Ask Me Help Desk - She Cheated On Me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Leave her alone. If you have to tell her who she can talk to and who she can't, you don't need to be there. That is not right. She is grown, so if you can't trust her, leave her alone.
Leave her alone. PERIOD

If she contacts me I am going to answer her..
I asked her to get rid of that other number
Because the other guys number was in there
And all his bloody mates numbers...

Wouldn't you ask the same thing
If your partner did what she did and you tried to make a go of it..
Would you not have certain things you would want to happen
Before you even step foot back in her life..

At the time it made me feel a little more secure in making the choice I did
I have been leaving her ALONE, SHE texts me daily!

She can have that old number now for all I care...
I said its gotten on my nerves because she lied about getting rid of it!

LMS,

This girl is playing with your emotions. She's playing a game with you and I think your so far in love that you can not see that. I'm sorry but she doesn't love you like you love her and I don't care what she says. It's obvious. She texts you left and right when you don't answer, but when you do, and she doesn't answer you keep going in further and further. Women read this way better then men do. She knows that when you text her back and then continue doing it, and then calling she's laid her trap and you've fallen in. She also knows from previous experience that you can't go to long without her. You've taught her she can play these games and eventually you will come back and so she just does the same thing over and over. I'm sorry and I know you hate hearing this but if you want to heal this emotional wound you can't keep picking at by being in contact with her. Take this very example, you were doing okay and then this happened and you've fallen back not progressed forward. I will repeat this again,

DO NOT CONTACT THIS WOMAN! SHE DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU, THAT YOU DO ABOUT HER!

Normally, it's OK to rant and rave and let it all out - it helps the healing process. But, I noticed that you wrote your long 'rant' early in the morning (probably after a Friday night out drinking).

This is nothing new. It will take time to heal and go through all the phases, so we will continue to encourage you to NOT contact her again.

As Chuff said, she is playing with your emotions - but the fact is that YOU are letting her do this. You are letting your pain get the better of you and using it as an excuse to do some dumb things now. Just be careful that you don't go too far.

Forget about that darned phone chip, or the numbers, or her lies and guys, it's OVER! Why do you insist on dwelling on these things that will hurt you. Start taking control of you life and stop letting her do it long-distance.

Rejection hurts like heck, but we've all been through it and learned to survive - some of us more than once. We get stronger and wiser every time and grow with experience.

Now, go and drink some coffee or get some well needed rest and when you wake up, start your new day with new thoughts and make some plans for your future. Get rid of everything she left behind and don't worry about trying to get them to her - just trash them. And trash one memory of her each day and stick to that plan until they are moved to the vault in your mind that is filed under 'mistakes'. They should only be pulled out of this file when you find yourself starting to make the same mistakes again in the future. That's how we cope with the damage we let others do to us.

It's not all her doing, you let her do it, so get angry at yourself and tell yourself to take better control from now on.

Again, read the first stickies in this Relationships Section and you'll find that you are not alone and that you can work things out to your benefit - make that choice to gain control and self-respect.

Please don't waste any more time feeling sorry for yourself - it only prolongs the pain. Instead, spend that time doing fun things, good food, good music, good books and good friends..

Good luck and stay with us.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifTune into a Comedy channel on TV and let yourself laugh a little.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chery

Normally, it's OK to rant and rave and let it all out - it helps the healing process. But, I noticed that you wrote your long 'rant' early in the morning (probably after a Friday night out drinking).

Nah I wasn't drunk I didn't go out.. I just couldn't sleep :/

Makes sense to do what you say..
I've played this game for to long
Its obvious she doesn't love me like I love her..
I shall delete her number throw her photo's n shi* in the bin
And just wash my hands with her..
I realise none of it matters now.. and I have to just let go of it all
Easier said than done though but ill endeavour to try my best
I guess the only person that can do this is me..
I do however get confort from reading these posts
So thank you to everyone...

That's what we are here for. Sometimes we seem harsh, but we don't judge, hold personal grudges, or gain anything by encouraging you to open your eyes to things you'd rather not deal with right now.

We will be here for you, and help you in your journey to getting to know yourself better and regaining your freedom to cope with your future better.

As I've said before, most of us have 'been there, done that' so you are in the right place for getting help.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nytimes

if she contacts me i am going to answer her..
i asked her to get rid of that other number
because the other guys number was in there
and all his bloody mates numbers...

would you ask the same thing
if your partner did what she did and you tried to make a go of it..
would you not have certain things you would want to happen
before you even step foot back in her life..

at the time it made me feel a little more secure in making the choice i did
i have been leaving her ALONE, SHE texts me daily!

she can have that old number now for all i care...
i said its gotten on my nerves because she lied about getting rid of it!

I am not going to stay with someone if I have to tell them who they can and can't talk to. To tell someone you are not even married to " I Dont want you talking to the friends of this person" is ridiculous. You either trust them or you don't, and if you don't, leave them.
Tell her to stop texting you and be done with it, or block her number from your phone or don't respond. She will get the message.

Bub, I'm in the same situation as you. Been best friends with this girl for 2 years, dated for a year, and then when I broke up with her for 6 weeks, found out she was fooling around (Though I don't think she had sex with, but who knows) a guy I know who was a complete a$$ and user. It happened 2 months ago and I'm still struggling every morning to deal with it. My girlfriend is in another city in the summers because we go to college, so I haven't really seen her in those 2 months and it's driving me crazy. Every morning I wake up and think about her and him together, and it's the most painful thing in the world. At the same time, she's told me numerous times it was a mistake and she told me right after I found out that it was only because she wanted and missed me and was looking for someone to fill that gap... I made a mistake too during that break that was just as bad, and I know that during a break-up everyone's desperate and lonely and looking to fill gaps. Does that make it right? Hell no. But I guess I've come to tell myself she's worth that pain, because there's no one I'd rather be with, and in time it'll trickle out of my head. Hopefully anyway.

Dude, I will be really honest with you. I have been with my wife for almost 10 years now. Last 2 year I went mad, literally mad and starting cheating on her. It was 2 years of pain and suffering or her. She BEGGED for me to get back to her... she gave me a lot of chances to make it up for her and be together again but I didn't see the ''light''. I kept on mistaking. After almost 1 year and a half I realised what **** of a man I am and wanted a new life with my wife. I wanted her back. But she didn't want to have me back. We got sepparated (we didn't divorce but we were sepparated). We spent our holidays sepparated. I went to my parent's house and she stayed home with her daughter from her first marriage. We spent our Christmas sepparated and the New Year also. In January she met a guy (a ****ing idiot scum bag of a person) and 1 week ago she told me that she cheated on me and that she slept with that mofo. But she also told me that what she did was a really bad mistake and that she wouldn't EVER do it again and she feels really sorry for it. Was she entitled to cheat on me also after I cheated on her 1 year? Maybe yes, maybe no. This doesn't matter now. At least things are now ballanced between us. Trust me... I know the pain you are passing through right now... the images with that other guy etc... ITS TERRIBLE... but they will pass... Me and my wife decided after this that we should start a NEW CLEAN LIFE together because we really love each other and we can build up a lot of things together. I know that maybe our situation is different because I was also a jerk to her and made her suffer terribly and because we are together for a long time.. but HEY DUDE! GO with your HEART! Stay with her... Marry Her.. IF YOU LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES YOU you will do just FINE! I believe that and I believe IN THAT! Best of luck to you!