OK but is it possible that he loves things the way they are and doesn't want to ruin it by marriage. A lot of people change after they get married. I love being married but honestly a ring doesn't make me anymore commented to my husband than I was before. I love him regardless of if we ever got married or not. He doesn't need to wear a wedding band to know he is my one and only and the man of my dreams. I wish you luck but don't lose someone you love over a marriage. Good luck

Oh believe me that is the theory I was on for the last two years, but the problem isn't not getting married, it's being told that I not 'good enough' to wed, because I entered the relationship a single mother. It's also that when I talk about our future, it's our future, when he brings up our future, it's separated.

I don't know you or your situation, but I am mentally hugging you right now.

In my short time here, I've seen how you help others through their difficulties, and mine, too. Thank you, and I'll be thinking of you!

Thank you Torrid.
I appreciate all the support.
This board is a fabulous place.

What an uncomfortable night, :(

::sigh::

Justy Dear,

I am so sorry that I am just now getting to this. I haven't even talked to you since you got back from Vegas. :(

I've been a little absent the last several days preparing for upcoming licensing exams but I'm here whenever you need me.

I think you are a strong, multi-faceted, wonderful woman. And you're beautiful inside and out. ;)

We've talked before about this kind of stuff so although it's difficult right now, it will get better.

One single mother to another, if a man deems it unacceptable that I have a child with someone I was never married too, well he is not the one for nikosmom. It's a long hard road but our children have been blessings to our lives, wouldn't you say so?

His loss. But by the time he realizes it, you'll be in Kansas City.

Carry on. :cool:

{{{Hugs to ya}}}

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

His loss. But by the time he realizes it, you'll be in Kansas City.

Carry on. :cool:

{{{Hugs to ya}}}

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That was a hilarious line. So I promise you through my tears there was a smile.

This morning was very difficult. Although I am strong and I know what is right, there is something so heartbreaking to me about a man so closed off emotionally, he is willing to let three people who love him BY CHOICE walk out of his life without one word of a fight. That in the end five years is so easy for him to let go of. Not that we had some roller coaster of a relationship, not that it is good riddance to an emotional he!! but just so emotionally self-destructive that we will walk away and he won't say a word.

How is the morning treating you Justy? Keep us informed.

Glad I could give you a chuckle, J. Sometimes that's what we need; a slight diversion.

I don't understand it either because I thought/hoped this would be "the one" for you and I can't seem to wrap my mind around someone walking away so easily.

I can't do too much to ease the hurt but I can be here for you if you need to unload. Or need more diversions.

How are the kids- are they aware yet?

Justwantfair,
I am sorry to hear your breakup after 5 years... People in the board like you, support you, and try to cheer you up. It is somehow better than friends or family network!! Friends & family members love us, but we are too close to them, and sometimes better off not to tell the whole story not to hurt them or saving my face from them for future...

I have seen so many single mothers who were 'chosen' by good quality men in my area. They are happily married with kids. You will be with the right person who really loves you. Your ex was not the right one. Being a single is an actually privilege to meet the better person for your future. You should enjoy it, and try to use the opportunity wisely after you heal from the would.
:) Cheer up! You have a golden ticket in your hand. :)

Awww... Justy, I missed all of this yesterday. I am sooo sorry... If you need anything, let me know. Even if it's just a night at Brewski's to talk. LOL. I've never been there. Always wanted to check it out.

Just checking in Justy.
I am at work now and thought I would see how your night went.

The morning is hard, a little more reality of the situation setting in. A better grasp of the fact that this isn't at all what I want for our future, but I am not the one who needs to fight for this.

The children do not know anything about the separation yet. I have an upcoming status date where it should be finalized for full custody to me on July 21st. Unfortunately until then I can't make an changes to my living environment because it's quite possible that changes would leave the situation up to new investigation and I am too close to having that finalized. If it's not, then we are in a bigger predicament of how to handle a separation.

Thankfully, this isn't a separation rooted in anger and hostility. I honestly can't wrap my own mind around someone walking away or closing possibilities for the reasons that he is. It makes it that much more difficult to grasp and handle my feelings appropriately. Although I feel it's the right move, today I mostly just want to beat some sense into his dense thought processes. My mom called him emotionally self-destructive and I think it fits him well. There is something that even though I know this is affecting him, he hasn't said two words to me about it, he will let me walk away without addressing his own feelings about this situation.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by winding200

Justwantfair,
I am sorry to hear your breakup after 5 years... People in the board like you, support you, and try to cheer you up. It is somehow better than friends or family network!!!! Friends & family members love us, but we are too close to them, and sometimes better off not to tell the whole story not to hurt them or saving my face from them for future...

I have seen so many single mothers who were 'chosen' by good quality men in my area. They are happily married with kids. You will be with the right person who really loves you. Your ex was not the right one. Being a single is an actually privilege to meet the better person for your future. You should enjoy it, and try to use the opportunity wisely after you heal from the would.
:) Cheer up! You have a golden ticket in your hand. :)

---

Most of my family I haven't told yet. This isn't the time I want to hear the "I told you so's". I know that when I address my family and friends with this, it will be shocking and it will really make me face my reality... I know what the board would say, but it's a step I am just not ready for and like I stated I have to keep this somewhat under wraps until custody is finalized.

This board has always been my lifeline, the people hear are wonderfully supportive and informed and have helped me maintain my sanity on multiple occasions (and we all know I am only borderline sane ;))

Sometimes people would rather keep their emotions in until it kills them. His lack of ability to express his emotions will be self destructive, as you can only hold them in for so long. So, while it seems he is a robot, eventually a short circuit will occur... it is sad as he will carry this baggage into every relationship he has from here on out.

When your partner can't communicate their feelings to you, I think it is a clear sign of something deeper and perhaps something that cannot be fixed, no matter how much you want to fix it. Some things are the way they are.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

Awww... Justy, I missed all of this yesterday. I am sooo sorry... If you need anything, let me know. Even if it's just a night at Brewski's to talk. LOL. I've never been there. Always wanted to check it out.

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The one board member close enough to drink with me. :)
That is something new to love.

If he isn't facing his feelings and talking about it then maybe inside he is torn up over it. But then again maybe he is waiting for it to be over and just keeping peace. Either way it makes it an emotional ride for you and that's not fair. He could at least talk. How will he act when he sees your children and there response to it? Does he think they will take it easy and get over it because they are kids? I have to say I can't get it in my head his not wanting marriage to a single mother. It makes no sense to me. Then why did he start to date you?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

The one board member close enough to drink with me. :)
That is something new to love.

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HAHA! Name the place. Be more than happy to hang out if you need someone to talk to =) And I sent you a message this morning about Saturday, didn't even realize what you were dealing with. If you need to reschedule, that's OK, but I guess sometimes an hour out of the house wouldn't be so bad huh? I guess just let me know what you'd like to do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Sometimes people would rather keep their emotions in until it kills them. His lack of ability to express his emotions will be self destructive, as you can only hold them in for so long. So, while it seems he is a robot, eventually a short circuit will occur...it is sad as he will carry this baggage into every relationship he has from here on out.

When your partner can't communicate their feelings to you, I think it is a clear sign of something deeper and perhaps something that cannot be fixed, no matter how much you want to fix it. Some things are the way they are.

---

Yes, my mom equated it to being an addict. You can't force someone to change their self-destructive ways no matter, how hard or how much you want to help.

It hurts when there are no longer options that you want to face ahead of you. So today I am still trying to hang tough, I am just not as tough as I was yesterday, but there have been less tears.

We all have our inner demons to face... you can do what you want, when you want, how you want... but eventually there comes a time to pay the piper. Some of us have never done it, others have done it several times. He is no different.