deal with. Your mind and heart is going through the process of emotionally detaching from someone, and that takes time. Nothing you are experiencing is abnormal, and it will continue for sometime.

Be patient, and continue on the NC path of healing. Once you get through this, you will have an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and you will see what being truly happy feels like, again.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Dreams come and go. It is still fresh in your mind and unfortunately it is something you have to deal with. Your mind and heart is going through the process of emotionally detaching from someone, and that takes time. Nothing you are experiencing is abnormal, and it will continue for sometime.

Be patient, and continue on the NC path of healing. Once you get through this, you will have an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and you will see what being truly happy feels like, again.

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Yeah, I appreciate your input on the topic. Hopefully the accomplishment will come sooner then I expect. Considering my condition and situation, I don't plan on being happy for quite some time.

Took me at least five months, after 4 1/2 years. Takes patience. It sucks, but you will get there. No worries!

Five months isn't that long, considering you were with him for 4 1/2 years. Good for you, you've overcome some pretty tough odds there. Just hoping I can stay strong and do the same.

You will do the same. You will get through this, and you will be happy again. Trust me, I know you will. I was in your position and believe me, I never thought I would be happy again, but time passes and things change.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You will do the same. You will get through this, and you will be happy again. Trust me, I know you will. I was in your position and believe me, I never thought I would be happy again, but time passes and things change.

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Good to hear KC, that's what I need to hear. Thank you for your support and believing in me. My parents aren't really affectionate and sympathetic when it comes to personal problems with me. This is a good place to gain some confidence back and look at the situation in a good way.

I am usually not a very sympathetic dude, but I know how much this heart break stuff hurts. Support makes this sucky process better. You will come out of this a totally different person. This website is a great place for guys like you. I came here in October a mess, and now I am sticking around helping others. Paying it forward, so to speak.

Just keep the faith man.I know it is hard, but we are all here for you, and always will be. Keep your head up!

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I am usually not a very sympathetic dude, but I know how much this heart break stuff hurts. Support makes this sucky process better. You will come out of this a totally different person. This website is a great place for guys like you. I came here in October a mess, and now I am sticking around helping others. Paying it forward, so to speak.

Just keep the faith man.I know it is hard, but we are all here for you, and always will be. Keep your head up!

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Appreciate it man, will do.

I can definitely say, KC was a WRECK when he came here, looking for a quick fix to get his ex back. After giving all our advice no thought, he finally listened to us and hasn't looked back since. I am very proud of the progress he made.