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Thanks talaniman. Is really very true about this statement ;
" Dumpers generally hate break ups too, but on an entirely different level. She may feel guilty for hurting your feelings, but she ain't changing her mind. Which is what the one dumped hopes for."
I will just treat it as a form of concern as a friend. Thanks
Hi everyone... is been nearly 2 months that I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Is kind of funny because I know she will not be back, and I know she had a changed of heart and I know I won't want her back for I am not important to her anymore.
But I just miss her... miss her a lot. Miss the good times we had, and the promise that I will take care of her forever.
I though I had been moving on well, with having NC with her, but once I am alone, I will think about her again.
I feel lousy again, that I think I am not good enough for anyone.
Help... don't know what to do...
You just deal with it, simple as that. These thoughts are normal... you miss the companionship more than anything. There is a difference between being alone, and being lonely... right now you feel lonely, but YOU ARE not alone, trust me. Just be proactive in rebuilding your life without her in it, and you will soon enjoy being with just yourself...
Mrpigz, you seem like a genuine person.
Also I want you to know that everything I'm saying here is coming from my personal experience and from my perspective...
It sounds like you were always there for her, which is good but not when she isn't sacrificing her time to spend time with you.
Im a study person too, so I would hate it if my partner would ask me to spend time with him. But I make sure he wouldn't need to ask me by being there for him. I would schedule my time out so I can have enough time to see him and study, and help out my family with small things. (But sometimes I really didn't have the time to spend time with my partner).
Your ex doesn't seem to appreciate you much.
Being clingy and showing affection is great! Personally I love it, and I can never be in a relationship with a man that isn't affectionate and clingy.
However, there is a limit to how much you can be clingy and affectionate to someone.
If your ex was also affectionate and clingy then your relationship could have lasted. In relationships you have to learn to adapt to the other persons needs, as long as they are reasonable, and must learn to grow together to be in the same stage.
You gave her more attention than she needed.
You sacrificed all your time to just be with her. You should have had a balance between your friends, your time, and her (but always hang out with your girl more than your friends, otherwise problems will occur).
My partner also is like you. He rarely goes out with his friends, and I hate it. I hate it because sometimes I just want to have my me time and just be a bum. But mainly, I encourage him to go out with his friends so he can learn to be less dependent on me.
Who knows, maybe that's what she wanted from you, to be more independent.
You sacrificing your time to meet up with your girlfriend gave her the freedom to be in control of the relationship you had with her. Therefore she new she had more power and knew that you will always be there for her. That's why it was very easy for her to just end the relationship.
I think your girlfriend wanted more from you, but what is was I don't know...
You said your ex said " what if one day i end up supporting you"... well I definitely have thought the same thing about my partner... Since I'm 22 years old, I have high ambitions (sound like your girl does too) but I feel like my partner (he is 25) is holding me back since he is very lazy and when he had to study he would keep it to the last minute, and I don't think he will work hard enough to get what he really wants because he is too lazy (he says it will change). I don't know you as a person, but do you think this is how your ex saw you? Because if it is, then sometimes it is enough to end a relationship, along with spending too much time with her.. (you said before that you worked and that you would go out and treat her when you got paid, so its kind of hard to believe that you won't support her, so its kind of confusing when she said she will end up supporting you, so maybe she just thinks she has higher ambitions that isn't compatible with yours (I don't know, just a guess)).
(Remember, sometimes spending too much time with someone is good, but it depends on that girl, you just have to learn to pick up the signs to know if your spending too much time or too little time).
Its definitely good to ask a person in a relationship what is wrong, it shows you care. But just ask it 2-3 times tops in a conversation because it can get really annoying if you keep asking.
I don't think you should completely have no contact with her. I think you should have it open. For now, I suggest that you don't contact her, but if she contacts you, like she did, then you should answer.
Some girls, not all, usually contact their ex, after there ex hasn't contacted them for a long time, because those girls still want their ex to be thinking about them and still have feelings for them, even if the girl is over them. I have seen this a lot in my lifetime. I don't know if your ex is like that, I'm just letting you know how some girls are..
Personally, I think your better than your ex. And I think her family would have wanted her to stay with you.. I'm happy you let her go, even thought you still love her. She didn't appreciate you, and she was tired of you.. Is that really the type of person you want?
I don't think you're a bad boyfriend... I don't know you so I don't really know the real reason why she pushed away... but so far you seem fine.
I wish you move on with your life and socialize, you'll feel much better. You have already gone 2 months without her. So I'm pretty sure you can go longer.
And, I think somewhere above there, you mentioned you had small fights with your ex and then she would just tell you that she needs space (not space, something like that).. anyway, if your girlfriend is anything like me, then those small fights that you had are actually big at that moment... not huge.. but big.. She was probably trying to tell you something about yourself that you didn't catch on to during those fights.. So you have a fight, then another fight, and another fight, and usually they all add up, and are usually all about the same thing but in a different form.. that's why they are big fights to some girls... (I don't know if this help, since I don't know if it relates to you and your ex, or if your ex is that type of girl,, but I just thought I should add it.. )... By the way, I liked how you and her communicating your fights together in the beginning of the relationship...
Don't let this relationship jeopardize your next relationship.. Just learn from this relationship and take what you learned to that new relationship, (even if you happen to get back together with your ex- although I think you should think twice before getting back)
Anyway.. I hope I helped... good luck!
Sh*t!! I wrote too much! Umm, sorry I guess...
Hey unspeaken21 , why did you need to say sorry for your long post!. ITS GREAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH!. I'm really grateful that you in fact read all my post and boring story from this thread. Also, am really really grateful that you share with me your thoughts. I mean from girls point of view is so different. And is like SPOT on.:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by unspeaken21
unspeaken21, all the thoughts you shared with me on some of my scenario really do make me understand more about what girls think , and I do believe they are somehow true to what I had experience.
Anyway just to share with you, I am 25 and my ex is 22 too.
In the past, when we were together, we were very close, we did most things together and to me I had already decided that I want to give her the best and treat her as somehow the status of my family member.
Initially, when we had our first argument, we will not yell or scold each other, most of the time we do it by sharing our thoughts. I would feedback to her about what I am sad and unhappy about in a nice tone and manner, and really spend some time together sitting down to compromise each other about the problem in the argument.
I guess most of time,how the argument started is all due to the same thing. Initially there was no argument because I am somehow important to her and she would spend time with me or at least spend time together to solve the conflict.
But at the later stage of the relationship, the argument came in whenever, I feedback to her that I hope she can spend time with me. I mean I am really feedback, not like yelling or scolding.
I think I really make a big mistake, because I just want to be honest with her. I really want to be honest to her on whatever I feel. So maybe bring 100 percent honest is really not that great for a guy after all. I really don't know.
So is like, after some long period, she changed. As long as I feedback something negative about her, even if its in a nice tone, she would become very angry with me, and gets very agitated. So end up, she wants her space for some period.
This makes me wonder, is like I am sad about something, and when I share with her, I get would get even more sad because I hurt her. I am really confuse. Because I don't want to make her sad and angry. It end up she get distant away from me again.
Actually everything now, was not very important anymore, because I had tried my best to salvage the relationshi, but end up, she didn't really want me, so I guess I make a good decision to let her go. BUt sadly, when she left me, I feel like the world's most unattractive guy, is like I am the lousiest boyfriend in this world. For I had care too much for her, for I had being clingy, for everything I do.
Yup,. :o that's all... haha... I would try to be strong... like all the people here in the forum had taught me.. I had never forget about what they say... whenever I am sad, I would look at those comments from my thread, and bite the bullet and go through..
So I would want to say to all, hey do you know by typing a few words using your fingers here does some much wonders? Haha... because you all did heal my heart in someway or other, whenever I need it most. :p... thanks everyone...
unspeaken21... I would actually like to pm u , but I cannot because I don't have that function here. BUt I would really like to share some information about my failed relationship to you privately, as in I would like to know from your point of view, am I really that bad... I would like to improve... is there anyway I could contact you through e-mail or whatever?
Thanks unspeaken21 once again... hope you had a nice day and wish you happy always with your love one!! :p... hope to hear from you again...
p.s : unspeaken21 this is what I called a long post... haha sorry
Its so sad to hear that you think you are the “lousiest boyfriend”… You’re nothing compared to the guys my friends have dated, and most of them were real immature jerks.
Not every person would want to treat their partner as the status of a family member.. So this makes you a better boyfriend than most people. I think it’s the sweetest thing anyone can do to their partner.
You have a two good characteristic in you, it's that you are sensitive and very considerate… (But hopefully not too sensitive, because then just can just be tiring for the other person.. ).. You felt sad after hurting her, but really you shouldn’t have because girls are somewhat complicated..
You would think being 100% honest is a good thing, but its not so good all the time, especially if you are discussing something that has to do with her weakness/insecurity… but still most people prefer someone who is honest,. relationships are more real that way (that’s just my opinion though... )
Seems like she really ruined you…. Do you still feel unattractive and lousy, like when she left you?
I hope your better….
Sure we can email privately… but I'm not sure ill be of any more help, nonetheless I'm still willing to help out as much as I can.. just let me know what your email is or something…
Anyway.. Mrpigz.. I guess ill be talking to you soon.. Until then take care :)
Or if you want we can wait until you get PM... I just got mine today.. and I'm a new member too... so maybe you will get yours soon too...
Its really up to you...
(I didn't know what PM was until you mentioned it... :p... )
Have a good day!
Hi everyone... recently I am busy with my work.. thus sort of making me so busy that I am unable to think of my ex. Now that I am done with my work, today I am actually quite free. Suddenly the thoughts of her are alll rushing back.
I don't know but it is really so hurting. I feel like I am suffocating. Guys... do you think I am the one who ruined the relationship? Because the day when she left me... somehow.. I am left with this feeling... the feeling that everything I was to be blame with... I am too whinny... too clingy... too demanding... not caring... not strong enough as a guy... not independent... always wanted to be with her...
I suddenly feel like I am unable to breath...
I don't understand why... she can leave me so easily... despite all the promises we made... and despite that she always asked me not to leave her... but yet she dumped me... I know is no point thinking about all this... and I had tried my best to salvage this relationship... but me alone was unable to make this relationship survive.
But somehow, after about 2 months... I still cannot fully forget about the good moments with her.. and being with her... although there are also sad moments.
To her, she will always remember the bad moments, I don't know why, even if we would argue in the past.. she will always remember about the argument for very long time. But whenever I am encountered with arguments with her in the past... I always will remember about her good... so that I will not remember about her bad...
Which makes me even tougher to forget her now.. because despite she dump me... despite what she did to me.. I am always remembering about the good things she did...
I don't know, is not like I wanted to salvage this relationship now or hoping she is back... but the problem now is I realized... after she had left me... I was left with this feeling... feeling of because of my own character.. I ruined everything.
I am too whinny... too clingy... too demanding... not caring... not strong enough as a guy... not independent... always wanted to be with her... always concern for her... always be there for her... etc. etc.
All in all.. this feeling makes me... hard to move on... is like I am a totally useless guy that maybe I can do well in career and school.. but I will never get to have an girlfriend or wife... she left me this feeling of a... useless and bad boyfriend...
And I am here thinking about how good she was... how stupid I was, how bad I am , that I forced her away... ha...
I don't know... ha
Sorry to vent my thoughts here... I though I am okay already... but surprisingly I am not... I don't know what to do anymore... I feel hopeless... and I don't like to feel that... but is like a fact..
I really do hope everyone can comment on this... please... thanks in advance... please help...
You have to stop beating yourself up! You must see this as a learning experience and instead of berating yourself about your flaws,see them for what they are and try to change them.Quote:
I am too whinny... too clingy... too demanding... not caring... not strong enough as a guy... not independent... always wanted to be with her... always concern for her... always be there for her... etc. etc.
All in all.. this feeling makes me... hard to move on... is like I am a totally useless guy that maybe I can do well in career and school.. but I will never get to have an girlfriend or wife... she left me this feeling of a... useless and bad boyfriend...
And I am here thinking about how good she was... how stupid I was, how bad I am , that I forced her away... ha...
If you are always walking around feeling bad about yourself,you will never have the opportunity to meet and connect with someone new.No one wants to hang around a gloomy Gus. You also will be showing a lack of confidence and that is a turn off as well.
I can see from your posts that you are intelligent and committed to success and that you are kind and very polite.Those are some wonderful assets and you need to remember that about yourself and have confidence.Confidence is like a *chick magnet*.
You need to fake it ,even if you don't feel it,fake it until it is real.
You are doing fine and you will have bad days but those are the days you have to work harder.
You are going to get through this... believe that and it will happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artlady
Thank You artlady, thanks.. I will try harder... I will be back to normal soon...
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