Ask Me Help Desk - Should I worry that I am FZ'd?

Thanks all.

She's mentioned a few times that we are at different points in our lives. I want a more steady commitment (maybe marriage in the next 2-3 yrs etc... ) and she wants to grow more.

I am just very confused. She told me last night she cried for 2 days straight when we broke up over that time, tells me how great I am and how happy she is that I am hers, but then she still feels like this?

It is hard for me to make a clean break with someone I get along so well with. Keeping in touch makes it easier to keep the lines of communication open and leaves things open for the future, but they inhibit us from moving forward.

At the same time, if I cared for someone and wanted to be with them, I'd be more willing to work something out.

Not sure how to approach this.

I've heard the "we are at different points in our lives" thing before. That was one of the first signs that I should have noticed when my ex was looking for a way out. I didn't take that into account and a year later we were done... After a lot of BS and drama. It wasn't very fun.

I think she is trying to tell you in the nicest way possible that it's over. She is moving away and putting physical distance between you and her. That, and the fact that she is unwilling to wait for you, is an action that speaks volumes about your situation. Her words contradict this because her emotions are getting th best of her, like they do for everyone.

I agree with Tal, I think it's time to make a clean break before things start really going down hill. Better for everything to end before someone feels betrayed. That's when the real pain comes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmw0713

I've heard the "we are at different points in our lives" thing before. That was one of the first signs that I should have noticed when my ex was looking for a way out. I didn't take that into account and a year later we were done... After a lot of BS and drama. It wasn't very fun.

I think she is trying to tell you in the nicest way possible that it's over. She is moving away and putting physical distance between you and her. That, and the fact that she is unwilling to wait for you, is an action that speaks volumes about your situation. Her words contradict this because her emotions are getting th best of her, like they do for everyone.

I agree with Tal, I think it's time to make a clean break before things start really going down hill. Better for everything to end before someone feels betrayed. That's when the real pain comes.

Thanks. When I take steps back and think about things you are correct. I am doing everything I can for her, and she is not meeting me halfway. I am going to begin distancing myself from her.

Realistically, I am not sure what else more I can/could do. I talked to her about our situation and told her how I felt about her and spoke to her about options we had regarding her moving. She does not seem receptive to any of them.

I was in a similar situation at the end of my last relationship. My ex left for an a 3 month internship that ended up turning into 9 months. In that period she met someone else and now I'm here... LOL!

If you can't compromise now, distance is just going to make thing much harder.
If she isn't willing to work with you, then you need to weigh your options and act accordingly.

To kind of piggy back what everyone else is saying. At some point you are going to look back. You can make the decision now to look back and this point and know that you made the right decision to get out or you can stick around hoping and it's a false hope that you'll get her to come around. She's already made her decision, so make a positive one for yourself and let go and know that you did right, by yourself at this moment. It may suck now, but in 6 months, you'll look back and congradulate yourself for making the right decision.

Agree with everyone here. Right now, I can tell my feelings towards the situation are pushing me away from her. I am getting upset at her more often which is leading to small tiffs between us.

For instance, last night we were watching TV before bed and she did something fairly minor which I viewed as wrong. In the past, I'd have let it slide. Last night though, I let her know that it bothered me and I kept away from her all night.

Minor step, I know, but to me it is a tell-tale sign of things.

Yea, when little things start to turn into arguments, that's when you know there is definitely something wrong. If you cannot communicate with each other and sort out your differences, then the outlook doesn't look so good.

Try to enjoy the time you have left with each other and when the day finally comes that's she is leaving, let her go.