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You worry too much SweetGuy. You are way too good of a guy to do that. Look, just date as many girls as possible. Seriously. Dating is all about having fun (no, not sexual) and getting to know someone. Don't go into every relationship as if this could be the 'one.' Usually, it isn't! Get to know yourself, and other women, but casually hanging out and doing things.
Yea I do tend to worry a lot. I just never had an experience to through me into a loop as my past relationship did. You know!Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Date as many girls as possible? I can could do that, and have fun doing it.
Now I kind of do go in to an relationship thinking that she could be the one. SO USUALLY, IT ISN'T!?
No wonder you can't enjoy yourself, relax, have a good time for as long as you can, and let things happen.Quote:
Now I kind of do go in to an relationship thinking that she could be the one. SO USUALLY, IT ISN'T!?
You don't go into any relationship thinking they are the one. Thats a recipe for heart break and disappointment.
One date at a time is all you can handle.
Yea I have a hard time really enjoying myself at times... I need to learn to relax next time. But after all the hurt and confusion she sent me through... I know things will be different next time...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
It was really EASY not to think she could be the one at first... but when things were going really good with her (when she telling me a lot of wonderful stuff... in love... etc... ) I started to think maybe she could be... you know?? And I ended up getting really disappointed and getting my heart broken because it turns out that she didn't love me... and my feelings for her was greater than her feelings for me... One thing that I kept doing was rationalizing the negative vibes that she was sending. Some of things she did and said I just kept giving her the benefit of the doubt... RATIONALIZING BIG TIME!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Rationalization is the down fall of man!
I did the same with my ex. I rationalized all the stupid crap she did... I even find myself rationalizing why she slept with the other guy she left me for!! LOL... messed up isn't it?
Your next relationship will be better. You will use what you learned in from this one in the next one. The knowledge you gained will help you see all the Red Flags and stupid crap a female may try to pull while your in love. Then you can stop rationalizing things, see things for what they really are, and stand up for yourself and end the BS.
That what I'm hoping for. No more will I be a rationlizing push over. I will see the situation for what it is and stand-up for who I am and what I believe is right!
Try to get yourself in that frame of mind. I just did and it feels good!:D
Yep... I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt, and rationalizing bigtimeQuote:
Originally Posted by jmw0713
Can you explain that more...???Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Its really simple, instead of sitting in a corner thinking all sorts of things, deal with what's in front of you. That way your mind doesn't have a chance to play tricks on you.
I was in the same situation. It took me 2 years to get over him but only bc/ he kept coming back and I would take him back over and over again and he would do the same thing like it was no big deal to hurt me and leave me hanging with no reasoning at all. I believe the reasons in this situation we feel this way is because that person just brushed you off their shoulder like it was nothing but before they showed effection towards you and in the end it made you feel deceived like you did something wrong and they just leave with nothing to really say. In conclusuion this girl has you wondering the reasons and you want answers. And she seems like she don't even care but the strange thing is that before she acted as if she cared. I say forget about her because you will never get your answers and don't waste any minute thinking that it was your fault and that you were the stupid one when in fact you were not at all! If I were you I wouldn't let this bother me and move on with my life. But the No contact rule is a great idea keep up with that!
Yep I felt used emotionally and led on. Because before I could tell she really cared, because her actions spoke very boldly. But then it was like she didn't care anymore. That just threw me into a loop. I didn't know what to take from that or what to believe or think. It hurt the crap out of me. Its like she didn't understand how what she did just confused and hurt the crap out of me. And its like even though it was her... I was still blaming myself... and because I didn't have that closure my mind went wild. She probably thought that I was really tripping or crazy but she just didn't understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
I even felt like I had to prove to her that I cared and loved her, and I also felt like I had to explain to her why I was hurt bc it seemed like she just didn't CARE!!!
Believe me it was bothering me for at least the past 3 months, but now things have calmed down because I have been doing so good with NO CONTACT but at times I still find myself thinking about the situation. I just hate things ended so harshly...you know? But I'm trying to not let it bother me. You know the day before Thanksgiving I was feeling really bad because I had gotten so attached to her family, and she has a great family, they included me in on everything. But who knows with the next one it will be even better...Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
But I will be alright...I've been making progress thus far...
But the weirdest thing is that because of that situation I've been thinking about different things that I've never thought of before.....WEIRD!!!
Yep I felt used emotionally and led on. Because before I could tell she really cared, because her actions spoke very boldly. But then it was like she didn't care anymore. That just threw me into a loop. I didn't know what to take from that or what to believe or think. It hurt the crap out of me. Its like she didn't understand how what she did just confused and hurt the crap out of me. And its like even though it was her... I was still blaming myself... and because I didn't have that closure my mind went wild. She probably thought that I was really tripping or crazy but she just didn't understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
I even felt like I had to prove to her that I cared and loved her, and I also felt like I had to explain to her why I was hurt bc it seemed like she just didn't CARE!!!
Believe me it was bothering me for at least the past 3 months, but now things have calmed down because I have been doing so good with NO CONTACT but at times I still find myself thinking about the situation. I just hate things ended so harshly...you know? But I'm trying to not let it bother me. You know the day before Thanksgiving I was feeling really bad because I had gotten so attached to her family, and she has a great family, they included me in on everything. But who knows with the next one it will be even better...Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten420
But I will be alright...I've been making progress thus far...
But the weirdest thing is that because of that situation I've been thinking about different things that I've never thought of before.....WEIRD!!!
I know exactly how you feel. You just have to take this day by day and as much as you would like to know why things went the way they did and as much as you would like to sit with her and talk about it so you can understand more on her feelings and why they so drastically changed you will never know the answer to that and it will drive you mad and I personally believe that that's why you can't get over this relationship. One day you will move on as long as you keep out of cantact with her and eventually you will find that perfect somebody you always looked for. Just I warn you if she tries to take you back don't go for it because you will end up in the same situation believe me this happened to me for 2 years on and off with my ex and he did the same thing every time even when I was pregnant with his kids. He acted as if he never even cared and he wasn't even there for me while I was pregnant until after I lost my babies and then he wanted to be in my life again and he mest my whole mind up I don't know if I can ever trust again. Just stay strong and I will be here to support you. We all will.
Sometimes there just isn't an explanation to things... or better yet the explanation isn't what we want to hear. Just don't worry about why she did what she did. Worry about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is a learning experience. Humans are humans and complications will always be there. You are doing great with NC! Keep it up. Everything happens for a reason. Believe that.
Yea things happen for a reason, because I would have never thought that my relatonship with her would have went that way. Wow!!Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Life is full of strange, and bewildering twists, and turns. You have to keep making adjustments, and stay focused, on what you want from it.
That's the KEY word, staying focused on what's really important, and making adjustments.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I think the more you avoid her, the more you will miss and will take longer to get over her, there's going to be a time when you will bump into her withput being able to avoid a meet.. U must've loved her very much to feel this way, but you mus maintain strong and move on, there are so many girls that would like to have a man that will love her the way you seem to love, if you know you don't want anything to do w/her stick with it but NEVER HIDE!
Yea... shes a member of a church that I associate with. It's a guarantee that I will bump into her. But I won't say anything if I ever cross her.
Sometime ago before I really stuck with the NO CONTACT, I contacted her and told her I was sorry for how things turned out, and that I was just confused and hurt... but I didn't have any bad intentions. But she wasn't trying to hear me out or anything so I gave it up. God knows how geniuene my heart is.
So does everybody that has read your posts and so do your true friends. I have had to deal with being the "nice guy" my whole life, putting women before myself, and not even realizing what I'm doing until it's to late. It has caused me a lot of pain but I have to tell you as much pain as I've gone through, I'm glad it wound up that way, because if a woman can not a appreciate man with a genuine heart towards her, then she doesn't deserve that man, and that man deserves a better woman, despite how she may portray it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
Thanks glad you guys can see the geniuene side of my heart... I only 23yrs old but I've been the "NICE GUY" for the longest, just like you putting woman before myself... and because of that action the "PAIN" I went through. But it was all for the good. I mean I made my mistakes in the relationship but she should know that my heart is genuiene (Crazy thing is that her family saw how genuiene my heart is but she didn't)...but I guess she doesn't see that or she just thinks I'm just over reacting.Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
I didn't feel appreciated by her at all. After a while it was as if she just didn't care...Quote:
Originally Posted by chuff
Yea I do deserve better...
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