Slowly but surely. Ease her back into your life and into your friends' lives. Take it easy and don't rush things. Since you want her back in your life then what you did by laying down your rules was right. Just make sure that getting back with her is what you really want - you've been there right? So you should have a clearer sight of what you're in for.

Yeah I will, we went out to dinner the other night and that was good. She seems happy when she's around me. She also brought up before when we were together saying things about my friends being kind of distant. I told her I felt the same about her friends for the most part and she told me that her friends are just weird cause they don't want her to rush into something hopefully that's a good sign.

Looks like you're all set and you get the idea. Just remember to take it easy. The more you rush into things - the more "blurred" both of your visions will be going back into this relationship. Just enjoy each other's company and have fun. Best of luck to you!

So me and my ex went out to lunch and talked about this matter and at lunch she told me that when she got back at school she did not expect all this to happen and her to start changing how she felt for me again.

She says that she wants time to think about everything before we jump into getting back together there's a few things that's been going on. She said she doesn't want my friends to hate her if we get back together, and her friends to feel weird to me. She said also that she's worried that things will end the same as before so she wants to make sure things are different now.

To me it sounds like she wants to get back together but is afraid that things will end badly. If that's the case, how do I make her realize that things are going to be OK?

Question is, am I doing the right thing by telling her that I'll wait for her decision and I also told her to take a chance and have fun again.

She seems more concerned about what other people think and not about you as a couple.

It's clear that you should wait a while until she can decide for definite what she wants to do other wise it will end up in tears.

Give each other some space for a while...

I think if she was serious about getting back with you, she would have, and not send all these hopeful signals. If you weren't so blinded by wanting her back, you would see she is only keeping you close enough to keep her company, and nothing more. Your going along with it, and will kiss her butt until she tells you to stop, and you'll ask us what happened? Sorry, but if you insist on keep doing as she tells you, you sure won't do anything for yourself.

Me and my girlfriend recently broke up and we were together for about a 13 months (a break happened over the summer). She broke up with me because she said she is confused about weither or not I'm the right guy for her. She told me when she's around me or with me she's really happy, and loves me and all. But she said she she is scared that she's had doubted herself a few times. I told her id wait for to clear her mind and that if she wanted time to figure stuff out id rather her be sure about something then just doing it on a whim. I tried to get together with her the day after because she decided to call me at 3 AM drunk telling me how great I was. But she said she couldn't meet with me because "she just couldnt" .Question I have is what do I do? Do I just let her go and try and move on? She tells me not to wait because she said she doesn't know how long it will for her to be sure about it? I don't want the day to come when I'm OK with everything and then she comes back and says she made a mistake.

I wouldn't "wait" around for her, but by saying this I really don't me just go date other people. I'd stop focusing on her so much, focus on what your life needs right now, what new hobbies you could take up or get back into that you didn't previously have the time for. Hang out with friends and family, and just try not to think about her.

I've been very confused like her, and I assure you that pressuring her, try to hang out with her all the time and that kind of stuff isn't the thing to do. You need to distance yourself. Treat this like an end to the relationship.

I believe that if you're meant to be with someone, if you both REALLY love each other, then when she's ready she will come to you willing to work on the relationship, but I would probably, in your mind, decided that this isn't what's going to happen.

Don't give yourself false hope. She did break up with you, and you should treat it as such, but please, for you own sake, do it in a healthy way, sleeping with people or immediately jumping back into dating is not the answer.

I think I will agree with you on this. She keeps telling me that she loves me, but doesn't think its fair to me if she has a doubt, Idk how you think but personally having a doubt is what makes us human and its kind of a good thing and reaffirming if she's happy. I know I need to keep space but I just wish there was a way to tell her to take a step back and think before she makes decisions.

7 threads merged

Now I am confused about what's going on, she called me last night crying breaking down saying that she feels overwhelmed with School, money, housing (were in college) and she's fighting with her roommates. And she feels trapped about what's going on. And she said that all she wishes she can do is just come lay with me and talk to me about everything like she used to, or sleep with me. She said she misses everything that we used to do and wishes we could. What the heck is going on and what do I do?

She's very stubborn and isn't the type to say she made a mistake and I feel like that's what's going on that she thinks she made a mistake but doesn't want to tell me.

Actions speak louder than words with her. She is telling you all this, but you two aren't together. The best thing you could so right now is to let it go and when she figures out what she needs to then maybe you two can work it out

I went back and read ALL the responses you got and since last summer everyone has explained to you why you should go No Contact. All your posts are about your confusion and frustration dealing with false hope and denial, and a refusal to let go.

At least long enough for your brain to clear, and see what we see, and be able to change the cycle of confusion your in.

Quote:

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I want to try and get her back and I don't know how to go about doing so.

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After a year and a half, GIVE UP AND WALK AWAY!

Time to walk away , if you had started your No Contact when this all started you'd be over it by now.

You're waiting for a confused female. You will be waiting forever. One day they "feel" this, the next they "feel" another way. They base their decisions on their feelings and emotions. If they don't feel right, it's a no go. She is not "feeling" you anymore.

You have waited long enough. Time to move on and find a not so confused girl.