It is so hard not to know anything because she lives so close to me and we have the same friends.
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It is so hard not to know anything because she lives so close to me and we have the same friends.
Maybe its time to get your own life without her in it.
Easier said than done. I do not want to get new friends just because of what happened between us two. But I did start new activities that I was not able to participate in while with her due to the amount of time I had available.
No one is saying get "new" friends. Girlfriends come and go, but good friends... well, they are truly hard to find. I think what Tal was suggesting (correct me if I am wrong), is to look for activities and other friends to hang out with, just in case your current friends are hanging out with your ex... it is always good to take a breather away from things that may bring up old wounds... especially, old, fresh wounds. You seem to be doing a fine job of getting involved in activities, which is good. Just keep it up, and soon your life will be jammed with positive things that have NOTHING to do with her...
I agree and that is something that I have been working on. I have been hanging out with this one friend of mine a lot more lately because she is not friends with my ex. I have been going to places I usual have not gone before and started all these new activities that I wished I did before. These two things really do help a lot with the process.
Now, I know I am in a messed up situation and will be for a while during my healing process. But, what if she decides to come back? What should I do? Even though she did this to me, I still love her. I told her before that I would only get back with her if she is committed and will not have any regrets anymore.
But I don't think I can make any radical decisions while I am still not over her. How would I go about this?
You don't worry about the what ifs in life... What if Halle Berry walked into your room naked? What if Megan Fox wanted to marry me?
You see, it just isn't worth the effort to give things out of your control, a second thought.
What if you just moved on with your life??
Well, I know that I should not be thinking of the what ifs. But she did clearly say to me that she wants to be with and just needs some time off to be single and experience. I know this sounds like a big old lie and I am not hoping and wishing for this to happen. I am not counting on her to go through with what she said but she does want to be with me in the end. I just don't know if I could take her back.
Are you high? Read that and tell me what it sounds like? I want some time to HAVE FUN with other guys, and don't want to be tied down...will you wait for me? Just sit on the porch, until I let you in...Quote:
Originally Posted by A4Effort
Man, WAKE up! Don't wait around like some puppy until she is finished having fun... you are more deserving than that.
Basically to continue on what KC was saying. Your ex is saying, without the harshness of words that " I want to play the field of d*cks, but when I am done getting my fill, I might come back if I get bored or find that nothing else is out there"
If you want to wait around for one girl, then do it, but she is telling you she isn't waiting around for you.
We know that you love this girl. And you will for a while. What you keep forgetting is that she does not love you. If she really did love you, she wouldn't even consider treating you this way. She would not be able to stand seeing you in pain. She would think about you every moment of every day, and not be thinking about the other guys she could be dating. She would not treat you like a used car that she took out for a test drive... wanting to test drive a few more before she makes her final decision. You are not a used car. You are a person with feelings.
Honey, you keep making excuses here. There's nothing you've mentioned that there isn't an answer for. You live 2 doors down from her. Well try to move. If not to another building, then at least to another floor. Ask someone to trade with you. If you REALLY wanted to, you would find a way. As for your friends, they care about you too. Talk to them. Explain that you don't want to be put into a position of being around her. They will be sensitive to that and do all they can to help you avoid it. And how you feel about her is completely irrelevant to how she is treating you.
Do you WANT to keep feeling like this? If you do, just keep doing as you have been. If you really do want to heal, it will take time, but if you listen to what everyone here is telling you, it will get easier and easier. We've all been through it and we know how you feel. We really do sympathize with you, but in the end, only YOU can do what you need to do in order to get over her.
I'm going to throw in one more old cliché here to give you something to think about. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And I think this is what happened with you. I think you are a whole lot more in love with her now that you can't have her than you were when you were in the relationship. You've said that neither of you was really happy in the end. And yet here you are, feeling as though your world has been torn apart. You need to spend some time thinking about what was WRONG in the relationship. You need to focus on why the relationship would not work. Because even if she comes back to you (and I don't think she will), I can almost promise you it's not going to be the fairytale ending you are hoping for. It will do nothing but prolong the hurt.
There really is such a thing as true love. I'm living it, so I know it's there. Until my husband, I didn't believe in it. But in spite of the years of difficulty we had in our relationship, the way he looked at me when he put that ring on my finger and the tears in both our eyes just proved to me that we were meant to be together. We had always known it. And when you meet that right one for you, you will just know it. I can't explain how. You just will. And there will be NO doubts for either one of you.
Everyone, together now!! : AWWWWWWWWWWW :)Quote:
Originally Posted by smalltowngal
While I empathize with your feelings, been there done that, no way am I going to let you sit on a pity pot, and be abused by this female, who has your nose open, and has you stuck on stupid. Harsh I know, but you really need you to see your intense feelings of rejection, and shock, has your mind playing tricks on you, making you blind to the obvious. She is screwing around, and has you as her pet, waiting for crumbs and your so attached that you are going for it. What if she doesn't give you any more crumbs? Think man, and stand up for yourself, and get her from under your skin by getting busy making yourself happy without her. Time and NC will heal you, so you can make better decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.
Ok, so I just want to make sure I am making the right decision to move on and live my life without her.
She has not had many experiences and she is young. She feels like committing to me me so early on will make her regret it later, hence why she would like to take a break and gain more experience by dating others casually without getting into a relationship. In her family, the women have been hurt by the men they dated and she does not want to be hurt like her family did. She does not want to hurt me by staying with me and later having these thoughts. She still loves me and said that she wants to be with me and eventually marry me one day but needs to space to make sure that she is doing the right thing by committing to me this early on in her life.
So, considering all of what is written above, it is best if I left her and lived my life without her because I do not deserve this type of treatment. Right?
All she is doing is trying to excuse her behaviour. If it was true that she knows she wants to marry you, she wouldn't need to test drive the other cars. Period.
She is doing the grass is greener on the other side, but maybe I will return to my lawn when I see how the mow theirs.
Oh and just to expand on my point, you want to know why they appear to have the greenest grass? Because they use the best bullsh*t around buddy
This anger is doing wonders for me. I am able to accept the fact that I will be OK without her and eventually will find someone else. What she is doing to me is wrong and makes me feel like I am plan B. Thankfully, my close friends are there to support me and guide me through this situation.
Also, this thread has given me a lot of courage and advice to move on. I will probably come back to it with changed feelings but I will do my best to work through this.
I can bet that you will go through times where you miss her, where you hate her, where you want her back and where you wish you never met her. You are going to get on one hell of a roller coaster my ride, but the end is well worth the ride.
Haha, I feel like I am going through those feelings every hour. One minute I am strong and angry, and than the next minute I am sad and want her to come back to me.
But still deep inside me, I want to be with her and spend the rest of my time with her.
Absolutely normal my friend... just be strong enough to stay on this ride, otherwise you will be taking yourself back to square 1 over and over and over and... yeah...
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