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Originally Posted by talaniman

Just to play devils advicate, but unless we are married, no way do I get rid of any old momentos. Are you crazy???? How would I feel if I got rid of old keepsakes and then you dumped me?

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Yeah, sure it's one thing to keep certain mementos of your past. But look, these aren't just any mementos. These are naked pictures of an ex who's been contacting him wanting to get back with him.

I have old photos of exes. But not naked ones. I'm talking for instance, some photos from high school prom, etc. That's different. And seriously mine are with a box of all my photos, tucked in some closet somewhere. Not out alone in a drawer where I can get easy access to them, because frankly I have no interest whatsoever in those guys, and they have no interest in me. Ancient history.

I'm not so far off from CM and sokay in reality and in my own actions...

I also think each partner is allowed their own privacy. I don't riffle through my wife's journals from the past or the present. It might be "apples to carburators"... funny line by the way...

BUT I didn't catch she might have sent these after hed started dating the OP first time I read this!

Uhm... I think he's on his own on this one. Not going to defend his position even as devils advocate. How can you?

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Originally Posted by kp2171

BUT i didnt catch she might have sent these after hed started dating the OP first time i read this!

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Regardless of anyone's opinion, I think that's the deal breaker right there...

Before or after-- he is holding onto the pics.
I wouldn't tolerate it either way.

It all depends on when the pictures were sent. That's what the main issue is, until that question is answered all we have to go on is speculation. I'm like Sneezy, I have certain pictures stored away in a closest in my bathroom... As soon as I get married, all the notes and letters and stuff like that can be discarded, just not the pictures of vacations me and ex's took. Now my current girlfriend told me that her and her ex had made a video together, all I said was that it made me high uncomfortable and out of respect for me she destroyed it. I didn't ask her to because I don't feel as though it's my place to say anything because we aren't married

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

It all depends on when the pictures were sent. That's what the main issue is, until that question is answered all we have to go on is speculation. I'm like Sneezy, I have certain pictures stored away in a closest in my bathroom...As soon as I get married, all the notes and letters and stuff like that can be discarded, just not the pictures of vacations me and ex's took. Now my current girlfriend told me that her and her ex had made a video together, all I said was that it made me high uncomfortable and out of respect for me she destroyed it. I didn't ask her to because I don't feel as though it's my place to say anything because we aren't married

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Hi Rome,

That is great that she destroyed it, and the fact that you didn't ask/make her. This I feel is the beginning of a really nice relationship :) Good for you!!

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I have certain pictures stored away in a closest in my bathroom...As soon as I get married, all the notes and letters and stuff like that can be discarded, just not the pictures of vacations me and ex's took.

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I agree 100%. I won't get rid of memories that I have just because it makes someone uncomfortable. I suppose explicit things are a different story, but its part of my past and I don't want to forget it.

Hey Starlite,

I believe it is a great beginning too. I owe it all to you guys though, through this site and reading their advice I realized what it takes to have a healthly strong relationship. Being demanding will only lead to a break up, so instead I state how something makes me feel with no expectations about the outcome.

That's how I think the OP should handle this situation, use communication(you need this for a relationship to last) and talk to him about finding the pictures and how they make you feel.

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Hey Starlite,

I believe it is a great beginning too. I owe it all to you guys though, through this site and reading their advice I realized what it takes to have a healthly strong relationship. Being demanding will only lead to a break up, so instead I state how something makes me feel with no expectations about the outcome.

That's how I think the OP should handle this situation, use communication(you need this for a relationship to last) and talk to him about finding the pictures and how they make you feel.

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Absolutley. Communication is the key!

What affection this guy has for others should have NO BEARING upon the current relationship IF he is not physically (face to face) seeing her or boinking her. If I was a man and a girl (regardless of who) sent me naked pics, I would never throw them away. I would keep them and I would look at them to; but that would not change the way I felt about my current partner .

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

I suppose explicit things are a different story

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But this thread is about explicit things (naked pictures), not clothed pictures from a prom, or a vacation. Or are naked pictures not explicit?

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Originally Posted by SmartNsexa

What affection this guy has for others should have NO BEARING upon the current relationship IF he is not physically (face to face) seeing her or boinking her. If I was a man and a girl (regardless of who) sent me naked pics, I would never throw them away. I would keep them and I would look at them to; but that would not change the way I felt about my current partner .

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So then you'd be cool with it if a woman who's been trying to hook up with your man sent him naked pictures and he kept them in a drawer to look at, and had affection for her, just as long as he's not 'boinking' her.

That is an interesting perspective.

Just curious, have you actually ever been in that situation? Or is this just speculation?

Thanks everyone for your posts. Im through wit his bs... the way I see it this is just going to gimme a chance to catch up on ALL the I been missing out on. He's an .

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Originally Posted by codelle1

Thanks everyone for ur posts. Im through wit his bs...the way i see it this is just gonna gimme a chance to catch up on ALL the i been missin out on. He's an .

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Good for you, I'd say you're way better off without that stress in your life. A relationship shouldn't be bringing unnecessary chaos into your life, you sound like a smart lady and you don't need this. You want a guy who's all about you and doesn't have entanglements with other women. After all, you're not bringing that to the table, so why put up with it?

I think it's a little premature to end a relationship without any communication first.

Sure, you can decide what you think you want to do, but jumping to conclusions is never good. I'm not taking his side, he'd have to have one hell of a story, but communication is a crucial step.

I think, sad as it is, that she made the right choice for herself. Now they just have to live with it.

He probably never showed them to you because he thought it would backfire on him and you should not throw away a year of dating because of a picture. It's not like he took the picture himself.

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Originally Posted by Duecey93

He probably never showed them to you because he thought it would backfire on him and you should not throw away a year of dating because of a picture. It's not like he took the picture himself.

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How do you know he didn't take it himself? How do we know it's a recent picture of her? Perhaps it was a naked picture that he DID take himself when they were together, and she was sending it to remind him of that.

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

So if your significant other was receiving and KEEPING naked pictures of their ex, you wouldn't be bothered?

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Here is the deal for me and my partner:
If he (or I) see something we think is sexy or moving etc, we share it. The conversation would go like this:
Him: Hey Leah look what my x just sent me in the mail.
Me: Oh man! Oh la la.
Him: Mmmmmmm
Me:How'd did she get that close up? (giggle)
Him: I am going to put these in the top drawer so the kids don't see their Mom that way.
Me: Good idea.
TRULY that is how the conversation would go.

[/QUOTE]
You wouldn't mind that he is still accepting her letters? He's telling her its acceptable. He's being dishonest and sneaky. These are all qualities you want in a significant other?[/QUOTE]

If he thought she would fly off the handle insecurley over this then yeah I can see him hiding them from her to spare the fight, hurt feelings, and so on. His motives are not sneaky the ex-lady is the only motivated party here. I think the lady who wrote this sholld talk to the ex-lady, sit her down and let her know that she is making the new relationship difficult and ask her to stop. People don't stop behaviors very often unless someone asks them... Like my annoing foot tap... it annoys some people, around them I don't do it.

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Originally Posted by codelle1

Thanks everyone for ur posts. Im through wit his bs...the way i see it this is just gonna gimme a chance to catch up on ALL the i been missin out on. He's an .

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Are you sure you broke up over the photos though? Or did you just need that ONE GOOD REASON? If you are ever in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, just get out of the relationship and move on... don't make it about men behaving like men. THey all look at naked pics, they like them. They also fart in church, leave their sox on the sofa and on football days they park in front of the TV... Are you sure you want a man at all?