Ask Me Help Desk - Should I stay

It sounds like "summers over" time to hit the books. Are you in school? Will you be hitting the books? Will she be going to her high school's football games and other school related activities? Does she have any interest in University? Is she a social creature? I have no idea what she's going over in her head but her old B.F. probably plays a minor role in the bigger picture. Compliments to her for her insights but only if there benign. If you make a decision to change how you communicate with her it'll be best that we compliment you but only if you show a great deal of discretion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Pebbles , flowers , whatever your thinking DONT do it your not listening,,, you are way to smothering no wonder this girl wanted a break you have made her your whole life... All she is asking for is some space to miss you and you can't even give her this...

Dont listen to anything she feeds you about it wont be long, why would you rush back to someone who does not feel that way about you at the moment. Take 2 weeks and relax dont answer calls, just cause she calls you it does not mean she wants to be back with you. She will give you false hope dont allow this to happen Start preparing for the worst outcome and then you wont be disapointed... Dont let her drag you along cause that is exactly what is going on here. The reason she is not just leaving is cause she still wants her foot in the door in case she changes her mind

Its not like that at all man.. we used to chill 5 days a week or so because we both wanted too ( only summer) Everyday we did something different.. Swimming, biking at the Lake, by the way I'm from Chicago. We went to the Zoo 2 times. Six Flags.. chilled with my friends, we did ANYTHING regular pll do. And its like since school started.. we only seen each other like once a week WHICH I was FINE with... I had NO problem with it at all.. I am in college and I have a great socail life, she knows this. She has lots of space..

But overall.. I think your right about me getting with her friends.. When I First meet Monica.. she was a Hostess, and when I asked for her number, BOTH of the other 2 hosteess liked me and said I was the Hottest guy they've ever seen. This girl Jackie and Mary who worked with her both told monica they wished I gave them my number. So its like.. I KNOW I can get another girl no problem.. and I've been thinking about it a lot today.. while playing Halo 3 with my friends. I mean.. its her lost NOT mine..

Its funny too.. I had 2 girls who DUMPED me before for NO reason.. AND guess what.. BOTH of them came back.. one came back 3 months later and other 2 years!! They both came back asking me for forgiveness and to talk to them again. Telling me"look im sorry you were right i was wrong" and like that... sorry I Don't give 2nd chances.

I am actually thinking of just texting her to get Jackies Number.. Cause I KNOW she still likes me, Monica even tells me. SO its like this... why am I going to waste my heart and feelings for someone who doenst want it? mckenzie134--------------- you were RIGHT.. she is YOUNG, LOST, and CONFUSED, I'm older I know what I'm looking for, she doesn't. Makes no sense, she had PLENTY of space before.. we ONLY chilled like once a week, and Must of that time, it was just for a Movie 3-4 hours.. or ill pick her up from school, that was IT.
I actually thinking of texting her, asking for jackies number she will notice I'm moving on which I am.. I felt like Yesterday, I couldn't eat or anything, today.. Im surprised how I'm doing.. I was with friends all day relaxing and my normal feelings are back.. Im actually exicited now.. there are girls interested in me in my classes at school. And its like.. I won't feel guilty to even talk to them anymore.

You say she is not a ---- because she only slept with you after 5 times of seeing her. Uhm, I am not to sure about that.

As far as only seeing each other for 3 and some months, afraid to burst your bubble but that is not very long and you do not really truly know this girl. Lost your virginity. Not a smart thing only after 3 months.

There is a big difference between sex and love and I think your thoughts about what love and sex is, is blurry.

Chalk this up to experience and just see where things go but no contact for now, if she calls then talk to her but until then just keep the ice on okay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpaceRatt

Listen up, ya -whipped candy butt ! Dump the dame, get a life, and get on with it. Get another babe and make the first one jealous. Men aren't supposed to have wussie emotions about a dang F E M A L E. What's the matter with you? Go get a couple of your buddies and buy some beer and go bowling for a couple weekends. And don't send her flowers! Unless it's Dead Roses. Or stems. When you gonna figure out, if she is going to treat you like this, you don't need her?

Dammit, better yet, buy a round trip ticket to Manila, and go hang out in Angeles City for a couple weeks.

I gaurantee you will return a changed man. Maybe even change into a REAL man. Some.

I Don't think you get the message man... You do realize that the divorce rate in the US is only like 45% or something like that, I do know that its high though?? Its pll like you who just say it, get a another girl, WHICH ruins good relationships. IF SHE Didn't WANT TO BE WITH ME SHE COULD HAVE ENDED IT, THERE AND THEN. But no, she said she WANTS to work out it... I mean really... Get the first one jealous?? Your trying to be a want to be player or something man? Why are you even posting stupid like that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Only time will show you what her intentions on. Trust what she is saying. She has told you that she intends to come back to as soon as she deals with what she needs to deal with.

Don't contact her, don't call, email, text, IM, send her letters, flowers, candy, singing telegrams. Let her be. Space means to leave her alone completely until she contacts you. When she has sorted through what she needs to do I'm certain she will come back. It sounds as if you two have a lovely connection and I'm sure she is not interested in throwing that away.

Best of luck with this.

I think best answer I've gotten so far... she just needs time.. 3 years is A lot and hard for someone to starting really really loving someone else that fast.. she has A lot going on in her life and just needs time I'm HOPEING. I mean... like some pll said in this post.. 'LEAVE HER" "MOVE ON" and so on.. Its like... I looked her in the eyes. I was as HURT AS I COULD BE and asked her.. do you want to work this out? Do you want to still be together?
She said yes and yes..
And to prove that her textes she sent me latter that day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You say she is not a ---- because she only slept with you after 5 times of seeing her. Uhm, I am not to sure about that.

As far as only seeing each other for 3 and some months, afraid to burst your bubble but that is not very long and you do not really truly know this girl. Lost your virginity. Not a smart thing only after 3 months.

There is a big difference between sex and love and I think your thoughts about what love and sex is, is blurry.

Chalk this up to experience and just see where things go but no contact for now, if she calls then talk to her but until then just keep the ice on okay?

Thanks for the advice, but really.. I waited 22 years.. the spark that me and her had was just the BEST. I mean.. walks on beach , love letters.. it was Love at first site, I know osme pll don't believe it but it was. And yes... we did do it fast.. but that's HOW great we connected and grow attached to each other. I think you have wonderful advice about how I should wait for her. Thanks
Btw my mistake.. wasn't 5 times seeing her,, more like 15 but, 5 times she's been to my house. Basically.. 2 months we KNEW each other, but were bf/gf for 2 weeks

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuikFeedmeplz

I Dont think you get the message man... You do realize that the divorce rate in the US is only like 45% or something like that, I do know that its high though????? its pll like you who just say it, get a another girl, WHICH ruins good relationships. IF SHE DIDNT WANT TO BE WITH ME SHE COULD HAVE ENDED IT, THERE AND THEN. But no, she said she WANTS to work out it.... i mean really.... Get the first one jealous??? your trying to be a wanna be player or something man? Why are you even posting stupid like that?

I am posting "stupid sh*t" like that because you are too young to understand how to maintain a relationship. If you let her walk all over you, then she will. If you make it clear to her that she is PRIVILEDGED to be with you, then she will treat you with respect and work to make you happy.

It is obvious that you are willing to work to make HER happy. But a woman is not happy unless she is making her man happy.

Now, learn a lesson from all this, and be a man, or be a big pusy and be miserable the rest of your life. You now have the keys to a working relationship - it is up to you to use them.

If you want to remain miserable and unloved, fine. Stop coming here and telling the world about it, and go be a victim somewhere else.

Well everyone I was with a man for 6 months. He was in AA, but has been drinking again for the past 16 months. I talked to him about our relationship, he said we were only friends and he would stop drinking only when he was ready to. Well no relationship with him and still the alcoholic. Started going to a counselor, found out I am a codependent, so getting help with that. Well I had to detach myself from him and I did. I have not seen or talked to him in 2 weeks. Can't and I know I can't. But I feel guilty for leaving and hurt from being alone now more than ever. I hope that someone better for me comes alone with no problems and to love me. So did I do the right thing everyone??

Ummm yes. After all he said that he only wanted to be friends. So where was that relationship going? Go out and meet some new people, but be careful not to cling to the first guy. You seem like someone who needs a person in their life, even if it is not the right person. Take your time and do it right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpaceRatt

I am posting "stupid sh*t" like that because you are too young to understand how to maintain a relationship. If you let her walk all over you, then she will. If you make it clear to her that she is PRIVILEDGED to be with you, then she will treat you with respect and work to make you happy.

It is obvious that you are willing to work to make HER happy. But a woman is not happy unless she is making her man happy.

Now, learn a lesson from all this, and be a man, or be a big pusy and be miserable the rest of your life. You now have the keys to a working relationship - it is up to you to use them.

If you want to remain miserable and unloved, fine. Stop coming here and telling the world about it, and go be a victim somewhere else.

I didn't mean it in a bad way man.. but really.. when she needs time, that means durning that time when I Don't TALK TO HER, and yes, she will probably hear about me dating other girls, she will THEN realize that she wants and needs me. But this time is HER space to figure out what she wants, and yes, ill move on with mine, I plan on asking this girl out on Monday at school. I mean.. it might feel weird at first, but f*** I have to get on with my life as you said, but at the same time, she needs this time to realize that she truly misses me.

Yikes! Yes the counselor is probably right and best for you to make an effort to avoid the same situation in the future. Your pain will pass as you know so get into something to keep you distracted. Life on this planet does not require shouldering other's plight when they fail to demonstrate basic self control and the responsibilities required in every level of relationship. Respect is yours for drawing a line and walking away and in time he may thank the lucky stars for your actions. Look at yourself in a mirror, smile and say Hi Smart Girl aren't you lucky.

Why feel guilty when he set the terms and left you with no choice or voice in the matter.
When a guy says in so many words "its my way or the highway" HEAD fOR THE HIGHWAY!