Ask Me Help Desk - Can things with my ex girlfriend be recovered?

OK. I appreciate your bluntness. Its still no contact. I haven't spoken to her. Before this happened I did ask her what she wants. She said she didn't know. I do believe that. She is dating other people and considering she was actually sleeping with me a month ago and said she wanted to try I do believe her.. I don't think that's an overly naïve thing to say. There have been a lot of misunderstandings since though due to poor communication. I'm doing no contact because I was acting impulsively and pressing buttons to get a reaction because I wanted to find out what I had to do. I don't want to do that anymore, I feel that I need time to sort myself out and let go so to speak. This seriously has nothing to do with making her feel any way in particular. Its to make things less intense. Its been going round in circles for months and not talking for a while will help because it gives me time to just take a step back... Hell, I might even enjoy my life for a while!

Nick, please reread my first post to you. She wants to use you as a back up plan. She wants to date other people but doesn't want to deal with the fall out of getting dumped. You a safe guard to her. You can try to justify this any way you want, and while you may have an aniety disorder that had nothing to do with her decision. You can't blame yourself for her actions.

The relationship was dysfunctional any way. Now it's dead. Get your head together and move on. You really don't have anything to salvage and you're sounding obsessive.
Move on.

OK, thanks for your help

She says she doesn't know what she wants but she is lying. She doesn't want you nick and she knows it. I know it. Heck everyone knows it. I even think you know it but you just won't accept it. Sorry for bluntness but the sooner you realise this the sooner you will be able to move on with your life and you won't waste anymore time with this girl.

It hurts but you just have to chalk this one to experience and one that didn't work. The next one will be a whole lot better if you learn from your mistakes. Especially the anxiousness.

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Originally Posted by Skell

She says she doesnt know what she wants but she is lying. She doesnt want you nick and she knws you. I know it. Heck everyone knows it. I even think you know it but you just wont accept it. Sorry for bluntness but the sooner you realise this the sooner you will be able to move on with your life and you wont waste anymore time with this girl.

It hurts but you just have to chalk this one to experience and one that didnt work. The next one will be a whole lot better if you learn from your mistakes. Especially the anxiousness.

Totally agree, sorry. Game player!

Hi all, I thought I'd give you all an update, was floating through the site and came across another question answered by skell and chuff and it reminded me that I had left things in a slight degree of confusion. I cut contact down completely after hearing your advice, and I've felt a lot better since to be honest. I've even gone out dated someone else and although I'm aware I'm still healing from my last relationship I feel meeting new people is doing me good. I'm thinking about her less now and feel as if I'm on the right track. There is still a slight degree of contact there and I feel it will take time for that to disappear but all in all its feeling like its part of my PAST and not an ongoing struggle. Thanks again for all of your help. (I won't make the mistake of rushing in to a rebound relationship by the way)

Skell and Chuff have their stories here, and a lot can be learned from them. Take your time and enjoy yourself, that's what life is about!

Back again! Things are still going great for me. Barely thought about her for the last week or so and there has been NC... Until this morning. I got a "hi, how are you?" message. I'm trying to put this behind me now.. But I don't want to be rude to her.. Any suggestions?. I'm really wary about falling in to the trap again

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

Back again! Things are still going great for me. Barely thought about her for the last week or so and there has been NC... Until this morning. I got a "hi, how are you?" message. I'm trying to put this behind me now.. But i dont want to be rude to her..Any suggestions?.. I'm really wary about falling in to the trap again

Congratulations you won. The war is yours to be claimed if you DO NOT answer that message. You said it yourself. Things are starting to go good for you. You are recovering nicely and your moving forward. She's the one that thought she could do better with out you, and she's the one that fell on her face and now is back tracking in an attempt to catch up to you. If you are tempted to answer it today just stop and think for a second how you won the battle, you were moving on, and now she's the one who misses you, she's the one who broke the silence, and she's the one who's now dealing with what you already went through. Smile today because in her emotional games, you have claimed victory.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

I'll try and keep this concise. My ex girlfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. We'd taken each other for granted and pushed each other too far for things to work out. After we broke up i realised the mistakes i made. Over the next few months we both upset each other a little more, we stayed in continual contact and met up a few times.

You know the answer. You were not a catch for her anymore! You understand "the mistake", but not the way that makes you understand how to be a catch to her again.
Staying in the contact, gives you the chance to make a plan how to become her catch again.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

She now wants to start dating other people and we've spoken a few times since.

She said it. Ok, and you took it like that. What if she wants to make you jealous ? Girls usually say something, and mean something else.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

Its been pretty flirty when we do though. I feel there are a lot of mixed feelings on both sides, but i've done most of the trying to keep contact going.

Flirting is one way to be the catch and rebuild the spark.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

Recently i've been more standoffish and shes made contact.

Another way to be a catch. Hope you are not doing this to manipulate her. You need to be a catch, but not manipulate her.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

But if shes starting to date other guys is that going to ruin my chances of getting her back? Things are still quite emotional when we've seen each other and i've been as detached as possible lately to try and avoid that.

Instead of being emotional toward her, be flirty. Don't treat her as a friend. Be flirty, and if she doesn't like that, than she has no interests toward you, but as a friend.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

I'm just wondering what my chances are of making this work and what my best approach would be.. I've had the "we should just be friends" thrown at me but since then shes drunk-text me. She keeps saying how miserable she is at the moment.

WHat do you want more? She wants to be taken back. But there is her "pride", and there is you, who doesn't know how to make her want you more and more, in order to "kill" this pride of her and say the magic words. When she is drunk, she doesn't think about her pride anymore.

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Originally Posted by nickfromstrood

I'm not too sure on whether i should try an approach of "fresh start" or "fix what was there before"

Thanks

I would advice, that chapter is gone for both of you. Work on another chapter.