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Originally Posted by kanicky73

It almost seems like she wants to keep a couple men on the back burner "just in case" the one she is trying to make something with doesnt work out. I do find it very hard to believe though that this girl is as into her faith as you claim. i know quite a few men and women that are deeply spiritual and devoted catholics and would never even think about putting themselves into a situation where they would be tempted into pre marital sex. It almost sounds to me that yes she is catholic and believes what she believes and may even go to church every sunday but the whole sex before marriage thing is not that important to her and so for fear of sounding like a slut, she makes sure you know how awful she feels about it. And she tries to make you think you the "only one" she did that with. If she gets a little loose and easy when drinking, I can assure you your not the only guy its happened with. If I am out of line please say so, but this is what my gut it telling me the minute I read your post.

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No you are not out of line, yes it is strange about her faith and what she is doing, believe it or not, she used to go to the chapel and pray for many hours at least 3 to 4 times a week, and she had considered becoming a Nun

I hear you but for some reason after hearing her past and jumping from guy to guy and claiming its just friends almost sounds like a front to me. Reason being is maybe if her family knew exactly what she was doing and what she does, they would be very disappointed so therefore she always throws out the whole "its against my religion" line. I don't know all the provisions of becoming a nun but I thought you had to be a virgin. I know there are some religions that you can go threw some type of spiritual cleansing and numerous classes etc but I don't think the catholic religion is one of them. Anyway, I think your doing the right thing by just leaving her alone. I truly don't think she knows what she wants and is playing a very dangerous game by leading people to believe she is truly in love with them and making long term plans and then in a year or so changing her mind again. Keep in mind, she has done this once to this William guy already. She knows what he is all about, so why is she back with him? Only she knows why and the intentions do not sound good to me. There is already trouble because he is looking at her phone records etc, I think there is a lot that she isn't telling you. But that's part of her game, she only tells you what she thinks you need to hear or want to hear to keep you close in case things don't work out again with William or until someone else comes into the picture. It's a very dangerous game and all involved will be hurt if your not careful.

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

I hear ya but for some reason after hearing her past and jumping from guy to guy and claiming its just friends almost sounds like a front to me. Reason being is maybe if her family knew exactly what she was doing and what she does, they would be very disappointed so therefore she always throws out the whole "its against my religion" line. I dont know all the provisions of becoming a nun but I thought you had to be a virgin. I know there are some religions that you can go threw some type of spiritual cleansing and numerous classes etc but I dont think the catholic religion is one of them. Anyway, I think your doing the right thing by just leaving her alone. I truly dont think she knows what she wants and is playing a very dangerous game by leading people to believe she is truly in love with them and making long term plans and then in a year or so changing her mind again. Keep in mind, she has done this once to this William guy already. She knows what he is all about, so why is she back with him? Only she knows why and the intentions do not sound good to me. There is already trouble because he is looking at her phone records etc, I think there is a lot that she isnt telling you. But thats part of her game, she only tells you what she thinks you need to hear or want to hear to keep you close in case things dont work out again with William or until someone else comes into the picture. Its a very dangerous game and all involved will be hurt if your not careful.

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Thanks for telling me what you think, I know she is always concerned about what people think and that's one reason why this is so weird, I know when she was living with this guy 4 years ago her family was very upset, I do think she has keep things from me, I am not sure why she's back with this guy, she says he's changed and they both had issues in the past and are moving on, I am thinking you agree she is going to be in a train wreak.

I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you... are you going to welcome her with open arms?? I think that is your biggest dilemma.

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you......... are you going to welcome her with open arms????? I think that is your biggest dilemma.

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Yes I think you are right, I do love her very much, and everyone I know thinks she is very special, she has such a big heart, she would help others when she could, did a lot of volunteer work at the nursing home too, but not any more, her guy wants her to spend as much time with him as she can, my 2 best friends say she is worth waiting for. But I cannot take her back having her only part time, she I think is very confused, its sad she has done so much for allot of people, it seems she cannot help herself.

I think you know what you have to do then.

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

I most definetely agree she is headed for a wreck. The question is, when she crashes and comes running to you......... are you going to welcome her with open arms????? I think that is your biggest dilemma.

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I guess I will be there to be a friend if she needs one and it looks like we all agree she will maybe need a friend someday, I guess I will see when it happens, but I think it could be awhile

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

I think you know what you have to do then.

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Should I not be there as a friend if she needs one ? Is that what you mean ?

BE a friend if she needs one. She seems extremely confused at the moment. Let her be and let her know if she ever needs someone to even talk to you'll be there for her.

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Originally Posted by Foxy459459

BE a friend if she needs one. She seems extremely confused at the moment. Let her be and let her know if she ever needs someone to even talk to you'll be there for her.

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That's my plan, I will put it in the card with the book and then I am not contacting her again. And I am thinking I will be hearing from her in the future, in the meantime I will be doing allot of praying

Yes and no, you have to be careful though

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

yes and no, you have to be careful though

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As for being there when she comes back, is that what you mean ?

I am saying that you should be a friend but not get involved with her romantically again.

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

i am saying that you should be a friend but not get involved with her romantically again.

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I see, I would only get involved if I was convinced she really wanted to be with me and that would take some time

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Originally Posted by lynxwizard

I see, I would only get involved if I was convinced she really wanted to be with me and that would take some time

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What has got me so confused is that she's planing to marry him and moved in with him after 6 or 7 weeks, why is she in such a hurry ?

Because she is confused and at the same time feeling that she is getting older and needs to settle down. Maybe her family doesn't see this guy for who he really is and accepts him and in her eyes that makes her look good.

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

because she is confused and at the same time feeling that she is getting older and needs to settle down. maybe her family doesnt see this guy for who he really is and accepts him and in her eyes that makes her look good.

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Maybe, but I know her family would not like her living with him not being married

That's my point, that's why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows that's the only way it will be acceptable. She need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah... and in her eyes she will be OK with her family because they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didn't work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here??

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

thats my point, thats why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows thats the only way it will be acceptable. she need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah.... and in her eyes she will be ok with her family becuse they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didnt work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here????

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Yes I do see a pattern, I hope I am strong enough to not take her back if she is messed up as I think she will be, but she would also have to get stronger feelings for me, she needs to be on her own, 6 to 7 months ? We will have to keep in touch to watch this play out

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Originally Posted by kanicky73

thats my point, thats why she is telling everyone that they are planning on marrying because she knows thats the only way it will be acceptable. she need to stop playing a victim and take control of her life and figure out what she wants. You mark my words, in 6 or 7 months she is going to be calling you crying about how William turned out to be the same way he was and now she is all alone and should have never trusted him blah blah blah.... and in her eyes she will be ok with her family becuse they were "planning to get married" and he turned into a jerk and it didnt work so its not her fault. Do you see the pattern here????

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But I do know a few people who know her including me, and she has said nothing about being engaged.