Takes a lot more energy to be mad at someone than to just not care. Don't waste energy on unproductive activities, it only hurts you in the long run.

I agree that is the best way to overcome/getting over a person.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Takes a lot more energy to be mad at someone than to just not care. Don't waste energy on unproductive activities, it only hurts you in the long run.

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This could not be more true. One of the things I always notice when I finally get over someone is, it was never worth the energy to hate them that I put into it. It was just time I wasted and in the end for nothing. I know it's easier said then lived but when you get those moments you have to do your best to talk yourself out of it or distracted yourself.

yes Stringer I think I'm moving on. And this thanks God and people like you who helped me when I needed help.believe me.you were the people that helped me more because as I have said I'm living in another country far away from my family and friends.all alone.so thank you all. You are life-savers guys and I'm going to join your team. Everyday I'm understanding more and more the true meaning of NC.im saying to myself the truth.she needed me more than I needed her because I gave everything in this relationship.there is an expression: I would have killed my own father for her.let me say she chose to be the b*tch (=cheater with no reason) not the honest girl I was looking for.anybody here wants to have a b*tch sleeping beside him ?anybody here wants to be suspicious during his life if his children are really his children? Nobody wants.neither do i.so I did my best and this makes me feel better.I don't like adventures.I m waiting for the lucky girl that will be my princess.I m going to make her happy if she really deserves it.no more cheaters.one was enough.but I got a good lesson and I'm not going to get hurt even if I have to deal with a cheater again.now I know their characteristics.I know how to play the game.I am moving on but I am not healed.I have those bad moments.everytime I dig into my memories I find her and get hurt.I remember some childish actions she did now during the NC that hurt me more and increased my anger more.but in a way I don't care anymore.I know she remembers me because I was a part of her life.and I'm sure she gets hurt every time she remembers my name.I am a good person and left her a lot of good memories.my goodness is going to revenge for me. Now I'm using this anger in gym and I'm buiding a beautiful shaped body.so she is doing me another favour except the favour that she dumped me.thank you ex.

That is the start Someone... you may hit some pit falls but remember that people care about good people and the people here have given you some very good advice. Abide by their advice, fall back on it when you need it and stay strong.

Keep yourself busy and be around other people, people that are interesting, active and mentally challenging you'll grow in many ways.

You know in your heart that you have made the right decision. Cheaters and losers just waste your time.

If you don't mind I would like to ask how old you are? And you mentioned that you are alone in a different country, where is your family and where are you now. Sorry if I missed this in your thread, I went back and reviewed it but I didn't see this addressed.

Thanks,

Stringer

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Actually, I have to say, she is not paying the "wage of her sin," you are paying that tab for her, if you are going to let this bother you so much. As I've said, I DO understand! BUT, are you going to be her puppet? You DON'T have to involve yourself in this. If she wants to act childish and play these games, you don't need to play along. This is only giving her what she wants, which is obviously more drama. Swallow your pride, no matter how damn hard that will be, and show her that you are above it all, and she is beneath it, by showing her that you are "over it!" Don't involve this other guy in the game. He will find out soon enough. You don't need to teach him any lessons. Let them play their games, and take off to the gym, and beat the crap out of a punching bag! If you let her know how much you are still hurt by her cheating, you are only feeding into HER egomanical game.

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We have a misunderstanding.

I'm serious when I say I'm over this girl, I have no feelings for her and I'm not even attracted to her anymore, I'm not hurt by seeing her with another guy or the fact she cheated on me, if anything, I feel bad for her boyfriend. He's a real nice kid and shy, too; he's one of the text-book "nice guys" that girls say they want to marry but never date. She walks all over him and she probably has cheated on him because she is always telling me and my roommate how she doesn't even really like him.

I do have to involve myself because it's my apartment and it's disrespectful to both her boyfriend and me. She might as well tread mud on me if I let them hang out at my pad while I went somewhere else. I can't let her get away with something like that and she knows this. She'd only pull something like this to test her boyfriend to see if he'd speak up for a change.

Yes, I was hurt when she cheated on me, but she knows I'm better off without her. She also sent me an e-mail a couple months back saying that she was lucky to have dated me and when she thinks about what she put me through it still hurts a lot. She sent it at 10:00 AM so she wasn't drunk.

Really bad day today.
The fact that I have been in a relationship with a bit*h all this time makes me nervous.
I envy all the persons that have gone through this situation and got over their ex.they were pretty strong.
I want to get her out of my head but I really cannot control my dreams.I wake up 3-4 times every night.im having bad dreams since this happened.and when I wake up in the morning I'm full of poison.I can't even stand myself.is this normal? Anybody has an idea how long may it last?how much time do I need to not get hurt when I think about her.to accept what happened and forget about it.
I'm in a phase that some days I say "ou yeah finally free.i can enjoy my life as a single" some other days I say"what a bit*h she was.how could i give my heart to her"and I start thinking what she did to me.
This situation is becoming unbearable but I know I don't have another choice.

It is what it is... and it isn't easy. We all know that. Stand tall, and NEVER look back, just keep your focus forward. We are here with you... you are not alone.

[QUOTE=_Someone_;1539883]I envy all the persons that have gone through this situation and got over their ex.they were pretty strong.
QUOTE SAB123]You shouldn't envy all the people who got over their ex's. And I think 99% of us here were not strong in the beginning phase of our break ups. We got stronger as time went on.

[QUOTE=_Someone_;1539883]I want to get her out of my head but I really cannot control my dreams.I wake up 3-4 times every night.im having bad dreams since this happened.and when I wake up in the morning I'm full of poison.I can't even stand myself.is this normal?
QUOTE SAB123]In time you will get her out of your head. I also did this. This took me about 5-6 months for this to go away, but still had dreams but I was down to a few a month.


[QUOTE=_Someone_;1539883]anybody has an idea how long may it last?how much time do I need to not get hurt when I think about her.to accept what happened and forget about it.
QUOTE SAB123]Like I tell others here time has no baring on when the pain will go away. For me it was about a year. But it's been 2 years for me know and I sometimes when I think about the situation still get angry and feel hurt. But know I can control it and there is no pain in my heart no more as you will find out in time. It all depends on the person and when they decide to let go the pain will go away.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

really bad day today.
The fact that i have been in a relationship with a bit*h all this time makes me nervous.
i envy all the persons that have gone through this situation and got over their ex.they were pretty strong.
i want to get her out of my head but i really cannot control my dreams.i wake up 3-4 times every night.im having bad dreams since this happened.and when i wake up in the morning im full of poison.i can't even stand myself.is this normal? anybody has an idea how long may it last?how much time do i need to not get hurt when i think about her.to accept what happened and forget about it.
im in a phase that some days i say "ou yeah finally free.i can enjoy my life as a single" some other days i say"what a bit*h she was.how could i give my heart to her"and i start thinking what she did to me.
this situation is becoming unbearable but i know i dont have another choice.

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HI Someone,

One of the things that I believe that you need to do now is to have respect for yourself, feel good about you. Try to segregate yourself from the situation as best you can, this takes effort. Recognize what happened and honestly separate yourself from it. Understand that you have done nothing wrong here you gave to the relationship she chose to do what she did. She is who she is.

In my humble opinion, respect leads to pride in yourself. At one point I realized this and even started to think to myself that I actually felt sorry for her. She had a problem that I couldn't fix, it was something that she would need to address and fix herself, no longer with any help from me There was nothing I could do. When I began to feel this way I was more able to disconnect.

Were there still times when I fell back... yep, but it started to get better when I remembered that I was no longer responsible for her in any way. By feeling this way, I was able to segregate myself and change how I felt. At some point it even felt like I had some pity for her, but not much...

Stringer

Yep guys I know what I should do in theory. Really hard to put it into practice.
The fact that she cheated is the reason to all this sad situation I'm through.it makes me feel disrespected.thats what I'm feeling Stringer.you said it right.
Does having sex in this situation makes things better?what do you think?am I suffering it more because I have sexual desires?its been some months that I'm not having sex.
I would appreciate your answer.

That's not an easy answer Someone. Do you want to take possible advantage of someone in the process? I would say that if the situation presents itself and all the conditions are right and both parties know and understand what it really is... well... Under those circumstances maybe. But you need to make it clear not only to the other but to yourself what it really is and why. Not easy... I know.

To answer your question directly and I may get some rebuttals on this, I would say yes, if what I said above is understood.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

does having sex in this situation makes things better?

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For me it didn't, we were broken up and I felt like I was cheating on her. Even thou it felt good I felt bad afterward. I would suggest waiting a while.

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Originally Posted by SAB123

For me it didn't, we were broken up and I felt like I was cheating on her. Even thou it felt good I felt bad afterward. I would suggest waiting a while.

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She cheated on me.everything finished.so what should I wait?its been more than 2 months NC now.everything has finished now for me.

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Originally Posted by _Someone_

she cheated on me.everything finished.so what should i wait?its been more than 2 months NC now.everything has finished now for me.

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If you were completely finished with her you wouldn't be here. You need to get past this before entering into another relationship.

Why are you in such a rush to find another girlfriend? Dude, if you can't enjoy being single for awhile, there must be something wrong with you. Valentine's Day is coming up, and the only thing I can think of is how much money I am saving by being single. (Shallow gals, I know). Enjoy your freaking freedom, you have your whole life to get someone special, for now, just enjoy that special YOU!

I think everyone goes through this stage when you are not over an ex, I know I did when in the beginning of breakup. But I think people want to meet someone/jump into another relationship so fast to fill the void they have just lost. I know I wanted too. And when you start to heal trying to find someone won't be a priority anymore. You have a ways to go before you are healed so take this time to find you and one day when you least expect it you will find someone else.