Ask Me Help Desk - What's going on here?

Grayfox - you need to really learn about 'nice guys' - in your thread you defintely have all the nice guy tendencies.

'Nice guys' generally just do not have knowledge on how to act with women.
In your post you coem across as very needy, desperate, and insecure - NO WOMEN wants that ever. None.

You just don't have the knowledge about how to act.

Send me a private e-mail and I can go into detail.

You can NEVER completley surrender to someoen as you did - like it or not.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE - always.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Grayfox - you need to really learn about 'nice guys' - in your thread you defintely have all the nice guy tendencies.

'Nice guys' generally just do not have knowledge on how to act with women.
In your post you coem across as very needy, desperate, and insecure - NO WOMEN wants that ever. None.

You just don't have the knowledge about how to act.

Send me a private e-mail and I can go into detail.

You can NEVER completley surrender to someoen as you did - liek it or not.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE - always.

Yeah Grayfox I was way too much of a nice guy. I lost my backbone with this woman completely. I bent over backwards for her and looking back, every time I did it it drove her further away. When they pull away you've got to pull away too. Don't go in further.

The truth is I've done that my whole life when I really look further back. The worst part is this girl wasn't even my girlfriend. Just someone who was interested in me, and then me in her. If you read my original post you will notice that I stuck up for her earlier this year when some people were saying some (now I think true) statements about her. I defended her and when she yelled at for doing that I cut off communication with her. Even though she wouldn't apologize I know by her actions (and yes what she told her friends, although we can't always depend on them) that by not talking to her it really effected her. She always tried to initiate coversations with me. When she thought I was dating someone else it drove her nuts. I was always happy and smiling and she never was. In this situations I was in control. I didn't look at it like that, nor did I realize that's what it was but I was indeed in control.

The moment, I wrote her an email I gave up control. I thought I was doing it so she would leave my friend alone, but that started us talking again then flirting and then I somehow lost a backbone and started chasing her. Mind you she had chased me to begin with. In my mind, I told myself since she chased me that she would like me chasing her. I was in nice guy mode. It blew up in my face. Then because I was a nice guy (read I was stupid) I continued to chase and continued to believe her friends and it just got worse. Looking back I realize now that it was one mistake after another.

Keep in mind, that while all this was going on she was running back to a boyfriend that has treated her like crap for years.

Now read my update. She's still upset that I won't talk to her and even if I do I just say, "What up" and walk by. In the past I had just given her a dirty look or not smiled. Yesterday, when she dropped her purse and angerily wished me a "Good morning" all I could do was smile. I was happy again. Her behavior no longer affects me. And Grayfox, understand this, it wasn't at her expense. She's just a miserable person whoever she's with. She was trying to make me angry but it didn't work. I was happy again because at that I knew I had regained control of myself.

Again, I'm not in control of this situation. I'm not even in control of her. But by READING, LISTENING, and this is key for many people here, APPLYING the advice I was getting in just about a week and a half I have regained control of myself. That's more important than anything.

Being a nice guy should mean treating a woman with respect but not losing your backbone or who you are as a person. I did completely surrender myself to her as Wildcat says. In doing so I completely forgot who I was. In fact for awhile there I became someone I wasn't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

You are free at last....now the trick is to remain that way. Please know this Chuff: no healthy relationship will require that you give up any part of you, in fact, it will only enhance that you remain your own person.

Valinors is right. If you lose who you are then the relationship isn't worth it.

We also have to understand that we can't always get what we want RIGHT NOW! It is a process and if we are patient, we will see results, but not always RIGHT NOW WHEN WE WANT IT! Be patient! Right Chuff? :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by YeloDasy

We also have to understand that we can't always get what we want RIGHT NOW! It is a process and if we are patient, we will see results, but not always RIGHT NOW WHEN WE WANT IT!! Be patient! Right Chuff? :)

That's true but also be aware the results you want may not be the results you get. I would say prepare yourself to be true to yourself. If you aren't true to yourself then she isn't worth it. Also don't be blind to who she really is. Your never going to change her. It's funny women always say that about men but it's also true in reverse.

That is exactly why I say go slow, to give yourself time to think and see things for what they are. There are no guarantees but why run into a brickwall at 100 miles an hour when you can see it coming at 5mph and stop before you bust your head.

Real love can wait so there is no need to rush.

Real love won't break that easily so you don't have to fret over every little detail.

Real love does not require huge personal sacrifice -- if you must slay a dragon to win her love or be rescued from a burning ivory tower by your prince-- then there is something definitely wrong and you need to move to Hollywood to write scripts.

Real love is actually how you feel about yourself only now its for another person, so if its not there inside, how's it supposed to migrate outside?

Real love isn't something you earn it, you are confusing that with trust-- its more like a flower that just blooms when two people who are attracted to each other also earn and learn to trust each other enough to be intimate, not just sexually but mentally, emotionally and spiritually too.

Okay... LOL cue THE ROSE music here before this turns into a Hallmark Card! :o

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Real love can wait so there is no need to rush.

Real love won't break that easily so you don't have to fret over every little detail.

Real love does not require huge personal sacrifice -- if you must slay a dragon to win her love or be rescued from a burning ivory tower by your prince-- then there is something definately wrong and you need to move to Hollywood to write scripts.

Real love is actually how you feel about yourself only now its for another person, so if its not there inside, how's it supposed to migrate outside?

Real love isn't something you earn it, you are confusing that with trust-- its more like a flower that just blooms when two people who are attracted to each other also earn and learn to trust each other enough to be intimate, not just sexually but mentally, emotionally and spiritually too.

okay...LOL cue THE ROSE music here before this turns into a Hallmark Card! :o

WOW! How true is all that. Some of these posts need to be read and reread. This is one of those posts.