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Originally Posted by Kev-Cali

I was like your boyfriend , I didn't feel the urgent need to discuss the issue, I just made sure I kept in occasional contact with her to show that I still thought and cared.

She was like you, never sharing her feelings with me , and never called me. I regret that she refrained from doing so because I think that if she would have expressed her feelings and not been so tough, we could have reasoned together and maybe worked it out.

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When she called, did you answer the phone? I felt like my boyfriend was missing my calls on purpose. I asked him about it and he would just tell me that he'd left the phone in some other room, in his pants when he changed clothes, he didn't have his cellphone charger with him, etc. I can't say for sure whether he lied to me or not. They say to go with your instinct (in which case I would say that he lied to me), but in a relationship you should give them the benefit of the doubt (in which case I'll say that whatever he said was true).

I did call him once, and I was crying on the phone. I'm sure he heard me crying... but if I were to go with my instinct I would say that he heard me but didn't do a thing about comforting me. However, if I were to go with giving him the benefit of the doubt I would say that he didn't hear the tears in my voice...

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Originally Posted by ka1

Unless you're very very lucky. That bridge is gone. You blew it up. Sorry:( You'e only hope is that she's trying to nail the point home to you hard, and then entertain the idea later. But I know for myself other boards thought i was not being humble enough, and what it was a feeling of insult. She could be offended that is the reason you left, and if she knows that's the reason, then as the 1st few posts to the thread said, that's not a good reason to take back,

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What do you mean by "nail the point home to you hard" ? If it means that she is trying to teach me a major lesson and that she wants me to suffer for a while , I feel that it is a very possible situation! She is tough even though emotional inside, she could be planning the whole thing out from the way I see it for months or years from now.

I am still hoping to be very very lucky! I know it sounds selfish, but I do think that she will realize at one point that what we shared could lead to a beautiful family/life if we worked it out together. In the meantime I think she needs to see it for herself now that I setup the ideal situation for that. I was her first, so she needs to figure it out just like I did and I think I should wait.

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Originally Posted by Kev-Cali

What do you mean by "nail the point home to you hard" ? If it means that she is trying to teach me a major lesson and that she wants me to suffer for a while , I feel that it is a very possible situation! She is tough even though emotional inside, she could be planning the whole thing out from the way I see it for months or years from now.

I am still hoping to be very very lucky! I know it sounds selfish, but I do think that she will realize at one point that what we shared could lead to a beautiful family/life if we worked it out together. In the meantime I think she needs to see it for herself now that I setup the ideal situation for that. I was her first, so she needs to figure it out just like I did and I think I should wait.

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That's exactly what I mean. But if she does, you must realize that the work you must do is immense. You will have to prove that you're not going to leave again and just deal with the mistrust for a bit. That's where I would be a bit childish, I couldn't let go of the grudge,

Depends on the situation
I think if the ex dumps you to go into another relationship or cheats you. These 2 cases are unforgivable for me.
My ex dumped me after 3 years because she liked another guy (thats what she said me when she broke up in the phone)
So if she comes back I don't see any reason why should I accept her. The main reasons that I mustn't do it are:

1.I won't believe her anymore. There will be no trust.so I'm going to see her with a different eye.I will always be suspicious and we will argue more and our relationship is not going to be healthy.

2.why do I need a person that caused me so much pain and broke up with me in a moment that I needed her support.(in my case I went in another country some months before and I really needed her at that moment to support me because I was all alone.and what she did.she broke up.it seemed like she was waiting for me to go and to break up).I need someone to support me like I did when she needed me.

3.my family and my friends helped me through this pain and they know what she did to me. So if I accept her I will loose points to myself. My family will never like her and this is going to be always a problem.

4.so how do you think!! She goes with another guy sleeps with him.kisses him, fu*ks with him,and after that she wants to come back to me.wait, wait,wait. So if I accept her it means that I don't have a DIGNITY.you know.I better choose my dignity rather than her.

Finally. After more than 2 months NC my conclusion for your question is, if she comes back or if she even tries to contact me.you know what I will do.
I WILL KICK HER A$$. Ill beat her so hard that nobody would recognize her.im not a toy.so better for her if she doesn't contact me ever or ill keep my promise.and fortunately she knows that I keep promises.this is my conclusion.
I don't want to seem like I have moved on.I didn't.im still hurt.and believe me still slightly shocked with what happened.I would never expect that from a "honest" girl, like she appeared to be.but at least I know what to do whatever happens.
My advice for you: if it happens to you, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.she doesn't deserve you.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

Depends on the situation
i think if the ex dumps you to go into another relationship or cheats you. these 2 cases are unforgivable for me.
my ex dumped me after 3 years because she liked another guy (thats what she said me when she broke up in the phone)
so if she comes back i dont see any reason why should i accept her. the main reasons that i mustn't do it are:

1.i won't believe her anymore. there will be no trust.so im going to see her with a different eye.i will always be suspicious and we will argue more and our relationship is not going to be healthy.

2.why do i need a person that caused me so much pain and broke up with me in a moment that i needed her support.(in my case i went in another country some months before and i really needed her at that moment to support me because i was all alone.and what she did.she broke up.it seemed like she was waiting for me to go and to break up).i need someone to support me like i did when she needed me.

3.my family and my friends helped me through this pain and they know what she did to me. so if i accept her i will loose points to myself. my family will never like her and this is going to be always a problem.

4.so how do you think!?!? she goes with another guy sleeps with him.kisses him, fu*ks with him,and after that she wants to come back to me.wait, wait,wait. so if i accept her it means that i dont have a DIGNITY.you know.i better choose my dignity rather than her.

Finally. After more than 2 months NC my conclusion for your question is, if she comes back or if she even tries to contact me.you know what i will do.
I WILL KICK HER A$$. Ill beat her so hard that nobody would recognize her.im not a toy.so better for her if she doesnt contact me ever or ill keep my promise.and fortunately she knows that i keep promises.this is my conclusion.
i dont want to seem like i have moved on.i didnt.im still hurt.and believe me still slightly shocked with what happened.i would never expect that from a "honest" girl, like she appeared to be.but at least i know what to do whatever happens.
my advice for you: if it happens to you, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.she doesnt deserve you.

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If you did not fup in some way, meaning you treated her well, and the new guy does not, she call and when she calls you don't freak, just verbally do to her what u want to do physically. But when you do, make sure you will not feel guilty after otherwise you get a double reversal and you be chasing her telling her you're sorry.

Personally, I've toyed around with the notion, if it came up, of telling them to convince my friends that have seen me through this dark time. If you can convince them then I'll give you a shot. Lol:D

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Originally Posted by teastalk

When she called, did you answer the phone? I felt like my boyfriend was missing my calls on purpose. I asked him about it and he would just tell me that he'd left the phone in some other room, in his pants when he changed clothes, he didn't have his cellphone charger with him, etc. I can't say for sure whether he lied to me or not. They say to go with your instinct (in which case I would say that he lied to me), but in a relationship you should give them the benefit of the doubt (in which case I'll say that whatever he said was true).

I did call him once, and I was crying on the phone. I'm sure he heard me crying... but if I were to go with my instinct I would say that he heard me but didn't do a thing about comforting me. However, if I were to go with giving him the benefit of the doubt I would say that he didn't hear the tears in my voice...

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She never called me. I was waiting and hoping that she would one day. Then she changed her # without notice. After I tried writing to her she said that she is trying to move on and If I keep contacting her she couldn't. Today she tells me she has moved on and that she has a boyfriend, but I can tell in her eyes that she hasn't moved on, plus, we have friends in common and I am led to believe that she does not have a boyfriend. I think she is hurting , but making the smart move.
She definitely wants me to not contact her for "months and months" as she said but I think that she's trying to make me hurt until then. The problem is that as much as I want to go to all extremes to prove everything to her, I have to respect her and give her the space she requested. I am assuming that the time will come if it were meant to be, someday...

About to hit the bed but let me throw this savoy out. You're the dumpee, the dumper comes back, has not been intimate with another guy. But you have been intimate in the course of getting over them. What do you do>

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Originally Posted by ka1

If you did not fup in some way, meaning you treated her well, and the new guy does not, she call and when she calls you don't freak, just verbally do to her what u want to do physically. But when you do, make sure you will not feel guilty after otherwise you get a double reversal and you be chasing her telling her you're sorry.

Personally, I've toyed around with the notion, if it came up, of telling them to convince my friends that have seen me through this dark time. If you can convince them then I'll give you a shot. lol:D

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I hope you won't have to deal with this situation of your ex coming back.this depends even on the time of NC.for me 2 months NC is too much time to accept her back so I hope for myself she is not going to contact me.good for her and good for me.what she did was enough.so it is better to let me move on now.

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Originally Posted by ka1

About to hit the bed but let me throw this savoy out. You're the dumpee, the dumper comes back, has not been intimate with another guy. But you have been intimate in the course of getting over them. What do you do>

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Still I think she cheated you emotionally, with her heart.and for me this is worse than cheating physically.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

I WILL KICK HER A$$. Ill beat her so hard that nobody would recognize her.im not a toy.so better for her if she doesnt contact me ever or ill keep my promise.and fortunately she knows that i keep promises.this is my conclusion.

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Someone, this is not acceptable behavior. No matter what anyone has done to you.

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Originally Posted by ka1

About to hit the bed but let me throw this savoy out. You're the dumpee, the dumper comes back, has not been intimate with another guy. But you have been intimate in the course of getting over them. What do you do>

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Who gives a f***? You deal with it IF it ever comes around. People are sexual beings, and it is the natural order of human behavior that your ex or you (and eventually both), will have SEX with another person. We aren't solving the DaVinci Code here.. this is life. Why overcomplicate things that are pretty much inevitable?

How many threads can we have revolving around the same freaking question??

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

still i think she cheated you emotionally, with her heart.and for me this is worse than cheating physically.

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You may be right about this. All I have is speculation, but it does point in that direction