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-   Relationships (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=277)
-   -   I let up and contacted her.all she did was ignore me.I feel terrible! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=268819)

  • Oct 14, 2008, 02:11 PM
    chuff
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23 View Post
    If I'm suppose to be giving 40% and she is suppose to be giving 60%. Now that I know what my job is. What is her job in the relationship...???
    What I mean by that is you never pay for everything for her. You never do everything for her. You never give her more emotional support then she gives you. (By the way, if something tragic happens that doesn't give you a right to ignore her or go "I'm only giving 40% here, then you step up and be a man and guide her through the tough times). All things being equial you only give 40%.

    Look at what you were doing. You gave her 100% emotionally and you got dropped and are now trying to figure out what happened. That is my point. Emotionally she's not hurt, because her emotional investment was 0%. She didn't need to put herself in the relationship because you did everything for her.
  • Oct 14, 2008, 02:14 PM
    snowalps
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by High Max View Post
    You can do this, I have got through the worst of it, and I did more crazy things than you.. for God sake I tried to fake an accident. Don't let this consume you.
    Dude I completely understand what might have led you to doing that.. trust me I don't know a think about it but I can really understand your situation...
  • Oct 14, 2008, 03:15 PM
    Sweet_Guy23
    Yea you are right! I can't see it right now, but I do know there is more to it than I thought! But it will only take one relationship like this one to get me to wake up and realize "Hey I'm not doing something right." This was like my first real relationship though. And really was a great girl... SERIOUSLY... I hate to lose that one... but I'm learning things I didn't know until now!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    But Sweets, you said in the other posts you were constantly trying to get to spend time with her and to get her to do things. That isn't the way you acted when you first met. When you started to give her power over you, she lost interest. When she backed off, you went in even further. In fact you didn't let up. That's not how you acted when you first met.
    Yes you are right I was constantly trying to spend time with her and trying to get her to do things. When we first met I wasn't like that... I was smooth and cool (I had the power over her... and she was all over me) You are right!! And when she did back off, instead of backing off her... I started coming harder... I pushed her away... I lost that control I once had in the relationship... which by the way feels horrible!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Who knows why she is not the same, she's growing and changing. But so are you, you are taking this issue and making it better for yourself. That's growth that matters to you. That's only going to help you in the future. The sad reality of life is, you can change on your own but sometimes real change comes from real pain. That is what you are doing when so many people won't and keep making the same mistakes.
    This situation has really made me evaluate myself... If I would have never went through this relationship I would never known or learned the things you been telling me. Now that Im kind of getting it now. I wish that I could start over with her and do it all over again... you know? But I know more than likely that won't happen. I promise I won't make the same mistakes again.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Dude, that is how women speak when they don't know how to say you've changed. They can't tell you because it doesn't make sense to them either.
    I mean all she ever told me was that "I don't know", don't ask me anything because all Ima say is that "I don't know." I never thought that could be the reason "bc I changed"... you know?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Exactly. Women speak with actions and they judge us by actions. When her actions don't line up with her words she is lying. But instead of beating that dead horse you have to back off and give her room.
    I didn't give her space! I got kind of paranoid and a lot of things was running through my mind and because I loved her and cared for her, I got worried that I might lose her. I should have backed off and gave her room like you said.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Women want a man to guide them and take charge. When you start suggesting things you are not doing that. Remember what I said before, if she wants to do something she'll tell you. Then be a good guy and do it. But if she isn't suggesting anything flat out tell her what you'll be doing and when you'll being doing it. If she disapproves she'll tell you.
    From now on I will guide and take charge. And never suggest anything! My big flop. Once when everything was great she suggested that we do a pinic, and I made it happen and she loved me for that... amazing! Man I wish I had another chance to redeem myself with her... man!

    But you know I was always taught coming up to be a gentlemen, and to be sweet, and kind. Never what you told me...
  • Oct 14, 2008, 04:20 PM
    Jiser

    You were exactly like I was in my first relationship. Guess what happened everything went tits up!
  • Oct 14, 2008, 04:25 PM
    TrueFaith

    The part about her being a christian really made me laugh.

    Hey yeah the 2nd part Hello you don't want to be friends with her stop lying to yourself just be done with her

    Listen it does not matter what faith she is. If she does not want to be with you. Heaven nor hell will get it done.

    And man can you please stop contacting her? Are you out of your mind
    Don't you have any self respect or pride?
    This is probable the reason why she can't stand you.
    I must admit even I'm getting pisst off that you keep going back to her! And asking is she OK

    Who gives a @@@ if she is or isn't she does not care about you so why the @@ should you care about her?

    Just give it a god damn rest kid seriously unless you want everyone on this board telling you the same stuff over and over agai.

    This is my last post I'm ever going to typ to you. Because nothing seems to get into your head

    Go to no contact!
  • Oct 14, 2008, 04:26 PM
    chuff
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jiser View Post
    You were exactly like I was in my first relationship. Guess what happened everything went tits up!
    Hell, I didn't even know we could say tits here on this board. That's titriffic.
  • Oct 14, 2008, 04:41 PM
    MC12545

    Dude I know is hard. No offence to you or anyhting but Reading your post really made me sick. DO U HAVE ANY DIGNITY FOR YOURSELF? LEAVE HER ALONE. Sorry to be so blunt but the GIRL doesn't give a.. MOVE ON you are doing this to yourself.
  • Oct 14, 2008, 05:11 PM
    Jiser

    Lol Chuff! Having spent a month in Canada and Boston/NYC/Seattle etc I should know these things! Tits up is basically everything gone bad/wrong...

    TITTY!!
  • Oct 14, 2008, 05:29 PM
    talaniman
    As JB always points out, dating is a time to get to know each other, and see if you click well enough, to build a life together.

    Unfortunately when it doesn't work, for whatever reason, we hold on, because we get attached, and somebody gets hurt, and that's the lesson we learn, how to cope with our feelings, and love ourselves enough to do what is necessary for our own well being, and happiness.

    Yes you will be more aware next time, having been through it, and guard your heart much better, and be a lot more responsible for yourself, and know what you will stand for. And what you won't stand for.
  • Oct 14, 2008, 07:52 PM
    Sweet_Guy23

    Yea you are right! I can't see it right now, but I do know there is more to it than I thought! But it will only take one relationship like this one to get me to wake up and realize "Hey I'm not doing something right." This was like my first real relationship though. And really was a great girl... SERIOUSLY... I hate to lose that one... but I'm learning things I didn't know until now!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    But Sweets, you said in the other posts you were constantly trying to get to spend time with her and to get her to do things. That isn't the way you acted when you first met. When you started to give her power over you, she lost interest. When she backed off, you went in even further. In fact you didn't let up. That's not how you acted when you first met.
    Yes you are right I was constantly trying to spend time with her and trying to get her to do things. When we first met I wasn't like that... I was smooth and cool (I had the power over her... and she was all over me) You are right!! And when she did back off, instead of backing off her... I started coming harder... I pushed her away... I lost that control I once had in the relationship... which by the way feels horrible!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Who knows why she is not the same, she's growing and changing. But so are you, you are taking this issue and making it better for yourself. That's growth that matters to you. That's only going to help you in the future. The sad reality of life is, you can change on your own but sometimes real change comes from real pain. That is what you are doing when so many people won't and keep making the same mistakes.
    This situation has really made me evaluate myself... If I would have never went through this relationship I would never known or learned the things you been telling me. Now that Im kind of getting it now. I wish that I could start over with her and do it all over again... you know? But I know more than likely that won't happen. I promise I won't make the same mistakes again.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Dude, that is how women speak when they don't know how to say you've changed. They can't tell you because it doesn't make sense to them either.
    I mean all she ever told me was that "I don't know", don't ask me anything because all Ima say is that "I don't know." I never thought that could be the reason "bc I changed"... you know?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Exactly. Women speak with actions and they judge us by actions. When her actions don't line up with her words she is lying. But instead of beating that dead horse you have to back off and give her room.
    I didn't give her space! I got kind of paranoid and a lot of things was running through my mind and because I loved her and cared for her, I got worried that I might lose her. I should have backed off and gave her room like you said.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by chuff View Post
    Women want a man to guide them and take charge. When you start suggesting things you are not doing that. Remember what I said before, if she wants to do something she'll tell you. Then be a good guy and do it. But if she isn't suggesting anything flat out tell her what you'll be doing and when you'll being doing it. If she disapproves she'll tell you.
    From now on I will guide and take charge. And never suggest anything! My big flop. Once when everything was great she suggested that we do a pinic, and I made it happen and she loved me for that... amazing! Man I wish I had another chance to redeem myself with her... man!

    But you know I was always taught coming up to be a gentlemen, and to be sweet, and kind. Never what you told me...
  • Oct 15, 2008, 08:27 AM
    Sweet_Guy23

    Now that I know my job in a relationship... chuff expained that well... what is a woman's job in a relationship?? That is something I really need to know as well...
  • Oct 15, 2008, 10:07 AM
    talaniman
    The basics of a relationship is to communicate and work together for the benefit of both.

    It takes two partners to decide the definition of the relationship, and the boundaries of behavior, and the roles you both play in each others lives.

    Knowing yourself, and who you are, is the first real step toward growing together, and having, and honoring, long term commitments to each other.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 10:36 AM
    High Max

    It sounds like you really want a long term, serious relationship. I do too, but it is very tough to find someone at our young age who is going to be faithful and committed, at our age its all about fun fun fun fun fun. Not always, though. These girls seem to be taken, though.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 12:59 PM
    High Max

    Nothing wrong with having a great time Tal, it just seems that at a younger age a lot of people don't appreciate a man/woman who is intelligent, insightful, and has more going for them than just providing laughs and a silly time.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 02:59 PM
    Sweet_Guy23
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    The basics of a relationship is to communicate and work together for the benefit of both.

    It takes two partners to decide the definition of the relationship, and the boundaries of behavior, and the roles you both play in each others lives.

    Knowing yourself, and who you are, is the first real step toward growing together, and having, and honoring, long term commitments to each other.
    In that relationship one thing I can say is that I was very good at communicating (which she was poor at) and getting me and her to work together. I'm pretty sure you know the situation.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 03:04 PM
    BrewCrew0981
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by High Max View Post
    Nothing wrong with having a great time Tal, it just seems that at a younger age a lot of people dont appreciate a man/woman who is intelligent, insightful, and has more going for them than just providing laughs and a silly time.
    Don't worry about it. You might be single now, but won't be in the future. I'm 28, and I can attest that after the whole get wasted, party with my friends, life is one big party wears off; you'll be option numero uno long after all the "fun" guys have worn out their style. There are plenty of mature girls out there. They'll find you.
  • Oct 15, 2008, 03:48 PM
    talaniman
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23 View Post
    In that relationship one thing I can say is that I was very good at communicating (which she was poor at) and getting me and her to work together. I'm pretty sure you know the situation.
    Never stayed with someone like that, more than a couple of dates.:rolleyes: Or they never stayed with me.:eek::o

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