Ask Me Help Desk - I am doing NC. What about her?

Haha, I'll try not to.

Sue and I had our talk in the morning. And everything spans out fine.

Side note: I am currently a senior in college, and it's SUCH a drastic change from the women I used to deal with in HS and the women I deal with in college. In high school, you tell a girl that you guys have a problem and that you'd like to talk to her about it, she'll flip a nugget and either end it right then and there, or just start fighting with you. Damn hormones. In college, my ex... I tell her there's a problem, she says OK or I'M REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW, HOW ABOUT WE GET TOGETHER LATER TONIGHT AND TALK ABOUT IT?. so cool. Or, I talk to sue, she says I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS TOO SOON FOR YOU TO BE WITH ANOTHER GIRL... I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I HOPE WE CAN STILL HANG OUT AND TALK, AND I HOPE THIS WON'T BE AWKWARD FOR YOU AND ME.. . I love maturity.

So yeah, sue knows it's too soon for me to have another relationship... within 5 days of getting out of a serious one. She still just wants to hang out, talk, and see where it goes.

Oh yeah, and I'm leaving for coffee with DANIELLE in a little bit. Dinner with JULIE is next.. . whuddafxup man? Am I really that much of a stud muffin? Popular consensus is NO. maybe it's a plot by the govt to distract me from studying for my finals so I don't get into med school? Possibly. Or are women really just that attracted to guys who just get out of relationships?. most likely. It seems that a guy fresh out of a relationship is needy, sensitive, caring, and most of all, willing to do anything for you.

Girls love "saving" guys. Why is that? Maternal behavior? I am told that there's a heavy correlation with my personality and that of Dr. House on HOUSE MD. I admit, I am a bit of a smartass and I will make fun of anyone who's an idiot straight to their faces... hmm... and I do somewhat think everyone lies... cheats... steals... and have their own motives...

And I do question... everything... hope this means I'll do well in med school...

Oh yeah, the part about saving... I mention that because my friend told me that girls are attracted to me because they feel that I'm miserable, and they can save me from it. I'm really not miserable. I'm pretty happy. Like right now, it's raining... I'm happy about that. In about 4 hours, I get to go home, feed my dog, go to starbucks, spend half my income on coffee, and just study. I'm OK with that. Then I get to go to dinner with JULIE. I'm not miserable in any sense, but I guess the way I talk, the way I make fun of idiots, the way I look at life (I'm very realistic... and somewhat pessimistic... and narcissistic... and add more -istics), it just seems that I'm miserable. My friend says that girls pull a dr. cameron (jennifer morrison's character on HOUSE MD) on me...

... I like it.

Yes, women like to rescue men. Your Dr. House personality will hold you in good stead. You seem to be easy to like in your own charmingly irascible way.

I always say that if your happy, others will want to share it with you. Could I be right (again?) Your sense of humor will carry you far, but Wondergirl is right as females love to rescue lost puppies, LOL. Go with it, have fun.

... huge setback.

I've been studying all day for my final tomorrow. Been doing great. I got a call at 10pm.

We'll call my ex (JENNY).

The caller was my friend. She said:

JENNY's body went numb. She's in the ER.

... I get over there immediately. I stay with her through the entire hospital visit, when I get a text on her phone (I was holding her phone as her parents were calling asking questions, so I had to pick up). Her text was from the suspicious guy who I was suspicious of pre-break up, and who I saw her walking with the day after we broke up. It said WHERE ARE YOU? WHY AREN'T YOU HERE YET? I MISS YOU.

So... like a nosy kid on christmas morning, I went through her text messages. I found 20 some odd texts saying CAN I COME OVER... I LIKE YOU THOUGH... WANNA GO EAT... WHEN AM I GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN... and some inside jokes.

... I stay with her at the hospital, despite this. By the way, the kid heard about her ER visit and was in the waiting room while I was in her room with her.

She was discharged with her final diagnosis: exhaustion. I take her back to her room, get her situated... and she asks, IS EVERYTHING OK? So I told her:

I confessed: I got a message from him... and I went through your phone...
JENNY: I thought you would...
Me: can you tell me... why? Or better yet, why not just tell me?
JENNY: ::rolls her eyes:: nothing's going on. I promise.
Me: a blind man with an ear infection can tell something's up.
JENNY: no, he's just REALLY friendly and REALLY metro... and he asked to come over because we were studying in groups!
Me: and the I LIKE YOU THOUGH part?
JENNY: that was because I made a joke and he didn't laugh so I said I hate you, so he replied that way.
Me: he sent you 20 texts in the past 3 days...
JENNY: he never calls, he always texts everything
Me:... but one of your texts to him said BE CAREFUL DRIVING! WE CAN ALWAYS TALK LATER!
JENNY: ::rolls eyes again:: I don't feel well, I really don't want to talk about this.
Me:... we don't have to anymore. Either you're lying to my face, or you're in denial. Either way, I lost a lot of respect for you.

... and I leave. Was I a bit emotional? More than I'd like to have been. I believe her... in her reasons. I believe that he did want to come over to study with the group. I believe her in that I LIKE YOU THOUGH joke. But I also believe that she's in denial. Any guy who texts a girl 20 times within 3 days... wanting to come over, to go eat, saying things like I LIKE YOU THOUGH... is dropping hints left and right. And she's letting it happen.

I'm not upset that they're like this. I'm not. I just hooked up with a girl 3 days after we broke up... who am I to say anything?. I am upset because I had more trust and faith in her... that she would tell me about it. I guess I couldn't expect her to tell me anything if she's in denial, huh. Regardless... I am hurt. I am angry. I am angry that I wasted so much energy caring, running to the hospital, waiting there as she got checked out... spending 3 hours in the ER... while all this is happening. I feel like the entire world just played a huge joke on me, but mostly her. Granted, I can't blame her. I really feel like she really didn't know. As I said, she's one of those girls who are just REALLY nice... so nice that she doesn't know when to say NO to a guy who's hitting on her.

Regardless, not my business. I don't want to talk to her about it... I don't want to hear her excuses... I just want to let her go. I was doing well... I was learning to let go... and then this episode.

Some people here will tell me that I'm an idiot for going, but really, it wasn't a party that I was invited to. She went to the ER. Cut me some slack.

I feel that this'll be day 1 again. But maybe with a twist. I am now angry with her. I don't trust her or respect her as much. This... actually is a "bad breakup." this'll make it a bit easier for me to get over her.

This may be from my anger... but as of right now, if she asked to get back together, I would tell her no. just no. this feeling may change, but I will look back on this post (making mental note to look back on this post), and I will be reminded of this event.

Those who reply, don't give me advice such as SHE'S A TRAMP... because she's not. She's the female version of mr. rogers. She's quite innocent and sweet. She just doesn't see it when a guy hits on her.

Regardless... I am upset. Bad day. I have a final tomorrow. Got to do this.

I don't see it as a setback. You did what you had to do. Had you not gone with her to the ER, you'd be kicking yourself--and all of us too.

You got a little more of what she's made of, or at least confirmed what you know.

I'm sorry about the revelations, but glad it might help you stand back and even step away from her.

And I totally love your "signature"!!

P.S. Good luck on your final. Don't stay up all night.

My favorite part is... it's NOT what she's made of... if I tell this story to any of my friends, no one will believe me... because it's not who she is. It's... kinda ridic. Women. Psh.

Funny how life brings out our true colors, here you were flying along just fine, and you thought you could deal with it on a nice level, Bam, it all comes crashing in at once. First off, its none of your business now, how she interacts with others, and you would never know, if you hadn't had a weak moment, and opportunity, to snoop. That's not even the bad part, your choice to chose that moment to confront her about it, was really a bad move. Look at your own part in this, and understand why your angry Mr. Snoopy, and say you could have handled things better, to start by minding your own business, and even after that, not jump to conclusions. You couldn't even take her word for her side of it. Learn from this and get over yourself, Sneeze. Recognise the part you play, in this little drama. You were looking for dirt, and you think you found it. Don't kick somebody when they are down. I think its telling, her friends called you and not him, wonder why?

Her friends called me because I'm the more responsible type... and in any event, I'm the type to know what to do, and to show that I care more. The other guy... well, he's a freshmen and others tagged him as being the "emotional" type. Not sure what that means.

Regardless, I slept on it. I am less angry, but still there.

Tal is right. It was a bad move on my part to confront her about it there... but I just couldn't help myself as I was suspicious of the guy from the start.

Moving on. Day 1 again.

Okie dokie. Update...

My friend (the unbiased one that I go to for advice) called me this morning to say I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING ON... BUT THAT KID'S BEEN IN HER ROOM... A LOT. And I told her about last night... and she said...

To be honest with you, she's never had a boyfriend... she's never had this kind of attention on her from other guys but you, so I think she's just kind of excited... so give her time, she'll realize that this guy... isn't really it. Also, I heard he's a bit of a player... and he's also 3 years younger than her... and he's also REALLY emotional. Like, if she makes fun of the way he looks, he'll literally get really mad and not talk to her for a day... so yeah. Give her time, she'll realize what she lost.

This is my response:

I know that this dude's not right for her. However, I am not giving her time. It's a diff story if she came up to me and was honest with me... told me HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER GUY. Then that's fair. I would have let her go. But to tell me... I NEED TIME... I NEED SPACE... and act like nothing's going on, and then deny it to my face, that's... wrong. So... yeah. I'm done.

Her: I agree. This is so bizarre, it's not like her to do something like this... yeah... like, no one really likes this guy and all her friends are going wth? But don't worry. Keep focus on your finals. Do your own thing.

And I will. Final at 1630. Then dinner. Gym. Library all night. Keep me entertained.

I hope you know the point of all this, learn to deal with your feelings in a positive way, and make good decisions for yourself, based on facts not emotions. Granted, we humans are emotional, but thought, before actions is so necessary for our lives.

The thing is, tal...

There comes a point in time when your gut instinct and situation outweighs the facts.

If you walk into a room, see a dead guy, on the ground, shot, and standing next to him is a guy with a gun... and you know that the guy with the gun doesn't really like the dead guy...

What're you going to go with? Logic or instinct?

Yes. It is possible that the dead guy shot himself, threw the gun at the guy who's standing and the guy who's standing caught the gun. Yes. It's possible. How likely is that?

Her friends have told me that there's a guy who's spending a lot of time with her, and brings her food all the time, hangs out with her, calls her, texts her, and spends a lot of time in her room... and she reciprocates all the calls/texts... and I've had suspicions of him previous to the breakup...

... what am I going to go with?

Regardless, right now, it's not my problem. It's her life. Her choices. Her decisions. I must stay away from it. It's none of my business.

... so how's everyone doing? The weather here (GA) just went from a nice warm 78... to a bitter 34 in less than 2 days.

Update.

Today's been a long frigging day.

It's about as bad as day 1... maybe a bit worse as I'm sleep deprived on top of this bs.

So I have a question to women out there who have dumped a guy due to "needing space".

... you guys have a store where you guys get an instruction manual? I mean, honestly. EVERY guy that comes in to this forum and talks about how the girl needed "space" and "time" does it EXACTLY the same way.

Why?!

I thought my ex was diff... mainly because the relationship thing's new to her. But no. she did it like a pro. Asked to be friends. Surrounded herself with guys, and is now hanging with one main guy... it's been a week woman. Slow it down!

Fyi. Ex wanted to explain why the new guy's been texting/calling/hanging around a lot. Apparently I'm wrong to assume that there's something going on between her and the guy who texted her 20 some odd times and flirts with her madly. Who knew? Not sure if I really want to hear her side. At this point, it seems easier for me to just let it go and get over it. But my curiosity... damn it. I want to know what she wants to say. Even if it's bs, I want to know how creative she can get with this.

Current mood: evil.

Quote:

... you guys have a store where you guys get an instruction manual? I mean, honestly. EVERY guy that comes in to this forum and talks about how the girl needed "space" and "time" does it EXACTLY the same way.

LOL, that explains why I say the same friggin' thing over and over, DARN FEMALE MANUAL!
Let your anger subside, before you do anything, remember-cool thought before positive actions. She is an ex, after all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

LOL, that explains why I say the same friggin' thing over and over, DARN FEMALE MANUAL!

What a great idea Tal... a DARN FEMALE MANUAL! Would that mean we could stop repeating ourselves... I doubt it :-)

That's why I put links in my signature. LOL

Good thinking... but then you have been doing this a lot longer than me LOL!

Update:

It seems that I have no life other than askmehelpdesk.com but then again, I can't help it.

... I have this evil desire to come on the site, look up people that are in worse shape than I am... and giggle. Of course, offer advice... but giggle as well.

I know it's bad.

SUE was wondering if I would ever consider her more than just friends.. . oof.

I told her, that is def a possibility, as we get along so great, but as of right now, I really need some time. (that damn "need some time"). But I also told her that I'd still really like to hang out during winter break (... my friends went home.. )

This is my view on SUE.

... SUE is not very attractive... physically. Her personality and maturity kicks super... to the point that I'm completely overlooking her appearance. She came over today, to drop off a cup of coffee from sbucks as I'm pulling an all nighter.

1. that's better than any of my gfs have done for me. Granted, my ex didn't have a car... but she wouldn't have picked up coffee for me if she had one.

2. also, SUE is new... so of course she'd be sweet to me. Regardless, it made an impact.

Back to the point at hand, my buddies came over tonight to study with me, and SUE was here (with the coffee). She left after a while, and... you know how guys get when they get together. They were a teeny bit insulting... jokingly. I asked them, seriously... what they thought. And they said that she seemed nice.

When my buddies left, I went back to my room, found a note by SUE, just wishing me luck on my finals. Overall, things are looking up.

Keep me entertained. Tell me about your lives. I get bored easily. Senioritis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Good thinking.............but then you have been doing this a lot longer than me LOL!

Thanks to your well written post, that I made a sticky, and have a link to. I can take a break from repeating and typing the same thing over... and over. My arthritis thanks you.:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Thanks to your well written post, that I made a sticky, and have a link to. I can take a break from repeating and typing the same thing over ...............and over. My arthritis thanks you.:)

Pleasure is all mine... I owed you for kicking me up the butt when I needed it.

It's actually a good feeling to see how many people it has helped!