1st - yes, be the fun guy. Be the guy she can confided in. As Chery said, LISTEN to her - let her talk - the BEST conversationalist are LISTENERS.

Laugh - make her laugh. Tease her - tease her about her purse or blouse - I know it seems wrong, but women love this.

Remember she doesn't think like you - you need to create attraction again - make her laugh and you start to create feelings again. Be uptight, needy, insecure and you lose.

This will take time. Take it slow - you may eve ngo a week or two without hearing from her.

Be unavailable at times, don't answers her calls right away, return calls the next day - you were busy, END ALL calls first, end the night just a little early - IT'S AN OLD SHOW BUSINESSES TACTIC - LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE!! - ALWAYS!!

You daon't say you've moved on - just ACT like your life is great. No approval seeking. NEVER talk about other women. Don't tell anything - leave it mystery - don't tell her what you want, don't tel lher you've moved on.

Women want mystery - it makes her think about you.

You need the feeling that you don't care if she comes or goes. You need stop chasing her.

I know I need to stop chasing her or I will chase her away. Thanks for all your suggestions everyone and trust me I am going to follow them. I know that bringing up the relationship won't do any good if she doesn't want to talk about it. There are still so many things that I want to say but I know I cant. But honestly, do any of you think we still have a chance? She told her friend the other day that she still loves me and that she still just wants to be by herself for now. I get that but like I said I don't want to wait around for nothing. Does anyone think there's a chance and hope's worth holding on to or should I just move on and forget about getting back together?

That says a lot if her friend said that.

The best thing you can do right now is stay busy with other things. Improve yourself in other areas of life ans she will love you for it. Love you for it.

There is always a great chance

Giving her the space she needs will actually bring you closer in the long run - this is something that took me a long time to figure out with women.

Saying all those things will just make things worse right now - share those feelings in like a year from now. Right now keep your cards close to your chest - Be positive around - be confident - be carefree and funny.

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Originally Posted by lost??

ive decided thats what im going to do, just go to dinner and try to have a normal conversation. i know im going to want to, but i wont bring up the relationship at all. i know that it can only make things worse. shes not ready to talk about it so im not going to put pressure on her and force her to do it, like so many of you said that i was doing. i see that by doing that i am pushing her away. i am going to try and be the fun guy, try to joke around like we used to but without the whole relationship part. ill tell her what ive been up to and see what shes been doing. but wildcat...... you said that people want what they can't have... well how do i make her want me again, by acting like she can't have me and ive moved on? or letting her know thats my intention? talk about other girls? or should i just be myself and act like this whole thing isnt getting me down? thanks a lot and ill let you know how the dinner goes.

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Dear, this is not an audition for a part in a show - it's real, so act real, she already knows you and probably knows you want her back (or hopes you do). So relax and just enjoy the evening - no stings, and see what happens - don't rush things, please.

OK well I called her and we decided to go out on Thursday night. She didn't sound too happy about it though. I really think that's because she thinks I am going to bring up the relationship, which trust me I have no intention of doing. I just want to hang out as friends and catch up, but if I ask too much about what she's been doing I think shell feel like I'm checking up on her, which I don't want. I'm going to be myself and just try to have a good time, but does all this change how I should approach tomorrow night? Wildcat... some of the things you tell me to do seem wrong to me but I've tried everything else so what do I have to lose. But you said that if I do these things and improve in areas of my life she will love me for it, she will want me back. Do you really think that is what will happen? That by getting distance we will become closer and be together again? Like I said, I'm willing to try anything at this point.

A month ago I was in the same situation as you are... My girlfriends of 3 1/2years wanted a break out of nowhere.. She told me she wanted space, and wanted to be by herself.. She was really attractive but never made much effort to have many friends and I feel that was a big part her decision.. After hearing this I was devastated.. wanted her back so badly.. A couple weeks after she made her decision I thought maybe if I take her out to our favorite restaurant it might rekindle her feelings and she'll want me... didn't work out that way.. Maybe for you it would be a different story but during our dinner I acted like nothing bothered me, I could tell she was a little shocked how well I handled myself and how I didn't bring up the relationship, I was even making her laugh.. She said she had a good time and gave me a kiss... I thought she would def call me and want me back after that... I waited and waited for her call... Never called... I've talked to her a couple times after that but her feelings about the break didn't change.. I'm not trying to scare you man, hopefully everything will work out between you two but just don't get your hopes up.. I found out my ex whose 22 had been talking to some 31 year old from her work ( she worked at a freakin daycare)... If I were you I would go to dinner act like nothing bothers you make her laugh , don't bring up anything about the relationship.. and when you end the night just tell her to call you.. Whatever you do not call her or beg for her back... Let her call you... I made the mistake of calling her a few days after that dinner and begging for her back, ended up pushing her even farther away... Let me know what happens.. Hope you the best.. Don't mean to scare you just preparing you for the worst..

Next time a gal breaks with you - YOU MUST ALWAYS ACT LIKE IT'S OK - What ever she wants. And say OK BYE.

And DON'T communicate wit hher for 2 months.

I am dead serious.

Contacting them right away or trying to stay in their life does not work.

You need to date, give them the gift of missing you.

Being there and being all needy and wanting to see them never works - they get repulsed by it - like, "why doesn't this guy have a life" - "I was right" - all you do is reinforce her decision to dump you.

Your life needs to be just as good with her as it is without her.

By staying in contact all you do is annoy her. Trust me on this one.

And calling and asking her back... that's the last thing... ughhhh - if it happens it will happen naturally.

LESS IS MORE WITH WOMEN>

I still want her back... even though she was dishonest with me.. So I'm respecting her wishes and giving her space.. I cut off all contact with her... Haven't spoken to her in a few weeks.. Finally I'm at the stage where I have been starting to talk to and meeting other girls.. To be honest I'm starting to enjoy being single again.. Yea of course I miss being with my ex, getting booty whenever I want, staying in and watching a movie but I know there will come a time when that will come again..

I know when I was in your position all I wanted to hear was someone giving me some hope that we would get back together.. I know my experience is something you prob didn't want to hear.. but that's life man.. we all go through it... hope it works out between you two and if it doesn't work out , there are so many other girls out there. Being single really isn't all that bad... Best of luck and keep your head up

I have a question for you. During those 2 years did you have a great time? Yes of course you did.so, don't feel she stabbed you in the back. You had a great time. You spend all you time and money on her. Isn't that what you wanted? To have fun.
So she wanted a break in novemer. Great! She did you a favor. She was letting you know it's OK not to spend more money on her during the holidays. Right... if she waited after the holiday you would have spent more time and money then she would have asked for a break. She did not stab you in the back. So don't feel that way.
Don't talk about the relationship, period. She doesn't want to talk about it because she feels terrible about it. So, do not talk about it. Let her initiate a conversation first. If she wants to talk about it she will. Let it go. Also, she is annoyed because she feels guilty and terrible about the break. Stop thinking about yourself for a minute and start thinking about what she is going through. Right... I'm sure she is crushed to.
So you did everything for this girl. So what. Did you have a good time? Yes, of course you did. She did not stabbe you in the back. You're suppost to spend time and money on her. What else you going to spend you money on? Women of course.
Yes move on give her time and leave the door open. Either you will find somebody or she will first. Try not to think about it. Just go out and have fun.
If you hold on to a women you end up losing her. If you keep your hand open she may come back.
Have hope my friend. Never lose hope. But, don't crush your sole over this either.
There are a lot of women out there that will appreciate what you do for them. So yes, do the same thing you did with this one. Spoil the heck out of her. Spend the time and money and go have fun.

Well we went out to dinner last night. I was kind of nervous because I had no idea how it was going to turn out. I wanted to tell her how I felt and ask her how she felt about me and if she wanted to ever get back together. But I didn't. Not one word of our relationship or our future at all. We just talked about school, work, our families and friends. I was telling her how much I love my new job and that I'm having a great time. She kept saying that she was going to a party at school that night, I think she was trying to get me jealous. And I have to admit it did bother me a little but I just kept telling her to have a good time and joked around about not getting too drunk because she had class in the morning. She was asking about my friends since she hasn't seen them in a while and said she was sorry she was busy over winter break from school and couldn't come hang out. I think that's a sign she wants to come out sometime but I didn't jump on it and ask her when she wanted to come around. I just told her not to worry about it. After dinner I drove her back to school and said I had a good time and it was good to see her and she said the same. I told her to have a good time at the party. She leaned over and gave me a hug but I just kept it short and said id talk to her sometime. I think it really worked and that I had an effect on her.

On the way home I called a mutual friend and told her how it went. She said I really caught my ex off-guard. Our friend was talking to my ex a few days ago and my ex really thought I would bring up the relationship. She said she thinks that's a good thing that I caught her off-guard and so do I.

I'm not going to contact her again until I hear from her first. I think that's the right way to go. Any thoughts? Like wildcat said, I have to "give her the gift of missing me". I have to show her I'm just fine without her, that I've changed, and that I'm strong and confident, which I really think I am now. I'm hopeful for our future and do want to get back together, but I'm not going to depend on that hope. If we get back together great but its up to her now. I'm not going to let it stop me from pursuing other interests. I'm still down about the whole thing but I'm feeling a lot better. No more text messages, im's or calls, I'm going to let her come to me. Ill keep you all posted and thanks for all your help. I know its still going to be hard but like I said I'm hopeful for the future. Thanks everyone!

You did well my friend. Just for the fact you didn't act insecure and needy by bringing up the relationship. For the love of god - don't bring it up for like 6 months.

And her going to a party shouldn't matter.

Excellent! You did good my man. I'm proud of you. Let her come to you. If and when she comes back to you just remember what happened last time...
Women like the bad boy. Don't be nice to her all the time. Don't tell her want you want just act on it. Women love a man who knows what he wants and does it. I'm sure the women out there will agree with me.

Whatever you do not contact her at all!! She'll def start to wonder where you are and miss you... Your going to get these urges where you want to call her and see what or how she's doing.. when this happens the best thing I did was go to the gym and lift weights or go out with friends and meet girls.. Whatever you do don't let those urges take over... trust me if they do you'll regret it... you just have to keep yourself busy.. it sucks man.. it took me two months to finally get out of the habbit of talking to her on the phone..

Hey,

You guys have anymore tips on what to do to keep my mind off her and stop from contacting her? Also, how do you know if the whole non-contact thing is working and she misses/wants to see me? Thanks

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Originally Posted by lost??

hey,

you guys have anymore tips on what to do to keep my mind off her and stop from contactin her? also, how do you know if the whole non-contact thing is working and she misses/wants to see me? thanks

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Well lets not fool ourselves into believing she will come back. First, stop thinking about her! Dude the best way to let it go is to find a girl who wants to go out and have some fun!! We got a problem here people. He needs help. OK, this is what I would do. Go out meet women. Get phone numbers. There must be a few girls you are interested in when you were together right? Yes, of course there is. So go get them now! Call #1 girl... nope she is busy. OK, call #2... busy. Call #3 she says OK. So take her to like Florida for a week. Don't talk to your ex. When you come back and she says like where have you been just tell her out of town but do not tell her where or with who. Why you say? Because, that's right it's none of her business!
Once you complete this start all over again. Call girl #1, #2, #3, etc. and don't stop until you find a girl that wants to be with you. Then, spend all you $$$$$ on her and make her feel like a queen. Good luck. I'v done all I can hear. Please someone nock some sense in this guy. But, really good luck dude. I know you can do it.

Blue is right - right now you've put WAY too much importance into this gal. Way too much - she can smell it.

Dating is the best way. And hittng the gym - nothing better.

And no leters Dude - I think she knows how you feel. Be mysterious - she will love you for it!! Don't lay your cards on the table - she WILL only run.

Lay low... be busy...

Since she did see yo

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lost??

hey,

you guys have anymore tips on what to do to keep my mind off her and stop from contactin her? also, how do you know if the whole non-contact thing is working and she misses/wants to see me? thanks

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If you feel like calling her, make it short to thank her for the nice evening. Or you could send her a card saying the same. Then, wait a while (about two weeks) and ask her if she'd like to join you for dinner again. If she does not call you first - which I think she just might. At any rate, good luck - and don't forget - don't mention the past, or the future. Stay in the present moment.

In his situation he needs to wait. Make her come to him. It sounds like he may have broken some ice last night. Contacting will just make make him seem needy.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

In his situation he needs to wait. Make her come to him. It sounds like he may have broken some ice last night. Contacting will just make make him seem needy.

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That's cool for those who still have their little 'black books' like blue, but I am adult enough not to feel the need to play games. And when a man thanks me for a nice time, I appreciate it.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_5_137.gif

Chery - I agree 100% with you - that's how it should be.

But these are college age kids.

I don't think she is old enough, wise enough to understand a thank you is a thank you. I bet she would take it as groveling.