Didn't check your other posts as this one tells me enough for now.

WHY in the heck would you want to break NC after three months?

NC also means not talking about him with friends, not being preoccupied with your past with him and NOT accepting any of his emails - PERIOD. So, in actuallity you did not really maintain No Contact.

Girl, are you into mental pain? NYC is such a big city so you should not be 'lonely' at all.

Waking up alone in bed and staying home not meeting new people, pining away for someone who treated you like crap is not considered loneliness by me, it's DESPERATOTION and not knowing what to do with yourself.

During these past months you could have met new people, new interests, new activities and started enjoying yourself. But you decided to be a depressed wallflower wishing you had something that was not good for you to begin with. He does not respect you in the least, so do yourself a favor and DON'T contact him. You will only open yourself up for more pain.

Set yourself some goals after graduation, even if it means going off to another city and furthering your education. Or get a job that would really interest you and keep you busy. Go and do some volunteer work during the summer to get a taste of what you have in you and good at.

I seriously think you need a change of scenery if NYC 'bores' you, or as you say 'is dead'. If you have relatives out of state, visit for a while or travel a little. There are no invisible shackles keeping you there - it's up to you.

I suggest you read the first four stikies in the Relationships Section and make a list of goals for yourself. You are as free as you make yourself be, so start taking steps towards healing and a lot of self-respect. Just because someone hurt you does not mean it's the end - it's a new beginning with a bit more wisdom, so use it.

Good luck and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

Anything you can do would be better than putting yourself through more of his BS. After all he put you through, why would you expect him to lift your spirits, and make you feel better. May I suggest a gym or sports activity, go shopping, anything but going back to misery and pain.

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But this loneliness and hurt by him is killing me I feel like what the heck,I'll break NC.

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He may of hurt you before, but its you hurting yourself now, and breaking NC, won't make you feel better. Getting something to do now is your challenge. Meet it, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Whenever you feel like breaking no contact, remind yourself of how he has treated you. I can't imagine why you would want to talk to him. He sounds like a class A Jerk.
Get out and get a life and be thankful you are away from him.

Hi Chery!
Thankf for replying, no, I'm from NYC, I left to live down south,I miss NYC, I could never be bored there! I go to school here in Lafayette, LA where I moved to,so in a way I'm sort of stuck here till I graduate. I thought of volunteering and will make steps to do so. IRS just like nick said I'm going through a rough patch.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Didn't check your other posts as this one tells me enough for now.

WHY in the heck would you want to break NC after three months??

NC also means not talking about him with friends, not being preoccupied with your past with him and NOT accepting any of his emails - PERIOD. So, in actuallity you did not really maintain No Contact.

Girl, are you into mental pain? NYC is such a big city so you should not be 'lonely' at all.

Waking up alone in bed and staying home not meeting new people, pining away for someone who treated you like crap is not considered loneliness by me, it's DESPERATOTION and not knowing what to do with yourself.

During these past months you could have met new people, new interests, new activities and started enjoying yourself. But you decided to be a depressed wallflower wishing you had something that was not good for you to begin with. He does not respect you in the least, so do yourself a favor and DON'T contact him. You will only open yourself up for more pain.

Set yourself some goals after graduation, even if it means going off to another city and furthering your education. Or get a job that would really interest you and keep you busy. Go and do some volunteer work during the summer to get a taste of what you have in you and good at.

I seriously think you need a change of scenery if NYC 'bores' you, or as you say 'is dead'. If you have relatives out of state, visit for a while or travel a little. There are no invisible shackles keeping you there - it's up to you.

I suggest you read the first four stikies in the Relationships Section and make a list of goals for yourself. You are as free as you make yourself be, so start taking steps towards healing and a lot of self-respect. Just because someone hurt you does not mean it's the end - as a matter of fact it's a new beginning with a bit more wisdom, so use it.

Good luck and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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I apreciate everyone's response, I guessed I needed some online butt kicking!
I have a prospective job interview on Thursday. Doesn't matter if its not the kind of job I want for my major but its better than nothing and will keep me busy.
Just thought I was the one who lost in this,

Hey Witchy,

This is covered in my Survival Guide Below. (see # 5 - 10 especially)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Hang in there!

A

Sorry I misread where you presently live. I used to call that state 'lousyanna' because I too felt it slower than cities up north. That's just the way 'down south' is though. I lived in Georgia and that was no different. I did enjoy it though while there - people actually took time to chat. And the air there had a different odor that I miss even today. I just loved the swamps (OK I'm crazy). Another plus, is that my daughter was born there.
I lived with my brother in Las Vegas and loved every minute, loved the clear sky with real stars at night and also the lights and action - I had a choice there too.

New York, L.A, California and even some places in New Jersey were faster paced than what I like but I also saw the positive side such as minigolf and bowling for 24 hours.

Shucks, Alabama is worse, it rolls up it's sidewalks and shuts off lights after 8 PM. I find a good place to live is 1/2 hour outside of a major city so that I can seek out the noise when I want it and still retreat.

Hey, but you graduate soon, and can go wherever you want from there on - depends on what you are looking for.

Just be a little patient dear, and don't let that jerk mess up your current opportunity to enjoy silence, watch the stars or sleep without sirens. In other words, there is always a positive side to things - you just have to look.

Night,night for now.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

I apreciate everyones response, i guessed i needed some online butt kickin!
i have a prospective job interview on Thursday. Doesnt matter if its not the kind of job i want for my major but its better than nothing and will keep me busy.
just thought i was the one who lost in this,

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You came here to the right place to vent and get support. WINNERS do that, not loosers.

In my book, you're a WINNER!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif
We are even bigger than NYC.. we are GLOBAL - from all over the world.

Thanks Chery!
You said you live in Georgia? I've been to Atlanta and Savannah, I love Savannah because of the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"and its historical charm.
I'm not all about the hustle and bustle of the city,but when you want to meet people,not saying that you can't in the South,no way,but I feel that a busier city where you actually bump into people can't be too bad. Surviving heartbreak in a sleepy place is not desirable I say!
You're right, it is Lousyanna,New orleans is more upbeat and there are signs of life there,especially after Katrine-before Katrina also. So I head down there just tpo get myself out of the rut. Have you been to New orleans?
I decided not to contact him,if anyone needs to do that its him. Its funny how people can treat you like crap and move on and forget you-i hope there's such thing as karma!

There IS such thing as Karma.. nd thank GOD u changed your mind about breaking NC.. nd think about this": He has a phone too, if he hasn't contacted you that means he dsnt care enough to do it.. so why should you do it?. STAY STRONG!! :cool:

Hi, '
I was wondring in my dilemna,its been almost 4 months of NC through this bad breakup-where I had to put up with the exes insults and verbal abuse just because he met someone new and I refused his request for friendship. I tried being his friend but it got me nowhere but miserable,and why should I after he dumped me for someone else.
Its been almost 4 months and I haven't heard from him, I saw him online but as usual he ignored me,you'd think the guy at least acknowledge me. The thing is he didn't acknowledge my birthday either which was last month,and that did hurt. After he sent me his last insulting email which I posted before and never replied to,under my friends advice,its as though he just goes on with his life and not care at all which he is obvious. I know I shouldn't be expecting anything,but his birthday is coming up real soon,and wonder if wishiing him happy birthday will get him talking to me or open a door. But part of me thinks, he he's the one who broke up,treated me badly,had not contacted me at all for months,not even on my Birthday.
I know the answer to this, I have been going far along in NC,not even breaking it when I saw him online either. What bothers me is he did the same thing (ignore me online though he's the one who encouraged me to sign up so we can chat often-) It was an LDR. Furthermore,even when we were speaking terms,but only when he needed to vent and rant about something like his new girlfriend.
Special occasions like these make it harder so .
Any advice, similar experence would be very helpful.

Honestly, you said it best when you stated: "I know the answer to this."

Here's the thing, I think the real question you should be asking is WHY would you even truly consider sending him a b-day card?

I was married to a very abusive man for 7 years. I finally left him and have never been happier now that I am with the world's best man some years later. You need to do some soul searching and find out exactly what makes you even think about contacting him again. Some part of you deep down still wants that acknowledgment and validation from him and that scares me a little to be frank because perhaps your self-esteem took a serious blow throughout the course of this relationship. I mean this sincerely - you should really work on that (your self esteem) and know that you're worth WAY more than this no good guy is giving. Having NC is a way of healing, a way of letting go and I definitely advise you to stick to it. You will find that the more time passes, the less you think of him and have that urge to speak with him. It's not easy but it's so worth it. I'll be perfectly honest and say that I would *not* be there for him online, on the phone or even in person when he "needs" you to vent to. Why would you allow yourself to be used in such a way? Again it comes back to holding yourself in high enough esteem that you realize being used is simply not OK. I don't need to know you personally to know that you deserve so much better than what you're settling for or even considering.

In time, someone will come along that shows you just what true love is, how a woman is supposed to be treated and you'll wonder why on earth you ever put up with the nonsense you're putting up with now & have put up with in the past. Until then, work on you, finding that inner strength again (which I commend you for having NC up until now) and just begin to release this unhealthy, toxic relationship once and for all. I can promise you that if you did send him a b-day card, you would regret it with every fiber in your being somewhere down the road. He didn't put any effort into acknowledging your birthday, so why should you extend that to him? He's just not worth it. My advice is definitely to let him go for good... permanently no contact ever again. You'll be a much better & happier woman for it, I promise. Never give your power away to someone else and lose sight of who you are. It takes a long time to regain what was lost. Believe me, I know because I've been there.

The answer to your question is rather obvious.

He has found someone else, while you are stuck on being dumped.

Having a new interest, certainly will relieve much of the depression of a recent break up.

So, you need to even the odds!

Get out there, meet people, and take some chances again.

I know it is hard, but this probably won't be the only time you get heartbroken. The more you dwell on it, the deeper the pit becomes, soon, there is no bottom at all.

The right one is out there, it took me 45 years, and too many break ups to count, to find mine, but you know what?

IT was SO WORTH EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH, TO GET TO WHERE I AM NOW.

Hi Dreamer,
Btw, like that name! Thanks for your reply, its true myself esteem took a serious hit and I appreciate you sharing your experience and insight. This guy would go as far as to tell me that he didn't answer my call because he was getting busy,then he expects me to remain friends? I never forgotten that and when I told him once that its hardfor me to do that,he just assaults me with his hey get over it we can only be friends that's it.
What person would go for that,not even him when he complains about women.
To make it clear, he ignores me online,he's been doing thateven when we were speaking, (except when he needs advice)now he completes me ignore me which is okay,I won't be bothering with that anymore. Also I wasn't going to waste a tree sending him a birthday card,I thought Iming him or emailing him,but you are right,and I already know not to do that,acknowledge his birthday when he didn't bother acknowledging mine,
Its as though I didn't exist and he wonders,why I wouldn't remain friends with him.
I appreciate your answer andthat quote too!

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Originally Posted by progunr

The answer to your question is rather obvious.

He has found someone else, while you are stuck on being dumped.

Having a new interest, certainly will relieve much of the depression of a recent break up.

So, you need to even the odds!!

Get out there, meet people, and take some chances again.

I know it is hard, but this probably won't be the only time you get heartbroken. The more you dwell on it, the deeper the pit becomes, soon, there is no bottom at all.

The right one is out there, it took me 45 years, and too many break ups to count, to find mine, but you know what?

IT was SO WORTH EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH, TO GET TO WHERE I AM NOW.

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45 years! Wow, wel when he found someone else,he wanted to pursue friendship,meaning me being his backup/emotional support while I get nothing in return
Your right, its not good being stuck in depression, and meeting someone else would help lot,that's why I am signing up for volunteering,to at least meet people.

You know you can't... Especially that far in. He didn't send you one so why make yourself seem weak by sending him one. Its one of those things where you really want to but know you can't.

Keep it going witchy

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

45 years!! wow, wel when he found someone else,he wanted to pursue friendship,meaning me being his backup/emotional support while i get nothing in return
your right, its not good being stuck in depression, and meeting someone else would help lot,thats why i am signing up for volunteering,to atleast meet people.

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Good for you!

I sense a little brighter outlook already!

Best wishes.

This guy is truly a piece of work and simply not worth your time at all. To be perfectly honest, in my opinion, I wouldn't even want his friendship even if there wasn't a previous relationship. His lack of respect for you says it all. When he said, "Hey, just get over it," I think your reply should have been, "I am over it and I'm definitely over you" right then and there. :) Don't let him walk all over you, please. Eventually you will find someone that treats you like a lady and this drama you went through with this guy will be a very distant memory and one that you will wonder why you ever put up with it.

I will say this to you as well: There are a lot of bad men out there (and women too) but there are a lot of great ones as well. Use this experience as a lesson learned and remember the "red flags." If you see those red flags again in someone else, move on before it gets too serious. I'm not suggesting you should be paranoid, only cautious. Going through a lot of hell only makes heaven when you find it that much sweeter.

Best wishes to you! Resist the temptation to ever talk to him again, block his username from your e-mail and IM if you need to and just release him from your life for good. Let him know that it's not OK to treat women this way and that you for one won't stand for it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Witchywoman1212

hi Dreamer,
Btw, like that name! thanks for your reply, its true my self esteem took a serious hit and i appreciate you sharing your experience and insight. This guy would go as far as to tell me that he didnt answer my call b/c he was getting busy,then he expects me to remain friends? i never forgotten that and when i told him once that its hardfor me to do that,he just assaults me with his hey get over it we can only be friends thats it.
what person would go for that,not even him when he complains about women.
To make it clear, he ignores me online,he's been doing thateven when we were speaking, (except when he needs advice)now he completes me ignore me which is okay,i wont be bothering with that anymore. also i wasnt going to waste a tree sending him a bday card,i thought Iming him or emailing him,but you are right,and i already know not to do that,acknowledge his bday when he didnt bother acknowledging mine,
its as though i didnt exist and he wonders,why i wouldnt remain friends with him.
i appreciate your answer andthat quote too!

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I really don't think you should. You desrve better than that. You don't want to show him his actions bother you.

He doesn't deserve your consideration.