Ex will get the message after a while I am sure!

Ok, some of you may remember my previous posts. I broke up with my boyfriend now about 2 1/2 months ago. Started casually dating (went on numerous first dates really to just keep myself busy and try to meet new friends if nothing else). Then about 2 weeks ago, I went out with this guy. We went to dinner and drinks We had an awesome time, wound up going out for dinner the next night again, and he kept telling me how much he liked me. The following weekend we went out a 3rd time. Drank margaritas and I started getting pretty drunk... and for some reason really quiet. He kept asking me if everything was okay cause I didn't seem like myself, which only made me feel weirder, so basically I felt like I was having an "off night" personality wise. Well, one thing led to another and we wound up having sex. I haven't had sex with anyone other than my ex in like 4 years so when it was all over I didn't know what to do and just hightailed it out of there... I barely said good-bye. For some reason I got really angry when I got home and texted him some stupid thing to the effect of "i really liked u. It was really lame of you to not walk me home." The thing is (1) I only live about 3 blocks away from him and (2) I didn't even give him the chance to walk me home cause I just bolted out of there. He texted me back and said he was really sorry and that it was very rude of him to not walk me home. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid he thinks I'm some sort of psycho cause I acted weird that whole night. Should I just let sleeping dogs lie or send him an e-mail later this week apologizing for getting drunk and stupid...

You know despite what women say men do have feelings and I'm sure you leaving him didn't help him and then to follow up with a guilt trip probably sealed the deal. I would suggest that you call him as opposed to apologize via email. That comes off as not very genuine.

But I would call him on a Saturday afternoon, explain honestly that you haven't been dating seriously since your break up which was tramatic on you and when this happened you "froze" out of nervousness. Tell him that it was not your intention to come off as crass or rude or insult him in any way. If you did then your sorry. Tell him that you just wanted to clear the air and that he deserved to hear the truth no matter what happens at that point. Then wish him a great weekend and hang up.

He may think about it and call you back or he may just not pursue it, but you will have lost nothing because you will have told him the truth and offered him the chance to see you.

You were guilty of only spazzing out. We have all been there. If he really does like you he will forgive this one "oversight". Like Chuff said just be honest with him say that you just freaked after you had sex then you freaked again once you were home. You know you acted like a spaz but hope that he can forgive you.

Thanks, guys. That's exactly it.. I just spazed. I'll try to contact him in a couple days and explain and if I don't hear from him again I probably wouldn't have anyway so that's OK. I just needed to clear the air. I'm still learning this whole dating thing over again.

Watch the drinking in the future, too!

So, you can read my other posts for the history of all of this.. but basically, after breaking my heart 2 1/2 months, my ex has now called me and said he wants to get back together. He gave me the whole, "I guess you never know what you have until its gone speech. I'll do whatever it takes to get you back...blah blah blah...i was such an idiot".. All that jazz. I'm just nervous now, basically because I don't ever want to go through that heartbreak again and also I don't want to just be like "ok, i'll be with you again", cause I don't want him to think I'm some pathetic little puppy dog who's just been sitting around waiting for him. Anyone know how to handle the reunion? I figure take it slow and make it clear from the beginning what I want and need out this relationship and what I will and will not stand for... but I just don't know... I want to be strong but I don't want to be an outright bi*ch about my demands. Or does he deserve a little bi*chiness from me?

Can you handle it if you break up again?

-If not, say not now.

- If you can, risk it... Life is full of risks.

-If you are not sure- take the power you now have and take your time - and just put the relationship how YOU want it. On your terms... I'd not jump to answer any correspondences, but rather take your time read them and date him when ready but not serious. You don't want to be mean, but as the dumpee, you have to be won back. If the effort is not enough - cut contact again. You may find that getting a clear head is all you needed to walk away. Be careful for the next couple months. I would make it clear you're not sure if that is a great idea right now.

Before you take him back and before you tell anyone that he wants to come back, get your independent survey going about him: ask your parents, relatives and girlfriends what they really thought of him. You'll find that after spouse leaves, the gloves come off and truth comes out.

Now is when you need to hear his good points and his shortcomings from others so you can make a better decision for yourself.

Best of luck!

Out of curiousity... did you go NO CONTACT since he dumped you? Or were you still kind of hanging around, and perhaps he realized that he should take advantage of you still being there, before you actually move on.. . Besides that, I agree with the others, to think about whether you are stable enough to handle him possibly splitting again. If so, then by all means, you should definitely take advantage of the situation that has arisen. As said in the "What to expect when you get dumped" post, only a minuscule percentage of ex's actually COME BACK, or realize their mistakes and begin to notice what they threw away. As ASH123 said, take the risk. That is what life is full of.

Good advice. In the Corporate World, once you decide to leave, the company may counter to keep you a while longer but the stats show that after 6 months you are a gone-goose, either by your own volition or the company moving you on out.

I've met some spouses, usually wimmens, that take back their ex's only to dump his sorry azz later under the theory that it's better to be a dumper than a dumpee. That's pretty cold but then there are those that operate that way.

Please rate if useful.

Suelle383, do you know if he dated anyone or worse slept with anyone while you were broke up?

Ex's are ex's for a reason, I would move on... because if he broke it off once, there's nothing to say he won't break it off again! But its your shout...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dave1986

Ex's are ex's for a reason, i would move on... cos if he broke it off once, there's nothing to say he wont break it off again!! but its your shout...

---

True ex's are ex's for a reason and he was honest about his reason. Now maybe he has realised that life with her is far better then without her. He may break it off again and so might she but that's life and their are no guantees. If she loves him and doesn't give him another chance then she is always going to wonder WHAT IF.

I don't for sure if he did anything with anyonelse while we were part but I imagine he did... heck, I did it with 2 people since we broke up so I'm not too concerned about that kind of stuff... I went no contact once we broke up which just means I never contacted him although I did sometimes answer his phone calls (he kept and kept calling). We only saw each other one time during our time apart.

I don't know, I'm still on the fence about what I'm going to do.

If I were you I'd keep communication open but be wary. Take care of yourself, be patient with yourself, and maybe try couple's counselling? It might help to have a third party who can give you both an outside opinion, and that way you can both work out why this happened and what can prevent it happening again? Good luck, if you both love each other than that's a very promising start.

Well why did you guys break up? What was the issue? Do you feel that this issue has been resolved? Do you trust him fully?

Being completely honest was your relationship as solid as you thought it was while in it?

What do you love about this guy? Do you love the person he is today or the person he was?

There is a lot to consider and I wouldn't jump back in without doing a lot of soul searching on this one.

Ok, so my boyfriend and I of almost 4 years got in a fight Saturday morning. We hung out Friday night and everything was great. Then Saturday morning I asked him if he was coming back over to my place after work and he said he wasn't sure. (I hate it when he won't give a yes or no answer so I start getting upset and keep asking). Finally he blurts out that he thinks he's going to go up to Vermont to visit his friend for a few days since his other friend is going up so he can get a ride. So, I go ballistic and start yelling and crying. The reason being because I had to drag this tidbit of info out of him. Rather than just being upfront, he withheld it. He says he only found out about the trip the day before which I believe but I was so upset that he didn't just come right out and tell me and I blew up. He stormed out and left saying this is exactly why he didn't tell me because he knew I would be mad and I haven't heard from him since. Now, its Tuesday night and I don't know what to do. Should I call him and try to explain the reason I got mad. I don't want him to think that I'm mad that he went on this trip... I'm just mad that he wasn't open with me. I don't know what to do. I know I should probably just wait for him to contact me, but I don't want him to think I'm mad about him leaving. Aaghh! He can be so frustrating! He probably won't pick up when I call anyway. Help!!

Call him and apologize. If he don't answer, wait a few hours and call him back. If that fails, text him to tell him you're sorry, and you want to talk when he gets home. Tell him how you feel and why it happened the way it did.

Personaly I would just give him a call tell him to have a good trip. And you were just thinking about him and just wished he would have been upfront about the trip. Tell him you didn't mean to break down. You just got frustrated, like he was hiding something from you. You got to just communicate. Good Luck