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Originally Posted by Inspired

Men just dont want to be with women that are busier than they are.. I am attractive, have a masters degree and am very successful in my career, travel alot for work, and still run into educated men that want someone who is "less busy". I dont believe that smart men are intimidated by smart, successful, beautiful women. I however do see some of these women that hold their nose up so high in the air that men are not so much "indimidated" by them but just turned off by them.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

I agree,but in real life even successful men prefer secetary type ladies, ones that are smart but NOT TOO SMART. It's not fair for good women who work hard on their way up. I understand women like us who are well educated and have to travel a lot for work, there are just tons fo work for us. I am sure you have to work a bit after you get back to hotel every now and then. We are just so busy that there is almost no chance to meet men.

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Two words: Priorities, and Standards.

First, Priorities: There are 24 hours in everybody's day and if you fill them up with work and work-related thoughts and activities, there won't be much left for socialization, dating and such. That's fine and dandy if those priorities actually reflect your true values, namely, that work and professional achievement is more important to you than romance, love, and family. But if those are your priorities and you act on them, then don't complain about how it's not fair that "good" men aren't interested in you. They're plenty interested, but you're too busy with other things--simple as that, and nobody's choice but yours. It takes time, effort and attention to get to know someone well enough to be able to tell whether you have a future together. If you aren't willing to devote that level of resources to the task, don't be surprised that it doesn't get done. Again, nobody's choice but yours, so don't complain about the men.

Second, Standards:

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

I am so picky and take things too seriously, I just feel if I don't see this person I can marry, I won't even start date him. I feel like u can't date for fun, you can't waste other's time, and I really feel that i can tell if a guy is a mature or not real quick without dating him. I am too picky when things come to date, the guys around me about my age are too immature, not responsible...sigh

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See, it really isn't about what the men want or don't want, it's about what YOU want and don't want. You are setting an impossibly high standard that even the "perfect man" is bound to fail to satisfy. If you don't already want to marry him, you can't "waste" the time it takes to get to know him, and of course, you can't seriously want to marry someone you don't know. Really now, think about it. It puts an impossibly high premium on your first impressions. I don't doubt that you're smart, but you're not so smart that you can always tell "real quick without dating him" that he's not mature or responsible enough. People, even men, are more complicated than that, and if you want to get beneath the surface to know the real person inside, it's going to take some time and effort on your part. If you're so serious and driven that you "can't date for fun", because it would "waste other's time" (and presumably yours as well), then you will never get close enough to anybody to be able to tell whether you could love them.

I never understood arranged marriages, but in your case, springgirl, it might be just the thing. You combine an impossibly high standard with a relatively low priority, so left to your own devices, it may never get done. The effective executive learns to delegate low-priority tasks.

Or you could just decide to be a successful single woman who doesn't fall in love, get married or have a family. Nothing wrong with that, but if that's what you choose to do, take ownership of it and recognize that it's YOUR choice and has nothing to do with what men want or don't want. It's what YOU want, and what you get by virtue of your own choices.

Priorities, standards and choices. All yours.

"It furthers one to cross the great water. No blame."
--The I Ching

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Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

Priorities, standards and choices. All yours.

"It furthers one to cross the great water. No blame."

--The I Ching

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Finally, smart man talks:D

Did you finish "I Ching"?

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Did you finish "I Ching"??

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Well, I wouldn't say I "finished" it exactly, but I've used it intermittently for more than 30 years. The I Ching and the Tao Teh Ching are among the half-dozen or so books of wisdom that I read and refer to often for guidance and inspiration.

I'm actually feeling rather insulted at the moment.

I'm an admin assistant. Yup, that's right---I'm a secretary-type.

Because I'm not a career woman who graduated from college, I'm not intelligent? Or intimidating? (come on --I want to be intimidating!)

While I may not be in the statistics as the smartest woman ever, or even in the top 25% of the smartest women ever---I'd like to think that I'm not STUPID, either. Or at least better than "Not TOO smart".

I think Ordinaryguy got it right---my priorities were different than yours. You want a career with your Ivy League degree, and the only thing I ever really wanted was to be a good wife and mommy. Does that make me some trailer trash ho with no ambition? I'd like to think not! I have a lousy job that I don't really like, instead of a career. I have no degree or credentials. I'm not even really that cute, all things considered.

However---I have a husband that loves me, a circle of friends that I love and trust, and family I can depend on in pretty much any kind of crisis there is. I have a nice apartment, a car that runs, and I consider myself to be "successful", since to me the meaning of that word is "Happy".

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Originally Posted by Synnen

I'm actually feeling rather insulted at the moment.

I'm an admin assistant. Yup, that's right---I'm a secretary-type.

Because I'm not a career woman who graduated from college, I'm not intelligent? Or intimidating? (come on --I want to be intimidating!)

While I may not be in the statistics as the smartest woman ever, or even in the top 25% of the smartest women ever---I'd like to think that I'm not STUPID, either. Or at least better than "Not TOO smart".

I think Ordinaryguy got it right---my priorities were different than yours. You want a career with your Ivy League degree, and the only thing I ever really wanted was to be a good wife and mommy. Does that make me some trailer trash ho with no ambition? I'd like to think not! I have a lousy job that I don't really like, instead of a career. I have no degree or credentials. I'm not even really that cute, all things considered.

However---I have a husband that loves me, a circle of friends that I love and trust, and family I can depend on in pretty much any kind of crisis there is. I have a nice apartment, a car that runs, and I consider myself to be "successful", since to me the meaning of that word is "Happy".

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The mind is your own. Everyone 's life is a different, no need to feel insulted. I of course want to be a good wife, I keep my purity to my future husband, I hope he appreciates in the future. Not many women are willing to do that now!For me what is more important is work right now, I got responsibility for my parents and grandparents. I hope there will be a good man for me, there is everyone fore everyone, right? Your ambition is forwards your family too, no one said you are trash,LOL. It's good and I think you have chosen what you enjoy most of our life.

Evolutionarily, men do not want women who are more interested in work than having and looking after their kids, that is the basic way that women appeal to the man's animal instincts. They want their genes propagated.

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

For me what is more important is work right now, I got responsibilty for my parents and grandparents.

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I think there may be a few culture issues here as well. I've seen many first and second generation asians arrive in North America funded by their families. They do indeed feel an immense pressure to be successful as it relates to earning a large income just for the reasons you mentioned. Many other people do not have those pressures and thus define success in different terms.

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Originally Posted by Capuchin

Evolutionarily, men do not want women who are more interested in work than having and looking after their kids, that is the basic way that women appeal to the man's animal instincts. They want their genes propagated.

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Yes, it is ture.
Nice springgirl, I am a man, and when I read your posts and Woh's posts(original), I totally agree with your concerns. I am, honestly, intimidated by overachieving women, but I wish I could have a chance to date someone like you. I think I would get inspired by you, plus you have great look and good heart, you are willing to take care of your parents your family. Typical Asian woman, you are!
I always like an Asian woman.:D

I think it's WONDERFUL, Spring, that you're wanting to work and take on your responsibilities! It's clear that you know what you want with your life, especially in the short term, and it's ALSO clear you're working toward that! That takes a lot of determination and a lot of guts, in so many ways.

What I was trying to point out is that our lives take us in different directions than we plan to go sometimes.

Are men intimidated by successful women? Maybe. I don't know for sure.

Are men not interested in dating someone who would put them behind her own success? Well, duh. I can't think of anyone who would want to date someone who doesn't make them a priority.

Really, I think that meeting people for dating has more to do with attitude (you can't be desperately looking for someone else--people can sense that), confidence, and someone who is having fun at what they are doing. Anyone that is superserious all the time is going to be unapproachable, from a potential date to your boss to your crabby old uncle who never smiles.

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

I think there may be a few culture issues here as well. I've seen many first and second generation asians arrive in North America funded by their families. They do indeed feel an immense pressure to be successful as it relates to earning a large income just for the reasons you mentioned. Many other people do not have those pressures and thus define success in different terms.

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talaniman agrees: I was getting that impression also, She has lot to do.

To Tal:

What do you mean I have lot to do? I hope you don't mean work,LOL. Do I need to change my culture difference?
Yep, I totally agree with NeedKarma, it is a culture difference here! It's just different, doesn't mean you are right I am wrong, vice versa.

No, no,no, there isn't a right and wrong, just a difference. The type of man for you may not be the type of man another woman is looking for. Same goes with dating styles - we all have different styles, granted some are toxic (dating abusers) but that is not the case here.

I always believe that as a woman you must be independent!
What happens when your husband leaves you, people change all the time, a man that says I LOVE you , could be talking to another young girl online. It's not that I won't trust my husband in the future, there is always uncertainty in life, things change, people change,a good career can be a necessary backup for women.

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Originally Posted by jasonpeace

Yes, it is ture.
I always like an Asian woman.:D

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Why is that? U like someone the way they are, not what race they are, right?

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Anyone that is superserious all the time is going to be unapproachable, from a potential date to your boss to your crabby old uncle who never smiles.

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LOL, I know what you mean. I smile all the time, but I try not do that too much around men, reduce unnessary attention. I kind of have this feeling that if I smile to guys constantly, they might mistake I am interested in them...

Nah, smiling just means you're a happy person. Why are you so incredibly worried that a guy might like you??

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Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Nah, smiling just means you're a happy person. Why are you so incredibly worried that a guy might like you?????

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It'd be trouble! Okay, when I was back in college, I hate it when guys asked me for numbers, because those who did, I was not interested in them although I smiled to them. It was tough, too tough, to reject anyone, I did but I don't think my way of rejection was well planned.-_-:

I smiled a lot, then I got unnecessary attention-u make men like you, women envy you. Life is already complicatd, and I am always free from all the drama, so I'd like to stay this way. I work in the real world, I know that it's not a smart thing when you get too much attention. My friends (guys)told me my smiles could kill a guy along with my eyes,LOL.( I don't really believe that, but they keep saying that). Now I smile a little bit to guys, more to women, that's just the way I find works better in real life.

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She has lot to do.

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You have many things in your life that you work hard to take care of is all. No knock at all from me. It does show your more than a pretty face.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have many things in your life that you work hard to take care of is all. No knock at all from me. It does show your more than a pretty face.

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My type of lady here!:p It's totally fine with me if she doesn't smile. It'd better when she pours a drink on me, heh, I LIKE THAT!:D

Originally Posted by talaniman
You have many things in your life that you work hard to take care of is all. No knock at all from me. It does show your more than a pretty face.

Talaniman, thank you. :)

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Originally Posted by jasonpeace

My type of lady here!:p It's totally fine with me if she doesn't smile. It'd better when she pours a drink on me, heh, I LIKE THAT!:D

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I don't really drink, how about pouring with a pot of hot jasmine tea, Jason?:D

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Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

Originally Posted by talaniman
You have many things in your life that you work hard to take care of is all. No knock at all from me. It does show your more than a pretty face.

Talaniman, thank you. :)




I don't really drink, how about pouring with a pot of hot jasmine tea, Jason?:D

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Finally, I got you start talking to me:p

I am not a jerk, so don't be mad at me.:)