Dear all help me advice/… I made a decision to break up with my boyfriend since we cannot solve issues anymore… we tried it again after breaking up for a year but it get worst and I give up he is also but also confused. I don’t know if he still see someone and I do see someone other guys once and a while but nothing serious. I cut all our means of communication. But my problem is I missed so much and I know that separating is the best way for us both. Sorry I know I should fight the feelings but its real;ly getting over me. Is OK if I say hi or

No, just maintain no contact. Just because you miss him doesn't mean he's right for you. It's a natural human response to miss old habits, even if they are no good. You've already given it several chances and it's only getting worse. You know deep inside he's not right for you. Just move on and if you maintain no contact it will be much easier.

Yea I agree, it seems as if you know things won't work out with you too... you've tried but they just won't but yet you're still hurting which is natural. The best thing for your sake is to go to NC for as long as it takes for you to heal. Maybe someday down the road you can maintain a friendship but not now as you need time to heal. I'm going through somewhat of the same thing... I want to stay good friends with my ex because I believe we can be, but there's no way right now it can happen because it would hurt every time I talk to her. Maybe in a few months if ever... but I need some time to get over her.

maxim_r and pwtnu4 thanks for the advice I know I should maintain no contact... I Thank God I have been not trying to contact him although inside really hurts not to hear his voice and see him at all... its also my fault because I loved him so much that's why I'm hurting this much also... I hate my stubborn heart sorry guys... im so pissed off I know I should moved on but I missed so much still anyway I hope I could get over him as soon as possible I hate the feelings...

Its not easy but really it just takes time , as time goes you will feel better and better each day. You'll have setbacks but you'll get over them.

So NO CONTACT , because the moment you make contact you go back to square one and start all over again.

Good Luck!

Stick with No Contact as it will be the best way for you to heal and get better

friend4u178 and Romefalls19 thanks for the comments... appreciate so much... :o I will really try all my best

You miss the good times with him. When people break up after some time your mind focuses on the good and rejects the bad times so then you are missing him. The more you talk to him to ease the pain the more you are going to feel a need to contact him. So do yourself a favor and remind yourself WHY you broke up and be strong in NO contact.

Hi its been awhile since my last post... dear everyone please advice me. I have been troubling on my emotions with my ex. A short preview my ex and I broke up 2 years ago, we were on the rack when he had fall for someone. Then I kep insisting or begging to reconciliation but he really doesn't want anymore he doesn't pick me this time.so I give up after a month of pursuing him and then I went away. After a month he came back to me and telling me how stupid he was and wants a reconciliation. I still love him and I want to test his sincerity so I let hi court me and stuft... but later on I tld him to stop. Then he is really pushy he is emotionally blackmailing me, he said his been drinking galot and if feel sorry for him he lost a job because he can't perform well I feel so sorry for him... buti feel like I have enjoyed being single ( I'm in different country from him). I know to myself I'm still in love with him and I'm not ready to commit. But I don't want to tell him what my feelings are(because he will keep pushing) all I told him is that I wish were just friends and he should stop pursuing me. I know it may sounds crazy... but since we had been on for almost 7 years its really not that easy to fade the love away. I have forgiven him form his mistakes... but I'm not really to commit to him or to anyone... MY QUESTions is this normal emotion? I mean after 2 years plus... im sorry guys I hope you enlighten me because I'm so down now, I don't know I feel responsible if he do something bad to himself.but I really can't commit to him,. im traumatized by all the experience even I know I still care for him... please help... how can I tell him to stop beating himself for what happen to us because he seems never want to listen... im scared guys please help

Entire story merged so that we can follow the story from the beginning.

Hi exbestfriend, wecome back!

If you keep talking to one another before even recovering from the break up, then you're not really recovering. You're just postponing the agony.

You say that you broke up 2 years ago, but it seems like you haven't recovered at all in the last 2 years.

Seems like you've been given this advice many times before, but you need to go 100% NO CONTACT until you have fully recovered from the break up.

Our buddy Rome made a list of the rules while you were away that should help you: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

You need to understand that if you keep talking to one another, it creates false hope, confusion and prolongs the pain and suffering. Leave each other alone so that you can heal. He needs to learn to recover on his own and not through you.

Hi I wish... thank you for your response. I know actually we had stop communicating for several months until one for his friends told me to talk to him because they seems he is losing his senses... so I ttalk to him. To fix his life and he lost appetite in life.. so I felt so guilty living him in that state. Because I'm scared what he will do to his life. Anyway I know its partly my wrong because I'm so pitiful... and even I told him to stop he won't stop,. I know I said I love him still... but because of the things happening I'm so scared... I'm scared to him to all the things he might do and I'm scared of myself because I know the right things to do I just want him to stop too... but I'm stressed by his begging me and all.. how can I escaped from all this,. I can stop the communication I think I can but what if he destroy his life because of it? I can take the blame... thanks for sparing time to read this.. thanks

HI Best friend,
The only thing you can do good for you- is carry on doing things that make your life special for you. I am sure over the past two years you have been doing that- and so keep going.

I don't think you should talk to him, or be friends as this will set you back and bring back all the feelings you once had for him= harder for you and at the end of the day, he may be v sorry etc etc... but dont forget how he dumped you so quick for someone else... what makes you think he won't do this again??

Leave him be, let him sort his mess out- he is a big boy right? Be v lucky that your not with him now= a better chance for you to meet someone who will treat you way better and with respect.

Talking to him, keeping in touch will only make him feel he can win you back when and as he wants- have respect for yourself and don't let him walk all over you again. Once is enough. Instead remember him for what he was and accept that that was then.. but this is now.

You are not responsible for his mess in his life- HE IS! And so you don't owe him- helping him out etc, he owes it to himself- only he can sort him out.

zeeniee: hi thanks... I have fun and really enjoyed mylife now... I know some point I'm missing him but I got a lot of trauma with this... thank you for your advice, I'm just super soft hearted. I have made my stand 2 years ago and I'm planning to do so its just the emotional blackmail I'm suffering friend that I'm going through today... I hope everything will be settle soon... I always pray for his healing too... because I myself is not 100% yet but I'm getting there... I hope so really... what to do with this emo blackmailing? I just ignore him then? But what if he did somethng bad?

HI Exbest friend,

Look once upon a time- you two were together and it was great etc and then he made a choice and left this relationship. What ever mess he is in today- is based on HIS CHOICES not yours. He created them, whether his relationships failed, him drinking too much, him losing his job= he made these choices or allowed himself to be in these situations. Only he can sort this out- if he wants to- again he has this choice- he can wake up and get his a s s in gear or spend the rest of his life in self pity.

As you happen to care for him, perhaps you can send ONE email- explaining to him kindly- that you can't help him, you want to be left alone and only he can sort his mess out and end with a good bye and leave it be. This way he knows he got a final comment/ view from you and you not keeping in touch means- you want to get on with your life- which happens to be damm important. If he respects anything you say- he will understand, you deserve to be happy and he will let you get on with your life... IF he don't get this= he is v selfish, stupid and pathetic.

Remember- You are not responsible for his actions, your only responsible for yours. You don't have to care for him, like you did once when you were his GF- he lost all that when he dumped you. You owe him Jack- shi t.

You cannot be responsible for his healing process. A break up means that you are no longer in each other's lives. You need to take care of yourself and he needs to take care of himself. You're not longer responsible for one another.

zeeniee and I wish: thanks for the time to answer this... ill be strong enough to face this... and ill keep up with all your advices... I'm also tired to control the situations... I know I tried to do my part and I'm hurting too... ill update you guys what it turned out.. ill remember your advices... wish me dear luck... take care and God bless...

U both are helping me with what I'm going through thanks so much

You don't have to stop moving to move on. All you got to do is don't waste any more time trying to get him back. You deserve better. Just get on with your life and eventually you ll notice that you have moved on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by none12345

You dont have to stop moving to move on. All you gotta do is dont waste any more time trying to get him back. You deserve better. Just get on with your life and eventually you ll notice that you have moved on.

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thanks for dropping... yeah I will and no matter how hard I'm trying still we all know its not hard... arh =p I thanks I know I deserve more than all the emotional turmoil I'm undergoing,, thanks I wish its really easy

My ex and I broke up like about four months ago because he left town, it was hard at first and on time it got better. Though I kissed other guys and did stupid stuff like calling, texting or emailing him, I finally made it through. The most hurting thing was that two weeks after he left, he told me (cz we kept on being friens, which is actually not so bad, but I don't recommend it if you're not over the relationship.) that he was seeing this other girl he met on his new town.

My first reaction was really fake because he told me on msn, so I prettended to be just fine. Two weeks later he came for a visit and we went out with our friends and when we were alone in his car I couldn't help it but tell him the true.

So I did and he told me he didn't love me anymore, you can imagine my face when he did. I felt awful. After he left I called him and told him that this time I was going to take him out of my life for a while because I wasn't ready yet. We didn't speak for like a month and I felt better. Though I kept knowing all about his relationship with her through Facebook.



Anyway, I finally felt better, but come on, I had to go through so much! I know it hurts but breakups are so much easier than what they seem. So, I've selected what I call easy steps that might help you not only to finally get over the relationship but to show your ex you're fine with him having a new girlfriend.



1. Don't: call him, text, or Skype, msn, Facebook, Hi5, etc. Really try to cut off contact. I know this is hard, believe me, I do, we had a really long relationship (actually the longest one I ever had) . Especially because you're used to a rutine next to this person, so this is the only way to move on.

2. Try: to keep the best memories, who wants hard feelings anyway? Better think of the relationship as a good thing that had to end eventually. Though you know that if it ended, whatever the reason was, you are always off for a new and better start. This might sound like a cliché but believe me, you so diserve bettter.

3. DON'T, really DON'T kiss or sleep with other guys just to make you feel beter or for revenge. This is the most "anti-helpful" thing you can do and here are two simple reasons why: First, you are giving for free everything to a guy you don't care about and who probably doesn't care about you either. And last, your ex is going to find out and this are your chances: he might feel dissapointed of you and think about you as a and that's for sure something you don't want; he also will think (which is true, most of the time at least, because guys have such a huge ego) that you're doing this just to get back at him and he'll feel like he's the most important thing in your life.

4. Stop: thinking about getting over the breakup. This might sound crazy, but believe me, as soon as you stop thinking about getting over him, you will. Because, you are giving too much importance about getting over it that you're not.

5. Talk: When you really feel like you can talk to him, if you stayed friends offcourse, and you feel okay with the fact that he might (like just happened to me) tell you about how he told her he loved her or whatever thing about his new girl, go ahead talk to him. Men think they are so important in our lives that we can't face things without them or even face them. Well a true fact is that if you show him you're fine, and by showing I don't mean telling him "Hey, I'm doing fine!" nooo, I mean show him you've learned from the breakup and that there's no reason why not to stay friends. As well let him know that you actually think his new girlfriend is really pretty (this might sound as the craziest thing ever, but it worked for me). This way you'll show him that you are totally fine with it.



Well, that's it. I really hope that this works for someone. I wrote it because I made all this mistakes in the past and I didn't find anyone who will actually tell me some sort of steps for free and the books or online guidance or whatever had a price. So this is completely uninterested help. I'm not going to charge you for reading it, haha, I just hope to read some of your stories, opinions and suggestions. Maybe in this way we can help each other.

And last but not least, 6. Remmember: though you made a lot for mistakes there's always time to show that you're doing fine. I'm sure you're a hottie, don't let anyone tell you either, but that's not the only thing. You're a great and smart girl. So what if he found a new girl, in time and with no pressure you'll find another guy as well, who believe me will make you happier.