No contact is not a quick fix and is a heckuvalot of work on your part. If you want the easy way consult a psychic.

I haven't contacted at all in almost a month. 4 more days and one month

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Originally Posted by crushedovernover

How do i dal with the thoughts. What exercise if any can I practice . I try to keep busy but at the nights end when i try to goto sleep all I think about is her..

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What I did once was keep the TV on all night on a channel that has a lot of narration (i.e. Discovery, Documentary). Something that can 'lull' you to sleep and is of no particular interest to you at the moment. As long as it is not a show that will make you associate with her.

After exercise, take a hot shower or bath, drink some warm milk and read a book until you fall asleep. Get a book you know is going to keep your interest low, but read it anyway - good training.

Any distraction that you can find is good right now, as long as you get enough rest. If you can, even try to stay up all night doing other things and sleep during the day.. if the job will allow (like on weekends).

Try to stay away from those 'routine' things you did with her as much as possible.

P.S. DON'T try and dampen the pain with alcohol... that will only make things worse.

You'll probably get a few more suggestions here.. so just stay with us.

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While I'm at it.. here's another suggestion:

Move your furniture around. If she stayed with you at your place a lot, take the place apart and re-decorate. Remove all those 'little' things that you both acquired for the 'household'. Get new salt and pepper shakers, new linen for the bed, new pillow covers for the couch, new scented candles... well you get the picture.

If possible, move the bed to another spot in the room, just rearrange all that you can so that it will 'feel' like it's just your place alone.

When you enter you should think: MY PLACE.. and not OUR PLACE. Open all the windows and let new fresh air in. Light candles with a whole new scent. Change things in the bathroom - out with the old and in with the new... even down to changing the brand of soap and toilet paper. I'm serious!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_8_4v.gifNew sheets, new dreams...

Hey! Listen, the more you chase her, the more she's going to run.

Maybe she thinks your going to be there all the time. So, if things don't work out between her and the new guy, she thinks your going to be there as her second plan.

I'd wait and have no contact. Don't make your life suitable for her. Enjoy some time with your child.

I have had zero contact since the split. Its not like we broke up and she waited a month she had me on the back burner because afer the split she took of for a week to Florida with this guy. I will not contact her in any way shape or form. She needs to contact me bottom line. Im not chasing her. I have always done that in the past but not this time. Im done. THe only way I will even think about taking her back is if she calls me crying and being histarical. Other wise I don't need her drama. She made a big mistake and I don't know if she will ever realize it but one day she will. It all seriousness NO MAN WANTS TO BE WITH A WOMEN WHO ALREADY HAS A KID OUT OF WEDLOCK. Sure they might want to fool around with her but that's about it, She will hit a brick wall soon enough and she will come back like you say because she knows I will always be there but this time I won't be not even close. She has lost me this time and even though I love her with every last ounce of my blood, what she has done to me is almost unforgivable. She will be back this I do no. WHen that I don't no. But I will no longer let her take advantage of me. After reading these posts and realized where I have always been going wrong. I will not let her have this control over my emoition. She might not care now but one day she will and by then it will be way to late. I see my son on sun. Haven't seen him in 3 weeks because of her. She wants me to chase her but it isn't going to happen. She is used and abused and I want to say that to her so so bad but I won't. She will eat the words she said to me. Im moving on and although I think of her like crazy and want to be with her I just won't allow it this time. Not after all of this. Only way is for her to be histarical and that is just the start

Hey Crushed.. great that you will have some time with your son..

Have you made any plans for that day or are you going to just 'hang' around?

Whatever you do, just try very hard not to show too much of your anger in his presence, or he might think it's his fault. Don't put her down in his presence either, that will only backfire.. OK?

Hug him, hold him, show him your pride in him and make a promise to yourself that no matter what, you'll always be there for him.

I know you can do it.

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I made that promis to him and her the day I found out she was preganant. I made a promis to her twin brother my best friend rest in piece that I would ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER AND HIM. Sucks because I will always be there for her but for right now she needs to see that I won't be. And she will find out that the decision she made will affect her for the rest of her life. I love my little guy. He iss only two just turned in aug. I don't speak poorly of her in front of him. And I am always positive in his presence. I will take him to the park and fishing. Just do guy stuf with m little guy. I got him a fire fighters costume for halloween. I can wait to see m little guy...

Going out tonight.. what if I see her?

I have my son today but I can't help but think of his mom. I love her so much and I just want her and I to work threw our issues and past issues. I still have trouble coping how she can just leave after all we have been threw. And this no contact I know it is for me but I thought it should have some affect on her...

Some one on this forum said...

They are consciously not thinking about you. So they are thinking about NOT thinking about so... basically they are thinking about you.. This helped. I know I shouldn't worry about what she is doing and really I'm not. What I am worried about is me not pursuing her will make her move on faster. Im at a lose of words. I truly love her and I know she truly loves me but we have issues we both need to get over.. But we both need too so I don't no what to do.

NC is the right thing to do. But don"t let her put you on a guilt trip by saying things like "be a man", etc. What you need to do is live your life the way that's right for you, by your own rules. Since she gave you the runaround, don't call her an don't be available to her. If she calls you and tries to get back together with you, then do so but on your terms and conditions. I'm not telling you to give her a list of written rules to sign but you carry those rules around in your head and abide by them. If she doesn't go along, then there are consequences. Get the picture? That's actually the best way to prove to her that you're a real man ; not by trying to blindly conform to her expectations.

Well her expectations are also my own. Really I enjoy working and saving money. IM 25 as she is. We have had a long history and every one I talk to says "oh she will be back" then they say mabe not for the right reasons but she will be back.. My question also is so many people say this but if you were her and did these things how could you even have the balls to face me let alone ask to get back together.

Because she sees you as the "Safety Net" She sees you have your head on your shoulders and you have a direction in life (Secure). This is the same problem with my ex she kept falling on me when it didn't work out with others.

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Originally Posted by crushedovernover

Things I wanna ask

Did you ever love me? Were you ever in love with me?
How can you do this to your brothers best friend? Your twin brothers best friend who past away.
After telling me I was the only one you ever saw your self being with time and time again then this betrayel..
How many guys do you really think wanna be serious with a women with a child. And me to put up with?
What in the hell are you thinking or doing with your life?
Why would you ask me a week before the break to marry you. -- I saved my money for so long and bought tickets for both us to goto italy to propose............
Why are you so heartless to me and cold to me when you cheated on me...
You are so selfish, you say you only think of our son but do you think our son wants his mommy and daddy seperated.
You act like your so responsible but you take off for a week to florida :not seeing your son for a week: not working for the week: and sleeping with a man you claim you met a week prior.
You threw our future away for what you thought in that moment was going to be good thing but i know you will fall and come back but this time im not chasing and I will say no. You have hurt me beyond belief and you coudn't say a million sorrys. How can i ever trust you ever again. How can you as a human being with a conscience look me in the face with our dropping a tear becuase of what you have done to me. Im not just some guy I was a part of your family growing up. I took your virginity when we were young teens. We have so much history Bricania made a volume on us.

Why did you do this. Where do you get off thinking this is ok to do to mem or your self or even OUR SON you selfish ..............



hmm that felt a little better

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Putting a guilt trip on her won't work. She's a master of that art herself so she'll see right through it. As the others have been telling you, you need to man up and live your life the way that's right for you (without neglecting your son, of course.) Make it clear to her, without saying so much in words, that you are the master of your own destiny and you don't conform to anyone else's expectations but your own. That's what'll impress her most of all. It might not win her back, and if it doesn't then there's plenty of fish in the ocean but she'll acquire more respect for you one way or the other. Trying to constantly please others is no way to live your life.

What you quoted was things I would want to ask. . Not a guilt trip.. If you read the post above that you would see cher said to just ask questions I would want to ask on this forum. I'm not going to contact her at all. I am just going to live my life. She needs to be the one to contact me. Im not trying to impress her. Im trying to impress myself and impress my son . SO when he is older I can say I worked my off to give you the best life I could.

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every one I talk to says "oh she will be back" then they say mabe not for the right reasons but she will be back..

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But if she doesn't come back for the right reasons then you don't want her back, period. The fact that other people make this observation makes it clear that she's a user and takes advantage of people and she's taking advantage of you.

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My question also is so many people say this but if you were her and did these things how could you even have the balls to face me let alone ask to get back together.

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Simple ; because you let her get away with it. She knows that she can walk all over you and you'll still always be there for her. That's exactly why you need to start playing by your own rules and nobody else's. When she sees that you play by the rules, she'll have no choice but to do so herself as well.

I'm going out to breakfest with my boy. Can you or any women explain if and how this could be.. Thanks so much scianci. I understand ill be playing by my rules. But how can she come back if she knows shem essed up..

Crushed.. right now you should not even give a darn what she is thinking.
You are healing from a broken heart, and that, like a broken bone, needs to have a chance to heal without being injured again and again in the same place, and by the same person.

Keep that cast around your heart (no contact) and work on your mind as well.

She messed up and used you... she will also have to learn things the hard way. We can hope that she learns as quick as you do, but that is still up to her. She might not learn to grow up for years but that should not stop you from going on with your life and being the calm and collected father your son deserves. If your mind is off wandering, he will feel that you are not all there with him and for him. Don't make him come in second in your life now, make him feel he's the apple of your eye.

s_cianci also spelled it out to you very well..

We are not wasting your time or our's here.. we seriously know what we are talking about and want to help you. It does NOT MATTER if she wants to come back now or ever... until she's grown up, she won't even know why..

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I understand. Just hard hearing what I don't want to hear. Just hanging out with my son makes me miss her. Just us doing things as a family..

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Originally Posted by crushedovernover

I understand. Just hard hearing what i dont wanna hear. just hanging out with my son makes me miss her. Just us doing things as a family..

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For your sake, and that of your sons', you had better learn how to handle those feelings.