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He's out of jail already and he didn't go to rehab however he's taking meetings and Starting to attend church again . He's also going back to school again and he's going to finish his semester. I've been hanging around him lately but haven't taken my daughters near him or anything like that . He's been using his car and money to take me out.
You are asking for problems, I am going through the same thing, only my fiance's ex(who is the father of the two kids) had went to rehab for 8 months and then got out in December, was allowed to see the girls(got to love the NJ courts!) and just last weekend his girlfriend called his mom to come get the girls because he was on something(heroin) and she doesn't know how long he's been on it.
Whether you have taken your children near him or not you have just chosen this man OVER your children. For that there will be consequences.Quote:
Originally Posted by VAN5090
Some people are broken - and you cannot fix them -! No matter what.
You have children. They should be your first priority.
This man has a pattern, a history, none of it good. You are happy that he is spending HIS money and using HIS car to take you out instead of YOUR money and YOUR car?
I think you need to re-read your post.
As I said - some people are broken and cannot be fixed.
He's 27 years old. He's not going to change. He is only going to take you down with him.
What a shame.
You owe it to your babies to provide a better life for them than the life you will have with a struggling addict.
Its been about a month Since he's been out of jail a week after he got out he started snorting heroin again:( and I Just found this out 3 days ago Nothing has changed I broke up with him Yesterday and His mom called me and told me Hes going into rehab
Well, now you need to never talk to him again. Just because a person goes to rehab, doesn't mean that they won't relapse. You need to start thinking about your daughter's needs, instead of your own. It is not easy to do, but in the long run you will be happy that you made the right decision to let this loser go.
Well hopefully now you will keep your head out and focus on being a mother.
Addictions are a difficult thing to break but you have two children to be concerned about, taking care of another person is not in your best interest. You have to break this cycle for your own good and the welfare of your children.
This isn't about you, when you gave birth your life stopped being yours first, it's your children's first. You are all that they have.
The thing is that heroin is a really powerful drug and a lot of people can't stop doing it... u should have not even messed with him in the first place? How long did he do it for and how long did he stop till he relapsedQuote:
Originally Posted by VAN5090
He's been Doing Heroin Since he was 15
He was off it for a year and relapsed around The super bowl Sunday date His buddy came to town .
So you are competing with a 12 year addiction...
Just so you know, you NEVER stood a chance.
Pack up your things and move on. I can not say it enough.
He will be going into treatment Today but either way I will focus on my children's needs Its really hard to have many life changing transitions I mean I thought He was the one for me. I thank everyone who has helped me go threw this.
Good luck to you. You are working on breaking your own addiction to this person. Just know that you are the most important person in your child's life. Bringing in just anyone just to have the nuclear family will not benefit you or your children.
Be selective, be happy with who you are, standing on your own two feet. Partners should compliment who we already are. God bless.
You ought to thank your lucky stars that he is not the father of your girls. If your little girls had a heroin addict for a father we'd all be saying "poor little girls"... offering this advice and that to help you help your daughters cope with the burden of having a drug addicted father. You'd never choose this problem for your daughters would you? Of course not! You have made the right choice.
Your daughters are depending on you to protect them from all the bad people in the world, that includes heroin addicts.
He is a ticking time bomb. Not just drugs but battery too? Okay so are you going to let him beat the h#ll out of you or your girls because you told him, "no," you can't borrow money? Addicts like that will not stop at getting what they want and there is nothing they won't do...to the point of killing, robbing and then satisfying the "Need." Save your life and the life of your girls. There should not even be a question like this. You know the answer.
I must point out that over the course of this thread I'm a little shocked over the wording and descriptions being used in terms of addicts. They are people too and to suggest they will not change is not fair, neither is it helpful.
However, you did mention people deserving a second chance although your numbering was off. You being with him in the first place was his second chance, NOT when he relapsed. I am all for you having made that leap of faith in the hopes of him getting better, when he didn't it was time to go. You simply have too much to lose to gamble with someone that has continually shown a lack of sincerity in terms of getting better.
Finally, I will disagree with some of the statements made towards this man and addcts in general, but I do believe the advice is correct. Leave or you'll be dragged down too. You being there for him is not helping him the way you think it is, in fact it may well be hurting him in his recovery. Nevertheless, it is you and your future you need focus on.
I have first hand knowledge of heroin addicts, BMI the facts speak for themselves about the percentage of drug users that relapse. Even more, heroin addicts are more likely to relapse and are more prone to overdosing because they feel that they can do the same amount they used to. My fiance's ex husband is a heroin addict, he quit twice before I met her, he went to rehab this past year(3rd time he's "quit") and was clean for the time he was in there(10 months) plus 3 more and then relapsed and we haven't heard from him since then. I am all for people rebuilding their lives, but drug users are less likely to do this. The facts speak for themselves
Relapse Prevention and Drug Addiction
ScienceDirect - Drug and Alcohol Dependence : Prediction of relapse to frequent heroin use and the role of methadone prescription: An analysis of the Amsterdam Cohort Study among drug users
No need to give statistics, I'm aware of the relapse rate of heroin addicts. There is no doubt statistically this young man was more likely to end up doing what he actually did than for him to have put it down for good, that is not my problem.
There are some that do indeed stay clean, I pointed out that some on this board hear the word addict and the advice is to run as far away as possible from "those people". This man's mother would like to believe her son has a chance and pointing out the statistics to her would do no good.
I do not think the advice should be run away regardless when the word addict is mentioned. In this case the advice was spot on and the statistics worked the way they should, it still does not make the initial assessment of him right or fair.
I think members of the board just don't want to take that risk. Especially with children being involved in the situation. There is too much at stake and often times addicts become violent. Just my take, I'd never date an addict but some people might feel different
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