No he is not over her and it will take him some time. Like I said to him there is someone out there for each of us. And I have got to believe there is. He sure is everything in a man I want, but he's not into me and he's not over her yet. I really care and love him, but I know there's more than likely no chance for me with him. I won't contact him(its hard not to but I can't) and if he calls that's great-treat it like the friend I am to everyone. I hope and pray that 2009 is a great year. Who knows what will happen?? (but I am hoping a great guy!! )

All right everyone. I got through the holidays, but I still want him and think of him everyday. I still cry over him. And then out of the blue he called this past Tuesday(1-6) We talked for an hour. Felt great hearing from him. So am I to assume he still thinks of me and likes me somewhat. We seemed to be a fit-he had said. So do I not be friends, not take his calls? I just don't know-this confuses me. He is it for me. I am having such a hard time with this. I try and try to get out and meet others. I try to be positive. I want him so much, it hurts. I just feel like I am not going to find a guy like him. I have no one to talk to but all of you as no one here seems to understand.

Maybe its you who don't understand. So take him back, and quit the BS.

What do you mean don't understand? Hes just wanting to be friends. He didn't say anything about getting back with me. So I am just trying to be cautious with him as I don't know what to expect. I am trying but its not easy. He had said fit but not love for me. So as a relationship expert tell me what I don't get? I am new to dating even though I am older. I am not trying to BS either. Just don't get it. Thanks for your input.

Thanks to everyone here and hope everyone has a great year.

Glad to explain. Your not a couple, and keeping an ex in your life will stop the healing big time, and unless you do heal, you'll never be friends. You will be miserable, and can never move beyond him.

Your also not honest with yourself, and are still hoping that sticking around as a friend, will keep you close and things can develop.

Be honest, if your friend got involved with another, would you understand him not having time for you any more?

You are right we are not a couple. Once but not now. I have tried to be a frin, but its hard. Its breaking my haert and I cry too much over it. You're right, I guess I figure by being friends he will want me again. I guess when I talked to him last week, and he saying he has yet to find her, gave me hope.
I am seeing a counselor and he is trying to get me through. He says#1, do not call him. If you just want friendship call, but if you want more don't call. He will just back away from me if I call. So my couselor says to let him think about you, miss you and let him call. Maybe he will come around knowing you're not around for him and have your own life. It may work it may not. He says he is still not over his broken relationship-he needs time to heal. So I am working on not calling him and getting over fear of loneliness and trying to get out there and date. He said it's a longshot with him. So I have got to get on and let him see I have gone on. Have to work on myself first. My fears taken care of. Its just hard when you meet the guy who has what you want and he said I had what he wanted in a woman. I thought it was meant to be with the two of us. A great match. But he is still in love with another and his heart is still broke.Thanks again.

Seems your counselor is telling you the same things we are here.

Sooner or later you will accept that his feelings aren't the same as yours. You would attract someone like yourself if you were happy with yourself, and not have the fear of being alone.

Fear blinds us to reality, as I bet there are many around you that you do not notice, who are attracted to you. But until you get unstuck, you will never see that.

Thanks again. I will not call and see what happens with him. I guess I will know wher I stand with him. If he misses me and wants me great, if not, oh well. I do care and love him and I wish him the best. I will try not to think of him and try to get out there and meet more men. But got to get over the fear. Being lonely is terrible, but maybe someday I will have someone in my life. First great guy I met and he was it for me. And his feelings are still with someone else and he has to get over her. We both have to heal our hearts.

Well i was going out with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and on our 6 month anniversary he dumped me. It wasnt till 3 days later i found out that he dumpped me for my best friend. THANK GOD she said no. Well he dumped me and i havent tallked to him since, but he said he wanted to get back together with me and i said no. But to answer your Q I WOULD JUST MOVE ON IF HE DOESNT LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE THEN YOU SHOULD JUST FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES. I have the same prob, and i found someone. Or you could totally go the opposite way and go out with his best friend. (NOT RECOGMENDED THOUGH.)

Its been 3 months since we stopped dating. I was confused(he said I was everything he wanted in a woman, but it wasn't there)We dated 5 months and I fell in love with him, because I thought we were what each was looking for. I have talked to him now and then, but still love him. He has dated since but hasn't quite found the one he said.(in fact he said don't know if I will ever find her) He was in love with a woman and she left him and I don't think he is over her yet.(he loved and wasgoing to marry her) My counselor said give him time to heal and don't call him, let him miss and want you. He was interested in you and you are what he wants, so be patient my counselor said. So I will not call and see what happens. I just have to try and get over him and move on. Its hard when you love someone so much. He needs to heal and I need to love and be happy with myself and I need to realize that someone will want me even if its not him. But he will always be in my heart. Thanks for the input.

Well guys I am back again. I have not called him. I heard from him today. I was happy but sad. I was cool and calm when talking to him and we talked like friends. I wanted to tell how I feel and how I hurt and more, but I didn't. I didn't tell him to not call anymore. I guess I still miss him very much and I do love him. I do want him to be happy. It still seemed sad. I am trying my best not to be sad and want him. But I still do. But I am trying. Thanks out there. I just hope I am doing the right thing by trying to move on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by packer04

I just hope I am doing the right thing by trying to move on.

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I am glad you are doing better, but I am not sure how much it will help you move on if you guys still talk like "fake" friends, when you know deep down, you want more. If you are going to "try" and move on, try harder. It will not happen if you continue to take his calls and act like everything is "dust in the wind" right now. Just my opinion. I hope you are doing better, as you seem like you are...

Carry on... :cool:

Thanks I am doing better. I know I have to stop talking to him. In fact I called him today to tell him why I would not be talking to him(calling him) I told him my feelings and how I am trying to get over him and I wish him much happiness. He said it looks like neither of us has what we want. I told him if he felt the need to call and be friends, fine but that I had to be upfront with him and truthful like he was with me. I feel better telling him, better than I thought I would. Thanks everyone out there for all your wisdom.

Well guys, I am back. I haven't talked to him in over 2 weeks. It has been hard as I do care and love him. But I guess you can still care and love a friend. Like I said I told him I cared and loved him and always would to some extent and I thanked him for being a part of my life. I told him I wouldn't be talking to him as much, but I did want to remain friends. He said he wished he had meant me before the other woman and wished that woman thought the world of him like I do. I wished him happiness and well and to tell his parents hello. I so cried when I finished thinking I would haer from him and I haven't. But I have to realize I don't think he is coming back to me maybe as friends. But it still hurts as I haven't talked to him. I did text him 3 days ago to have a nice weekend and workweek and nothing back. And he always called or texted back. So did I do wrong by telling him the truth. Did it scare him away as a friend?? I'm lost as to why no response. My counselor said at least I said it and can maybe see he wants nothing more. SHOULD I CALL HIM TO SEE IF WE ARE STILL FRIENDS OR IF HE IS MAD?? I still care and guess I always will. WHERE DID I GO WRONG WITH ALL THIS?? Thanks.

Did you ever think he leaves you alone so you can heal, and get on with your life? Maybe he is trying not to build a false hope in you, and lead you on.

Never know what happens after you have healed, and become happy with just you!

Thanks never thought that. I was just being the friend I usually am to all my friends. I try to be a friend and nice to everyone, including him. I am doing better at moving on, but isn't it true that you can still love your friends and want them to be happy. I guess he was in my life for a reason, and it was great while he was there. It meant a lot to me. Like they say you can still love them even though they are gone and you have let them go. So I am trying my best to be good friends. We both deserve to be happy, even if we aren't together.

Sorry to be blunt but this happened in November and your just pick pick picking away at the scab of a short failed relationship! If you truly want to get over this fella have a bit of respect for yourself and move on. He obviously has and sounds like he's not giving you any encouragement to hang around so don't.Its been three months since you brole up and your still hanging around hoping for a scrap from his table,walk away now before you lose your dignity. Oh and what do you hope to accomplish from calling or texting just to say have a good week etc? The only thing that keeps a good man away is a bad one (not saying he's bad but wrong for you). Sorry again for being blunt but sometimes you just need someone to be. Good luck

I know it was short, but I have to say I sure fell for him. My heart just fell for him. He was the type of a man you truly want, but he didn't want me. Had all the qualities I wanted in a man. But you are right, I have to move on and I am with help of friends and my counselor. As far as calling or texting, I do that with all my friends. I am just a nice person wanting to talk to them, just being their friend. And he said he wanted to be friends, so I am trying-never had a guy friend before. My gfs say I should maybe keep him as a friend. I just know he didn't care or love me like I do him. And I still do have love for him and always will as I do for my friends and I do want happiness for him as well as myself. He knows my feelings and I will let it go from there.

He doesn't want to be your friend and you can't make someone want to be. He may be this perfect man but the chances are he's not that great r good for you or u'd be with him right now. Stop holding out for a imaginary man and open yourself up to meeting new people. The only way you can do this is not to speak to him. Please stop talking and thinking about him as if he's some sort of angel,he's not and putting someone on a pedistal can only mean they will eventually fall off. What age are you anyway is this your "1st love" cause your taking it extremely bad!!