Ask Me Help Desk - Fourth time's a charm?

Honey, we on this forum can't tell you how to "taste the rest," we can only help you with what we see needs help. The most awesome thing about this forum is the fact that complete strangers are able to read between the lines of our questions, recognize problems, and help us identify ways that we can change.

I still think that you need to focus on yourself for a while. I'm very glad that you are "in touch with your own universe." That's an awesome thing (Sadly, many people don't know much about themselves, let alone their own universe... grand scale thinking... that's good! :) )

You need others to prove they love you. Why?

Life isn't about living as a sole resident of a deserted island, its about relationships and interactions with other people. So, I can understand why you feel that you need a definite connection with other people, but why do they have to "prove their love?"

A new guy isn't the answer to your problems, even if he professed his undying love and affection for you. I think your answer is within yourself. Check out my signature... live in the moment... revel in them - whether you're alone or in a relationship - they deserve to be lived.

Sorry if that was too psychologically charged... I'm just trying to understand... and help if I can! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

but this is not about the relationship between'' me myself and i''.believe me.i can discover things about myself everyday,whether or not i'm single.i am aware and in touch with my own universe

Oh really? But then you say:

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

i'm confused and weak when it comes to him

i need other people to prove that they love me

Both of these things, plus the fact that you bounce from one relationship to the next are all HUUUUGGGEEE indications that you do not love yourself enough. Are you able to stand in front of a mirror, look deep DEEP into your eyes, and shower yourself with praise! Among those, can you say "I love you" to yourself, while looking deep into your own eyes, and actually mean it? And by "mean it", I mean get a warm feeling when you say it.

If you do it, and look into the mirror and nod your head yes after you do it, then you don't really mean it. If you laugh, smirk, or think "this is stupid", then you don't really love yourself. But if you can do what I said, then you do love yourself.

However, you've already given 3 indications that you do not fully love yourself yet. LIKE? Sure. Love? I don't think so. Especially if you need validation from others ("i need other people to prove they love me") If you really did absolutely 100% love yourself, you would not need validation from anyone in the universe. Not even your own mother. This in itself is a big indicator that you do not love yourself enough.

It's not a bad thing, because I bet 90% of everyone on the planet don't love themselves enough either. But I can read the attitude in your words, especially when you have several people who want to help you by giving you advice, and you simply try to shake it off. If you loved yourself, you'd be surprised at all the things you'd learn in life, the confidence you'd gain, the people you'd meet, the life partner you'd seek, your relationship with family and friends, and you'd have no reason to ask the questions you've already asked, do the things you've already done, and say the things you've already said. Perhaps you do love yourself, but it's not enough. You need to focus on yourself more.

Everyone here agrees. We have no reason to lie to you. I'm sorry if this sounds like a lecture, I'm just trying to show you what we all see that you don't. It's easier to see it from the outside than it is on the inside.

Or, as someone said, You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Just forget I asked anything.
''when you have several people who want to help you by giving you advice, and you simply try to shake it off''.
Because it's not heping,not because I don't appreciate it.it just isn't what my question is about
I didn't ask 'you guys think I love myself',I asked why that sob is acting that way.
And there was no attitude!!
Now you're making me feel bad I came to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

anyway,why do you think he does this?do you think it's possible he might miss me?

Ok, sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

couldn't be that,he never starts a conversation with me.

Ok, then, No.

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

why does he want my attention? is it just for his ego?

Maybe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

it's stupidly confusing

You're telling me!

(Darlin, you want specific answers, we'll give you specific answers. But part of the reason why we are all here is to try and help. When we answer, its out of a sincere desire to help you.)

You don't need to be ironic about it.I wasn't disrespectful to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

you don't need to be ironic about it.i wasn't disrespectful to you.

Oh hon, I wasn't trying to be ironic. But the people on here are good people. W are all just trying to help. Some temper answers with a little more grace than the others, but we all mean well.

I wish you the best. And I hope that you are able to ignore this guy. Don't let him take your power. Don't let him control you. You're stronger than that. (check out the Rascal Flatts song Stand. Wipe your hands and move on.)

Good luck, hon.

P.S:Thank you

Aww... you're welcome.

Check out that song. It's a winner.

in a state: why don't you pick several topics on Ask Me and put in your two cents worth? You will enjoy your time sharing your experiences.

I do answer when I feel I can help.

Just venting

I miss him
It's been months already!
True,I've calmed down,I'm not crying anymore... and sometimes,when I do feel like crying,I can control it.baby steps.but the fact that I still think about him... I can't really have fun and laugh like I used to.. this concerns me.am I going to feel like half of myself is dead forever?
I am interested in other people,but nothing hits off
I went out with someone a week ago.I wasn't interested in him,but I needed socializing and being treated nicely.it was okay,I felt good...
... but.but but but.it's not the same.I feel empty.I'm not smiling full-heartedly.
Two months ago I saw him,my ex,so I said hello&asked what he was doing.he wasn't looking at me in the eye and seemed to be nervous and avoid conversation.when I realized,we really don't have anything to talk about anymore.after ''hello how are you'' I didn't know what to say anymore.so I just walked away.
3 weeks ago he gave me a call,but I missed it.when I rang him back,he rejected my call.and that was it.I haven't seen him since that awkward moment,2 months ago.and I'm (still)wondering why did he call me and then REJECT.that was so wrong.when I think about it,sometimes it drives me nuts,as in despair,and sometimes nuts as in disgusted.
Would it be unproper for me to ask him why the hell did he do that?I am going to see him at a party.should I chat with him or just be polite,say hi,and walk away? After all,that phone thing really hints to me that he doesn't deserve my attention,my tears,not even my spit.but still,I miss him and I would like to talk to him.and ask him about that call.what would be OK?

Quote:

Originally Posted by in a state

i would like to talk to him.and ask him about that call.what would be ok?

Your post brought back memories. Consequently, I advise against any contact as it would only prolong your pain. What if he were to tell you "Oh, my goof, I was drunk and called out of habit"; how would you feel? There probably isn't even a rational explanation, and nothing to gained by knowing a why. If you were the dumpee, he should be sober and beating your door down for you to even consider taking him back. Ignore him at the party.

As for the hollowness, find something to hug - random guy (make his day!), cat, dog, stuffed animal - and have a good cry; don't try to control it. Bottling it up only makes it take longer to get it all out.

*hug* it will get better...